Celebrities R Us: Famous Interview #6

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Chip and I were kicking a few back at the local pub in Birmingham, Michigan over the holidays, sharing old war stories, and trying to stay as low profile as possible so our night would not be ruined by endless people lining up to give us free shots, as is usually the case when we're spotted. And let's get real, we are usually spotted. However, on this wintery night we were not the only stars gracing the Detroit suburbanites with our presence. Sergei Federov, former member of the stellar Detroit Red Wings Russian Five, stole our idea for a night out on the town.

Chip was the first to point him out to me.

CS: Did you plan an interview tonight?
Me: No. Why?
CS: That's Sergei Federov right there.
Me: Well I'll be dipped in dog shit. That is. Are you sure? Looks a lot like the lead singer of Cheap Trick.
CS: Absolutely. It's 100% Sergei Federov.
Me: 100 proof absolute? (after getting another look) You're right. That is the Serge. I'll say hello later, let's grab a shot.

So there he was, Sergei Federov, former Detroit Red Wing all-star standing within a few short stalking strides of Detroit4lyfe. After getting some more drinks in my system, I decided I would not keep him waiting any longer and went to say hello. It turned out to be a pretty interesting conversation. It went exactly like this.

Me: Sergei!! How's it going man?
Sergei Federov: (baffled) Hi. I'm doing well, man.
Me: Headbutt??? (He puts his hands up in fear. Instead, I extend my hand for a quick shake, he accepts) What are you doing here???
SF: I'm in town seeing my parents. They still live around here. And of course I'm here to party! (laughter)
Me: (courtesy laugh) Awesome. You're still playing for the Blue Jackets, right?
SF: Actually, I was traded to duh Capitals.
Me: Shit, shows how closely I've followed your career since you left the Wings, huh? (I play stupid even though I'm creepy and I know all this. I know he was traded and also know he only has 12 points and has been hurt recently with an ankle injury.)
Me: (After awkward silence and some head bobs to the music playing) So, how do you like playing with Alexander?
SF: Alexander?
Me: C'mon don't play stupid, guy. The only one on your team, other than you of course, worth watching.
SF: Oh, ALEXANDER. It's...it's okay, I guess. (uneasy laugh)
Me: (I sense the jealousy of the young star so I move on) I feel like your helmet was always off when you were on the Wings. Why?
SF: I have been blessed with great hair. Why not?
Me: That's very true. Speaking of hair, when was the last time you've been to Russia? I loved it there.
SF: A little while ago. You've been to Russia? (he gets his friend and shares with him that I've been to Russia)
Me: Yes, I went with the Larionov family some years ago. Private tour of the Kremlin, naked sauna experience with Igor Larionov and the Prime Minister... You know, the norm. You good friends with Igor and his family?
SF: (uproar of laughter) Ah, yes and no. I mean I'm friends, but I don't speak to him everyday.
Me: I saw you in a facebook picture with his daughters.
SF: I don't see them enough. I love them
Me: How old are you again? 29?
SF: (school boy giggle) 39.
Me: Do you like his wines?
SF: I like triple overtime. I've tried them. Yes.
Me: (beginning to feel uncomfortable with dude next to me) Who's this guy lurking in the chair next to us?
SF: Manager of the band. (pats him on shoulder) Great man.
Me: I'm in law school right now, and am thinking about being an agent or involved in sports law. Do you have any advice on how to break into it or 'it' in general?
SF: Be yourself. So many NHL players hate their agents because they aren't themselves. Just be yourself.
Me: (unfulfilled by his advice) Ok....thanks....
Me: Well listen, I'll let you get back to that big fat black girl who is standing right behind you waiting to talk to you again, for the fifth time tonight. Good luck with that. She ain't no Anna Kournikova, but I guess she has character.
SF: (tearing up either because I struck the wrong chord or he has an inflamed tear gland) It was great meeting you.
Me: (extending another hand shake invitation immediately accepted with firmness) Great meeting you too Sergei. Good luck the rest of the way and say hello to your parents for me...
SF: I never caught your name.
Me: My name is Bob Biscigliano.
SF: (turns his head like a puppy and leans in) What was your name again?
Me: Bob Biscigliano.
SF: I freaking knew you were familiar. I love your work on the blog.....
Me: (I turn, suavely light up a cigarette, nod, and walk away to the figment soothing sounds of Low Man by Alberta Cross)

So here you have it, people... the sixth celebrity interview. Sergei Federov.



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