Tiggers Sign Taiwanese LHP

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

He's obviously not hyped up like Hideki Okajima, DiceK, or Chien-Ming Wang. Believe it or not, he's different. He's not Japanese or Chinese. He's Taiwanese.

Today, the Tigers announced that they have signed LHP pitching prospect Fu-Te Ni from Taiwan. (It's proven that Fu-Te Ni means Fuck You in simplified Chinese... I know what you're thinking...He's not Chinese, I know. The languages are quite similar. Google it up).

I digress. The Tigers expect Ni to be at Spring Training in February and possibly even in the big league bullpen at some point this season. Last year, Ni finished with a 5-12 record and a 3.34 ERA in 145 1/3 innings while pitching for the China Trust Whales of the Chinese Professional Baseball League last year.

A couple things scared me initially about Ni, that I quickly convinced myself are actually not that bad. First of all, he doesn't speak English. That could cause a lot of turmoil in the clubhouse with him not being on the same page as other players and with the coach. I know he would have a translator but I've played the game telephone before and it gets pretty messy. Trust me. Translator's don't work. However, it could also be a good thing that he doesn't speak English. For example, Gary Sheffield is pretty outspoken, so if, and whenever Sheffield needs to lash out on someone they can just put Ni and Sheffield in a room together (without the translator, of course) and let them unleash on one another in their native tongues. They won't understand each other so nobody's feelings get hurt and Sheffield comes out of the room feeling refreshed and better than ever. It could really be a chemistry builder. Also, fans would never get under Ni's skin because he can't understand a lick of what they yell at him. Why do you think Wang, Okajima, DiceK and Hideo Nomo (when he first got to the bigs) have such great composure? They don't understand English. Nomo did start to learn some English after a couple years and whammy, he's rattled on the road and no longer an effective pitcher. Let that be a lesson to Ni- never change.

Secondly, it scared me seeing that he was 5-12 in the China Professional Baseball League. Obviously, being a huge Lions fan, I don't like losers. Anyone with a 5-12 record can't be that good. But he had an exceptional ERA and solid strikeout numbers, so I had to think outside the box to explain the poor record. Then it hit me. It was so obvious. How the hell can you be a winner with a team name like the "Trust Whales?" I haven't trusted a whale since I first got back from Vietnam and that bitch tried to eat my only remaining leg. I'm never trusting a whale again and I'm sure as hell happy Ni got out of the Trusting Whales nation before it got serious. With a move to the fierce Tigers, who eat every MLB team up and spit them out like hawked up boogies, Ni's bound to have more wins than losses in Major League Baseball.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing this lefty pitch and I think he is very happy to be coming to Detroit too. In fact, I listened to his interview below and I can translate a few of his phrases since I took Chinese last year. At one point, he says "Wo hen bla bla bla bla tianja." That's "I'm very happy to get an opportunity to play for the Detroit Tigers in the MLB. I will sleigh the punanny, next year" I then caught one of his final phrases. It was, "bla bla bla bla bla tianja bla bla MLB" which means "Next year, I will kill hitters in the MLB." He ended with a quick bow.

Welcome aboard, You.



UNITY

2 comments

Natalie Dylan   says 3:47 AM

WOW! TIGERS suck big donkey nuts! On another note, check this out: http://scubadate.com/for-guys/wow-some-chick-is-selling-her-virginity-online/

Shit is crazy yo.

Editor of the NY Post   says 9:07 AM

PS what are hawked up "boogies?" Might want to correct that to loogies..FYI.

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