Posted by Bob Biscigliano in Detroit Tigers, Kris Benson's wife is hot and willing to be slutty, restore the roar
How Adam Sandler felt in Big Daddy about his Syracuse Orangemen is how I feel about my Detroit Tigers right now: "I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch in my life." (don't be a prick and leave the real quote in the comments section, I know the quote refers to the Orange being 0-2)
Today is the Home Opener for the Tigers and while it's still a National Holiday for me (no classes, no mail, no work), it doesn't exactly have that ol' Jennifer Aniston sex appeal when you're sportin' a 1-3 record. But the show must go on.
The Tigers lost the series to Toronto, 3-1, as a result of another poor performance from the bullpen on Thursday afternoon. Begging to Be DesigNated Robertson and Juan Rincon each allowed a run in relief of 20-year old Rick Porcello. Although the box score won't show it, Rick Porcello had a pretty solid outing overall. He had great composure in some tough situations and battled out of a couple jams. Ultimately, it was fatigue that got the best of him late in is outing. As for the ever mystifying bullpen, I'm running out to my car as soon as I finish this post and grabbing my glove. I'm convinced, even with my +10 college ERA, I could pitch in the bullpen based off sheer good looks alone.
Anyway, Armando Galarraga will get the nod for the Home Opener opposite Kris Benson, who is making his debut in a Texas Rangers uniform. If you don't know who Kris Benson is then you need to wake the eff up. If you recall, Kris Benson has a model for a wife. Normally, not a big deal, but she is a big deal in many areas. If you don't believe me, then maybe this will refresh your mind (pecker). Well, I know this off the top of my head because a few years ago Kris Benson's wife told reporters that if Kris ever cheated on her while he was on the road, she would retaliate by sleeping with everyone on his team. Sounds clean and fun, but if I'm JT Saltynutsalamachia I'm trying to get ol' Kris schmammered drunk at the Townsend this weekend, into the arms of another woman, and ready for a photo op. If you catch what I'm saying.
Hopefully the Tigers can reverse their fortunes with a home series in front of a happy crowd. I know Brandon Lyon's apartment/house won't make it through the weekend without a TP job if they don't.
Before the game the Tigers will have a nice little tribute to George Kell who passed away recently. Also, Kid Rock will be giving a little schpeal about the automative industry.
Restore the roar!