Testicle Tuesday Hot and Steamy Link Dump

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in



Mommy! I just cooked a mean calzone (hot pocket) that isn't sitting right in my stomach. I have a feeling this is going to be messy and all over the place. The post. The post is going to be messy and all over the place. Get your head out of the toilet!

Speaking of messy poops building up inside me, I'd like to start off by discussing the Pistons six point loss to the Cavs tonight. Now, I didn't actually see the game, and I think my laptop and all the breakables inside my apartment are thankful for that, but I could definitely hear the clanks through the inaudible Gamecast. It was sickening. The only positive the Pistons can take from this game is that they forced (or allowed) the Cavs to play their worst home game of the year. This was even worse than their lone home-loss to the Lakers. Both teams shot a combined 37%. Did I say the game was ugly?

Just when I thought tonight couldn't get any uglier, I was sent a video reminding me of how ugly Greg Ostertag was. In the video Ostertag gets posterized by Michael Jordan (notice Luc Longley jizzing in his pants at the 43 second mark). It's crazy how much Greg Ostertag in all his gumpiness looks sort of like he should be Ohio State's BJ Mullins' father... had only Greg somehow produced a kid with Georghe Muresean.

Sometimes when I'm in a down in the dumps mood I just feel like hitting the bottle hard. I have a problem. Unfortunately, the only bottle I have right now is an empty one sitting on top of my refrigerator, collecting one of my illegitimate child's college fund. I think I have like seven dollars and thirty three cents in there right now. I'm just waiting for the child support phone call. Man, the things I'd do right now for a nice cold glass of Delirium Nocturnum.

Random but relevant movie quote:

"I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in."

I would tag this as a soft toss movie quote. If you know it, name the movie and character in the comments section. Have some pride, don't use Google. First one to answer correctly gets a link during my next dump, if it's feeling like a lucky barry day.


Some BREAKING NEWS tonight, it has been reported that Jay Cutler is officially on the block and six teams have already expressed interest in him. As you can see from that list, good news for us Lions fans who still want Cutler to marry us. I would almost undoubtedly give up any pick in our draft for Cutler, perhaps even packaged with some other player on our team. I'd throw in the towel boy too. I probably would not be too keen on the idea of trading more than one pick, though. We need a quarterback, but after seeing the results from Stafford's private workout today perhaps we could get our own Cutler by using just one pick and using our other draft picks to fill the other gaping holes.

Another thing to look forward to is the 'Blogs with Balls' symposium this June. I don't feel like describing it myself so here is the description from their website:

Blogs With Balls is a series of regional social sports blogger and new media gatherings featuring speakers and panelists specifically focused on sports fans, writers, sites, teams, athletes and companies; and their ability to maximize new media outlets for promotion and advancement.

Our first event, Blogs with Balls 1.0, is set to take place on June 13, 2009 in New York City
There are going to be some big name speakers there--Jimmy Traina and Jeff Pearlman to name just a couple; and it seems like it could be a lot of fun. I'm definitely considering it. If you are interested, let me know (detroit4lyfe@gmail.com) or visit BlogswithBalls.com.

Speaking of blogs with manaments hanging low below their pissmiss peebar (I just made that up but it's BALLS hanging below your PENIS), it's the next round in Zoner Sports Best Sports Blog Name Tourney and they are down to their final 12. In case you want to copy me, I'm dishing my votes out to the following blogs:

fellow Detroit blog "The Wayne Fontes Experience,"
"Sharapova's Thigh,"
"Hugging Harold Reynolds,"
"The Sports Hernia,"
"Stanley Cup of Chowder," and
"Pippen Ain't Easy."

Before we end with something inspiring, let's get some more shitty news out of the way. Jeremy Bonderman has been put on the DL and Rick Porcello was hit with a line drive today. Thankfully, Porcello should be just fine. As for Bonderman, let's just hope he knows how to read his rehab properly and wish him well.

Lastly, I'd like you to watch the following segment aired on CBS about Michigan State making it to the Final Four in Detroit and its effects on the struggling state of Michigan. If you're loyalty and heart is as close to home as mine is, this video will surely give you goosebumps.


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Sheff's Out of the Tigers Kitchen

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

News that comes as somewhat of a shock, the Tigers released Gary Sheffield early Tuesday morning, telling him he wasn't good enough to clog their DH hole anymore (that's what she said). The move comes just a day after the Tags acquired speedy outfielder Josh Anderson from the Atlanta Braves for a minor league reliever. Unfortunately, the Tigers will still be responsible for the $14 million Sheff was due to make this season.

Otherwise, this is a good deal because it makes the Tigers a much more versatile team. The DH spot can serve as a revolving door when need be and as a result, will allow more playing time for new 26-year old Tiger, Josh Anderson. I imagine Guillen, Thames (if he's still on the team), Anderson and maybe Magglio Ordonez will rotate in and out of the DH spot depending on matchups and the way they feel physically on given days.

It has long been known that skipper Jim Leyland has major man crushes on speedy lefties. Therefore, releasing Sheff and opening the door wider for Anderson to play appeases him despite the loyalty skip has displayed toward Sheff over the past couple years.

Sheffield has battled injury problems ever since he signed that 3-year megadeal with Detroit. He struggled most of his first season before bouncing back and finishing with a .265 BA 25 HR, 75 RBIs, and a .840 OPS (his lowest OPS in a full season since 1993). Last year, his shoulder problems worsened and he struggled immensely, finishing with a .225 BA, 19 HR, 57 RBIs and a career low (minimum 100 games) OPS of .726.

In his final year of his contract coming into this Spring, Sheffield vouched that he was healthier than ever and looking to have a big season. Some were even saying he was a favorite to win the Comeback Player of the Year Award. Coaches and scouts felt the same way as they noticed that little extra oomph to his swing that he didn't possess in the past few years. Unfortunately, it wasn't translating to the games as he was hitting a buck seventy-eight (.178) in 50 ABs this spring. Sheffield may be just one home run shy of 500 and a future Hall of Famer, but his time has passed.

I was skeptical at first when we signed Sheff after the 2006 World Series. Aside from the ridonkulous contract we gave him, i viewed him as a washed up team cancer waiting to happen. While I stand by my "he's washed up" skepticism, he wasn't that bad of a teammate. Sure, he was outspoken and shared his fair share of time in the limelight as a result of some of his quotes, but for the most part he fit right in with the Tigers. As far as I know, there was never any major problems with him in that clubhouse. That being said, I'm not going to raise my glass and give him a toast for the two wonderfully subpar years he gave to the Tigers, but I felt I should clear that air nonetheless.

Also, he was not always a boring, rally killer for Tigers fans. For example, who remembers his game winning home run against Daniel Cabrera and subsequent stare down and the fight night with Fausto Carmona? For those two moments, I'll for sure remember that Sheffield was once actually a Detroit Tiger.

In the meantime, Sheff can now swim in his $14 million while he waits for some team to call upon his services; and why not? It's on us. If baseball doesn't work out, perhaps he can swipe one of the popular 'Sheff' hats and re-enter the kitchen in Borgata. Although I heard that Chef Ramsay is a real hard ass so maybe that's not a great idea; their personalities might clash.

As for the Tigers, it'll be exciting seeing a speedster in the lineup somedays and maybe even everyday. Who knows? Maybe the Tags plan on moving Granderson down in the order to allow Anderson to start at the top of the lineup. I don't remember the last time the Tigers had a 40-50 SB threat. Anybody recall? Ty Cobb? I'm excited at the prospect of THAT...that's what she said.

GO TAGS!

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Is Anyone Else Slightly Disturbed by this Article Lead-In?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

Reminds me of ol' Billy Bob Thornton's quote from "Bad Santa":

I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. Made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life. I don't know, like I accomplished something.
No, Daunte Culpepper did not actually tackle innocent grade-school kids, nor did he even touch them inappropriately. He merely went to a local Detroit school and read the kids stories and answered their burning questions, such as "why did you go 0-16 last season?" His reply to that? Because we didn't win a game.
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Tigers Considering Old Man, Beer League Softball Style: Four Outfielders?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,


Detroit is overstocked at the outfield position with Guillen, Granderson, Magglio, Sheffield, and Thames; and then there's Timo Perez, Jeff Larish, Ryan Raburn, Clete Thomas, and Brent Clevelen who have all seen time in the bigs as well. The Tigers need another outfielder about as much as this world needs another Fast and Furious movie.

Well, another outfielder is exactly what the Tigers received from Atlanta on Monday. The Tags acquired Josh Anderson, a speed guy from the Braves in return for minor league sidewinder, Rudy Darrow. The lefty swinging Anderson apparently lost the battle for the center-field job in Atlanta to Jordan Schafer and immediately became trade bait. The Tigers bit.

Anderson hit .294 with 10 swipes in 40 games last year for the Braves and has averaged just over 45 stolen bases a season in his six-year Minor League career. The dude can fly, there's no question about that. But how often will he be given a chance to get on the base paths and what will become of the rest of the Tigers outfielders?

For starters, Brent Clevelen and Timo Perez are out of Minor League options so they'll be the last to ride the short bus out of town. Larish and Thomas will probably wind up back in the Minors with Raburn potentially still making the 25-man roster as a utility player.

Marcus Thames may be another odd man out as his $2.7 million contract will be guaranteed if he's still on the team come Wednesday at 2 PM. He would only make roughly $500,000 if he's not. Thames has a powerful bat that I'm sure a lot of teams would love to have, so I would not be surprised if he's shipped before the Wednesday deadline. Otherwise, he's gone too because I'm sure the Tigers would love to have an extra $2 million lying around.

The Tigers could conceivably make another deal that involved, say Larish for a potential starting pitcher to fill the No. 4 or No. 5 spot in the rotation similar to the Matt Joyce deal that landed Edwin Jackson from the Rays. I doubt the Tags would get that lucky again, though.

One thing is for sure and that is that Josh Anderson will be on the 25-man active roster when the Tigers board their plane and travel to Atlanta for their final two Spring Training games before Opening Day. Jim Leyland and Dave Dombrowski are excited about the wheels this kid possesses and I'm sure skipper will find plenty of opportunities to showcase them. I imagine Anderson will be a regular pinch runner for Carlos Guillen during the latter half of games and will get starts when Guillen, Granderson, or Ordonez need days off.

Overall, I don't think this is a terrible deal at all considering the Tiggers definitely needed some more speed. I just figured since we were so packed with outfielders, our main focus would have been landing a starting pitcher or perhaps even another reliever. While I still feel like another trade could be in the works, Dombrowski says it's, "possible," but "not likely." I guess we'll see what happens as the week unfolds.

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Your Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

It's that time of the week again. It's Sunday evening and the impending hell that will be Monday morning anxiously awaits to torture us all. Luckily, this Sunday has brought us a variety of medications to keep us sane and mentally stable for the most part. In fact, today has almost been good enough to call off the anti-debreastants altogether. (Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Dontrelle Willis).

It was a special Sunday in seeing the Michigan State Spartans take care of the Louisville Cardinals in surprisingly easy fashion to clinch their fourth trip to the Final Four this decade; one that will be in our hometown of Detroit nonetheless. The Tigers showed grit in their 5-4 win over Atlanta in Spring Training action, despite the early struggles of Jeremy Bonderman. This evening, the Pistons won a huge game against Philadelphia as they continue to fight for their playoff lives. This win keeps them tied for the 7th spot in the Eastern Conference and moves them a game closer to the 6th spot the 76ers currently control. Completely unrelated to Detroit, but relevant to anyone who calls themselves a sports fan, Tiger Woods won the Arnold Palmer Invitational in dramatic fashion with an 15-foot birdie putt on hole 18 at Bay Hill. He's a freak of nature and by no means a stranger to exhilarating drama that keeps fans inherently entertained.

However, there still might be a few reasons to goggle some anti-debreastants for the sake of tradish and to obtain that little extra kick going into Monday. The Red Wings ruined Ultimate Fan Day (where all your teams win in one day) by losing a tough one to the Predators (a team I often tend to forget even exists). With Joel Zumaya and Dontrelle Willis heading to the DL, a poor outing by Jeremy Bonderman was the last thing Tigers fans wanted to see. Lastly, it's still Sunday. After all that was good today, it's defintely a Debbie Does Dallas Downer to have to come back to Earth and realize it's all just leading to a crappy, work filled Monday morning.

With that being said, I think it's essential for everyone to have a small, yet potent, dosage of some anti-debreastants. This week, I give you the lesser 32B miligrams of Mila Kunis from That 70's Show, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and your dreams amongst other things.

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Dontrelle Willis to the DL with Vince Young Disorder?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,


Today the Tigers announced that Dontrelle Willis and Joel Zumaya were placed on the 15-day disabled list. Zumaya to the DL did not come as much of a shock because of his nagging shoulder soreness that was going to keep him from being ready for Opening Day anyway. However, Dontrelle Willis came as a little bit of a surprise. The reason for Willis' trip to the DL? Anxiety Disorder.

At first, I just figured the Tigers were making up something for the poor guy instead of flat out saying, 'you can't cut it anymore;' and perhaps even giving the naive fans an excuse for Willis' atrocious pitching performance thus far in the ol' English D. However, apparently Dontrelle did have a blood test that helps diagnose anxiety disorders and it was confirmed that there was something funny about his test results.

Now, I'm not Dr. Bob (just Bob...MD.), but I thought that an anxiety disorder was when a person feels physical sensations of anxiety as a result of the mind perceiving threats or danger. Don't you think this test could be a little misleading? I would think anyone would be feeling some anxiety if a) they were pitching poorly and could soon find themselves out of a job; and b) if they were in some clinic getting blood drawn (needles!) for a mental disorder. Of course the blood work came up with some funny results. Isn't it like asking a guy being held at gunpoint by some lunatic serial killer if he's scared?

I would probably compare this disorder with the mental problems Vince Young had this past season with the Tennessee Titans. Anytime you go from being a superstar to clipboard material, it's going to mess with your head. Vince Young was on top of the world after he led University of Texas to a National Championship, but when he went to the NFL he found himself struggling and eventually out of a job in favor of Kerry Collins. Yes, I said Kerry Collins and yes, that's awfully depressing.

Dontrelle went from being an All-Star who won 22 games and a Cy Young award in 2005 to a chucker who can't hit the broadside of the barn and an outside candidate for the fifth spot in an already shoddy rotation in Detroit. Putting aside the millions and millions of dollars these two pro athletes are getting paid, this downfall can be downright depressing. (It could be argued the money makes it that much more depressing, especially if they care about living up to their expectations which I presume they do).

Willis claims he's not depressed though:

"This is not depression," Willis said. "This is something totally different. This is something where they saw something in my blood that they didn't like. "I'm not crazy, though my teammates might think that I'm crazy."
Yeah and Vince Young claimed he was just playing video games when he was allegedly considering suicide. Sounds like Dontrelle might have a classic case of denial. Whatever it is, I just hope Willis gets better and I would love it if he could return to form. Unfortunately, it's not looking very promising.

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Live BlogCast: Michigan State Spartans vs. Louisville; Elite Eight; 2:20 PM EST

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in




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Push Paul Pierce's Buttons and He Might Need a Wheelchair

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

As I'm sure you already know, Detroit4lyfe is not a huge fan of Paul Pierce, the one who proclaims himself to be "The Truth." To just clear the air, to me, "The Truth" has always been an American Legacy Foundation tobacco education campaign that covers cigarettes, smoking, and other tobacco products. Maybe that's just me though.

Anyway, recently I posted about my disdain toward Paul Pierce's unnecessary theatrics during last year's NBA Finals. Was it really necessary for a wheelchair ride that ended in him coming back later in the game to hit big shots that ultimately helped Boston win? Most certainly not and I have no problem voicing that displeasure at any opportune time.

So when I found out that Paul Pierce joined Twitter, I was all over the opportunity to follow him and hopefully get a chance to tell him firsthand. (FYI- According to Wikipedia, Twitter is a social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users' updates known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 bytes in length). Surprisingly, Pierce followed us back and opened the door for what would become quite the exchange, and just the beginning of the heated rivalry between Detroit4lyfe and Paul Pierce...


So as you see, Paul Pierce responded to Detroit4lyfe with a snippy comment and then removed Detroit4lyfe from his follow list. I guess we should have known from his wheelchair ride that he was extra sensitive. I bet he ended up watching "Soul Men" just to spite us.

Here's a good video to show you what I'm talking about:




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Ch-Who's Going to be the Tigers' Fifth Starter? Closer?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , , , , ,

Spring Training is boiling down with Opening Day so close we can taste it on our tongues. However, for the Tigers the big question marks that hung above the skipper's head before Spring Training remain: Who will be the Tigers fifth starter? And who will be the Tigers closer?

It's not the hairy beast above. Despite his fluid mechanics and his intimidating mane, he has been suspended for the season by the MLB for violating the league's drug policy. Apparently he tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. That's too bad because both jobs were his to lose.

The competition for the fifth spot with the options being Nate Robertson, Rick Porcello, Dontrelle Willis and Zach Miner. Jim Leyland announced this past week that Zach Miner was 99.9% out of the running for the fifth rotation spot, leaving Robertson, Porcello and Willis to battle to the death for it. Oddly enough, Miner may still wind up in the Tigers rotation to start the season even though it may not be the fifth spot. He could be the fill in for Bonderman, who is unlikely to start the season in the rotation because he got a late start to his Spring Training due to complications with his surgically repaired shoulder.

Nate Robertson was about as good as clipped from consideration until he decided to turn things around. He has somehow managed to improve his Spring Training ERA to 3.09 (best out of the four) and put himself in a position to actually make himself and his absurd $7 million contract useful. I've always been a big fan of his gum-time rally, so obviously I have a soft spot in my forgiving heart for him. He's not a favorite amongst most Tigers fans, but for a fifth starter Nate has been serviceable in years past. He's reliable in that he eats up innings and I wouldn't say he's completely terrible; he tends to have his fair share of quality starts. Even last year when his ERA was above six, he was actually good in his 11 day-game starts (3.94 ERA). If I had to guess, with his contract and all the concerns about starting a kid (I'll get to that later) it appears that Nate will be the guy. However, he just hurt his hand in his last start (which was looking like it was going to be another poor one), so we may be back to square one.

Rick Porcello has been coined the lovechild of Josh Becket and Justin Verlander. However, everyone is so freaking concerned with him being 20-years old. In my opinion, just because you can't go out and legally get trashed after the game doesn't mean you can't pitch in the big leagues. In fact, there is a nice little list of pitchers that have thrown in the bigs at the age of 20:

2000 Rick Ankiel: 175 IP (MLB)
2001 CC Sabathia: 180 IP (MLB)
2002 Oliver Perez: 90 IP (MLB) + 72 IP (A+, AA) = 162 IP
2003 Jeremy Bonderman: 162 IP (MLB)
2004 Zack Greinke: 145 IP (MLB) + 29 IP (AAA) = 174 IP
2005 Felix Hernandez: 84 IP (MLB) + 88 IP (AAA) = 172 IP
2008 Clayton Kershaw: 107 IP (MLB) + 72 IP (A+, AA) = 179 IP
(from Bless You Boys)

Yet, everyone is so caught up with the idea that he needs to throw some innings at the AA and AAA levels and that breaking camp with him on the team could ruin him. How? He'll be pitching, just as he would be in AA or AAA. Yes, struggling in the MLB could mess with him mentally, but if he's as good as everyone is saying he is then he will adjust. If he can't, then a mentally weak kid is not the type of guy we need anyway. We probably don't need to worry about him not adjusting, though. What's probably most impressive about him thus far this spring has been his ability to get out of trouble early in his outings, which can most likely be attributed to same type of nerves he'll face if he's named a starter. We have a gaping hole in our rotation and we have this golden armed kid who has been proving this spring against top tier minor leaguers and big leaguers that he is worth a serious look at being in the Tigers rotation this season.

Then there's Dontrelle Willis. If it weren't for the $10 million he's making this year and the $12 million he's set to make next year, he probably would be in the Independant League right now. He's sporting a modest 12.46 ERA and walking as many hitters as innings pitched. It's pretty much a means to an end for this guy. It can probably be best summed up by the following quote from a scout:

"There are three things that stuck out for me when I saw him [Dontrelle] this spring," he began. "First, he's a lot heavier—his thighs are enormous, and I think that impedes his athleticism on the mound, as he can't contort his body the way he used to. Second, his mechanics are different. They've 'cleaned up' his delivery, but that actually makes him less effective, because it's taken away his deception. He was a freak before, and would never throw the same pitch from the same slot, but now he's just an ordinary three-quarters [delivery] guy." Using his final point to explain how these physical issues may be effecting him mentally, he continued, "Third, his mound presence and demeanor are different. He looks content to survive and does not display any confidence out there. He worked behind most hitters and would shake off his catcher—almost as if to say 'it's OK, I got it'—whenever he would fall into trouble...Will has no shot against a Major League lineup and doesn't look anywhere close to suitable for a spot in a starting rotation."
Certainly, Willis and Robertson's contracts have kept them around longer, but will it seal them a chance once the season begins next week? Who do you think should be our fifth starter?

Then there's the relatively easier question to answer: Who will be the closer for the Tigers?

It's certainly looking like Brandon Lyon is the guy. Yesterday's game we had Rodney pitch the 8th and Lyon close in the 9th (a game they both blew). However, the kid Ryan Perry looks like he could be the guy who might end the season as the closer. He has a 0.93 ERA this Spring with 11 K's in 9.1 innings pitched and looks absolutely filthy. He could be the Tigers 2009 version of the 2006 Zumaya and may in fact fill in for Zumaya to start the season while Zoom gets in game shape. He won't start the season as the closer since that seems to be Lyon's job with Rodney being the predominant set up guy, but he may begin with Rodney's 2006 role as the main 7th inning guy. Either way, I don't think there's any question that Perry is the closer of the future (assuming Zumaya continues walking around with that huge "FRAGILE" sign on his forehead).

Opening Day is just 8 days and 21 hours away so start mentally preparing, filling your cooler, and ironing your game day jersey. It's going to be a great holiday. Go Tigers.

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The Neifi Perez Fantasy Baseball League

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

Have you ever completed a fantasy baseball draft and looked over your team one last time before you passed out from how piss drunk you were and say, "wow my team is effing awful; this is by far and away the shittiest team I've ever had; it really sucks??"

Well, now you can say that and still win your league!

Our new friends over at Razzball invited me to join their free Second Annual Fantasy Razzball League where it benefits you to field the worst team possible. If you don't get how it works here is how the points work:

  • - 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, 20+ games previous season for position eligibility (10 games in-season)
  • - Weekly Roster Changes (leaves you time to lavish on your Daily Leagues)
  • - C / 1B / 2B / SS / 3B / CI / MI / 5 OF / 9 P
  • - No innings or AB mins/maxes
    Hitter Stats
  • AB = +2
  • H = -3
  • R = -4
  • HR = -10
  • RBI = -4
  • K = +2
    Pitcher Stats
  • IP = -1
  • HR = +4
  • L = +8
  • K = -1
  • ER = +1.5
  • H+BB = +1
  • The point structure makes it so that about 2/3 of the league’s hitters as well as just about every pitcher has positive value. So leaving a roster spot open or filled by a guy who plays once a week will hurt.

Some notable players from your beloved Tigers who were more than worthy of a roster spot in this league last year were: Kenny Rogers & Nate Robertson (both in the top 10 for pitchers); and sadly, our ace Justin Verlander.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because last night was my league's draft for NeifiBall2--the Antonio Alfonseca Division and I want to show you my team (Chad Curtis), to show you just how pathetic it is. I will admit though that this was tough to do. I'm used to fielding winners and these guys typically are losers. I'm hoping with just the right mix of terribleness, a negative attitude, and some sub par coaching by me we can take this thing. Coolest thing about this league: winner out of all the Razzball leagues gets a $50 gift certificate to Taco Bell. That's like eleven late night #8 meals.

Here is my team:






























(Click to enlarge)

I have eight of the top 38 projected worst hitters in baseball. Now, I know you are all disappointed that I have two Tigers on my team. Don't worry. I consider them both sleepers. Inge is known to flirt with the Mendoza line and strikeout a ton. As for Done-trelle, if the Tigers give him a shot at the 5th spot in the rotation, I'm almost certain to rack up some BB, HR, R, and L points, but it's looking like this guy will be making my first week cuts as he probably won't break camp with the Tags. It pains me to say it, but it's probably true. I hope I'm wrong, though.

My other sleepers: Justin Upton strikes out a TON, but he's projected to have monster power numbers this season which would hurt me if that happens. Delmon Young was given an honoree spot since he sucked sooo much for me in my legitimate fantasy baseball league last year. Ironically, I drafted him in the 6th round (1st round after keepers) in that league. There is also a soft spot in my heart for Delmon since he did give Detroit4lyfe (or my girlfriend) four 'family' tickets to the Tigers/Twins game this past summer. (The excessive creepy text messages he sent to my girlfriend afterwards was also further reason to reward him with a roster spot on my Neifi-league team).

My pitching staff is almost too good, but I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for some Mike Maroth-like pick ups during the first few weeks of games. I'm a scavenger on the waiver wire.

If you areinterested in playing in this league make sure you drop a line on Razzball's website. I think there might still be room. It's really a great idea. It's a league for the little people, a place where they can go and feel accepted. My kind of place.

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Michigan hockey will try to carry the torch

Posted by Christopher Packey in , ,

Throughout the course of the game with the University of Michigan in the second round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, I saw more blood pour out of Blake Griffin's orifices than I've ever seen in a "Friday the 13th" or "Halloween" movie. Michigan battered and bruised the Oklahoma center, but in the end the Sooners moved onto the sweet 16 with a 73-63 win. The Wolverines return everyone in their rotation next year but backup guards C.J. Lee and David Merrit.

While the Michigan basketball season ended with a valiant loss, the Michigan hockey team (below) is about to begin play in their NCAA tournament. Michigan's hockey team has won a record 9 national titles, and has made a record 19 straight appearances in the NCAA tournament. They are tied with Minnesota for most tournament appearances with 32. In my time at U-M the hockey team won two national championships, (1996 and 1998), and the Wolverines had 6 All-Americans, (C Brendan Morrison three times, LW John Madden, G Marty Turco, and RW Bill Muckalt), and a Hobey Baker winner (Morrison). They have had 8 additional All-Americans and another Hobey Baker winner (Kevin Porter in 2008) since that era.

#1 seed Michigan (29-11-0) plays #4 Air Force (27-10-2) in an East regional semi-final in Bridgeport, Connecticut on Friday at 3pm on ESPNU. #2 Yale plays #3 Vermont in the other semi on Friday, with the regional title game slated for 6:30pm on Saturday, also on ESPNU. Notre Dame, which knocked the Wolverines out of last year's Frozen Four, is the #1 seed in a Midwest bracket that features Northeastern, Cornell and Bemidji State. BU and Denver are the other #1 seeds. Michigan State did not make the tournament field, and U-M is the only team from the state of Michigan in the tournament.





Brackets will be busted this weekend the world over as the regional semifinals and finals of the NCAA men's basketball tournament take place Thursday through Sunday. The only seeds above #4 left are #5 Purdue and #12 Arizona, which really pisses me off because all of the mindless wimps who pick the lower seeds to win every game leading up to the Final Four are at the top of my work pool, and gloating I might add. It makes me sick. Having said that, it creates a weekend full of exciting matchups, particularly #2 Duke versus #3 Villanova tonight, and #2 Michigan State against defending champ #3 Kansas and #2 Oklahoma versus #3 Syracuse tomorrow night. #1 North Carolina (below) gets a stern test from #4 Gonzaga tomorrow night at 9:57pm on CBS. Ty Lawson will play with his injured toe.




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Lions Logo Licked...I Mean, Leaked

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

A lot has been said lately about the new Detroit Lions logo. People are dying to see it because it's supposed to change the Lions' identities, give them super powers, and make them win at least one game. To be honest, I'm not that excited about the new logo. Who cares? It doesn't change the fact we were 0-16, that we actually need good players to sport the logo, and the last time we hyped up something that dealt with a change in our uniforms we ended up getting rid of them almost immediately because they were stained yellow from Shaun Rogers' underboob sweat and reeked of Matt Millen's armpits. So I have remained reserved during this recent Lions logo frenzy.

Then the new logo above was leaked and I was instantly drawn in by the idea. The logo is perfect. I didn't realize the Detroit Lions were such geniuses.

A Detroit Lion licking his man footballs.

This is Mayhew and Lewand staring fans and critics in the face and saying, "We may have gone 0-16 last year, but who cares? Lick our balls. We're going to win the Super Bowl in 2009-2010. We're licking our chops at the thought of it."

Clearly the new theme that comes with the logo is "all balls baby," and "we won't back down from nothing...not from winning and not from licking our balls." (Should I get another "licking balls" reference in before I end this thing? Nah...)

I'm sold. I can't wait to see it on the helmets come September.

thanks to cousin Matt for providing this lovely image


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Testicle Tuesday Hot and Steamy Link Dump

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

It's not often Detroit4lyfe does these, and it's not because we're extremely self centered and selfish. We're just lazy boys and probaly don't want you getting lost at some other website we sent you to when we can just keep you here. (Best chair ever by the way. I will buy it.)

So here it goes: Our nice, hot, steamy, just had a bean filled burrito from Chipotle, link dump.

So, I just became ePals with a guy from Colorado who runs a blog called "Sharapova's Thigh". If you put our "Sunday Night Anti-Debreastant" posts and Sharapova's Thigh of the Week pieces together you'd get a nice balance between sexy thighs and attractive chesticles. That's all guys really look for in a woman anyway, right? My new eFriend is a funny dude and came up with one hell of a blog name despite his allegience to Chicago sports teams (don't worry he's a Cubs guy or else I wouldn't even be ePals with him).

If you like the title of his blog, go vote for it at Zoner Sports, where they are having a tournament to determine the best blog name in the blogsphere. (Don't be afraid to vote for another fellow Detroit blog, "The Wayne Fontes Experience." He's been going at it for a long time now and he deserves the credit.)

By the way, if you don't know what the hell an ePal or eFriend is then just read this Joe Posnanski piece and you'll totally understand.

As we mentioned in our latest Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants, Detroit4lyfe will soon be supported by a big network in the next month or so, Bloguin. They got a great platform over there and will give us a chance to reach out to more fans across the net. Since you're dying to know, our blog will have a template-morph of some of our favorite blogs already on that site: Pensblog, A Stern Warning, Arizona Sports Beat, and Curse of Cleveland. The colors will resemble those of all the professional sports teams in Detroit. It's going to be cooler than Shia LaBeouf thinks he is.

With Malice, another blog over at Bloguin is having a little competition you might be interested in. They are giving away some sort of Mt. Dew Voltage package for the person who submits their favorite non-superstar in the NBA. The person with the best person and reasoning will win the prize. Leave your entries in the comments section to be eligible. Only two people will win and since my Walter Hermann entry will be one of them, there's only one left. Get a move on it.

The prize pretty much sucks, but it's arguably better than what we have to offer: nothing. Either way, it's a really good idea. This all goes hand in hand with their upcoming Unsung Player Day which is also a pretty good idea. (The second link was for calling their prize sucky).

Lastly, today is another sad day in Detroit sports, for we lost longtime Detroit Tigers player/broadcaster George Kell (1922-2009). I never got the luxury of watching him play because I'm too young, but I was blessed to hear him announce games on UPN 50 with Al Kaline for the first decade of my life. I'll always remember coming home late from school, plopping down in front of the TV with my daily poptarts and watching the Tigers play after the latest Simpsons reruns. Ian Casselberry of Bless You Boys , another eFriend of mine, referred to Kell as the voice of baseball for the Tags on TV. Ian writes a great piece remembering Kell that I highly suggest you take a peek at. RIP Mr. Kell.

Case of the Mondays: Lions May Have Settled on OT, D-Wade Still Cried Two Years Ago (not just to 'Love and Basketball'), & Vomit-ville Bob's the Mayor

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

I don't have any intention of making this a weekly post or anything. This will be just for shifts and squiggles, whenever I feel like it. Whenever I'm having a real bad Case of the Moondays.

Anyhoo, the Lions are apparently communicating with the agents of a number of players who could wind up being their No. 1 overall pick. One of those guys is Baylor OT Jason Smith (and there are even reports that this is going to be the guy we pick). I've said before that I will support pretty much anyone the Lions have on their wish list for No. 1.

Well, I really want to renege that because I'm beginning to think that it'd be very anticlimactic if we selected an offensive lineman. I know Miami did it last year and they went to the playoffs, and we desperately need help up front, but hear me out.

Didn't most Lions fans just spend 3/4 of last season rooting against them for the sole purpose of crashing and landing the No. 1 pick overall? (Rooting for 0-16 came later). Is an offensive lineman really what we want to see as the product of all that hard work? All that energy in the paper bags and signs for some fat ass we'll judge forever by sacks allowed, pancake blocks, and pancakes eaten? That's not sexy at all. Personally, I'd rather see us get a guy who can make an obvious impact. A guy that throws or runs for touchdowns; or a guy that gets sacks, causes fumbles and gets interceptions. A guy that can formulate cool celebrations and get fined for it. O-lineman have nothing to celebrate, except for losing weight and that would probably cost them their job. Not to mention, we barely played our last first round O-lineman selection. Oh, well. I'll happily trade in an exciting No. 1 draft pick if it translates into W's come September.

In other news, Dwayne Wade slung his team and the whistles of the officials over his shoulder and carried the Heat to victory Sunday against the Pistons. I know. I'm surprised his shoulder was able to support all that weight too, considering it was the same shoulder that forced him to cry and be carted off the court in a wheelchair a couple years ago. He looks like one of the elderly in a nursing home in that clip.

I will admit he was superb and really proved why he deserves at least mentioning in the NBA MVP talks. He literally carried the Heat. I'm not trying to take too much away from him, but he was also the beneficiary of some rather blatant 'superstar treatment' calls. It was as if he was calling his own fouls (and calling everything) and no one else was allowed to call anything. For example, Rodney Stuckey was absolutely mugged on the Pistons' last possession however, there was no call. And why would there be? Dwayne Wade was guarding him. According to Jeff Van Gundy, superstar color commentator (and I say that through my unbrushed clenched teeth) thinks Wade's defense could prevent terrorist attacks on America. So of course there was no foul there; he's not just a shooting guard, he's a National Guard.

As if watching that wasn't nauseating enough, Bob Biscigliano was up all night long, analyzing his previous meals...if you catch my smelly draft.... Except it was coming out of my mouth. In chunks. T.M.I.? Well, Bob's going to gently remove the tampon inserted between his legs, take a tums, and try to battle through it. I heard that's what Ryan Seacrest always does before American Idol shows. Seacrest out.

BallHype: hype it up!

Your Sunday Night Anti-DeBreastants

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

I'll try touch on the most important reasons why it's such a depressing Sunday evening:

First of all, the Pistons just lost a tough one to the Miami Heat as a result of superstar treatment for Dwayne Wade. As Stuckey went up for a shot on the Pistons' last possession, trailing by one, he was mugged by Wade. As a result, Wade got the ball, perhaps even out of bounds, and was able to dish it off to a teammate who was fouled and able to seal the deal. Coach Curry may not have shown the best poise by getting a double technical and automatic ejection, but at least he was defending his team.

Michigan lost yesterday to Oklahoma in a hard fought game to dash their hopes of making it to the Sweet Sixteen. A lot of Michigan fans bickered about the officiating due to the discrepancy in the number of fouls called against Michigan verse the number called against OU. I'll let you make the judgment on that. I wasn't necessarily expecting a win from the Maize 'n Blue, but it's still depressing their season is over. Can't wait for next year.

It's Sunday and Sunday is always depressing. Especially, when you were just on Spring Break for a week and now you have to worry about waking up early for school the next day. Not only do I have school, but I have a lot of work that I have to do in preparation for it. Very depressing.

Lastly, and probably the most depressing news, is that your weekly "Sunday Night Anti-DeBreastants" post will soon be no more. Detroit4lyfe will be joining a large network in the next few weeks and this nugget is not the kind of content they are looking to promote over there. I know what you're thinking, and no they do not promote depression, this--to be quite honest--just isn't the classiest idea ever. I should have you know though, that absolutely nothing else about this blog's content will change. Of course if you miss this post soo much you can't handle your Sunday nights without it, I'm willing to get an email group going with all our most faithful readers and sending out a newsletter every Sunday night with your normal dosage of anti-debreastants. Email me at Detroit4lyfe@gmail.com if you are interested.

I know... I'm depressed too.....

Hopefully Gena Lee Nolin will help. You've seen her on "Baywatch" and as one of Bob's Babes on "The Price is Right." She was also in the Billy Currington music video, "I got a Feeling." Please take Gena Lee as your Sunday night anti-debreastants PRN (no, not porn; that means 'as needed').



All better.

BallHype: hype it up!

Live BlogCast: Detroit Pistons vs. Miami Heat; 1 PM EST

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,



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Detroit4lyfe's Tipsy Tips on Fantasy Baseball

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in


It's that time of year again. We're just about two weeks away from MLB Opening Day, a National holiday, and that means it's right around that time when you baseball geeks should be holding your annual fantasy baseball drafts. Some of you may have already had your drafts, and if you have, then you are not going to benefit too much from this nugget. That's okay, there's always next year. For those of you who are in smart leagues and hold your drafts closer to Opening Day, then you will benefit greatly from all of these tips on fantasy baseball.

1. First and foremost, don't miss your draft. I did that today and it's not only embarrassing but you'll look at your automatically picked team and find out you have AJ Pierzynski. It's the worst feeling ever. Also, don't have your girlfriend or wife as the one to remind you. It's obvious she'll conveniently remind you it's two hours later than it really is, thus opening your entire night for her. You don't want to end up washing the dishes, cuddling, and watching "My Best Friend's Wedding." (This didn't happen to me, but I can imagine it would suck).

2. Always, always, ALWAYS drink beer during your draft. Liquor is not what men do during fantasy baseball drafts and milk is for babies. Beer opens up your fantasy baseball brainwaves and makes that 3rd round Christian Guzman selection seem like a good idea...at least until the morning.

3. Be prepared. Have your beer and cheat sheets on hand. Make sure you can quote Peter Gammons and Brandon Funston to defend all your draft picks. Most importantly, make sure you drop a deuce forty five minutes before the first pick, even if you have to force it out, Corky. You do not want to have to set up a queue mid draft so you can go relieve yourself. If you're a real fantasy trooper-pooper, you'll have a chair specially made for such emergencies. If not, be prepared.

4. Arrive to your draft at least thirty minutes prior to first pick. You want to rattle off as many jokes as you possibly can before it's time for you to get serious. Thirty minutes is more than enough time to pick on the guy who drafted a player who just announced he'll be out for the season because he's going to have Tommy John or ask another guy in your league if he's going to draft a retired guy with his fifth pick like he did the year before. Trash talking is one of the best parts of fantasy baseball drafts so make sure you allot yourself the time to take part in it.

5. Only quick comments to make fun of someone else's picks are acceptable during the draft; at all other time it's strictly business. When someone picks a second tier closer with his third overall pick it's okay, in fact, it's imperative, that you let them know how awful that pick was and how quickly they should probably just hand in their money and leave the league at once. Similar comments are acceptable for anyone who picks a Chicago White Sox player, particularly AJ Pierzynski.

6. If you don't have a Detroit Tigers player on your team at the end of the draft, that means you have chosen to lose. That's up to you. I missed my draft and not only do I have Queerzynski, but I also do not have any Tigers. I have already accepted the fact that I will probably lose in this league. I will pick up seven Tigers as soon as I am able to, but that might not change my poor drafting performance. Either way, I will try my best to rectify the situation. Which leads me to number seven....

7. Don't be the guy who has a dead team. I've been in leagues and I'll look at the managers list in late July and some teams latest activity dates back to before Opening Day. That's simply unacceptable, inexusable, and that, I will not forgive. I kicked two kids out of my league this year for not being active enough. Be active. (Sexually active, too. Not for fantasy baseball purposes, but just because it's fun.)

8. Speaking of being sexually active, don't be too active. Aside from the diseases that come with being too sexually active, being too active in fantasy baseball is annoying to those who have jobs and can't sit on the internet all day waiting for the latest closer to go down so they can pick up his replacement before anyone else. I'm pretty sure statistics prove that fantasy baseball players who make the most moves in fantasy are also the ones who are most likely to be convicted of online sex crimes. It's science.

9. The biggest key to having a successful fantasy baseball team is having a good fantasy team name. We wrote a post a little while ago with some great fantasy sports names. One of my favorites that is probably too long is, "I'm not a Bedard, I'm just a little Slowey." Make sure you spend at least 30 hours formulating the perfect team name. Incorporating some of your fantasy players is always a classy move. The two I always use are "The Big Dombrowski" and my original favorite, "DereLickMyBallsJeter."

10. Last, but certainly not least, always act professional with your team. Pretend you are the Owner, General Manager, Agent, and Coach of your team. Take your starters to gourmet dinners, travel to games and buy your pitchers hot dogs while they sit in the bullpen, and sit outside their houses at night to make sure they are going to bed at a respectable hour. I promise that's not creepy, it's nice. You want your players performing at their absolute peeks, therefore you want to give them the best treatment possible. If players are struggling give them some days off to let them get a grip, and if that doesn't help, put them on the trading block or simply let them go for the guy in your farm system you've had your eye on. This is all business and you should be treating your team like it's a two hundred million dollar franchise. Sign off on all league emails as the skipper, agent, general manager, or owner depending on the topic of the email. Anything less would be unprofessional and letting your team down. (Also, don't be afraid to publish team news articles in your league's forum to let other managers know of happenings coming from your camp.)

Fantasy baseball is a serious thing. Treat it that way. Listen to what I say, or you'll pay.


BallHype: hype it up!

I Said What? Fernando Vina!?!?!

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Surely Detroit fans know the Fernando Vina who played a Big Whopper's worth of 29 games with the Tigers in two seasons after signing a pretty lucrative contract. Not that we really cared much about missing that .226 BA in 2004 anyway.

For those of you who aren't Tigers fans and were fortunate enough to not have him on your team, you probably know Vina for his on air "skills" as an ESPN analyst. (of course this discounts MIL and STL fans who got some decent years from Vina--hell, I know it wasn't a Tigers fan who made this Collective Souls tribute video for him)

On ESPN, Vina is probably known most for his perfectly groomed goatee and his incoherent speedy analysis. I know Vina has caused fits with a lot of viewers who often crack jokes at his expense. So it's no wonder Matt Vasgersian of MLB TV Network was shocked when he made the slip up and said Fernando Vina instead of Fernando Valenzuela when introducing a segment on the show. Peep it:



Thanks to SmokingWithHank for putting this video on their blog so it would come to my attention.

BallHype: hype it up!

March Madness is running wild

Posted by Christopher Packey in

Today is debatably the best sporting day of the year: The opening day of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. 16 games over 12 hours. Cinderella taking one last look in the mirror to make sure its ass doesn't look fat in its dress before it runs out onto the court to try to make Bryce Drew-type history. Goliath fighting the urge to look past its opponent with three directions and two hyphens in its school's name. A fresh, sparkling, unmarked bracket waiting to be gradually covered with red lines, called a whore, and then thrown on top of a turd in the upstairs bathroom. Life just doesn't get any better than this.

Through the completion of the first 12 games today, there were no major upsets. Michigan, a #10 seed in the South region, was able to stave off a late comeback attempt by #7 seed Clemson and move onto the second round by defeating the Tigers 62-59. Manny Harris (below) willed the Wolverines to victory with 23 points. Three point shooting was a key, as Michigan shot 10-26 from behind the stripe while Clemson was just 5-22. Stu Douglass should be commended for goading hot-head Terrence "Sheed" Oglesby into elbowing him in his chops, leading to Oglesby's ejection from the game with 16 minutes left. Zach Gibson also managed to make a few nice plays, and while not looking entirely clumsy and silly while doing so on a couple occasions. Since he is like 7' 3", I would still like young Gibson to try to grab a rebound with his hands every once in a while instead of deflecting it backwards like he's Karch Kiraly tipping it to the back row all of the time. Michigan will play the winner of #2 Oklahoma/#15 Morgan State on Saturday in St. Louis.


Congratulations go out to Tyler Hans-bra (below) of the South region #1 seed North Carolina Tar Heels for breaking that jerk J.J. Reddick's ACC scoring record. The Heels rolled over Radford in their first round game in Greensboro, North Carolina, and play the Bayou Bengals, SEC champ (oxymoron) #8 seed LSU, on Saturday. LSU beat Butler 75-71.


Finally, we have an injury report out of Greensboro. The UNC team doctor took a look at Ty Lawson's toe, and told him, "It's just a little boo boo, get out there and play, you woman." Here's a shot of Lawson's injured toe taken in the training room:

It doesn't look too bad. Roy Williams said Lawson will play Saturday or lose his scholarship.

BallHype: hype it up!

Live BlogCast: NCAA Tournament Round 1: #10 Michigan Wolverines vs. #7 Clemson Tigers; 7:10 PM EST

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,



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Worst Uniforms

Posted by Dupree in

Cuba (during the WBC) -

With their all red uniforms they look like that team in the youth baseball tournaments who always gets laughed at with their colored pants and proceeds to lose by mercy rule in 3 innings 15-0. At these tournaments, you could always tell if a team was good before you even played them simply by how they looked (as childish as that may sound). But let it be known that my childhood team, the Barons, always had very snazzy uniforms and only wore black pants for one game at a very young age before we nixed those when we realized how ridiculous they looked (by the way we lost that game 10-0). Ironically, Cuba is a very talented team in the World Baseball Classic and was just ousted in round 2 of pool play by the reigning champs from Japan.

Chicago Bulls on St. Patrick's Day-


They wore all green uniforms in honor of the holiday that looked absolutely preposterous considering green is not seen anywhere in their typical jerseys. For a team with all red uniforms to switch to green for the day seems a little awkward. The weird thing was that they were playing the Celtics whose logo is a clover leaf. Hmm doesn't it seem like maybe the Celtics should have been the team wearing their typical green uniforms?

These are just 2 of the more recent horrendous uniform sitings across the sports world but here's a list of some of my favorites (or should I say least favorites):

Chicago White Sox (1982-1990) -Chicago White Sox (shorts alternate- 1976)

And no, this is not a softball team.

Philadelphia Eagles (1933, 2007)

Boston Celtics

Pittsburgh Pirates (1970's) -
I don't know what looks funnier, the uniform or the guy in it.


Anyway, that's just a few and I'm sure there are many more so feel free to comment and leave a link to some of the worst uniforms of all time.


-Dupree

Go Spartans (tip off to their road to the Final Four on Friday night against Robert Morris...long lost brother of Phillip Morris)

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