Mommy! I just cooked a mean calzone (hot pocket) that isn't sitting right in my stomach. I have a feeling this is going to be messy and all over the place. The post. The post is going to be messy and all over the place. Get your head out of the toilet!

Speaking of messy poops building up inside me, I'd like to start off by discussing the Pistons six point loss to the Cavs tonight. Now, I didn't actually see the game, and I think my laptop and all the breakables inside my apartment are thankful for that, but I could definitely hear the clanks through the inaudible Gamecast. It was sickening. The only positive the Pistons can take from this game is that they forced (or allowed) the Cavs to play their worst home game of the year. This was even worse than their lone home-loss to the Lakers. Both teams shot a combined 37%. Did I say the game was ugly?

Just when I thought tonight couldn't get any uglier, I was sent a video reminding me of how ugly Greg Ostertag was. In the video Ostertag gets posterized by Michael Jordan (notice Luc Longley jizzing in his pants at the 43 second mark). It's crazy how much Greg Ostertag in all his gumpiness looks sort of like he should be Ohio State's BJ Mullins' father... had only Greg somehow produced a kid with Georghe Muresean.

Sometimes when I'm in a down in the dumps mood I just feel like hitting the bottle hard. I have a problem. Unfortunately, the only bottle I have right now is an empty one sitting on top of my refrigerator, collecting one of my illegitimate child's college fund. I think I have like seven dollars and thirty three cents in there right now. I'm just waiting for the child support phone call. Man, the things I'd do right now for a nice cold glass of Delirium Nocturnum.

Random but relevant movie quote:

"I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in."

I would tag this as a soft toss movie quote. If you know it, name the movie and character in the comments section. Have some pride, don't use Google. First one to answer correctly gets a link during my next dump, if it's feeling like a lucky barry day.

Some BREAKING NEWS tonight, it has been reported that Jay Cutler is officially on the block and six teams have already expressed interest in him. As you can see from that list, good news for us Lions fans who still want Cutler to marry us. I would almost undoubtedly give up any pick in our draft for Cutler, perhaps even packaged with some other player on our team. I'd throw in the towel boy too. I probably would not be too keen on the idea of trading more than one pick, though. We need a quarterback, but after seeing the results from Stafford's private workout today perhaps we could get our own Cutler by using just one pick and using our other draft picks to fill the other gaping holes.

Another thing to look forward to is the 'Blogs with Balls' symposium this June. I don't feel like describing it myself so here is the description from their website:

Blogs With Balls is a series of regional social sports blogger and new media gatherings featuring speakers and panelists specifically focused on sports fans, writers, sites, teams, athletes and companies; and their ability to maximize new media outlets for promotion and advancement.

Our first event, Blogs with Balls 1.0, is set to take place on June 13, 2009 in New York City

News that comes as somewhat of a shock, the Tigers released Gary Sheffield early Tuesday morning, telling him he wasn't good enough to clog their DH hole anymore (that's what she said). The move comes just a day after the Tags acquired speedy outfielder Josh Anderson from the Atlanta Braves for a minor league reliever. Unfortunately, the Tigers will still be responsible for the $14 million Sheff was due to make this season.

Otherwise, this is a good deal because it makes the Tigers a much more versatile team. The DH spot can serve as a revolving door when need be and as a result, will allow more playing time for new 26-year old Tiger, Josh Anderson. I imagine Guillen, Thames (if he's still on the team), Anderson and maybe Magglio Ordonez will rotate in and out of the DH spot depending on matchups and the way they feel physically on given days.

It has long been known that skipper Jim Leyland has major man crushes on speedy lefties. Therefore, releasing Sheff and opening the door wider for Anderson to play appeases him despite the loyalty skip has displayed toward Sheff over the past couple years.

Sheffield has battled injury problems ever since he signed that 3-year megadeal with Detroit. He struggled most of his first season before bouncing back and finishing with a .265 BA 25 HR, 75 RBIs, and a .840 OPS (his lowest OPS in a full season since 1993). Last year, his shoulder problems worsened and he struggled immensely, finishing with a .225 BA, 19 HR, 57 RBIs and a career low (minimum 100 games) OPS of .726.

In his final year of his contract coming into this Spring, Sheffield vouched that he was healthier than ever and looking to have a big season. Some were even saying he was a favorite to win the Comeback Player of the Year Award. Coaches and scouts felt the same way as they noticed that little extra oomph to his swing that he didn't possess in the past few years. Unfortunately, it wasn't translating to the games as he was hitting a buck seventy-eight (.178) in 50 ABs this spring. Sheffield may be just one home run shy of 500 and a future Hall of Famer, but his time has passed.

I was skeptical at first when we signed Sheff after the 2006 World Series. Aside from the ridonkulous contract we gave him, i viewed him as a washed up team cancer waiting to happen. While I stand by my "he's washed up" skepticism, he wasn't that bad of a teammate. Sure, he was outspoken and shared his fair share of time in the limelight as a result of some of his quotes, but for the most part he fit right in with the Tigers. As far as I know, there was never any major problems with him in that clubhouse. That being said, I'm not going to raise my glass and give him a toast for the two wonderfully subpar years he gave to the Tigers, but I felt I should clear that air nonetheless.

Also, he was not always a boring, rally killer for Tigers fans. For example, who remembers his game winning home run against Daniel Cabrera and subsequent stare down and the fight night with Fausto Carmona? For those two moments, I'll for sure remember that Sheffield was once actually a Detroit Tiger.

In the meantime, Sheff can now swim in his $14 million while he waits for some team to call upon his services; and why not? It's on us. If baseball doesn't work out, perhaps he can swipe one of the popular 'Sheff' hats and re-enter the kitchen in Borgata. Although I heard that Chef Ramsay is a real hard ass so maybe that's not a great idea; their personalities might clash.

As for the Tigers, it'll be exciting seeing a speedster in the lineup somedays and maybe even everyday. Who knows? Maybe the Tags plan on moving Granderson down in the order to allow Anderson to start at the top of the lineup. I don't remember the last time the Tigers had a 40-50 SB threat. Anybody recall? Ty Cobb? I'm excited at the prospect of THAT...that's what she said.

GO TAGS!

Reminds me of ol' Billy Bob Thornton's quote from "Bad Santa":

I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. Made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life. I don't know, like I accomplished something.

Detroit is overstocked at the outfield position with Guillen, Granderson, Magglio, Sheffield, and Thames; and then there's Timo Perez, Jeff Larish, Ryan Raburn, Clete Thomas, and Brent Clevelen who have all seen time in the bigs as well. The Tigers need another outfielder about as much as this world needs another Fast and Furious movie.

Well, another outfielder is exactly what the Tigers received from Atlanta on Monday. The Tags acquired Josh Anderson, a speed guy from the Braves in return for minor league sidewinder, Rudy Darrow. The lefty swinging Anderson apparently lost the battle for the center-field job in Atlanta to Jordan Schafer and immediately became trade bait. The Tigers bit.

Anderson hit .294 with 10 swipes in 40 games last year for the Braves and has averaged just over 45 stolen bases a season in his six-year Minor League career. The dude can fly, there's no question about that. But how often will he be given a chance to get on the base paths and what will become of the rest of the Tigers outfielders?

For starters, Brent Clevelen and Timo Perez are out of Minor League options so they'll be the last to ride the short bus out of town. Larish and Thomas will probably wind up back in the Minors with Raburn potentially still making the 25-man roster as a utility player.

Marcus Thames may be another odd man out as his $2.7 million contract will be guaranteed if he's still on the team come Wednesday at 2 PM. He would only make roughly $500,000 if he's not. Thames has a powerful bat that I'm sure a lot of teams would love to have, so I would not be surprised if he's shipped before the Wednesday deadline. Otherwise, he's gone too because I'm sure the Tigers would love to have an extra $2 million lying around.

The Tigers could conceivably make another deal that involved, say Larish for a potential starting pitcher to fill the No. 4 or No. 5 spot in the rotation similar to the Matt Joyce deal that landed Edwin Jackson from the Rays. I doubt the Tags would get that lucky again, though.

One thing is for sure and that is that Josh Anderson will be on the 25-man active roster when the Tigers board their plane and travel to Atlanta for their final two Spring Training games before Opening Day. Jim Leyland and Dave Dombrowski are excited about the wheels this kid possesses and I'm sure skipper will find plenty of opportunities to showcase them. I imagine Anderson will be a regular pinch runner for Carlos Guillen during the latter half of games and will get starts when Guillen, Granderson, or Ordonez need days off.

Overall, I don't think this is a terrible deal at all considering the Tiggers definitely needed some more speed. I just figured since we were so packed with outfielders, our main focus would have been landing a starting pitcher or perhaps even another reliever. While I still feel like another trade could be in the works, Dombrowski says it's, "possible," but "not likely." I guess we'll see what happens as the week unfolds.

It's that time of the week again. It's Sunday evening and the impending hell that will be Monday morning anxiously awaits to torture us all. Luckily, this Sunday has brought us a variety of medications to keep us sane and mentally stable for the most part. In fact, today has almost been good enough to call off the anti-debreastants altogether. (Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Dontrelle Willis).

It was a special Sunday in seeing the Michigan State Spartans take care of the Louisville Cardinals in surprisingly easy fashion to clinch their fourth trip to the Final Four this decade; one that will be in our hometown of Detroit nonetheless. The Tigers showed grit in their 5-4 win over Atlanta in Spring Training action, despite the early struggles of Jeremy Bonderman. This evening, the Pistons won a huge game against Philadelphia as they continue to fight for their playoff lives. This win keeps them tied for the 7th spot in the Eastern Conference and moves them a game closer to the 6th spot the 76ers currently control. Completely unrelated to Detroit, but relevant to anyone who calls themselves a sports fan, Tiger Woods won the Arnold Palmer Invitational in dramatic fashion with an 15-foot birdie putt on hole 18 at Bay Hill. He's a freak of nature and by no means a stranger to exhilarating drama that keeps fans inherently entertained.

However, there still might be a few reasons to goggle some anti-debreastants for the sake of tradish and to obtain that little extra kick going into Monday. The Red Wings ruined Ultimate Fan Day (where all your teams win in one day) by losing a tough one to the Predators (a team I often tend to forget even exists). With Joel Zumaya and Dontrelle Willis heading to the DL, a poor outing by Jeremy Bonderman was the last thing Tigers fans wanted to see. Lastly, it's still Sunday. After all that was good today, it's defintely a Debbie Does Dallas Downer to have to come back to Earth and realize it's all just leading to a crappy, work filled Monday morning.

With that being said, I think it's essential for everyone to have a small, yet potent, dosage of some anti-debreastants. This week, I give you the lesser 32B miligrams of Mila Kunis from That 70's Show, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and your dreams amongst other things.

Today the Tigers announced that Dontrelle Willis and Joel Zumaya were placed on the 15-day disabled list. Zumaya to the DL did not come as much of a shock because of his nagging shoulder soreness that was going to keep him from being ready for Opening Day anyway. However, Dontrelle Willis came as a little bit of a surprise. The reason for Willis' trip to the DL? Anxiety Disorder.

At first, I just figured the Tigers were making up something for the poor guy instead of flat out saying, 'you can't cut it anymore;' and perhaps even giving the naive fans an excuse for Willis' atrocious pitching performance thus far in the ol' English D. However, apparently Dontrelle did have a blood test that helps diagnose anxiety disorders and it was confirmed that there was something funny about his test results.

Now, I'm not Dr. Bob (just Bob...MD.), but I thought that an anxiety disorder was when a person feels physical sensations of anxiety as a result of the mind perceiving threats or danger. Don't you think this test could be a little misleading? I would think anyone would be feeling some anxiety if a) they were pitching poorly and could soon find themselves out of a job; and b) if they were in some clinic getting blood drawn (needles!) for a mental disorder. Of course the blood work came up with some funny results. Isn't it like asking a guy being held at gunpoint by some lunatic serial killer if he's scared?

I would probably compare this disorder with the mental problems Vince Young had this past season with the Tennessee Titans. Anytime you go from being a superstar to clipboard material, it's going to mess with your head. Vince Young was on top of the world after he led University of Texas to a National Championship, but when he went to the NFL he found himself struggling and eventually out of a job in favor of Kerry Collins. Yes, I said Kerry Collins and yes, that's awfully depressing.

Dontrelle went from being an All-Star who won 22 games and a Cy Young award in 2005 to a chucker who can't hit the broadside of the barn and an outside candidate for the fifth spot in an already shoddy rotation in Detroit. Putting aside the millions and millions of dollars these two pro athletes are getting paid, this downfall can be downright depressing. (It could be argued the money makes it that much more depressing, especially if they care about living up to their expectations which I presume they do).

Willis claims he's not depressed though:

"This is not depression," Willis said. "This is something totally different. This is something where they saw something in my blood that they didn't like. "I'm not crazy, though my teammates might think that I'm crazy."

As I'm sure you already know, Detroit4lyfe is not a huge fan of Paul Pierce, the one who proclaims himself to be "The Truth." To just clear the air, to me, "The Truth" has always been an American Legacy Foundation tobacco education campaign that covers cigarettes, smoking, and other tobacco products. Maybe that's just me though.

Anyway, recently I posted about my disdain toward Paul Pierce's unnecessary theatrics during last year's NBA Finals. Was it really necessary for a wheelchair ride that ended in him coming back later in the game to hit big shots that ultimately helped Boston win? Most certainly not and I have no problem voicing that displeasure at any opportune time.

So when I found out that Paul Pierce joined Twitter, I was all over the opportunity to follow him and hopefully get a chance to tell him firsthand. (FYI- According to Wikipedia, Twitter is a social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users' updates known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 bytes in length). Surprisingly, Pierce followed us back and opened the door for what would become quite the exchange, and just the beginning of the heated rivalry between Detroit4lyfe and Paul Pierce...


So as you see, Paul Pierce responded to Detroit4lyfe with a snippy comment and then removed Detroit4lyfe from his follow list. I guess we should have known from his wheelchair ride that he was extra sensitive. I bet he ended up watching "Soul Men" just to spite us.

Here's a good video to show you what I'm talking about:

Spring Training is boiling down with Opening Day so close we can taste it on our tongues. However, for the Tigers the big question marks that hung above the skipper's head before Spring Training remain: Who will be the Tigers fifth starter? And who will be the Tigers closer?

It's not the hairy beast above. Despite his fluid mechanics and his intimidating mane, he has been suspended for the season by the MLB for violating the league's drug policy. Apparently he tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. That's too bad because both jobs were his to lose.

The competition for the fifth spot with the options being Nate Robertson, Rick Porcello, Dontrelle Willis and Zach Miner. Jim Leyland announced this past week that Zach Miner was 99.9% out of the running for the fifth rotation spot, leaving Robertson, Porcello and Willis to battle to the death for it. Oddly enough, Miner may still wind up in the Tigers rotation to start the season even though it may not be the fifth spot. He could be the fill in for Bonderman, who is unlikely to start the season in the rotation because he got a late start to his Spring Training due to complications with his surgically repaired shoulder.

Nate Robertson was about as good as clipped from consideration until he decided to turn things around. He has somehow managed to improve his Spring Training ERA to 3.09 (best out of the four) and put himself in a position to actually make himself and his absurd $7 million contract useful. I've always been a big fan of his gum-time rally, so obviously I have a soft spot in my forgiving heart for him. He's not a favorite amongst most Tigers fans, but for a fifth starter Nate has been serviceable in years past. He's reliable in that he eats up innings and I wouldn't say he's completely terrible; he tends to have his fair share of quality starts. Even last year when his ERA was above six, he was actually good in his 11 day-game starts (3.94 ERA). If I had to guess, with his contract and all the concerns about starting a kid (I'll get to that later) it appears that Nate will be the guy. However, he just hurt his hand in his last start (which was looking like it was going to be another poor one), so we may be back to square one.

Rick Porcello has been coined the lovechild of Josh Becket and Justin Verlander. However, everyone is so freaking concerned with him being 20-years old. In my opinion, just because you can't go out and legally get trashed after the game doesn't mean you can't pitch in the big leagues. In fact, there is a nice little list of pitchers that have thrown in the bigs at the age of 20:

2000 Rick Ankiel: 175 IP (MLB)
2001 CC Sabathia: 180 IP (MLB)
2002 Oliver Perez: 90 IP (MLB) + 72 IP (A+, AA) = 162 IP
2003 Jeremy Bonderman: 162 IP (MLB)
2004 Zack Greinke: 145 IP (MLB) + 29 IP (AAA) = 174 IP
2005 Felix Hernandez: 84 IP (MLB) + 88 IP (AAA) = 172 IP
2008 Clayton Kershaw: 107 IP (MLB) + 72 IP (A+, AA) = 179 IP
(from Bless You Boys)

Yet, everyone is so caught up with the idea that he needs to throw some innings at the AA and AAA levels and that breaking camp with him on the team could ruin him. How? He'll be pitching, just as he would be in AA or AAA. Yes, struggling in the MLB could mess with him mentally, but if he's as good as everyone is saying he is then he will adjust. If he can't, then a mentally weak kid is not the type of guy we need anyway. We probably don't need to worry about him not adjusting, though. What's probably most impressive about him thus far this spring has been his ability to get out of trouble early in his outings, which can most likely be attributed to same type of nerves he'll face if he's named a starter. We have a gaping hole in our rotation and we have this golden armed kid who has been proving this spring against top tier minor leaguers and big leaguers that he is worth a serious look at being in the Tigers rotation this season.

Then there's Dontrelle Willis. If it weren't for the $10 million he's making this year and the $12 million he's set to make next year, he probably would be in the Independant League right now. He's sporting a modest 12.46 ERA and walking as many hitters as innings pitched. It's pretty much a means to an end for this guy. It can probably be best summed up by the following quote from a scout:

"There are three things that stuck out for me when I saw him [Dontrelle] this spring," he began. "First, he's a lot heavier—his thighs are enormous, and I think that impedes his athleticism on the mound, as he can't contort his body the way he used to. Second, his mechanics are different. They've 'cleaned up' his delivery, but that actually makes him less effective, because it's taken away his deception. He was a freak before, and would never throw the same pitch from the same slot, but now he's just an ordinary three-quarters [delivery] guy." Using his final point to explain how these physical issues may be effecting him mentally, he continued, "Third, his mound presence and demeanor are different. He looks content to survive and does not display any confidence out there. He worked behind most hitters and would shake off his catcher—almost as if to say 'it's OK, I got it'—whenever he would fall into trouble...Will has no shot against a Major League lineup and doesn't look anywhere close to suitable for a spot in a starting rotation."

Have you ever completed a fantasy baseball draft and looked over your team one last time before you passed out from how piss drunk you were and say, "wow my team is effing awful; this is by far and away the shittiest team I've ever had; it really sucks??"

Well, now you can say that and still win your league!

Our new friends over at Razzball invited me to join their free Second Annual Fantasy Razzball League where it benefits you to field the worst team possible. If you don't get how it works here is how the points work:

• - 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, 20+ games previous season for position eligibility (10 games in-season)
• - Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)
• - C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P
• - No innings or AB mins/maxes
  Hitter Stats
• AB = +2
• H = -3
• R = -4
• HR = -10
• RBI = -4
• K = +2
  Pitcher Stats
• IP = -1
• HR = +4
• L = +8
• K = -1
• ER = +1.5
• H+BB = +1
• The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value. So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt.

Throughout the course of the game with the University of Michigan in the second round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, I saw more blood pour out of Blake Griffin's orifices than I've ever seen in a "Friday the 13th" or "Halloween" movie. Michigan battered and bruised the Oklahoma center, but in the end the Sooners moved onto the sweet 16 with a 73-63 win. The Wolverines return everyone in their rotation next year but backup guards C.J. Lee and David Merrit.

While the Michigan basketball season ended with a valiant loss, the Michigan hockey team (below) is about to begin play in their NCAA tournament. Michigan's hockey team has won a record 9 national titles, and has made a record 19 straight appearances in the NCAA tournament. They are tied with Minnesota for most tournament appearances with 32. In my time at U-M the hockey team won two national championships, (1996 and 1998), and the Wolverines had 6 All-Americans, (C Brendan Morrison three times, LW John Madden, G Marty Turco, and RW Bill Muckalt), and a Hobey Baker winner (Morrison). They have had 8 additional All-Americans and another Hobey Baker winner (Kevin Porter in 2008) since that era.

#1 seed Michigan (29-11-0) plays #4 Air Force (27-10-2) in an East regional semi-final in Bridgeport, Connecticut on Friday at 3pm on ESPNU. #2 Yale plays #3 Vermont in the other semi on Friday, with the regional title game slated for 6:30pm on Saturday, also on ESPNU. Notre Dame, which knocked the Wolverines out of last year's Frozen Four, is the #1 seed in a Midwest bracket that features Northeastern, Cornell and Bemidji State. BU and Denver are the other #1 seeds. Michigan State did not make the tournament field, and U-M is the only team from the state of Michigan in the tournament.





Brackets will be busted this weekend the world over as the regional semifinals and finals of the NCAA men's basketball tournament take place Thursday through Sunday. The only seeds above #4 left are #5 Purdue and #12 Arizona, which really pisses me off because all of the mindless wimps who pick the lower seeds to win every game leading up to the Final Four are at the top of my work pool, and gloating I might add. It makes me sick. Having said that, it creates a weekend full of exciting matchups, particularly #2 Duke versus #3 Villanova tonight, and #2 Michigan State against defending champ #3 Kansas and #2 Oklahoma versus #3 Syracuse tomorrow night. #1 North Carolina (below) gets a stern test from #4 Gonzaga tomorrow night at 9:57pm on CBS. Ty Lawson will play with his injured toe.

A lot has been said lately about the new Detroit Lions logo. People are dying to see it because it's supposed to change the Lions' identities, give them super powers, and make them win at least one game. To be honest, I'm not that excited about the new logo. Who cares? It doesn't change the fact we were 0-16, that we actually need good players to sport the logo, and the last time we hyped up something that dealt with a change in our uniforms we ended up getting rid of them almost immediately because they were stained yellow from Shaun Rogers' underboob sweat and reeked of Matt Millen's armpits. So I have remained reserved during this recent Lions logo frenzy.

Then the new logo above was leaked and I was instantly drawn in by the idea. The logo is perfect. I didn't realize the Detroit Lions were such geniuses.

A Detroit Lion licking his man footballs.

This is Mayhew and Lewand staring fans and critics in the face and saying, "We may have gone 0-16 last year, but who cares? Lick our balls. We're going to win the Super Bowl in 2009-2010. We're licking our chops at the thought of it."

Clearly the new theme that comes with the logo is "all balls baby," and "we won't back down from nothing...not from winning and not from licking our balls." (Should I get another "licking balls" reference in before I end this thing? Nah...)

I'm sold. I can't wait to see it on the helmets come September.

thanks to cousin Matt for providing this lovely image

It's not often Detroit4lyfe does these, and it's not because we're extremely self centered and selfish. We're just lazy boys and probaly don't want you getting lost at some other website we sent you to when we can just keep you here. (Best chair ever by the way. I will buy it.)

So here it goes: Our nice, hot, steamy, just had a bean filled burrito from Chipotle, link dump.

So, I just became ePals with a guy from Colorado who runs a blog called "Sharapova's Thigh". If you put our "Sunday Night Anti-Debreastant" posts and Sharapova's Thigh of the Week pieces together you'd get a nice balance between sexy thighs and attractive chesticles. That's all guys really look for in a woman anyway, right? My new eFriend is a funny dude and came up with one hell of a blog name despite his allegience to Chicago sports teams (don't worry he's a Cubs guy or else I wouldn't even be ePals with him).

If you like the title of his blog, go vote for it at Zoner Sports, where they are having a tournament to determine the best blog name in the blogsphere. (Don't be afraid to vote for another fellow Detroit blog, "The Wayne Fontes Experience." He's been going at it for a long time now and he deserves the credit.)

By the way, if you don't know what the hell an ePal or eFriend is then just read this Joe Posnanski piece and you'll totally understand.

As we mentioned in our latest Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants, Detroit4lyfe will soon be supported by a big network in the next month or so, Bloguin. They got a great platform over there and will give us a chance to reach out to more fans across the net. Since you're dying to know, our blog will have a template-morph of some of our favorite blogs already on that site: Pensblog, A Stern Warning, Arizona Sports Beat, and Curse of Cleveland. The colors will resemble those of all the professional sports teams in Detroit. It's going to be cooler than Shia LaBeouf thinks he is.

With Malice, another blog over at Bloguin is having a little competition you might be interested in. They are giving away some sort of Mt. Dew Voltage package for the person who submits their favorite non-superstar in the NBA. The person with the best person and reasoning will win the prize. Leave your entries in the comments section to be eligible. Only two people will win and since my Walter Hermann entry will be one of them, there's only one left. Get a move on it.

The prize pretty much sucks, but it's arguably better than what we have to offer: nothing. Either way, it's a really good idea. This all goes hand in hand with their upcoming Unsung Player Day which is also a pretty good idea. (The second link was for calling their prize sucky).

Lastly, today is another sad day in Detroit sports, for we lost longtime Detroit Tigers player/broadcaster George Kell (1922-2009). I never got the luxury of watching him play because I'm too young, but I was blessed to hear him announce games on UPN 50 with Al Kaline for the first decade of my life. I'll always remember coming home late from school, plopping down in front of the TV with my daily poptarts and watching the Tigers play after the latest Simpsons reruns. Ian Casselberry of Bless You Boys , another eFriend of mine, referred to Kell as the voice of baseball for the Tags on TV. Ian writes a great piece remembering Kell that I highly suggest you take a peek at. RIP Mr. Kell.

Monday stream of consciousness...

Lance Armstrong fell in a race in Spain and fractured his clavicle. His ability to race in this year's Tour de France is now in question. Race officials actually showed up at the hospital where Lance was being treated for his injury and collected urine for a random drug test. They did bring flowers and a nice get-well-soon card, however.

Lawyer/boyfriend/sycophant Howard K. Stern plotted to kill Anna Nicole Smith by giving her a daily cocktail of sedatives, anti-anxiety medications, and narcotics that would kill a large horse? Noooooooo, I cannot believe that. He loved her, not her money! I would place this turn of events in the "Alanis Morissette isn't it ironic, don't you think" category, considering that Ms. Smith initially acquired her wealth by thrusting her triple D's in the face of a 103 year old guy who was two hard coughs from his deathbed, who also happened to be worth a few cool billion and who also happened to be in a feud with his kids who otherwise would have inherited his fortune.

While running for the position of interim Mayor of Detroit, Dave Bing recently revealed some of his many other achievements: 1) He has a law degree and a medical degree from Harvard, although he chooses not to practice law or medicine because of other interests. 2) He is an accomplished astronaut and has ventured on several missions to the moon. 3) Volta, Ampere, Ohm, and Coulomb were idiots; it was actually Dave who discovered electricity, and the true unit of electrical charge should be the "Bing". 4) He is very close to curing the common cold.

Curt Schilling retired from baseball, and about ten years too late. This self-important, hypocritical blowhard will be the most annoying geezer at the retirement home, always turning in other folks for cheating on their bingo cards, criticizing his peers for crapping in their pants, and demanding a list of all the fogeys who received an extra cup of rice pudding at lunch.

Look for Matt Holliday and Bobby Crosby of the A's, and Chris Duncan and Skip Schumaker of the Cardinals to have huge years in 2009. Why? They've hired Mark McGwire as their "hitting instructor". I don't think that much of the giant ginger as a hitting coach. I'm just anticipating that the special "protein shakes" that McGwire gives them after their workouts may result in significantly increased power numbers, unprovoked rages, and body hair in weird places.

I like Jim Schwartz so far. It's still early, and there's only one place to go after suffering through a decade with Marty Monday Mornhing (weg) Sickness and Rod "Don't make fun of me for being a nepotist or I'll get you fired" Marinelli, but this guy is saying all the right things. The Lions have made a couple constructive moves already since his hiring, and he aptly recognized that Marinelli had built a defense full of guys who are/were fast but who are/were also pussy willows that would be pancaked by a stiff breeze. I just hope that he is leading a push to trade for Jay Cutler. The Lions need help at every position, but they will never contend for anything without a stud under center.

I don't have any intention of making this a weekly post or anything. This will be just for shifts and squiggles, whenever I feel like it. Whenever I'm having a real bad Case of the Moondays.

Anyhoo, the Lions are apparently communicating with the agents of a number of players who could wind up being their No. 1 overall pick. One of those guys is Baylor OT Jason Smith (and there are even reports that this is going to be the guy we pick). I've said before that I will support pretty much anyone the Lions have on their wish list for No. 1.

Well, I really want to renege that because I'm beginning to think that it'd be very anticlimactic if we selected an offensive lineman. I know Miami did it last year and they went to the playoffs, and we desperately need help up front, but hear me out.

Didn't most Lions fans just spend 3/4 of last season rooting against them for the sole purpose of crashing and landing the No. 1 pick overall? (Rooting for 0-16 came later). Is an offensive lineman really what we want to see as the product of all that hard work? All that energy in the paper bags and signs for some fat ass we'll judge forever by sacks allowed, pancake blocks, and pancakes eaten? That's not sexy at all. Personally, I'd rather see us get a guy who can make an obvious impact. A guy that throws or runs for touchdowns; or a guy that gets sacks, causes fumbles and gets interceptions. A guy that can formulate cool celebrations and get fined for it. O-lineman have nothing to celebrate, except for losing weight and that would probably cost them their job. Not to mention, we barely played our last first round O-lineman selection. Oh, well. I'll happily trade in an exciting No. 1 draft pick if it translates into W's come September.

In other news, Dwayne Wade slung his team and the whistles of the officials over his shoulder and carried the Heat to victory Sunday against the Pistons. I know. I'm surprised his shoulder was able to support all that weight too, considering it was the same shoulder that forced him to cry and be carted off the court in a wheelchair a couple years ago. He looks like one of the elderly in a nursing home in that clip.

I will admit he was superb and really proved why he deserves at least mentioning in the NBA MVP talks. He literally carried the Heat. I'm not trying to take too much away from him, but he was also the beneficiary of some rather blatant 'superstar treatment' calls. It was as if he was calling his own fouls (and calling everything) and no one else was allowed to call anything. For example, Rodney Stuckey was absolutely mugged on the Pistons' last possession however, there was no call. And why would there be? Dwayne Wade was guarding him. According to Jeff Van Gundy, superstar color commentator (and I say that through my unbrushed clenched teeth) thinks Wade's defense could prevent terrorist attacks on America. So of course there was no foul there; he's not just a shooting guard, he's a National Guard.

As if watching that wasn't nauseating enough, Bob Biscigliano was up all night long, analyzing his previous meals...if you catch my smelly draft.... Except it was coming out of my mouth. In chunks. T.M.I.? Well, Bob's going to gently remove the tampon inserted between his legs, take a tums, and try to battle through it. I heard that's what Ryan Seacrest always does before American Idol shows. Seacrest out.

I'll try touch on the most important reasons why it's such a depressing Sunday evening:

First of all, the Pistons just lost a tough one to the Miami Heat as a result of superstar treatment for Dwayne Wade. As Stuckey went up for a shot on the Pistons' last possession, trailing by one, he was mugged by Wade. As a result, Wade got the ball, perhaps even out of bounds, and was able to dish it off to a teammate who was fouled and able to seal the deal. Coach Curry may not have shown the best poise by getting a double technical and automatic ejection, but at least he was defending his team.

Michigan lost yesterday to Oklahoma in a hard fought game to dash their hopes of making it to the Sweet Sixteen. A lot of Michigan fans bickered about the officiating due to the discrepancy in the number of fouls called against Michigan verse the number called against OU. I'll let you make the judgment on that. I wasn't necessarily expecting a win from the Maize 'n Blue, but it's still depressing their season is over. Can't wait for next year.

It's Sunday and Sunday is always depressing. Especially, when you were just on Spring Break for a week and now you have to worry about waking up early for school the next day. Not only do I have school, but I have a lot of work that I have to do in preparation for it. Very depressing.

Lastly, and probably the most depressing news, is that your weekly "Sunday Night Anti-DeBreastants" post will soon be no more. Detroit4lyfe will be joining a large network in the next few weeks and this nugget is not the kind of content they are looking to promote over there. I know what you're thinking, and no they do not promote depression, this--to be quite honest--just isn't the classiest idea ever. I should have you know though, that absolutely nothing else about this blog's content will change. Of course if you miss this post soo much you can't handle your Sunday nights without it, I'm willing to get an email group going with all our most faithful readers and sending out a newsletter every Sunday night with your normal dosage of anti-debreastants. Email me at Detroit4lyfe@gmail.com if you are interested.

I know... I'm depressed too.....

Hopefully Gena Lee Nolin will help. You've seen her on "Baywatch" and as one of Bob's Babes on "The Price is Right." She was also in the Billy Currington music video, "I got a Feeling." Please take Gena Lee as your Sunday night anti-debreastants PRN (no, not porn; that means 'as needed').



All better.

It's that time of year again. We're just about two weeks away from MLB Opening Day, a National holiday, and that means it's right around that time when you baseball geeks should be holding your annual fantasy baseball drafts. Some of you may have already had your drafts, and if you have, then you are not going to benefit too much from this nugget. That's okay, there's always next year. For those of you who are in smart leagues and hold your drafts closer to Opening Day, then you will benefit greatly from all of these tips on fantasy baseball.

1. First and foremost, don't miss your draft. I did that today and it's not only embarrassing but you'll look at your automatically picked team and find out you have AJ Pierzynski. It's the worst feeling ever. Also, don't have your girlfriend or wife as the one to remind you. It's obvious she'll conveniently remind you it's two hours later than it really is, thus opening your entire night for her. You don't want to end up washing the dishes, cuddling, and watching "My Best Friend's Wedding." (This didn't happen to me, but I can imagine it would suck).

2. Always, always, ALWAYS drink beer during your draft. Liquor is not what men do during fantasy baseball drafts and milk is for babies. Beer opens up your fantasy baseball brainwaves and makes that 3rd round Christian Guzman selection seem like a good idea...at least until the morning.

3. Be prepared. Have your beer and cheat sheets on hand. Make sure you can quote Peter Gammons and Brandon Funston to defend all your draft picks. Most importantly, make sure you drop a deuce forty five minutes before the first pick, even if you have to force it out, Corky. You do not want to have to set up a queue mid draft so you can go relieve yourself. If you're a real fantasy trooper-pooper, you'll have a chair specially made for such emergencies. If not, be prepared.

4. Arrive to your draft at least thirty minutes prior to first pick. You want to rattle off as many jokes as you possibly can before it's time for you to get serious. Thirty minutes is more than enough time to pick on the guy who drafted a player who just announced he'll be out for the season because he's going to have Tommy John or ask another guy in your league if he's going to draft a retired guy with his fifth pick like he did the year before. Trash talking is one of the best parts of fantasy baseball drafts so make sure you allot yourself the time to take part in it.

5. Only quick comments to make fun of someone else's picks are acceptable during the draft; at all other time it's strictly business. When someone picks a second tier closer with his third overall pick it's okay, in fact, it's imperative, that you let them know how awful that pick was and how quickly they should probably just hand in their money and leave the league at once. Similar comments are acceptable for anyone who picks a Chicago White Sox player, particularly AJ Pierzynski.

6. If you don't have a Detroit Tigers player on your team at the end of the draft, that means you have chosen to lose. That's up to you. I missed my draft and not only do I have Queerzynski, but I also do not have any Tigers. I have already accepted the fact that I will probably lose in this league. I will pick up seven Tigers as soon as I am able to, but that might not change my poor drafting performance. Either way, I will try my best to rectify the situation. Which leads me to number seven....

7. Don't be the guy who has a dead team. I've been in leagues and I'll look at the managers list in late July and some teams latest activity dates back to before Opening Day. That's simply unacceptable, inexusable, and that, I will not forgive. I kicked two kids out of my league this year for not being active enough. Be active. (Sexually active, too. Not for fantasy baseball purposes, but just because it's fun.)

8. Speaking of being sexually active, don't be too active. Aside from the diseases that come with being too sexually active, being too active in fantasy baseball is annoying to those who have jobs and can't sit on the internet all day waiting for the latest closer to go down so they can pick up his replacement before anyone else. I'm pretty sure statistics prove that fantasy baseball players who make the most moves in fantasy are also the ones who are most likely to be convicted of online sex crimes. It's science.

9. The biggest key to having a successful fantasy baseball team is having a good fantasy team name. We wrote a post a little while ago with some great fantasy sports names. One of my favorites that is probably too long is, "I'm not a Bedard, I'm just a little Slowey." Make sure you spend at least 30 hours formulating the perfect team name. Incorporating some of your fantasy players is always a classy move. The two I always use are "The Big Dombrowski" and my original favorite, "DereLickMyBallsJeter."

10. Last, but certainly not least, always act professional with your team. Pretend you are the Owner, General Manager, Agent, and Coach of your team. Take your starters to gourmet dinners, travel to games and buy your pitchers hot dogs while they sit in the bullpen, and sit outside their houses at night to make sure they are going to bed at a respectable hour. I promise that's not creepy, it's nice. You want your players performing at their absolute peeks, therefore you want to give them the best treatment possible. If players are struggling give them some days off to let them get a grip, and if that doesn't help, put them on the trading block or simply let them go for the guy in your farm system you've had your eye on. This is all business and you should be treating your team like it's a two hundred million dollar franchise. Sign off on all league emails as the skipper, agent, general manager, or owner depending on the topic of the email. Anything less would be unprofessional and letting your team down. (Also, don't be afraid to publish team news articles in your league's forum to let other managers know of happenings coming from your camp.)

Fantasy baseball is a serious thing. Treat it that way. Listen to what I say, or you'll pay.

Surely Detroit fans know the Fernando Vina who played a Big Whopper's worth of 29 games with the Tigers in two seasons after signing a pretty lucrative contract. Not that we really cared much about missing that .226 BA in 2004 anyway.

For those of you who aren't Tigers fans and were fortunate enough to not have him on your team, you probably know Vina for his on air "skills" as an ESPN analyst. (of course this discounts MIL and STL fans who got some decent years from Vina--hell, I know it wasn't a Tigers fan who made this Collective Souls tribute video for him)

On ESPN, Vina is probably known most for his perfectly groomed goatee and his incoherent speedy analysis. I know Vina has caused fits with a lot of viewers who often crack jokes at his expense. So it's no wonder Matt Vasgersian of MLB TV Network was shocked when he made the slip up and said Fernando Vina instead of Fernando Valenzuela when introducing a segment on the show. Peep it:



Thanks to SmokingWithHank for putting this video on their blog so it would come to my attention.

Today is debatably the best sporting day of the year: The opening day of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. 16 games over 12 hours. Cinderella taking one last look in the mirror to make sure its ass doesn't look fat in its dress before it runs out onto the court to try to make Bryce Drew-type history. Goliath fighting the urge to look past its opponent with three directions and two hyphens in its school's name. A fresh, sparkling, unmarked bracket waiting to be gradually covered with red lines, called a whore, and then thrown on top of a turd in the upstairs bathroom. Life just doesn't get any better than this.

Through the completion of the first 12 games today, there were no major upsets. Michigan, a #10 seed in the South region, was able to stave off a late comeback attempt by #7 seed Clemson and move onto the second round by defeating the Tigers 62-59. Manny Harris (below) willed the Wolverines to victory with 23 points. Three point shooting was a key, as Michigan shot 10-26 from behind the stripe while Clemson was just 5-22. Stu Douglass should be commended for goading hot-head Terrence "Sheed" Oglesby into elbowing him in his chops, leading to Oglesby's ejection from the game with 16 minutes left. Zach Gibson also managed to make a few nice plays, and while not looking entirely clumsy and silly while doing so on a couple occasions. Since he is like 7' 3", I would still like young Gibson to try to grab a rebound with his hands every once in a while instead of deflecting it backwards like he's Karch Kiraly tipping it to the back row all of the time. Michigan will play the winner of #2 Oklahoma/#15 Morgan State on Saturday in St. Louis.

Finally, we have an injury report out of Greensboro. The UNC team doctor took a look at Ty Lawson's toe, and told him, "It's just a little boo boo, get out there and play, you woman." Here's a shot of Lawson's injured toe taken in the training room:

It doesn't look too bad. Roy Williams said Lawson will play Saturday or lose his scholarship.

Cuba (during the WBC) -

With their all red uniforms they look like that team in the youth baseball tournaments who always gets laughed at with their colored pants and proceeds to lose by mercy rule in 3 innings 15-0. At these tournaments, you could always tell if a team was good before you even played them simply by how they looked (as childish as that may sound). But let it be known that my childhood team, the Barons, always had very snazzy uniforms and only wore black pants for one game at a very young age before we nixed those when we realized how ridiculous they looked (by the way we lost that game 10-0). Ironically, Cuba is a very talented team in the World Baseball Classic and was just ousted in round 2 of pool play by the reigning champs from Japan.

Chicago Bulls on St. Patrick's Day-


They wore all green uniforms in honor of the holiday that looked absolutely preposterous considering green is not seen anywhere in their typical jerseys. For a team with all red uniforms to switch to green for the day seems a little awkward. The weird thing was that they were playing the Celtics whose logo is a clover leaf. Hmm doesn't it seem like maybe the Celtics should have been the team wearing their typical green uniforms?

These are just 2 of the more recent horrendous uniform sitings across the sports world but here's a list of some of my favorites (or should I say least favorites):

Chicago White Sox (1982-1990) -Chicago White Sox (shorts alternate- 1976)

And no, this is not a softball team.

Pittsburgh Pirates (1970's) -

I don't know what looks funnier, the uniform or the guy in it.

Hump Day usually means it's the middle of the week and everything is all downhill from Wednesday (the hump) into the weekend. To me, whenever I hear someone say "oh, it's hump day" I dismiss it as if they are just exclaiming they're horny.

Without further ado, here are some of my Hump Day Look Alikes:


Cole Hamels and Zac Efron

Cole Hamels is getting very 'Efron' on us with his long hair and soft High School Musical voice. They also share the same bushy caterpillar eyebrows that often need some plucking.










Doug Gottlieb, ESPN College Basketball analyst and Dennis (Glenn Howerton) from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

They sound the same and have that same cynical look in their eye. And if you think Dennis has no basketball knowledge to match Doug's, then you're absolutely wrong. Check out this clip.








Stephen Curry and Barack Obama.

They are both the most powerful and important players on their respective teams. Curry: Davidson and Obama: America
The are both light skinned, skinny basketball players with killer jump shots.
I also firmly believe had Davidson been in the tournament again this year Barack-etology would have picked them to go far. (PS-I would comment on the president's picks but I'm afraid a secret agent would zip line through my window and take me hostage). ((Also, another comparison of Curry could be to poker player, Phil Ivey.)





Julian Tavarez (now of the Washington Nationals) and Freddy Krueger. If you haven't heard this look alike before, now you have. Their crater faces and sick personalities make them long lost brothers. Their job descriptions are also fairly similar. Tavarez uses his fingers to master his pitches to pick apart hitters, while Kreuger uses his blade fingers to ritualistically murder his opposition. You should have all heard by now, Tavarez's quote after signing with the Nationals. Certainly, that must be how free agents signing with the Lions feel like.







Tony Dungy and Soda Popinski

Everyone's played Mike Tyson's Punch Out and Soda Popinski is usually a favorite choice. As is choosing the Colts when playing Madden. Their bald heads, mustaches, and go get-em offensive approaches prove that they are brothers separated at birth.








Paul Pierce and this kid


I used to hate/respect Paul Pierce but ever since last year's NBA Finals, I've just flat out hated him. How can you go from being carried off the floor in a wheelchair to running around hitting big jumpshots? He calls himself the Truth, but there was nothing truthful to those unnecessary theatrics. The only thing that's the Truth is he's a punk and I hope the Celtics die of ghonorreah and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?


I thought the title of this was a novel idea (hump day look alikes), but I wanted to google it just to be certain. Sure enough, I found out that one other site has a Hump Day Humor look alikes section. It would be unprofessional of me not to link to their site now. Here are their look alikes. UGH.

Since it's St. Patrick's Day and Detroit4lyfe is probably like 8% Irish, we're going to do a holiday themed post here. Detroit sports teams all drank their green beer and found their four leaf clovers today. The lucky results are still to come, but they will blow your freaking mind:

The Top 4 Luckiest Things That WILL Happen to the Detroit Sports teams in the months to come:

4. Detroit Red Wings goaltending, (mainly Chris Osgood) will start using American cheese on their sandwiches, rather than swiss cheese, stop giving up so many goals, and lead the Wings to their second straight Stanley Cup Championship. The Red Wings are probably the least of Detroit4lyfe's concerns considering they are the NHL's best team and are heavily favored to win another Stanley Cup, however their goals against average is nothing to be proud of. The Wings have lost a couple ugly games in the past month, giving up eight goals in two different games. Their GAA is 3.22 since the end of February; and obviously, that's not a problem when your team averages more goals per game than that, but it's still not comforting. Chris Osgood and Ty Conklin will need to tighten up their five holes come playoff time. I think they will and the Wings prevail.

3. Allen Iverson will conform to the Pistons' system, play some defense, and happily come off the bench en route to the Pistons' world-shocking Championship run. Iverson has said all the right things, but he has yet to prove it on the court. The Pistons are clearly worse with him running the floor doing his thang, taking lots of shots, and not running the offense that has helped the Pistons get to six consecutive Eastern Conference finals. One of his boys in Philadelphia says AI doesn't want to be a Piston, but I think a chance at a 'ship will change his mind quicker than you can say, "how much playing time would AI sacrifice if an AI could sacrifice playing time" really fast, and accurately, seven times.

2. Joel Zumaya will officially box up his Guitar Hero/Rock Band video games and return to the Tigers bullpen healthier than ever. Zumaya, every time he comes back from his injuries, claims he's in great shape, his arm is healthy, and he's ready to rock (as in pitch); but no one will ever believe it until pictures of him playing Guitar Hero stop popping up on the internet and he puts an end to these nagging right arm injuries.

1. The Lions convince the Broncos to trade Cutler to Detroit. The Lions recent trade for Pro Bowl LB Julian Peterson has a lot of people convinced that they are no longer interested in Aaron Curry at #1 and will now take a QB (presumably Stafford). However, I'm not entirely convinced. The Lions could either use Peterson and later picks as trade bait; or say Peterson is their Curry and trade their #1 to the Broncos for Cutler. While I don't endorse the trading of their number one overall pick for a diabetic quarterback who is arguably extra-sensitive to consensually normal business aspects of the game (everyone is trade-able), I won't neglect it as a possibility. It is also possible that the Lions could land Cutler with their #20 pick since there is a small chance that Mark Sanchez will be available. That's probably a long shot since Sanchez probably won't be available (Jets will probably get him if someone else doesn't before them). With that being said, Cutler has officially requested for a trade and there may not be any other choice for the Broncos but to give him to the team that can give them the best in return. I will pet my lucky rabbit's foot that the Detroit Lions are that team.

(Disclaimer: I fully realize that the timestamp says March 18th and St. Patty's Day was March 17th. Unfortunately this did not make the cut before midnight March 17th, so it says March 18th. It's the thought that counts and if you didn't even notice then ignore this disclaimer completely)

Detroit4lyfe.com will host yet another Live Blogcast, here tomorrow night for the nationally televised Pistons game at Houston. It'll be the Pistons second game in back-to-back nights in the state of Texas (insert Longhorn signal here).

The Pistons are on a two game skid after losing tonight to the Mavericks. Richard Hamilton, Sheed, and AI all did not play because of injuries. Hopefully, RIP will be able to play tomorrow night. Sheed is expected out through Friday and AI is set to go back to Georgetown for some re-evaluations.

So join us tomorrow night, around 9:15 EST for a 9:30 EST tip off, to see the Live Pistons Blog of the Rockets game. The Rockets are currently two games back in the Southwest so it should be a good game to chat live during, share some laughs and generate some Blaha-like commentary.

UPDATE:
Due to team USA's amazing comeback, walk-off win against the Puerto Ricans on Tuesday night, we will also be having some USA chatter during the liveblog. If you join in at 9 PM EST, I will have 30 minutes worth of the USA game before switching over to the Pistons game. From that point forward, talk will go back and forth from the two. Check it out. Missing this would be like missing your own birthday party.

The Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team is going Dancing Thursday.




#10 Michigan (20-13) plays #7 Clemson (23-8) in Kansas City at 7:1o pm EST in the first round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. It sure beats going to a bad fraternity party or, worse, playing in the NIT. I feel the same way about the NIT that George Bush (Will Ferrell's version) feels about France: It's full of pus*ies and di*k grabbers. It's about time the proud Michigan basketball program returned to the limelight. In that vein, here are the 5 best Michigan basketball teams from the last 20 years:

5) 1997-98

This team beat Duke, went 26-9 (11-5 Big Ten), secured the trophy for winning the inaugural Big Ten tournament, and garnered a #3 seed in the NCAA tournament before bowing out to UCLA in the second round. Robert Traylor (below) was the most talented player on this squad, although he spent more time in the McDonalds on South U. gobbling up Big Macs than he did in the weight room. Louis Bullock was the point guard and Robbie Reid was without a doubt the best Mormon shooting guard in the country. Maceo Baston never really fulfilled his potential, and Jerod Ward was a complete bust. Travis Conlan (St. Clair Shores Lakeshore) and I once did landscaping together in Ann Arbor. He trimmed a nice hedge.

4) 1993-94

This edition of the Wolverines featured the Fab 4, as Chris Webber (Detroit Country Day) had been selected #1 in the 1993 NBA draft. Jalen Rose (Detroit Southwestern, below) was the leader and Juwan Howard was the low-post presence. They finished 24-8 (13-5 Big Ten) after losing in the Elite 8 to eventual champion Arkansas and their "40 minutes of Hell", led by coach Nolan Richardson and star forward Corliss Williamson. Williamson would torture me again a decade later when he attempted to sabotage the Detroit Pistons run to an NBA title in 2004 by jacking up as many bad shots as he could immediately upon entering each playoff game from the bench.

3) 1991-92

This was the coming-out party for the "Fab 5" (below): Center Chris Webber and small forward Jalen Rose from Detroit, power forward Juwan Howard from Chicago, and guards Jimmy King and Ray Jackson from Texas would revolutionize college basketball. Baggy shorts, trash talking, and a creative, crowd-pleasing style of play were introduced to a country which was somewhat polarized by this brash group of freshmen. They went 25-9, beating Temple, Ohio State, and Cincinatti on their way to the national championship game, where they lost to Duke.

2) 1992-93

The Fab 5 returned as sophomores with targets on their backs the size of Britney Spears' stretchmarks. We knew this team was special in December when they beat North Carolina and Kansas on back-to-back days to win the Maui Invitational. They went 30-5 (15-3 Big Ten) and beat UCLA, Temple and Kentucky in the NCAA tournament before losing a rematch with UNC in the national title game. One testament to how good this team was: Eric Riley, who enjoyed a seven-year career in the NBA, was a senior on this team. He averaged just 5 points a game.

1) 1988-89

Steven Spielberg couldn't have scripted this season any better. The team featured no fewer than seven future NBA players: Glen Rice, who broke the record for points in one NCAA tournament, Rumeal Robinson, who hit the free throws in overtime to beat Seton Hall in the championship game, Sean Higgins, who buried the infamous baseline buzzer-beater to knock out Illinois in the semis, Loy Vaught, Terry Mills, Mark Hughes, and Eric Riley (redshirted). They went 24-7 in the regular season, yet Bill Frieder agreed just prior to the NCAA tournament to coach Arizona State the following season. Barking that "A Michigan man will coach this team", athletic director Bo Schembechler immediately replaced Frieder with Steve Fisher for the Dance. Fisher led Michigan to a title in an improbable run.

Let's hope the spirits of proud Wolverines past lift the team on Thursday as we embark on the Beilien era of Michigan basketball. Go Blue!

As I'm sure you all already know, longtime Detroit Pistons owner passed away a few days ago. This was a great loss for the city of Detroit for not only everything he did as owner for the two Detroit basketball teams, but everything he did for the city of Detroit itself. Mr. Davidson was a tremendous man, amazing sports fan, and admirable philanthropist.

I didn't know him personally, but I'm sure Bob Biscigliano and Bill Davidson would have gotten along really well. Mr. Davidson, like Bob Biscigliano, was a big fan of the underdog as he would purchase struggling, almost dead-end, businesses and turn them around into prosperous 'winners.' He did that for the Pistons in 1974, despite being told not to; and has helped them win three NBA titles, built them a still state of the art facility in 1988, and was amongst one of the first owners in sports to buy a team airplane for traveling to and from games.

In 1999, he bought a struggling seven-year old NHL team, the Tampa Bay Lightning. Just five years later, the Lightning won a Stanley Cup.

He was the owner of the WNBA team, the Detroit Shock who have added three championships to his resume. One came in 2004, when Bill Davidson became the first owner in sports to have three of his teams win a professional championship within eight months of each other. (Pistons, Shock, and Lightning). A feat that may never happen again.

Outside of sports, Davidson was much of the same. He bought some failing businesses and has turned them around to profitable companies. The Guardian Industries Co., a major manufacturer of glass products for the construction and automotive industries and fiberglass insulation products, is just one example.

Bill Davidson donated over $80 million to charities and businesses in the 1990s alone. In addition, he was a huge proponent of the more recent "Pistons Care Telethon" that raised over $440,000 this year and $410,000 last year for Feeding the Children.

The greatest thing about him has to be how humble he was about all these personal accomplishments as an owner and a person. When he was asked a couple years ago how he wants to be remembered in fifty years, he replied with a modest, "I don't care." He did everything he did because he cared about others, not about himself. Detroit lost a very special man.

The funeral for Mr. Davidson was held today in Birmingham, MI. Hundreds of people showed up to pay their respects for the late Pistons owner.

Here are a couple tribute videos I'd love for you to watch and join in on the moment of silence that was given to him at Pistons' home game following his death. RIP Bill Davidson.

We all know what time of the year it is: It's mid-March Madness and time for the incessant filling out of NCAA basketball brackets, hoping to have that perfect, million dollar one and be the guy who can run around the office saying, "I correctly picked George Mason to go to the sweet sixteen in one of my thirty brackets. I'm so smart. Praise me." And we'll get to all that hoopla, trust me. It's a great year because Michigan is back in the tournament for the first time since my brothers and I would draft teams and play out the games on our five foot Little Tikes hoops in our basement. That's how we filled out our brackets in 1998 and that was the last time the Wolverines were "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" to Will Smith's hit song at the time and slow-dancing their way into the tournament to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." In addition to Michigan being in the tournament for the first time in a long time and Michigan State being their regular ol' self, Detroit hosts the Final Four. What a state-riotic (like patriotic) fest that would be if UofM played MSU in the championship game at Ford Field in Detroit. I think that would single-handedly boost the state of Michigan's economy.

But like I said, we will get to all that hoopla later. Those games don't begin until Thursday and it's Monday night. So as I said, we'll come back to it.

But there is something more important before that time and it's the NIT Tournament, the real tournament's ugly little sister. Detroit4lyfe has a strong allegiance to one of the NIT teams and I won't say who, but you might be able to guess it by looking at our picks: (Click to enlarge)
These selections are the product of a very tedious analytical process, also known as the "whoever the hell I want and no one really cares about the NIT anyway," process.

But if you do care then listen up to my reasoning for selecting Davidson to win it all. For starters they are forever perfect at the Garden (1-0), and they were a 35-foot shot away from knocking off last year's NCAA tournament champ, Kansas in the Elite Eight. They lost the guy who took that shot (Jason Richards), are in a much easier tournament, and still have arguably the nation's best player; so why not?

The NIT is obviously a tournament where big programs tend to take cake walks through, especially if they got snubbed from the real tournament. However, a team like Davidson, with the hot play of superstar All-American Stephen Curry, could be a very dangerous NIT team. You know with their blue collared work ethic and exceptional X's and O's coach Bob McKillop, they are going to come out playing this tournament as if it's the big prom dance and not Sadie Hawkins, especially since they are embarrassed that they choked in their own tournament (BTW-Chattanooga was rewarded for winning the SoCon by given a 16 seed, essentially telling them, "take your tournament bid reward money and use it to buy enough ice for the butt whooping you're about to receive."

Even if I am being extremely ol' Biased Bob Biscigliano, as usual, I definitely see Davidson winning some games, and if they get a March from Stephen Curry reminiscent of 2008 I don't see why they can't shock the world--if anyone is actually paying enough attention to the NIT to be shocked.

In honor of the Wolverines making the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1998, we're giving everyone a bit of a throwback anti-debreastant tonight. Heidi Klum probably peaked around the last time Michigan was in the NCAA tournament, and she's not too shabby today, if I do say so myself.

This week brought the passing of two Detroit legends: Bill Davidson and Colleen Howe. Those events are more than enough to make any Detroit fan depressed, but there was more. Dontrelle Willis continued on his unsuccessful quest to find the strike zone; Joel Zumaya is now considered doubtful to make the Opening Day roster; and the Pistons seem content to swim in the pool of mediocrity. Hey, at least this post will bump the Man Boobs post from the top spot.

Hopefully Heidi helps.

The 65 team 2009 NCAA men's basketball tournament bracket was announced today, and the University of Michigan is in the field once again. Michigan faithful have been anxiously awaiting their school's return to the Big Dance, as U-M had been left dateless every March since 1998, left to eat Ben and Jerry's by the pint, watch chick flicks, yap mindlessly on the phone, and commiserate with its ugly friend Northwestern. Sure, Northwestern lets Michigan braid its hair, can keep a secret like nobody's business, and its parents have a really nice house, but frankly, Michigan was getting sick of having to hear Northwestern complain about the jocks and the cheerleaders, and if Northwestern moaned one more time that "Life just isn't fair" in that whiny, woe-is-me voice... Plus, Northwestern has bad breath and is way too gassy.

But Michigan will be at the Dance on Thursday. And I'm talking about the real dance at the high school, not the "dance" at the nursing home down the road, (better known as the NIT), which Michigan has been invited to by grandma a few times, (and they've been a big hit with the diapers and dentures crowd, I might add- they won the NIT in 2004 and lost to South Carolina in the 2006 NIT finals.) Sure, Michigan won't be the most popular attraction at the Dance, but it will be there. It will be wearing braces and its older sister's dress that is straight out of Molly Ringwald's wardrobe in Sixteen Candles, but it will be there.

And it's about time Michigan was invited to the Big Dance, really. Most people think that the University of Michigan is predominantly a football school, but its men's basketball program has a rich history. The Wolverines have been to six Final Fours, three national championship games, and won a national championship in 1989. How about this for a stat: In the last 20 years only five schools have made it to three national championship games in men's basketball: Duke, Florida, Kentucky, Kansas... and the University of Michigan.

Coach John Beilien has had a lot to do with the resurgence of Michigan basketball. Beilien is only in his second season as the U-M coach, yet his influence has already been demonstrated in the stretch run of big games. Unlike teams from the Amaker and Ellerbee eras, Beilien's 2008-'09 Michigan team kept its composure and stuck with its game plan when playing on the road, and when playing top competition. This allowed them to beat #4 Duke and #4 UCLA, and to lead tourney #1 seed UConn in Storrs for much of the game. Most importantly, when Michigan had to win a game at Minnesota in the last game of the season to earn their bid, a place they have rarely won at in the past, they overcame adversity and a 12 point deficit late in the game to win. Beilein is the only coach to have won 20 games at four different levels of college basketball, and we are seeing why he has been able to win at every level. Finally, we can thank the state of West Virginia for something other than Don Knotts, George Brett and some kick-ass white water rapids. The jury's still out on Rich Rod, but as we've seen with Coach Beilien, putting your system into place and getting your type of players take at least a year.

Andre Smith, former offensive lineman for Alabama, was once considered a candidate for the first pick in the NFL draft. After poor performances at the NFL Combine and his own individual workout, his draft stock plummeted. He's currently trying to repair his image with NFL scouts... but not with those man boobs, he won't.

In honor of Smith letting it all hang out and leaving his mansierre at home, I think it's about time we address the man boob epidemic in sports today. These guys are supposed to be world class athletes with Greek god bodies, yet every time I turn on a sporting event, I am appalled at the man loons bouncing around like there's no tomorrow. When I want to see boobies, I turn on late night Cinemax, not Sportscenter.

So, without further ado, here is the greatest collection of man boobs in the history of man kind. I bring to you The Man Boob All Stars

SALMA HAYEK DIVISION

Yokozuna: Yea, it's a stretch to call him an athlete since he participated in staged matches, but c'mon... when have you ever seen a man rack like this? Coming in at a whopping 684 lbs with jiglies the size of bowling balls, respectively, he blazed the trail for man boob enthusiasts everywhere. Because of him, fat kids around the world could dream of becoming a two time WWF champion and sparring with legends like Hulk Hogan and Bret Hart. Tip of the cap to you and your fun bags, Yokozuna.


Oliver Miller: The Big O is probably the fattest player ever to play in the NBA. While he was known as a serviceable center with good passing skills, he was legendary for his love muffins that he brought to the basketball court each and every night. It is even believed that he was suspended by the Phoenix Suns for showing up late on game night with a bag of McDonalds in his hand. Good for you Mr. Miller. Damn, just look at those things.


CC Sabathia: Having double dd's didn't stop the Yankees from giving him $161 million this off season, the largest contract for a pitcher in MLB history. While he likes to keep his knockers under wraps, you can tell that he has bombs hiding underneath his jersey that is always three sizes too big on him. Hey, I'd wear an oversized jersey too if I was trying to call myself an athlete when I had my own personal Baskin and Robbins on my chest.



HALLE BERRY DIVISION

Bartolo Colon: He's also the clear winner of the "Who Looks Most Like Andre the Giant? award, but his boobies are what really stand out to me. Pitching for the Cleveland Indians throughout the late 1990s, his high 90s fastball was only rivaled by his terrifying set of man cans. He's currently trying to make a comeback after a series of arm injuries, but, lucky for him, he's got a career in plus sized modeling ahead of him whenever he decides to retire.

Bill Parcells: The Big Tuna challenged for a spot in the Salma Hayek Division, but the fact that he's a coach and executive rather than a player hurt his case. Still, there's no denying the power of his knockers. He's known for being a detail-oriented disciplinarian who gets the most out of his teams. Who wouldn't follow his orders when staring at those angel cakes?


KIERA KNIGHTLY DIVISION

Phil Mickelson: He gets a lot of slack for his flesh melons, but they just barely make the cut. They just look huge when compared to Tiger's chiseled physique. Still, those nipples could cut glass right there, pushing him over the top and giving him a spot on the all star team.


John Daly: He clearly has an argument to be at the top of the list, but I dropped him down into the Kiera Knightley Division because he clearly has absolutely no shame in his tidbits. On the one hand, you have to respect a man who embraces his boobies. On the other hand, go to the gym. I have like 54 pictures to choose from that feature his breasts. Here's just one of them...


HONORABLE MENTIONS

Charles Barkley (end of career), Michael Jordan (now), Rich "El Guapo" Garces, David Wells, Cecil Fielder, Prince Fielder, Robert "Tractor" Traylor, Shaun "Big Baby" Rogers...

As you all know I'm sure, last year we had Dennis Haskins, aka Richard Belding, do the Detroit Tigers 2008 offensive preview. There was no real merit behind the decision process in bringing him on here to do the Tigers preview. We just figured that he was sort of an icon and it would be a fun treat. Boy, oh boy were we wrong. It was an epic failure. Not only did he make absurd video game-like predictions for the lineup we bought, raising expectations even higher than before, but he also claimed he would cure cancer by Game 6 of the 2008 World Series. Dirty little trick, Dick. There wasn't even a game six in the 2008 World Series.

As if Belding couldn't have been any worse, I recently found out he played division one basketball at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. The same UTC that just recently won the SoCon tournament and are putting on their dancing shoes, as we speak. Normally it wouldn't bother me learning that an average looking, fat, 60-year old white male played a little hoops during his hay day. One day I'll be 60-years old and average looking (if I don't already) and no one will ever believe I played sports, either. But it stings like a fissure in my ass to learn that the cock was a Moc and played for the school that will be replacing my alma mater, 2008 tourney Cinderella story Davidson College, in the March Madness. Without further ado, death to Richard Belding, and allow me to introduce to you a Detroit native. The man who should have done the preview last year:

Tom Selleck

Tom Selleck here bringing you the best in Major League thrills for the fellas, and free moustache rides for the ladies. Thanks for having me. When Bob first asked me to do the preview here, I started off by asking him if he had any naked pictures of his wife. He followed that up by mocking me, "wanna see some?" He then proceded to rattle off some of my stats from when I donned the old English 'D.' Even my down years. He knew that I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August the year I hit an Inge-like .235. I was sold. Bob knew some of my greatest work (Mr. Baseball) and that was enough for me.

Before I came here, I made sure I did some hip flexor stretches (see above). Remember, we're not athletes, we're baseball players. This job can be very taxing on the body if you don't take the proper precautions, but my whole philosophy is simple: Let the kids have some fun and maintain a positive outlook on things. At least that's what I learned from my stint over in Japan. Anyway, let's jump right into it, shall we?

Here is your 2009 Detroit Tigers projected batting lineup (including my personal nicknames for the fellas):

CF Curtis "He accepts everyone's facebook requests" Granderson
2B Placido "only guy on earth with a head bigger than a steroid abuser's" Polanco
RF Magglio "I wonder if he has AC Slater's abs to go along with the hair" Ordonez
1B Miguel "all you can eat meals and fastballs buffet" Cabrera
LF Carlos "perma bottom lip chew" Guillen
DH Gary "Doesn't shhhh" Sheffield
C Gerald "the n00b" Laird
3B Brandon "I hope I hit my weight this year" Inge
SS Adam "I'm not as dorky as I look" Everett

The guys who will see a lot of time, coming from the pine are: Marcus Thames (who seemed like he hit a home run every game he played last year), backup catcher and free agent signee, Matt Treanor; Ramon Santiago, and maybe Ryan Raburn depending how healthy Guillen and Sheff are throughout the course of the season. Big hit, happy body!

I'm not going to sit here and make ridiculous predictions like that fat principal did last year. I WILL say that Sheffield will hit his 500th home run this season, Miguel will hit a few, and the Tigers will score some runs. I'm lazy and not big on crazy predictions.

Now to the pitching staff:
1. Justin "my delivery is as quick as my fastball" Verlander
2. Armando "am I for real?" Galarraga
3. Edwin "the universe IS expanding" Jackson
4. Jeremy "I should be okay to pitch this year, but I still can't read good" Bonderman
5. The Riddler but if you held a gun to my head and said I would have to play in Japan again, I'd probably say Rick "It's no longer Rick Rolled, it's Rick Roared" Porcello

You might be intrigued by my order here. Again, I'm not big on fancy predictions and Jack Elliot hates pitchers, but I do feel like this is the order it will play out to. Bonderman may as well be the Riddler too considering he hasn't even thrown a single inning in Spring Training. I would not be surprised if we saw Nate Robertson, Dontrelle Willis, or Miner actually start off in his spot. Then again, two of those guys would start off in the rotation if I'm wrong about Porcello. There's a good piece on BYB about whether or not it's too soon for Porcello, the real music to our ears.

The bullpen is not as shoddy as it looked at this time last year. Depending on Zumaya's health, Lyon's ability to bounce back from a miserable second half last year, and Rodney's control problems, the Tags have three good relievers right there. All three of these are in the running for the closer's spot. Bobby Seay has looked great this spring and will be the lefty specialist, or LOOGY (lefty one out guy). I would not be surprised to see Ryan Perry break camp with the squad and ditto for Juan Rincon. Freddy Dolsi is another guy that continues to throw well and has even been mentioned in some closer discussions. Again, not big on predictions, but this is a bullpen that could wind up turning some heads (in a good way, not the "turn your head and watch home run after home run way).

From the dugout: Jim Leyland is still a smoking fiend and Rick Knapp loves pitchers who throw strikes. Nate Robertson might not be in town much longer to do the gum time, but I'm a big fan of dugout comraderie.

So there you have it. The 2009 Detroit Tigers season preview.

Man, I really could have used a baggier pair of pants today, if you know what I mean. The sports world is just so damn scintillating right now, I am beside myself. The Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team dominated the Iowa Hawkeyes today 73-45 in the first round of the Big Ten tournament in Atlanta to unofficially punch their ticket to the Big Dance. They play the #2 seed Illinois, whom they split their season series with, tomorrow at 6:30pm EST at Conseco Fieldhouse. There were plenty of upsets in college basketball conference tournament play today, as West Virginia surprised #2 Pittsburgh, Barry Sanders' alma mater upset #7 Oklahoma, Baylor shocked #11 Kansas to give the Jayhawks a first round loss in the Big 12 conference tourney for the first time ever, and a Georgia Tech team that was 2-14 in the ACC this year knocked off #18 Clemson.


Team America plays Puerto Rico on Saturday night at 8pm EST at Dolphin Stadium in a second round game in the World Baseball Classic. Team Testosterone (aka the Dominican Republic) was knocked out by the pesky Dutch, who defeated A-Rod's Boli-popping brethren a second time to eliminate them from the tournament.

The Detroit Red Wings are positioning themselves to contend for yet another President's Trophy, given to the NHL team with the best regular season record since its inception in 1985-1986. Incredibly, the Wings have won 6 of the last 13 President's Trophies handed out. No other team has won it more than twice.

And Allen Iverson is still out of the Pistons line-up with a sore back, although his presence on the bench last night undoubtedly played a role in the Pistons losing in overtime to the lowly Knicks.

In sad sporting world news out of Hollywood, former Oklahoma linebacker and tremendously gifted actor Brian "the Bos" Bosworth was arrested last Friday for driving under the influence of alcohol. Bosworth apparently told police that he was still having problems accepting that "Stone Cold" was not critically acclaimed. Bosworth always reminded me of a slightly less gay, juiced-up Billy Idol. What do you think?

Speaking of Billy, have you seen this guy lately? Dude. It's so sad. He's like 67, but he still thinks he's a sex symbol and tries to be a bad boy and curl his lip up and look mysterious. But he just comes off as that weird uncle who goes through the severe mid-life crisis and gets his nipples pierced, starts laying down tattoos and talking to 18 year old girls on-line. I mean, look at this weirdo:

Scary stuff. Anyhoo, in other news, Anne Heche, who never really did anything for me even when I thought she was all-the-way-straight, had a baby. With a man. Jon Papelbon called out Manny for being a "Manny cancer", and his coach promptly responded by saying Papel-douche should not only refrain from criticizing his current or former teammates, but he should also stop making that ridiculous "scary face" when he looks in for the sign from the catcher. Come on Jon, are you serious with that? But I'm probably in the minority when it comes to my disdain for Jon; Papel-bum gets a pretty nice reception most places he goes.

I'd also like to let Bob know that I was actually #198 in the Tigers' open try-outs. So my arm's not what it used to be. Lay off!

Finally, we at Detroit4lyfe.com would like to send our heart-felt condolences to the Howe family. Colleen Howe, wife of Red Wing legend Gordie Howe, has passed away. Behind every great man there is a great woman, and the Howe family was no exception. Gordie is a class act. He lives by Chip Stephenson and has been very kind to his family through the years. Gordie was kind enough to sign a couple of his jerseys for my father, who is a huge fan of his, this past Christmas. We're thinking about you, Gordie, and your family.

Thanks to the Pride of Detroit blog, the following video has been brought to my attention. Jim Rome sits down with new Detroit Lions Coach Jim Schwartz to discuss his path to fill the Detroit Lions head coach's vacancy and the prospect of his team rebounding from an 0-16 season. (You may not know this, nor care, but I'm a big fan of Jim Rome because he's emphatic with his opinions and doesn't stick his nose in any derrieres. He speaks it as he sees it and obviously, that's respectable. No qualms about it.)

Anyway, the interview is pretty good and if you haven't seen Schwartz speak much since he was hired, it'd probably be a good idea to watch this five minute segment. Personally, I like how Jimbo analogizes the Lions off season plans to a fat person trying to lose weight. It's not going to happen over night, and they need to keep getting on the treadmill everyday. Sounds very similar to the analogy John Mapplethorpe uses in his most recent post. The Lions are trying to make that transformation from high school, "Can't Buy Me Love" loser, Ronald Miller to the "Grey's Anatomy," everyone wants his babies, Dr. "McDreamy" Shepard.

I think Jim Schwartz already brings in an element of "cool" with that Beckham fauxhawk he's sporting. I assume he'll rock the shit out of a visor with that style. Just as long as he doesn't wear a terrible v-neck, cut-off sweater. That would be a fashion-faux-pas!

Enough mindless chatter; enjoy the video. And remember, may the Schwartz be with you!

The Detroit Lions better be out buying an engagement ring for Jay Cutler right now. No, not the 'roided up freak "Jay Cutler" who used to inject at the hot tub in Yankee Stadium with Roger Clemens and his delusional, stalker trainer:

I'm talking about the Vanderbilt product who is in the middle of a very messy break-up right now with his significant other, the Denver Broncos:

The fact that Jay and the Broncos are fighting should not be a complete surprise. The Broncos are high maintenance and demanding. Sure, Jay completed 65% of his passes last season, threw for over 4,500 yards, and made the Pro Bowl. But the Broncos ended up 8-8, which puts Cutler at 17-20 as a starter in his three seasons in Denver. That may cut the mustard in Arizona, er, I mean Cleveland, but that is unacceptable in the Mile High City.

Joey

Charlie

Jon

Chuck

Scott

Need I say more? I'm not saying that Cutler is the guy of our dreams. But at least he would call us on the weekend. And he owns a car. Sometimes when you date jerk after jerk, you just gotta' settle for that nice guy.

The Pistons play the Knickerbockers tonight at the Palace; tip off at 7:30 PM EST. The Knicks have been known in recent years for being a pretty lame and awful team (8-22 this year on the road), but I never knew they played defense like Richard Simmons. "Hands up, hands up...good defense," boysss. I hope the Pistons score 200 points.

There has been lots of controversy surrounding fights in NHL games. Recently, the NHL has been working on curbing fights altogether, specifically 'staged' fights which the NHL defines as ones that start right after the puck drops (my favorite). They have been discussing implementing stiffer penalties that will deter these from happening. NHL.com has a pretty good summary of what kind of action the NHL is trying to take.

Here's what I think:

The NHL NEEDS fighting. The NHL has made great strides in terms of increasing their ratings and I have to believe it has a lot to do with the fast paced, tough style of play, and the occasional fights. Although the NHL still airs most of their important games on VERSUS, formerly known as the Outdoor Live Network, the fighting definitely toughens up this otherwise soft network.

Did I mention that fighting draws an array of interest to the sport? For example, the Detroit Red Wings brawl with the Colorado Avalanche in 1997 receives millions of views on YouTube. (I, for one, watch these clips all the time. My favorite part is Darren McCarty applauding Igor Larionov when he enters the penalty box for starting the fight, as if Igor is Kenny Wu from "The Mighty Ducks" and McCarty is Dean Portman). Hockey fans have websites that chronicle all the fights and gush with enthusiasm over the idea of seeing knuckle sandwiches flying into opponents' grills. Fighting is, straight up, a part of the game.

Now I realize that fighting can be a bad example to the youngsters who are supposed to idolize NHL players and aspire to be them. I received a four minute boarding penalty on my first shift ever as a hockey player. That had more to do with the fact that I didn't know how to stop than by being inspired by malicious hockey players, but certainly, seeing goons like Tie Domi starting fights every other shift, and even with fans in the penalty box, sends the wrong message to our youth.

I'm all for cleaning it up a little bit, but things could actually get uglier if you don't let NHL players fight at all. Frustrations would mount to the boiling point where it would be inevitable for an uncontrollable riot to break loose. Then, perhaps a guy would see that as the only opportunity to take out all his frustrations and Happy Gilmore someone by taking off his skate and trying to stab someone. By allowing a fight here and there, players can release their tension without letting it build up to a psycho level where people are swinging sticks at heads or initiating other uncalled-for craziness.

Take the following movie clip as further evidence. Sue and Trent are playing a heated game of NHL '94. They are talking a lot of crap to one another and it's revealed about a minute twenty in that the game doesn't have fighting. This leads Trent to cheat and make something happen that is a lot more horrific than letting two grown men throw down in fisticuffs,
(Disclaimer: earmuff any nearby children).



See what happens when the NHL takes out the fighting?

Obviously everyone is familiar with the phrase "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mooondays" from the movie 'Office Space,' And you're certainly aware that the most common response to that is, "No. Naw, man. Shit no; I do believe you'd get your ass kicked for saying something like that." (If you don't then you need a swift kick in the genitals). Well, every so often, on Mondays I will have a bitter-sweet post. It will incorporate some positive things I've noticed about the day or the past weekend and some negatives, or both. It'll be like dipping warheads into ketchup or your favorite candy bar into yucky, outdated guacamole.

• I would like to start things off by discussing the Pistons victory over the Orlando Magic tonight. In a 98-94 'W,' Richard Hamilton did his greatest Batman + Jason Kidd impression to lead the Pistons in heroism and assists (14). Unfortunately, it wasn't all dandelions and Jennifer Anniston for the Stones. Rasheed Wallace left in the first quarter due to a calf strain and Tayshaun Prince was seen icing his before the third quarter, although he wound up playing 20 minutes in the half. If those injuries are nagging, we are going to need Rip Hamilton to enhance his disguise a little bit. Personally, I think a morph between Superman and John Stockton would be a much better combo. We'll cross that bridge if we get to it.
  
  

• Rick Porcello is making a very strong bid for the 5th spot in the Tigers rotation. News first broke of his candidacy for the spot before Spring Training started and Tigers fans were spitting in those people's faces, calling them ugly women because they thought he wasn't ready mainly due to the fact that his balls just descended. Right now though, Porcello is stealing Nate Robertson's pack of Big League Chew and rallying for that last spot. Now, his fortune comes at the expense of the others vying for the job, too. Right now, Zach Minerleaguer has a 9.00 ERA through 7 IP, DesigNate Robertson has the same ERA through 4 IP, and Willis has a measly 12 ERA. I realize these IP are just small sample sizes and there have been positives in individual outings for these three, but Porcello is sporting an ERA under 3 for the Spring, and he still sleeps with a night light on and thinks girls have cooties (I mean look at him at his high school prom last year). The Tigers have invested quite a bit of money in Dontrelle so they may start the season with him as the 5th guy, if he can prove he can throw more strikes than balls in his final Spring outings. With Macay the McBride-to-be seeing a doctor for his elbow, that could make Nate Robertson a valuable option out of the bullpen to help share the load with Bobby Seay (who has been magnificent this spring thus far). Another reason the kid might not be toeing the rubber the 5th game to start the year is because the 5th game is the Tigers' Home Opener (capitalized because it's a Holiday). What a great way that would be to bring him into his Tigers MLB career, but I doubt the Tigers will put him into that kind of position. He might soil himself...and he just got used to not wearing diapers.
  
  

• Last, and certainly least at 0-16, I'd like to discuss the Lions' participation in Free Agency so far this off season. Some people are upset with the re-signing of RB/KR Aveion Cason, as if Mayhew forced Greg Hill out of retirement to run back kickoffs. Certainly they don't expect much, if anything, out of Cason. We already have Kevin Smith and Maurice Morris. We may have signed Cason to serve as an extra tackling dummy at practices. But people griped about the Morris signing, too. What do you expect from the Lions? They went 0-16 and are notorious B.I.G. for being the worst franchise. Then you have punks like Rudi Johnson trying to C-block us by saying we are 'years from winning' which just gives FAs more reason to not sign with the Leos (although, what the hell does Rudi know about winning?) We're like the kid eating his lunch by himself in the cafeteria. We're lucky if someone is nice enough to stroll our way and take a seat next to us. In reality, everyone is making fun of us and throwing little pieces of meat at the back of our heads, teasing us because we're vegans. The Lions may have not signed the coveted free agents, but they have signed a number of guys that definitely improve the team and will serve as the temporary patches for the gaping holes that remain. I think we should just be happy we recognize some of the names that have signed. It's a process, and I think the Lions, for the most part, are doing a good job this off season patching things up, slowly but surely. One day we'll all be able to take the paper bags off our heads, see the daylight again, and proudly say, "I'm a Detroit Lions fan and doggone it, people like me!"
  
  

The following post is a random post about nothing, really. It's aimless banter.

As you all probably already know, former Michigan and current New England Patriots QB, Tom Brady wedded Gisele Bundchen last Friday. (I can guarantee you she shows up later as part of your weekly Sunday night prescription. I mean look at the "side-boob" she shows off in her wedding dress! For crying out loud.)

Anyway, Tom Brady never struck me as someone who would settle down and get hitched. I just figured he had a reputation to uphold. I guess I was really wrong.

Anyway, Detroit4lyfe, by no means, wants to be known as a gossip website, like a TMZ or National Enquirer. Don't get me wrong, we stalk people (and shamelessly follow every known celebrity on twitter), we usually just don't write posts whenever someone famous gets a parking ticket or forgot to wax their bikini line (ahem, Chip).

But for Tom Brady, I've found an exception.

Tom Brady has always been a fun guy to hear about in the news mainly because I feel like Detroit4lyfe has a special connection with him. We, unlike most people, have followed him since his dorm days in Ann Arbor all the way to his fame and glory in New England.

John Mapplethorpe has an amazing story of Brady while he was at Michigan. Apparently Brady was unabashedly trying to pick up a girl in a parking lot right in front of her boyfriend, who had just returned to the car with a handful of pizza boxes. When the guy tried to get past Brady who was hanging through the passenger side window chatting with the girl, Brady calmly brushed the innocent dude aside and told him to "take a hike dweeb." Brady proceded to give the girl his number, tell her about a party, and tarnish any chance the so called, "dweeb" had of keeping his girlfriend beyond the weekend. Classy move. (Check in with Mapplethorpe for any other details regarding this story, since I may have overlooked a few).

I just think it's funny how crazy the paparazzi and ensuing media coverage can be. They take the minute details of someone's life and turn it into a big deal. Omygosh, Brady was seen wearing a Yankees hat. Omygosh, Brad is seen walking the streets of Boston. Omygosh, when did Tom Brady start dating Jack Twist? Or omygosh, Brady's fly is open.

Take the picture above for example. The picture above probably reveals Brady simply disposing of some flower pots from his wedding. Of course, since he looks pretty angry, the media is going to somehow twist it and come up with one of the following assumptions: (a) He and Gisele are fighting (b) His knee still hurts (c) 'Get off my lawn you gypsies or I'll throw these pots at you' (d) He really has to poop. Obviously 'news' sources such as TMZ, GossipGirl.com, and National Enquirer are going to create some elaborate storyline like, "Gisele forces Tommy to throw out old flower pots from the wedding, which interrupts his plans to poop. On the way to throw the plants over the balcony, he re-injures his knee, which all explains the look on his face. They will probably get a divorce."

We're not like that here. We just like to tell it how it really is. And it's very obvious that Tom Brady doesn't know shit about flowers.

The UNC men's basketball team won the regular season ACC title outright today for the third time in five years after beating the Duke Blue Devils 79-71 at the Dean Dome in Chapel Hill.  It was the sixth time in the last seven meetings that the Tar Heels defeated their Tobacco Road rivals, and the win pushed UNC's advantage in the all-time series to 130-97.  

It was a lovely afternoon in Chapel Hill.  The thermometer hovered around 80 degrees outside, Tyler Hansbrough, Danny Green, Bobby Frasor, and a few other pine-riding seniors who look more like "Saved by the Bell" extras than Division I basketball players said their goodbyes to the Dean Dome faithful, Hansbrough's father wept openly, (when his son was introduced in opening ceremonies, at the urinal at halftime after initiating his stream, when Tyler fouled out to a standing ovation with 20 seconds left, when he couldn't find his car in the parking lot after the game, and a few other times,) UNC students used the occasion as an opportunity to burn their textbooks on Franklin Street and thereby be excused from final exams, and Coach K belittled reporters in the post-game conference.  More importantly, in the lockerroom after the game, Kyle Singler finally revealed himself as the long-lost younger brother of Rocky Dennis from the movie "Mask":

In other news, in Mexico City the Dominican players remembered to add the Boli to their

 "Bananas 'n cream 'n Boli" flavored protein shakes this morning, and were able to hold off the Panamanian entry in the World Baseball Classic (WBC) in an elimination game today.  A-Roid talked to reporters before the game, and claimed not to know where he injured his hip, who is prescribing pain medication for him, or which pharmacy he picks said

 medication up from.  He did encourage interested media members to check back in with him a week from now, however, at which time he assured he will be able to provide this information.  

In the first important non-curling related sporting event to take place on Canadian soil since the Blue Jays played in and won the World Series in 1993, Toronto is hosting a WBC group in the first round.  The USA is playing Venezuela tonight in this group after defeating Canada 6-5  in their first game.  This game features no fewer than 5 Detroit Tigers in the respective starting line-ups, with Curtis Granderson starting in centerfield for the U.S., and Armando Galarraga on the bump for Venezuela, which also features Miguel Cabrera, Magglio Ordonzez, and Carlos Guillen in the 3-4-5 heart of their batting order.  The opener for the U.S. against our friends to the north was a thriller, with J.J. Putz closing it out in the 9th with a runner on second and 42,000 screaming fans in the stands.  I haven't seen that much hatred for Americans in Canadians' eyes since George W. was re-elected, Pam Anderson married Kid Rock, (you're better than that, Bobbie), or when the Winnipeg Jets closed up shop and moved to Phoenix, where, let's face it, Miley Cyrus draws a bigger crowd than the Coyotes would if they ever made it to a Stanley Cup final.  

Another week, another Sunday. The dreaded Sunday Night Depression (SND) is settling in as we speak, and I can tell that it's not going to be kind to me tonight. I'm already cranky from losing an hour of sleep this morning due to daylight savings time that I won't get back until my constitutional law class tomorrow, and I'm still reeling from seeing the Red Wings allow 8 goals in two separate games during the past week or so. Nate Robertson continues to try to prove that I am a better pitcher than he is as he walked four hitters in two innings today, the Pistons' win streak was snapped last night against the Atlanta Hawks, and the Lions finally won something- the award for the least inspiring free agent signings in the world. I need this. We all need this.

I bring to you Salma Hayek and her lovely assets.



Andddddd I'm cured.

Hi, John Mapplethorpe here. I want to thank Bob for allowing me to join the talented Detroit4lyfe.com team. It is truly an honor to be able to swap thoughts, (but not spit, that would be sick and wrong on many levels), with one of the finest sports minds/bloggers in the business. Detroit4lyfe.com is the preeminent sports blog today, although many of you have not realized that yet. But you will. Mark my sarcastic, twisted words, you will.

I share Bob’s passion for sports, his loyalty to his hometown of Detroit, (Business Week can suck on an exhaust pipe for making us #4 on their list of “America’s top 10 unhappiest cities”- speaking of which, if Atlanta and Las Vegas are “unhappy”, then pass the Prozac, they can keep their laughing gas,) and his admiration for Zac Efron’s musical abilities. So we’ll gab about sports, often with a Motown slant. But we won’t stop there, oh no. We’ll blather about important current issues, like what Jessica Simpson is tipping the scales at and how many times she apologized for forgetting her own stinkin’ lyrics at her last appearance. (Notice I refuse to call it a “show”, because that would imply that when she goes on-stage, she actually provides some kind of worthwhile entertainment.) We’ll jive about politics and the economy, like when I break down Barack’s stimulus spending plan by sector. And we’ll banter about the front-runners in the race for the title of “Most unstable person in America.” Currently, Britney Spears is in a heated battle for supremacy with the wacko who popped out eight kids when she already had 27 rugrats at home that she was dutifully neglecting.

So it is fitting that I hop on board the Detroit4lyfe train this beautiful first week of March, the pinnacle of the sporting year. We have conference tournaments and March Madness coming up in the next two weeks in college basketball, the NHL and NBA seasons are barreling toward the playoffs, spring training has started in the Grapefruit and Cactus leagues, the World Baseball classic is underway, the NFL draft is looming, steroid users are coming out of the closet one by one, and Charles Barkley just got c-blocked by the Scottsdale Police Department. How can you not be on cloud nine right now if you are a sports fan?

The first thing I would like to discuss is the college basketball season, which is really heating up. The #7 Duke Blue Devils fire up the bus and drive eight miles down the famed 15-501 tomorrow to face the #2 UNC Tar Heels at the Dean Smith Center with a share of the ACC regular season title up for grabs. Is it just me or does Kyle Singler look increasingly disheveled by the game? I’m worried about him, frankly. One thing is for sure, Greg Paulus will pump his fist approximately 27 times throughout the game and cement his place toward the top of the list of most annoying Duke players ever. And yes, I will reveal this list in a future post. (Be careful not to slip off the edge of that seat.)

Meanwhile, after a huge win at the Old Barn today in Minnesota, the Michigan Wolverines men’s basketball team is likely to return to the Big Dance for the first time since 1998 when Tractor Traylor, Louis Bullock and the boys were a #3 seed and lost in the second round to UCLA (after beating Davidson College in the first round). Hopefully, this is the start of something special, and marks a return to the glory years when Michigan was an annual fixture in the tournament and once went to the National Championship game 3 times in 5 years, (1989, 1992, and 1993,) winning it once (in 1989 against Seton Hall.) The promising thing is that the Wolverines had a good regular season, beating Duke, UCLA, Purdue, and Illinois, with a team that is still clearly overmatched by the elite teams in regards to athleticism and pure talent. They are winning with discipline and a great system, which is a credit to their coach. They are winning with back door cuts reminiscent of the Pete Carril “Princeton offense”, and with a masterful zone defense, mostly a 1-3-1. As the program builds momentum and they once again are able to land blue chip recruits, they are going to be a force to be reckoned with. In Belien we trust.

As you know, USA will take on Canada tomorrow in the first round of the World Baseball Classic. Since I am an American, and damn proud to be one, Detroit4lyfe.com will be having a Live BlogCast of the game as it airs on ESPN at 2 PM EST.

I just watched the Manny interview on ESPN and I have to reiterate how great he is. He's quirky, has an amazing swing, and is up there as one of the best hitters in baseball history. No matter what you say, this guy is entertaining. He puts derriere's in seats and always makes for a good story. Tonight's ESPN segment is just another one of those circumstances:

Manny was asked about the prospect of playing for the Yankees and if he was upset that they did not pursue him. Manny appeared unfazed and admitted the Yankees signed the better guy in big-stick, Mark Texeira.

When the reporter asked why, Manny had this to say:

He's young, plays good defense, and is a handsome guy.

As you all know, Allen Iverson has agreed to accept his role on the bench when he returns from his back injury. Thank goodness. I really could not handle A.I.'s crap at this juncture in the season. I would Flip Saunders a lid.

In all seriousness, I was very (very, very) happy to see Iverson's comments today. To be honest, I did not expect him to be okay with his 'demotion.' Let's just hope it stays that way when he returns in about two weeks. I will admit, he's said it from the beginning that he just wants to help the team win. He will do whatever the Pistons would like him to do. He wants to win a Championship, and who wouldn't? In fact, he's so serious about accepting a lesser role that he actually came out of rapping retirement and wrote a song on the plane ride to get his back reexamined. You may have heard of it... "Detroit Pistons I Can Be Whatever You Like." A.I. was able to land his younger brother, T.I. to feature in it.

Here are the lyrics:

"Hey Joe D.
You know the old sugga daddy

I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
Yeah

[Chorus:]
Tats on my neck
Antonio McDyess
And I can pop shots all night
Baby I can do whatever you like (you like)
I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night talk with Coach Mike you're so right
My ass on the bench for you tonight
Baby I can be where ever you like (you like)
I said I can be where ever you like (you like)
Yeah

[Verse 1:]
Anytime you want to put me in the game
You know it ain't nothin to hog, ya I won't pass to you
Dribblin' through to get to the clear
Five million outside shots, takin' all Hamilton's I swear
Yeah I got no body, I cut my hair
Long as you start me you won't go nowhere
if you want it you got it, so say it I sit on it
Tell 'em other broke rappas be quiet

[Chorus:]
Tats on my neck
Antonio McDyess
And I can pop shots all night
Baby I can do whatever you like (you like)
I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night talk with Mike you're so right
My ass is on the bench for you tonight
Baby I can be where ever you like (you like)
I said I can be where ever you like (you like)
Yeah

[Verse 2:]
Starting is da hottest, hate the way I lost it
Brain so good swore I went to college
Dimploma never got it, drafted with a top pick
Cause everybody know my jump shot is automatic
and you ain't never ever gotta go try to stop it
Long as I got arm sleeves I can rock it
six seventh, on the bench, a warm up suit that fit
Ya it's a downgrade but I get what you get
My team can have what they want
And go in any city sit on any bench they want
And know they ain't never had a man like that
a superstar sit on the pine and not start
Yeah I forgot bout Rip, I need his heart
Long as you got me I won't need to start
You want it you got it, say it I sit on it
Tell broke Arron Afflalo be quiet

[Chorus:]
Tats on my neck
Antonio McDyess
And I can pop shots all night
Baby I can do whatever you like (you like)
I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night talk with Coach Mike you're so right
My ass on the bench for you tonight
Baby I can be where ever you like (you like)
I said I can be where ever you like (you like)
Yeah

[Verse 3:]
I'm talkin' Bad Boys life
And Bad Boys ice
Let me make this Bad Boy make it right
The bench get so wet, water jus' spilled
Bench me and makin' Rip so thrilled
That's right
I don't want'cho minutes, I need yo ring
Long as you want me to, I promise I'm sitting
Cuz after the year, I'm gone good and free
Tell Amir to move, I'm sitting next to Kwame

[Chorus:]
Tats on my neck
Antonio McDyess
And I can pop shots all night
Baby I can do whatever you like (you like)
I said I can do whatever you like (you like)
Yeah
Late night talk with Coach Mike you're so right
My ass on the bench for you tonight
Baby I can be where ever you like (you like)
I said I can be where ever you like (you like)
Yeah"

According to a report on MLIVE, Allen Iverson was told by doctors at Georgetown University that he must "suspend all basketball related activities for two weeks" due to his back injury. Iverson who has missed the last three games, will miss up to eight more games over the course of the next two weeks so get used to seeing him wear that Justin Timberlake snowboarding hat more often. If he is out for only the two weeks, he would return for the March 20 game against the LA Clippers at the Palace.

A lot of controversy as been centered around Iverson because he hasn't been fitting in with the Pistons system. The Stones are 7-1 without him this season and on a three-game winning streak against some pretty reputable teams (although all three were missing big parts of their team). Either way, it is pretty clear that the Stones move the ball better and play tougher defense without AI.

Although you should never wish injury on anyone, AI's back problem couldn't come at a better time for the Pistons. They were struggling mightily and falling fast out of the playoff contention. Once Iverson went down with his back injury the team was able to revert back to the way they have played for the six years--successful basketball. So far, it looks as if it's like riding a bike for them.

It will be interesting to see what kind of minutes AI gets when he does return, if he does. I would not be surprised if this back injury turns out to be more 'serious.' I guess we'll know more as the two weeks wear on.

The Stones are off for the next two nights and hit the floor again on Friday against Golden State in Detroit. The Warriors are just 2-5 in their last seven games and play Chicago tonight.

I don't have much to say about the win itself. What can I say? The Pistons are playing good basketball right now, despite the absence of their all-star guard Allen Iverson. They battled back from a 10-point halftime deficit to pull off a five point victory in the end. That runs the Stones' record to 7-1 without "The Answer" and 30-29 overall. I could go on about this 'correlation', but it's a broken record. It should also be noted that Denver was without Carmelo Anthony.

The real story from this game, to me, was the return of Chauncey Billups to Detroit. Chauncey spent six amazing years with the Pistons, including the championship season in 2004 when he won a Finals MVP. Chauncey was the real deal and everyone, for the most part, loved him and wished they didn't have those pesky restraining orders or else they would hug him.

Anyway, he was welcomed back to the Palace with wide open arms despite the fact he came in playing for the other team. After hearing boo birds for the other four Nugget players, the mood suddenly shifted as Chauncey was about to be introduced. Everyone stood and began to cheer. Pistons' PA-guy, John Mason yelped out his touching introduction, which rhymed beautifully, as the packed house screamed and applauded their little hearts out for Chauncey.

Watching the introduction online gave me goosebumps every single time I watched it (which was about five times). It simply amazes me how awesome the Detroit fans are. FYI- these fans knew exactly what tonight was going to be about.

Fans showed up to the Palace earlier than usual, all so they could thank Chauncey for everything he did for the franchise. Everyone knew they were going to be giving him a standing ovation as soon as it was his turn to be introduced, and everyone knew they were going to show their continuous love for the PG throughout his introduction whether that was through excessive shrieking, clapping your hands, or holding up creative signs.

The standing ovation and cheering lasted nearly two full minutes. This type of reaction toward its players has almost come to be expected from Detroit fans, but then you see it and you can't prevent the hairs on your body from raising. This was an all around truly classy display by fans, Chauncey for embracing it, and John Mason for his fantastic introduction.

Although I could not be at the game, I definitely appreciate the Billups that helped guide the Stones to six consecutive Eastern Conference Finals and a NBA Finals victory and would have been one of the people on his feed hootin' and hollerin' for him during his introduction. Thank you, Chauncey.

Thanks to our friends over at Need4Sheed, we have the Chauncey introduction in its entirety. Check it out and cry a little bit:

[Press release from some obscure website]

Detroit4lyfe is proud to say that Chip Stevenson is back. Chip took a personal leave from Detroit4lyfe.com about four months ago because he's important and he can do whatever he wants. We are happy to have him back.

His first article since his leave, "My Name is Chip: Evaluation of the Tigers' Karma in 2009," was a huge hit right of the bat. Such a huge hit that it was linked on CBSSports.com yesterday to supplement the news that Curtis Granderson is going to pose as October in an upcoming calendar (newsworthy info as well). Chip has always been a great writer and deserves all the fame and glory from the website, but most figured he might be a little rusty on his comeback piece. That was far from the case. Instead, he brought his A-game, as everyone has always felt he has.

However, word got out to the blogmissioner that he had been out of the game for a little while, which immediately raised a few red flags. The blogmissioner began to question Chip's whereabouts for the past four months and conducted an extensive investigation.

Around 3:30 PM this afternoon, news finally broke: Chip Stevenson was in the Dominican Republic for the past four months. and the blogmissioner knows exactly what he was doing down there.

"Buying PED's," he said in his press conference.

When Bob Biscigliano was confronted about the allegations regarding his co-writer's doings in the D.R., Bob replied, "I aughta Kenny Rogers your damn microphone. Take a peek at this article he wrote on September 12th. His body is impeccable. He's been on the cover of Men's Health sixteen different times, just one less than Matthew Mcconaughey. You think he needed to go to the Dominican Republic for PEDs? For all we know, he could have been helping children learn how to pick up girls in America. Get that thing out of my face!" Bob was irrate, picking chairs up, putting them over his head and gently placing them back on the ground. He was being very unpredictable. Our crew feared for their lives.

What Bob didn't know,was that the blogmissioner had already spoken with several GNC-like stores in the Dominican and all confirmed that Chip was a regular at their stores. They said he would come in sweating profusely and demanding some "help." He typically picked out what he needed, overpaid because he's very wealthy, and leave without speaking a word of Spanish.

It has been reported that Chip was in fact buying writer's PEDs. Months supplies of Emerson-cream and Thoreau-roids which are generally taken orally and send an electric charge to the fingers and brain which allow for extremely fast typing and often times result in award winning stories. It is not banned in the blogsphere, nor is it punishable.

So why all the fuss?

The blogmissioner just wanted to know where Chip was because he missed him dearly and he's glad he's back.

When Bob learned that Chip in fact took some writer's PEDs, he was not surprised and acted as if he never said those things before. "Oh yeah. Of course we take writer's PEDs. I thought you meant real steroids, the kind that make you buff. We obviously didn't need those. You think we'd be this effing money if we didn't take writer's PEDs? Actually I have to go, my cousin is coming over to inject me with the fresh off the market, Joe Posnanski PED. It's dope, yo."

So there you have it, Detroit4lyfe takes PEDs and it's completely fine in the blogsphere. Some might think there should be a little asterisk next to the TM on this site, but the writers association doesn't feel that way. Neither do I. All the more power to Detroit4lyfe.com for taking advantage of their legal resources to improve their writing for their fans.

Tonight's homecoming is going to be an emotional night for both Chauncey Billups and the Detroit Pistons. I also think it could get awkward. Chauncey has been going steady with the best in the Northwest for a little over four months now (which is ages in high school relationship time) and things have been going really well for the two. ((Tammy says they made out at Carmelo's house when his parents were out of town. Apparently it was during a game of 'seven minutes in heaven." Chauncey wears number seven to commemorate the event. That's what Tammy says, at least. That's Classic Tammy. She's the school gossip queen.))

Meanwhile, the Pistons are taking the breakup very hard. They merely go through the motions with their little rebound fling, Allen Iverson. Everyone in school knows it's not going to last very long because he's going to Free Agency U on July 1st. They fight all the time and rumor has it, they are taking a break right now. At least that's what Tammy told me.

So tonight's little homecoming will definitely have it's moments of awkwardness, but it will also emotional for all those who haven't seen Chauncey take the Palace dance floor with that infectious smile of his since this past October. He spent six of his greatest NBA years with Detroit, and they even had sex one time in 2004. He has an MVP trophy of the event to prove it. Sometimes good things just have to come to an end, though.

I'm absolutely sure Chauncey will receive a standing ovation from the Pistons crowd as he comes through the door with Denver. There will also be whispers and a lot of staring, but I expect nothing less of the Detroith faithful. While I will always wish Chauncey the best in the rest of his career, I just hope the Pistons don't lose their cool with Chauncey being back in town.

Chauncey might try and make the Pistons jealous with the way he backs it up and the way he works it with Denver's offense, but Detroit needs to be the bigger men in this situation. They need to just turn the other cheek, do their thing, and come out as winners in Chauncey's homecoming situation.

Lastly, for the record, I heard Bill Laimbeer is a chaperone. Don't bring alcohol into the gym or he'll confiscate it.

I just wrote a post about how the Pistons have a chance to use Iverson's ailing back as an excuse to never play him again this season, kind of like the Lions may have done with Jon Kitna. Obviously Iverson would not let anyone tell him to fake an injury so he can't play basketball, but it's a fun mind game to play (or would he, if the only other option was playing 10 minutes a night?).

Anyway, Iverson will definitely miss the Chauncey Billups homecoming dance tomorrow night, as he will be flying to Washington DC to receive a second opinion on his back. According to the ESPN report, AI fears that the back injury may be more serious than he originally thought. Conveniently more serious?

Earl and I are big believers in karma. When something bad happens, I look for lucky pennies on the ground, buy all the rabbits' feet I can find, and buy as many lottery tickets as I can afford. When something good happens, I'm on the lookout for black cats, broken mirrors, and any ladders that I could possibly walk under. Everything seems to even out in the end no matter how high the highs get or how low the lows get.

That's why I was looking forward to the upcoming baseball season more than any other season that I can remember. The Tigers' 2008 season was a complete disaster. Without going into too much detail, here's a short list of what went wrong...

... Curtis Granderson broke his hand in Spring Training and took a little vacation for the first few weeks of the year, as did every Tiger on the roster.

... Newly acquired Dontrelle Willis signed a fat contract to go along with his fat body that he showed off during the season. (True story: I saw him at a local Chipotle last year during the season. I tried to talk to him, but he stopped me mid sentence and denied that he was Dontrelle Willis. I could tell it was him though when he threw away his leftovers and missed the trash can by 6 and a half feet... maybe that's why he failed so hard last year. Karma will getcha)

... The pitching staff turned out to be the weak link. It seemed like everyone's velocity dropped, and they were forced to get by on only smoke and mirrors. The only problem was that Leyland's Marlboros are the only things allowed to give off smoke in the Tigers' clubhouse and all the mirrors were bought up by new pitching coach, Rick Knapp, to put in the Tigers' bullpen in 2009 in an incredible display of predicting the future.

As hard as it was to endure that type of season, I knew that better times were on the horizon and 2009 would be a much different year. Early reports out of Spring Training had Bonderman on his way to full recovery, Zumaya throwing gas, Willis on the comeback trail, and the hitters and defense looking better than ever. Finally, after a long off season, I was ready to put 2008 behind me and move on to a 2009 chock full of built up good karma.

And then the Spring Training games started. Zumaya was wild as ever in his first appearance, Willis was pulled before finishing his 2nd inning of work, and Bonderman's first start was pushed back and ultimately canceled. What have we done to deserve this? Have the karma gods decided another year in the AL Central basement is in store for the Tags? Why???

Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I urge each and every Tiger fan out there to go do as many good deeds as you possibly can fit in your daily schedule until Opening Day on April 5th. Take the trash out without complaining. Look your wife or girlfriend in the eye the next time you mumble a response when she asks you if she looks fat in that dress. Maybe even put the toilet seat down after you go wee wee. We have just over a month to build up as many good karma points as we can so that maybe, just maybe, 2009 will be like 2006 and not even close to 2008.

And hey, if it doesn't work and the Tigers flirt with last place this year, there's no need to worry... we can cash in our good karma points in 2010.

As you have all heard by now Shaquille O' Neal reemerged as his old self the other night and scored 45 points.

Thanks to our friends over at Digital Sports Daily, this video of Superman Shaq flying into the crowd was brought to my attention from that very game. Notice how long it takes him to actually fling himself into the second row of seats. I'm surprised he didn't send out a tweet on his way. Shaq is a pretty cool and funny dude, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was just being silly and purposely saw an opportunity to take a nosedive into some fan's nachos.

Check it out and decide for yourself:

Back in October, the Lions reported that Jon Kitna was going to be placed on the Injured Reserve because of his back. When Kitna spoke to the media about the Lions decision, he made it seem like he was going to be fine within a couple weeks and putting him on the IR was not necessary. The Lions did it anyway.

This all transpired after Kitna was replaced in the humiliating loss to Chicago at home (34-7). Throughout the fourth quarter, Kitna clearly had a back problem as he was icing it the entire time. There's no denying that, but Kitna was also terrible up to that point. The team was 0-4 with him under the helm and he rocked a subpar 72.2 QB rating. People were crying for a change, so when the Lions were given a chance to make a permanent switch, utilizing the excuse of his back injury, they pounced on it. Kitna didn't see another snap all season and was placed on IR after the next week's loss.

What's the relevance of this; he was traded to Dallas. Who cares?

Well, the Pistons have a chance to make a similar decision with Allen Iverson. Iverson has missed two straight games with a back injury he initially tweaked against Miami and tried to play through the next night versus New Orleans. In all the games Iverson has missed this season, the Pistons have played significantly better. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the Pistons are 6-1 without AI and 23-28 with him.

Iverson's obviously a much better athlete than Jon Kitna is/was and AI has accomplished infinite more in his career. (I would never ever, in a million years, try and compare their talent in respect to their sports; don't misunderstand that). However, the situations are similar. Iverson just isn't getting the job done as a Piston in their system and as a result, the Pistons suffer. Similarly, the Lions were 0-4 under a guy that time after time couldn't make the big play. The back injury in Kitna's case served as the escape route.

Now I'm not fully on board with this idea. I just think it's an interesting perspective/comparison. However, if the Pistons are as perceptive as their fans, and I think they are, they probably realize they are better without AI, too. Or at least they play better without him.

AI is more than likely a future Hall of Famer and you don't just go releasing players of his caliber. However, if he's going to continue to be a burden on the Pistons' system and his playing translates into more L's than W's then you also have to do something to fix it.

So what should the Pistons do?

There are three options. One is release him. I think I just dismissed that idea. Not a good idea. The second option would be to play him in small dosages; as to the analogy I've used before, let him run free like a kid at recess to let the others get a breather, but put a time restriction on him. Bring him inside when it's time to get serious and get to work (similar to what they were doing earlier this season when he wasn't seeing many minutes, if any, during the fourth quarter). The last option is to take the Detroit Lions approach: make the back injury more serious than it really is

I like option two the best, because a guy like AI can always take games over if everyone else is cold. However, I am very intrigued by the idea of option three. Also, the Pistons have been very vague when asked to give a time table for Iverson's return.

It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out.

UNITY

This really hasn't been a stressful or depressing Sunday by any means. In fact, I'm ready for the week to get going because I have some big plans next weekend that can't happen unless this week starts and ends. That's usually how it works and I know, this is an odd Sunday for me. However, I know I'm not in the same boat as everyone else; some people are probably having really depressing Sunday evenings, especially anyone who hates to see Dan Orlovsky go (being a Danny O fan is depressing in and of itself) or had a lot of money on today's Tigers' spring training game against the Pirates. All that would suck, especially if you have to give a huge presentation at work tomorrow. So I'm not going to make you tough it out just because I don't really need any anti-deBreastants myself.

This weeks dosage of medicine is Tia Carrere. "Abakingpowder?" you ask. Well, she's the babe from the "Wayne's World" movies and was on "Dancing with the Stars" back in the day. "Schwing!"

She is oriental, so you might need to drink some water while taking her in. She can be spicy, but she's definitely worth the look. Enjoy and I hope you all feel less depressed..

I was sitting in my nice leather chair eating some cheez-its and drinking some cola, watching the Spring Training edition of Baseball Tonight, when Karl Ravech asks the other analysts to make their Comeback Player of the Year predictions. I nod my head in approval of the segment, take a swig of my drink, and listen as Steve Phillips starts with his selection.

"I think it's going to be Dontrelle Willis of the Detroit Tigers...." I nearly choke but save myself by spitting everything in my mouth out and all over the tv screen.

Is he kidding? Dontrelle Willis? The same guy who couldn't hit the broadside of the a barn last year? The guy who couldn't make it out of the second inning in his first spring training outing?

I wiped the tv screen off and sure enough there were clips flashing of Dontrelle Willis pitching in the Tigers camp and Phillips was going on and on about how Willis was a special player and going to win 15 or more games for the Tigers this year! I needed a clean pair of underpants; I was so excited to hear an 'expert' analyst making this bold call about a pitcher so many have gave up on.

Surely, Phillips has to know more than the average fan, right? At least you would hope so when he is making such a cocky prediction.

I hope he's right, but don't get too excited. Phillips loves making predictions that would work in the Tigers favor. Phillips got his bachelor's degree from the University of Michigan during the end of his playing days with the Tigers organization. He has a crush on the Tigers and that's cool with me, but you have to take his talk about them with some skepticism. I wouldn't make much out of this prediction other than it feels great to hear someone else other than Jim Leyland and Dontrelle himself, talking optimistically.

UPDATE: He also just selected the Cubs to win the World Series, so he's probably drunk.

Go Tags.

UNITY

Just when everyone is starting to count the Pistons out, they turn it on. The Pistons rolled into Boston Sunday afternoon coming off a big win on national television against the Magic, but they were also coming off the team's worst month since 1995. I don't think anyone knew what to expect from them against the Celtics.

With Allen Iverson still ailing in Detroit with a stiff back, it was again up to Richard Hamilton and the Pistons to try and make do without their future Hall of Famer.

Just as it did Friday night, no Iverson posed as no problem.

Typically, when you're missing a player of AI's caliber you expect the team to struggle. Instead, the Stones improved their record to 6-1 without him, with their second victory in a row against a top three team in the Eastern Conference (although Kevin Garnett is injured for the Celtics).

Utilizing a very strong second quarter where the Pistons outscored the Celtics 35-25, the Pistons held on down the stretch to pull it out (that's what she said). Richard Hamilton scored 25 and had 9 assists to set the pace. Tayshaun scored 15 points and grabbed 8 rebounds.

The Pistons claim they still need AI, but this type of play without him definitely has to make one wonder if they really do. Perhaps the Pistons are just making the politically correct statements to the media. It will be interesting to see what kind of role he is thrown into when he does come back and how the Pistons do as a result.

I do need to take this time to officially apologize to one Walter "Fabio" Hermann. The banana-hand man was on the butt-end of some of my cynicism the other night when he was put into the Hornets game with seconds remaining and missed a last second game tying shot. Essentially, I implied that he should not have been on the floor and I was upset with the decision. However, today he slapped me in the face with his pony tail and scored eight of his eleven points in that very important second quarter. Yeah he did it clumsily, but he did it and was a huge--and I emphasize huge--key to today's win. The other night, I got caught up in the Pistons losing streak and took my frustrations out on Hermann. I've always thought he's fun to watch because he's always hustling, has enormous Tony Robbins-hands that make the basketball look like a grape when he palms it; and, most importantly, has the hair that would make any woman melt on the spot. I'm sorry and way to do work today, Walter.

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