Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl....

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

You're probably thinking does this Bob Biscigliano character know anything? Did his testicles ascend to his stomach and get digested with the salad he ate yesterday? Does this man watch sports or know anything at all?

I do. The title of this post is simply explaining what I was doing when I wrote this post....

...And so I digress with my zany rendition of a Super Bowl Sunday analysis/tidbit.

First of all let's get the introduction of the teams out of the way. The Arizona Cardinals are riding the coattails of Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald into Tampa to play Ben "If the glove on his throwing hand don't fit then you must acquit" Roethlisberger and the Shittsburgh, err.. Pittsburgh Steelers.

Most people love Super Bowl Sunday because it's the biggest football game of the year for most people--unless maybe you're a Lions fan. Then it's just another depressing reminder how terrible your team really is.

For some, the Super Bowl is their dream toilet that is implanted in the living room where the giant HD TV displaying the game is. All so they never have to leave the room and miss the many new commercials that air during the breaks. The suspense as to whether the next commercial will be the next greatest thing on Earth is through the roof and I'll gladly take a poop in my living room so that I won't miss them.

Others love the Super Bowl to bet. Betting on the game is fun because everyone is into it and it gives those who have no genuine interest in the teams playing a better reason to get into it. Personally, I love all the betting options that are available and oft utilized during the Super Bowl.

The Stillers are 7 point favorites in this illustrious game and the over/under for points scored is 47--I am definitely going under. But those are the easy choices to bet on. Anyone can bet on who wins. That doesn't create any thrill. Picking the Cardinals to cover and possibly even win is flat out boring. Here are some real bets:

  • When does John Madden go off on some random rant that makes absolutely no sense and sounds more like him choking on apple sauce more so than a somewhat coherent statement? The easy choice would be before kick off, but that's kind of cheap, like bidding a dollar on an item on The Price is Right after you heard all the other dumb bids.
  • Does Anquan Boldin get in an apparent shouting match with one of his coaches? I'll say no.
  • Over/Under on how many times they show Kurt Warner's wife? I'll say once.
  • How many times does Detroit get mentioned? (Anything about Detroit...the Detroit Lions, the automobile industry crisis, Stillers winning the Super Bowl in Detroit a few years ago...anything.) I'll say at least 3 times.
  • How many times do the people you watch the game with annoy the crap out of you with nonsense analysis or Matt Millen-like statements? I have a pretty good crew so I'll say the over/under here will be about four.
  • Who will win the coin toss is boring, but whether or not it will be heads or tails is so exciting. Some people say tails never fails, but I've always said Two-face had a double sided quarter. Heads it is.
  • What time does kick off actually happen? Super Bowl is always at like 6:07 or 6:16 or something ridiculous. What time does it actually take off? I say 6:19.
I have more but I have to go get a seat at the ESPN Zone here in Atlanta. I'm going to watch the Pistons take on the Cavs at 2:30 and then wait it out until 6:19 or whatever obscure time the Super Bowl starts.

UNITY

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