Chip Stevenson Returns to Detroit4lyfe: Linked to CBSSports.Com and more?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

[Press release from some obscure website]

Detroit4lyfe is proud to say that Chip Stevenson is back. Chip took a personal leave from Detroit4lyfe.com about four months ago because he's important and he can do whatever he wants. We are happy to have him back.

His first article since his leave, "My Name is Chip: Evaluation of the Tigers' Karma in 2009," was a huge hit right of the bat. Such a huge hit that it was linked on CBSSports.com yesterday to supplement the news that Curtis Granderson is going to pose as October in an upcoming calendar (newsworthy info as well). Chip has always been a great writer and deserves all the fame and glory from the website, but most figured he might be a little rusty on his comeback piece. That was far from the case. Instead, he brought his A-game, as everyone has always felt he has.

However, word got out to the blogmissioner that he had been out of the game for a little while, which immediately raised a few red flags. The blogmissioner began to question Chip's whereabouts for the past four months and conducted an extensive investigation.

Around 3:30 PM this afternoon, news finally broke: Chip Stevenson was in the Dominican Republic for the past four months. and the blogmissioner knows exactly what he was doing down there.

"Buying PED's," he said in his press conference.

When Bob Biscigliano was confronted about the allegations regarding his co-writer's doings in the D.R., Bob replied, "I aughta Kenny Rogers your damn microphone. Take a peek at this article he wrote on September 12th. His body is impeccable. He's been on the cover of Men's Health sixteen different times, just one less than Matthew Mcconaughey. You think he needed to go to the Dominican Republic for PEDs? For all we know, he could have been helping children learn how to pick up girls in America. Get that thing out of my face!" Bob was irrate, picking chairs up, putting them over his head and gently placing them back on the ground. He was being very unpredictable. Our crew feared for their lives.

What Bob didn't know,was that the blogmissioner had already spoken with several GNC-like stores in the Dominican and all confirmed that Chip was a regular at their stores. They said he would come in sweating profusely and demanding some "help." He typically picked out what he needed, overpaid because he's very wealthy, and leave without speaking a word of Spanish.

It has been reported that Chip was in fact buying writer's PEDs. Months supplies of Emerson-cream and Thoreau-roids which are generally taken orally and send an electric charge to the fingers and brain which allow for extremely fast typing and often times result in award winning stories. It is not banned in the blogsphere, nor is it punishable.

So why all the fuss?

The blogmissioner just wanted to know where Chip was because he missed him dearly and he's glad he's back.

When Bob learned that Chip in fact took some writer's PEDs, he was not surprised and acted as if he never said those things before. "Oh yeah. Of course we take writer's PEDs. I thought you meant real steroids, the kind that make you buff. We obviously didn't need those. You think we'd be this effing money if we didn't take writer's PEDs? Actually I have to go, my cousin is coming over to inject me with the fresh off the market, Joe Posnanski PED. It's dope, yo."

So there you have it, Detroit4lyfe takes PEDs and it's completely fine in the blogsphere. Some might think there should be a little asterisk next to the TM on this site, but the writers association doesn't feel that way. Neither do I. All the more power to Detroit4lyfe.com for taking advantage of their legal resources to improve their writing for their fans.

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