Case of the Mondays: Rip Hamilton is the Masked Hero, Rick Porcello Tells Nate Robertson it's Gum Time, and the Lions re-sign Greg Hill?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , , ,

Obviously everyone is familiar with the phrase "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mooondays" from the movie 'Office Space,' And you're certainly aware that the most common response to that is, "No. Naw, man. Shit no; I do believe you'd get your ass kicked for saying something like that." (If you don't then you need a swift kick in the genitals). Well, every so often, on Mondays I will have a bitter-sweet post. It will incorporate some positive things I've noticed about the day or the past weekend and some negatives, or both. It'll be like dipping warheads into ketchup or your favorite candy bar into yucky, outdated guacamole.

  • I would like to start things off by discussing the Pistons victory over the Orlando Magic tonight. In a 98-94 'W,' Richard Hamilton did his greatest Batman + Jason Kidd impression to lead the Pistons in heroism and assists (14). Unfortunately, it wasn't all dandelions and Jennifer Anniston for the Stones. Rasheed Wallace left in the first quarter due to a calf strain and Tayshaun Prince was seen icing his before the third quarter, although he wound up playing 20 minutes in the half. If those injuries are nagging, we are going to need Rip Hamilton to enhance his disguise a little bit. Personally, I think a morph between Superman and John Stockton would be a much better combo. We'll cross that bridge if we get to it.

  • Rick Porcello is making a very strong bid for the 5th spot in the Tigers rotation. News first broke of his candidacy for the spot before Spring Training started and Tigers fans were spitting in those people's faces, calling them ugly women because they thought he wasn't ready mainly due to the fact that his balls just descended. Right now though, Porcello is stealing Nate Robertson's pack of Big League Chew and rallying for that last spot. Now, his fortune comes at the expense of the others vying for the job, too. Right now, Zach Minerleaguer has a 9.00 ERA through 7 IP, DesigNate Robertson has the same ERA through 4 IP, and Willis has a measly 12 ERA. I realize these IP are just small sample sizes and there have been positives in individual outings for these three, but Porcello is sporting an ERA under 3 for the Spring, and he still sleeps with a night light on and thinks girls have cooties (I mean look at him at his high school prom last year). The Tigers have invested quite a bit of money in Dontrelle so they may start the season with him as the 5th guy, if he can prove he can throw more strikes than balls in his final Spring outings. With Macay the McBride-to-be seeing a doctor for his elbow, that could make Nate Robertson a valuable option out of the bullpen to help share the load with Bobby Seay (who has been magnificent this spring thus far). Another reason the kid might not be toeing the rubber the 5th game to start the year is because the 5th game is the Tigers' Home Opener (capitalized because it's a Holiday). What a great way that would be to bring him into his Tigers MLB career, but I doubt the Tigers will put him into that kind of position. He might soil himself...and he just got used to not wearing diapers.

  • Last, and certainly least at 0-16, I'd like to discuss the Lions' participation in Free Agency so far this off season. Some people are upset with the re-signing of RB/KR Aveion Cason, as if Mayhew forced Greg Hill out of retirement to run back kickoffs. Certainly they don't expect much, if anything, out of Cason. We already have Kevin Smith and Maurice Morris. We may have signed Cason to serve as an extra tackling dummy at practices. But people griped about the Morris signing, too. What do you expect from the Lions? They went 0-16 and are notorious B.I.G. for being the worst franchise. Then you have punks like Rudi Johnson trying to C-block us by saying we are 'years from winning' which just gives FAs more reason to not sign with the Leos (although, what the hell does Rudi know about winning?) We're like the kid eating his lunch by himself in the cafeteria. We're lucky if someone is nice enough to stroll our way and take a seat next to us. In reality, everyone is making fun of us and throwing little pieces of meat at the back of our heads, teasing us because we're vegans. The Lions may have not signed the coveted free agents, but they have signed a number of guys that definitely improve the team and will serve as the temporary patches for the gaping holes that remain. I think we should just be happy we recognize some of the names that have signed. It's a process, and I think the Lions, for the most part, are doing a good job this off season patching things up, slowly but surely. One day we'll all be able to take the paper bags off our heads, see the daylight again, and proudly say, "I'm a Detroit Lions fan and doggone it, people like me!"


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