Joel Zumaya Thinks He's Fine....

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,


Joel Zumaya thinks he will be with the team Opening Day, ready to pitch. The Tigers are not so sure about it.

Apparently, he has a "hanging" bone in his right shoulder that often requires arthroscopic surgery. After meeting with Dr. Andrews in Birmingham, AL, Zumaya decided not to have the surgery because Andrews told him a lot of NFL quarterbacks remain effective with the injury.

Zumaya has thrown a football before throwing baseballs and says his shoulder feels good enough for him to be ready by opening day and fight for the closer's role. Dave Dombrowski said that if he was sure about Zumaya then they would have never needed to sign Lyon. They signed Lyon.

Also, being an NFL QB is a little different than being a MLB pitcher. First of all, NFL quarterbacks make a maximum 50 throws a game, a lot of those being touch passes. An MLB pitcher uses a somewhat more erratic motion at full force all the time. Also, by the end of an outing, a reliever can have thrown upwards to 60-70 pitches. Not to mention a baseball season is a lot longer than an NFL season.

At any rate, Zumaya thinks he'll be just fine and will fight Lyon for the closer's role:

"I have a lot of respect for Brandon Lyon," Zumaya said. "He'll be a major help for our bullpen. But I'm still going to go out there and fight for that closer spot.

"I know I haven't been the healthiest the last couple of years. But I'm only 24 years old. I haven't lost anything. I haven't lost any velocity. I want all the fans to know that."


I guess we'll just have to hope and see.

Source: Detnews.com

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Stephen Curry has Range

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

Stephen Curry of Davidson hit a 75-foot first half, buzzer beater in yesterday's route over UT-Chattanooga. I would know, I was there, sitting right behind his parents. Curry finished the game with 32 points, 5 rebounds, and 8 assists. I think some of his passes were more impressive than that shot, considering he's known as a shooter and I've always known he could hit a three pointer in Tibet if he was shooting from North Carolina. 75-feet is nothing for him. Anyway, take a peek at the shot, since it was shown on SportsCenter.



BTW- Davidson won its 40th! straight conference victory. The last time they lost a conference game was when I was a sophomore there.

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Wings to Sign Zetterberg4lyfe

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

According to a report, reported by ESPN.com, the Red Wings have agreed to a 12-year contract with Henrik Zetterberg. The contract will pay Zetterberg around $6 million a year for the next twelve years. Zetterberg will be 40 in twelve years, which pretty much guarantees Zetterberg will be a Red Wing4lyfe.

This is great news for the Red Wings. Not only because Zetterberg is the cats pajamas, but because it shows that the Wings are loyal to their young stars. This bodes well for any future young free agents who might consider coming to Detroit.

This is a pretty abnormal contract in terms of years. A couple years ago NY Islanders goalie signed a 15 year deal which was an NHL record. I didn't know long contracts like that existed until I heard the news, but then I did some research and saw that Magic Johnson signed a 25-year deal in 1981 and Coach K of Duke signed essentially a lifetime deal back in the day. I guess you could say they were in love and got married. I hope Zetterberg and Detroit never get a divorce.

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Josh Smith Tea-bags Steve Nash

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

I don't normally add videos of NBA players dunking over people in a very cool fashion mainly because it happens a lot and I don't have the time to search the internet everyday for all the spectacular dunks. But I had to put this one up since it is basically the epitome of being posterized and I saw it live on SportsSouth here in Atlanta.

Hawks forward Josh Smith got a steal in Sunday's game against the Suns, went coast to coast, rose up, and planted his nuts square in the middle of Steve Nash's forehead as he slamma-jammaed it home.

If you are looking for more of this type of stuff all the time, another site is made specifically for these types of tea bag, getting shit on situations: Homer Eroticism. A great website that has a list of all the players who have been "shat on" by dunkers. Chalk Steve Nash up to that list.

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Leyland Sings Until His Lungs Give Out

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

"Betcha By Golly Wow" is not something I could see Jim Leyland singing to his players in a post game speech, especially after a loss.

During a recent trip to the Motown Museum with Dave Dombrowski, Jim Leyland cleared his smoked filled lungs and sang a few bars from "Betcha By Golly Wow," a 1970s R&B hit song. He stopped just shy of one full verse, most likely because he couldn't dig deep enough into his lungs to carry on. Dave Dombrowski is seen coughing afterward, which clearly means all the smoke Jim sang out from his lungs went directly into Dombrowski's mouth.

Here is Leyland's classic rendition...

Sean Casey Retires

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

According to a report on ESPN, former Detroit Tigers 1B/DH is going to retire and join the MLB Network as an analyst. Casey was one of the good guys in the major leagues, as most people referred to him as "the Mayor." I certainly enjoyed his short stint with the Tigers and although I never spoke with him personally, I thought he was a great guy and an even better guy to have on your team.

Casey made a healthy career by slapping singles to every hole on the diamond with an occasional extra base hit here and there. He finished his career with a more than honorable .302 BA. His single season best BA was .332 with the Reds in 1999. He also had 99 RBI that year.

He will be missed dearly in any clubby that was lucky enough to have him. All is not lost though, as fans will have the distinct privilege to hear his thoughts about what's going on around the league and in general.

Here is just a small 2 minute dosage of what to expect from "The Mayor" on the MLB Network

Lidstrom and Datsyuk Play Hooky on All-Star Game

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

As a result, they face the chance of missing the Red Wings first game back after the break.

Nicklas Lidstrom and Pavel Datsyuk are trying to get over some nagging injures and wanted to use the All-Star break as time so they would be healthy down the stretch. Unfortunately, the NHL has a policy where if you don't play in the All-Star game, or at least attend the All-Star game off-ice activities, without having an injury that prevents you from doing so, you will be unofficially suspended for one game. For example, Sidney Crosby is missing the game, but because he is in Montreal the policy does not affect him.

While I agree with this rule to an extent, I think there should certainly be exceptions involved. A guy like Nicklas Lidstrom should be one of those exceptions. He has played in the NHL All-Star game ten times and would often bring his family to the event. He is 38 years-old going on 39; and a valuable leader to his team. If he doesn't want to play in the All-Star game then he shouldn't have to at this juncture in his career. The All-Star break is a valuable time for guys such as Lidstrom to regroup their older bodies for the important stretch run. Some players really look forward to the time off and I think the older guys, perhaps 35+ years, should have a choice as to whether or not they want to show up for the game. Obviously, they should have to give fair notice so a replacement can be chosen.

As for the younger stars voted in like Datsyuk, I can definitely see why the NHL is trying to enforce that they at least be at the All-Stars. They are the new faces of the NHL and, for a league that suffers in terms of ratings, it needs its stars there at All-Star weekend. I think unless Datsyuk had to undergo treatment for an injury and couldn't be in Montreal then that's reasonable.

Here is a clip of the report taken from ESPN.com:


By the way, the All-Star game is tonight at 6 PM on CBC and Versus.

Tigers Sign Brandon Lyon to a One-year Deal

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Rumors had been floating around for the past few weeks about the Tigers getting close to signing former-Diamondback's reliever, Brandon Lyon. Today the Tigers finalized a deal with him, inking Lyon to a one-year contract.

By signing Lyon, Tigers did something they weren't able to do last year when they failed to pick up a free agent closer to help bolster the bullpen. As a result, the Tags blew 28 saves last season. Obviously not wanting the same results, the Tigers can feel a whole lot more comfortable going into spring training with the addition of Lyon as he appears to be the front-runner for the closer's job.

Lyon didn't really find success in the major leagues until 2006 when he threw nearly 70 innings and finished with a 3.89 ERA in a set-up role for Jose Valverde and the Diamondbacks. He followed that season up with a 2.68 ERA season as one of the majors' best set-up men.

2008 was different for Lyon because he came into spring training with a different role: the new closer. The first half of the season went swimmingly as he started right where he left off the year before. Unfortunately, he tanked in the second half of the season, ultimately losing his job. He never regained his form after the all-star break. Many coaches believed his pitching mechanics were altered and they continued to change for the worse throughout the second half of the season. He ended the season with a +4 ERA and 26 saves.

I think this is a great signing for the Tigers. By signing him to a one-year deal, we hold no extended commitment to him if he does not correct the problems he incurred at the end of last season. At the same time, he knows he will be a free agent again after the season and he could very well be playing for the last good contract he may ever receive. Surely if he tanks again, no one is going to want to spend any money on a soon-to-be 31 year old who hasn't established any consistency at the MLB level. At 29, he's not getting any younger and this may be his last chance to prove himself before pay day.

Also, it's not like he has any more pressure on him this year than he did going into last year. Last year he was taking over for 40+ game saver Jose Valverde. In Detroit, he is taking over for a gaping hole at the closer's position and a team that blew 28 saves. Any improvement is a plus.

All in all, this may have been a risky signing, but I think it goes nicely with the Tigers' 2008-2009 off-season theme.

Last year they went out and bought/traded for any big name guy they could get their hands on at the expense of their farm system and their pockets. This off-season the Tigers have been economically efficient while filling holes with risky, yet high reward type guys. The Tigers have put a huge focus on shoring up their holes on defense and in their bullpen, something they were not able to address last off-season.

Imagine if everything comes together. The Tigers could have one of the better bullpens in the major leagues. Let's assume Rodney and Zumaya regain 2006 form, Lyon regains 2007 form, Rincon turns it around as pitching coach Rick Knapp predicts, and Ryan Perry comes up from the minors and pitches this season. That, in addition to Bobby Seay and Miner/Robertson/Willis, sounds like a pretty lethal bullpen. If that's how things shape up, I would watch out for the Tigers in 2009.

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Dallas Romps Leader-less Detroit

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Photo courtesy of ESPN.com

Detroit's only chance was when the first quarter clock read, "12:00." After tip off, it was all Mavericks. The Pistons didn't look like they wanted to win at all, and the ESPN announcers certainly noticed too. In the third quarter they spent about eight game minutes berating the Pistons, claiming they don't appear to have anyone on the team that cares anymore, they lack leadership, and desperately miss Chauncey Billups.

The Pistons allowed the Mavericks to shoot above 60% in the first half and and 55% for the entire game. Dirk Nowitzki led all scorers with 26 points.

The Pistons have been extremely inconsistent since making the trade that sent Chauncey Billups to Denver for Allen Iverson. The Pistons are 20-18 since the trade, but it would be worse had it not been for a seven game win streak in the middle there. Meanwhile, the Stones are just 3-7 since that winning streak.

If you missed the game or the highlights I have posted them for you below (Notice how Jason Kidd and Dirk Nowitzki flirt with each other during warm ups)


The Pistons get back to action tomorrow evening against the Houston Rockets @ 6:30 PM ET. Houston continues to be hampered by injuries, as T-Mac, Ron Artest, and Yao are all likely to miss the game.

Lions Hire Gunther Cunninham as Defensive Coordinator

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,


Today it was announced that the Lions hired Gunther Cunningham to coach the defense. He's from Germany and with those glasses is obviously a real bad ass.

He was first hired by the Chiefs as D-Coordinator in the 90s and their defense was the complete opposite of the Lions defense. He led that Chiefs defensive group to an NFL best 16 points per game; a team that also actually forced turnovers, which was tops in the AFC. After being promoted to a head coaching gig for a couple .500 seasons, he was Dick Vermeiled out of the job and since then, he has never really regained elite coaching status. He coached for a few years under Jim Schwartz as a linebackers coach in Tennessee and then ventured back to the Chiefs.

Hopefully he gets that 90s swagger back and whips out some honolulu blue sunglasses that will make him the most feared defensive coordinator in the NFL. I think this is a fresh start he desperately needed and I think his impact on the Lions will be resounding.

Here's a video of him cussing out a Baltimore Ravens fan, most likely in German, during his days in KC.

Detroit4lyfe Adds New Technological Device to Site

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

No, we have not put the finishing touches on our teleport, nor do we have a hologram machine. However, we do have a chat feature on the blog for all of you repressed fans just itching to practice your freedom of speech. I know there is the comment section, but that is unoriginal and apparently causes way too much hassle for the average IQ'ed reader. It must be way too hard to click comments, write something, and pick a way you'd like to sign.

Anyway, if you choose not to use the comments section, WebbyChat will allow you to discuss sports with anyone else who may be reading at the same time. If no one happens to be on at the same time then discuss something amongst yourself. All you need to do is click WebbyChat logo to the right and a chat box will miraculously appear for you to commence random chatter.

Have fun with it.

(To cite my source, I got the idea from SportsAgentBlog.com.)

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Ohio Doesn't Dot Their 'i' in 'Stupid'

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

I've heard so many times that Ohio State University, for some reason or another, has a running reputation of having some of the dumber undergrads in the history of the United States. I don't know where this stereotype started and I don't have any real scientific facts to back it up. To refute what seems to be an unfair claim about the University as a whole (probably created by UofM fans) I can tell you that Detroit4lyfe contributor Chip goes to Ohio State graduate school, a top tier law school at that, and he's one of the smarter people I know. Case solved. It's just a stereotype that Ohio State haters created, right?

Maybe, but guys like B.J. Mullens do not help the Ohio school's cause. Observe this video I found at Ace of Sports:



You would think that Ohio State, with as big of an athletic program as they have, would teach their "student"/athletes some professionalism or at least proper interview etiquette; even if the interviewer happens to be a 20-something year old Carson Daly wannabe. Nothing classy, tasteful, or smart about this interview. B.J. Mullens straight up bashes Michigan basketball, the state of Michigan, and reinforces all Ohio State stereotypes. Also, notice how 'Carson Daly', a fellow Ohioan, really dug deep for the flashy word, "opinion." I think the added hand gesture really accentuated it nicely.

When I clicked on the YouTube link for this clip to look at all the comments about it, one in particular really caught my eye:

"Look, Greg Ostertag had a child."

Personally, with his pale skin and the bushy unibrow I think he looks more like Joey Flacco. Either way, he's StupId....

(Update: Michigan did in fact lose to Ohio State so he might not be THAT dumb. Then again, I'm writing an article on his awful interview and not his win. That should tell you something)

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I Don't Have Ankle Insurance

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Some people don't have health insurance. Some people don't have car insurance. That's all petty. What you really need to get is ankle insurance. I'm totally convinced after seeing this commercial that if I don't go out and buy some ankle insurance my ankles will explode any time someone makes a somewhat agile movement around me. I felt them buckling a little yesterday when my mom tried to maneuver around me to get some milk out of the fridge. It frightened me and I will definitely be purchasing the insurance. Check it out for yourself.

Lions Hire Jim Schwartz as Head Coach

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , ,

This happened a couple days ago, but....The Detroit Lions GM Martin Mayhew hired Tennessee Titans' Defensive Coordinator as their new Head Coach. Schwartz coached the Titans defense for eight years under Jeff Fisher and has great hair like George Clooney.

In addition, Schwartz was an Economics major from Georgetown and relies heavily on the numbers game of football. I'm assuming he will improve the Lions by actually putting eleven guys out on the field and making sure they have a higher number on the scoreboard than the other team at the end of games. Those are just a couple basic numbers-analysis type stuff Schwartz will bring to the table that hasn't existed for the Lions in many, many years. I'm very excited about that.

In all seriousness, I don't think the Lions could have gotten a better coach that was on the market, minus Shanahan, maybe. I'm assuming he was not a real option though. I don't think he had any interest in the Lions position and I don't blame him. He's older and I'm sure he wants a chance to win again before his fake tans catch up to his health.

Schwartz's next order of business will be to fill the rest of his staff while figuring out what style of football they want to have offensively and defensively. After that, they will turn the rest of their attention to the draft. Who do you think it will be? What do you think of the Schwartz hiring?

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Tiggers Sign Taiwanese LHP

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

He's obviously not hyped up like Hideki Okajima, DiceK, or Chien-Ming Wang. Believe it or not, he's different. He's not Japanese or Chinese. He's Taiwanese.

Today, the Tigers announced that they have signed LHP pitching prospect Fu-Te Ni from Taiwan. (It's proven that Fu-Te Ni means Fuck You in simplified Chinese... I know what you're thinking...He's not Chinese, I know. The languages are quite similar. Google it up).

I digress. The Tigers expect Ni to be at Spring Training in February and possibly even in the big league bullpen at some point this season. Last year, Ni finished with a 5-12 record and a 3.34 ERA in 145 1/3 innings while pitching for the China Trust Whales of the Chinese Professional Baseball League last year.

A couple things scared me initially about Ni, that I quickly convinced myself are actually not that bad. First of all, he doesn't speak English. That could cause a lot of turmoil in the clubhouse with him not being on the same page as other players and with the coach. I know he would have a translator but I've played the game telephone before and it gets pretty messy. Trust me. Translator's don't work. However, it could also be a good thing that he doesn't speak English. For example, Gary Sheffield is pretty outspoken, so if, and whenever Sheffield needs to lash out on someone they can just put Ni and Sheffield in a room together (without the translator, of course) and let them unleash on one another in their native tongues. They won't understand each other so nobody's feelings get hurt and Sheffield comes out of the room feeling refreshed and better than ever. It could really be a chemistry builder. Also, fans would never get under Ni's skin because he can't understand a lick of what they yell at him. Why do you think Wang, Okajima, DiceK and Hideo Nomo (when he first got to the bigs) have such great composure? They don't understand English. Nomo did start to learn some English after a couple years and whammy, he's rattled on the road and no longer an effective pitcher. Let that be a lesson to Ni- never change.

Secondly, it scared me seeing that he was 5-12 in the China Professional Baseball League. Obviously, being a huge Lions fan, I don't like losers. Anyone with a 5-12 record can't be that good. But he had an exceptional ERA and solid strikeout numbers, so I had to think outside the box to explain the poor record. Then it hit me. It was so obvious. How the hell can you be a winner with a team name like the "Trust Whales?" I haven't trusted a whale since I first got back from Vietnam and that bitch tried to eat my only remaining leg. I'm never trusting a whale again and I'm sure as hell happy Ni got out of the Trusting Whales nation before it got serious. With a move to the fierce Tigers, who eat every MLB team up and spit them out like hawked up boogies, Ni's bound to have more wins than losses in Major League Baseball.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing this lefty pitch and I think he is very happy to be coming to Detroit too. In fact, I listened to his interview below and I can translate a few of his phrases since I took Chinese last year. At one point, he says "Wo hen bla bla bla bla tianja." That's "I'm very happy to get an opportunity to play for the Detroit Tigers in the MLB. I will sleigh the punanny, next year" I then caught one of his final phrases. It was, "bla bla bla bla bla tianja bla bla MLB" which means "Next year, I will kill hitters in the MLB." He ended with a quick bow.

Welcome aboard, You.



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Awesome Post

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

I'm sorry but I have to step outside the sports world for a second and promote something. Probably the greatest show to hit television since... well, "The Pickup Artist," or "Bret Michael's Rock of Love." VH1 gets uber serious with this show that straight up blends "The Bachelor" with creatine after a really long, shirtless 'beach' lift. What makes this show the ultimate reality series is that it's called "Tool Academy." It's a bunch of proclaimed "tools," who apparently are the worst boyfriends on Earth and the academy is meant to turn them into nicer, more romantic, better (and more) dressed, p-whipped, Zac Efron-like significant others. Are we sure this show changes them from tools into school boy bitches and not into school boy bitches who are still massive tools? I guess we'll have to watch the show and find out. My interest is at its peak!

Here are a couple quick never-ending clips of a couple 'tools' getting reality checks:

I'm not sure who this 'tool' is above, but he takes the so super hard slap from his girl very nicely. He kind of cocks his head to the side and says, "that's all your chubby hand's got?" Probably right after he tells her to stop eating his lunches. What a tool. I hope "Tool Academy" changes him!

Here is a prime example of a 'tool' trying to impress the ladies with his basketball skills. Unfortunately he dribbles like Shawn Bradley and bounces the rock off some poor blonde's face. I definitely remember my friend CJ doing this to his ex-girlfriend in high school. The only difference: he wasn't 'trying' to be sweet. He was naturally being sweet by bouncing it off her nose on purpose. Hopefully "Tool Academy" has a few tips for the aspiring Kyle Korver above. Please fix him!

I have no image but one African American on the show calls himself M.E.G.A. Which he says stands for "Makes Every Girl Aroused." Now I know why Calvin Johnson is Megantron. He's like the updated and improved version of getting every girl and offensive coordinator aroused. This 'tool' from the show needs to step down from his pedestal. Please fix him "Tool Academy!"

Here is the trailer.




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Rehashing Old Remarks

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Earlier this week I had a post about NBC hiring Matt Millen and quite possibly endorsing cancer as a result of their acquisition. Beyond my endless berating of Millen, I displayed a video of the guy boasting that the Falcons were going to beat the Cardinals and that he'd be willing to bet his four Super Bowl rings and his family on it. Clearly, his pick would prove to be wrong. Very wrong. I wasn't the only one to pick up on this. Bill Simmons, aka the Sports Guy touched on it in his most recent piece, "Award-winning picks for Round 2." If you haven't read this or any of his work, then you are a fit for a straight jacket because his shit is downright good. Here is the excerpt if you've read it already and don't want to fish through it:

The Bird Who Crapped On My T-Shirt Right Before the 2004 Baseball Playoffs Award for "Best omen heading into a game"
… like everyone else who backed the Cards, I couldn't have been happier when Millen picked the Falcons to win. He didn't just pick them, either. He was adamant about it. I think I broke my personal record for "Fastest time calling in more money than I already had on one team." I was like the Usain Bolt of gambling; I think I banged out another Cards bet in 9.85 seconds. Let's add this to Playoff Manifesto 5.0 and make it the new No. 1 rule: Any time Matt Millen inexplicably appears on a studio show, picks a playoff team to win and seems confident about that pick, bet the house on the other team as fast as you humanly can." And you thought Millen couldn't bring joy to football fans.

Once again, here is the video of Millen "adamantly" picking the Falcons to beat the Cardinals.

Double (D) Titles for Tim Teboner

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Titles. Titles. Titles. Tim Tebow loves titles. For goodness sake, he's a man of God and his word, right? Well, Tim Tebow certainly showed why he was deserving of another Heisman Trophy this year (and possibly even another date with this bombshell) that ultimately went to his opponent Sam Bradford.

Tonight, the Florida Gators, behind Tebow's strong efforts, defeated Bradford's Sooners in the National Championship, 24-14.

Tebow's leaping touchdown pass with about 5 minutes remaining sealed the deal for the Gators as they earned their second title in three years.

Tebow motor boated 240 total yards of offense and Percy "Starvin" Harvin added 171 total yards of offense.

I really don't care much about this win because I hate the Gator clap (it's like a mentally challenged person's golf clap) and I don't like Tim Tebow because I don't like players who are amazing in college, endlessly hyped up like they are the savior of the sport, and all only to fail at the next level. Hopefully, for Florida and Tebow's sake, he stays for his senior year.

After the game, Tebow was caught off guard by an ESPN interviewer when asked if he was going to return next season. He quickly said "Yes," but caught himself and said, "I don't know yet. I don't know yet."

I'm also not a big Tim Tebow fan because no matter what you say, I think he's fake, juuuust like his girlfriend's boobs. I think he has loads of talent at the college level, but the kind of talent that will not translate at the NFL level. (I do not mean to offend this girl, either. She looks very "smart").

Then again, who am I to judge whether Tebow can make it at the next level, right? I've never even guessed the correct number of jelly beans in a jar before, let alone accurately predict which star college quarterbacks were going to translate into NFL Pro Bowl type leaders.

I'm just going to hop on the NFL scout bandwagon and say Tebow will not be a good NFL quarterback. I would also like to add that with his rushing perfomance Thursday night, he joined a prestigious list of athletic quarterbacks who rushed for a lot of yards in their BCS title games: Vince Young, Eric Crouch, and Michael Vick.

Where are they now?

Vince Young holds a clipboard for the Titans as the third string emergency quarterback makes sure he doesn't commit suicide. Eric Crouch is in the All-American Football League (AAFL) which is very similar to my flag football rec. league. As for Michael Vick, you should all already know that Vick is taking snaps for both sides in the penitentiary league because he ruthlessly murdered a bunch of dogs in Virginia. If these three are any indication as to how Tebow will do at the next level then he is doomed.

Tough list to join there Tebow. Big shoes to fill. Almost as big as the bra that girl's boobs have to fill. What size are those anyway? Anyone care to guess?

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0-16 Tattoos Are In Style, Forever

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Many of you already know that the Detroit Lions accomplished legendary futility this season by going 0-16, the first team in NFL history to 'accomplish' such a feat. During the long process, I'm assuming hundreds of thousands Lions fans dedicated their tears and bodies to this team during the season, and possibly even let it linger beyond the last game and affect their lives forever.

Literally.

Dan here went out and let this season affect his body, emotions, and family for the rest of his life by getting the Lions logo and 2008 record tattooed onto his chest. Observe.



Faithful Dan is not the only Lions fan who dedicated his/her body to the lowly Lions. I was inspired too. I have one of the greatest asses in the blogosphere and I jeopardized that for an identical tattoo placed exactly in the middle of my left ass cheek. I don't regret it one bit. Go Lions. UNITY

Red Wings Make Dallas See Stars

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,


Dallas forgot their lube. Detroit remembered they are the best in the NHL at putting the puck in the net.

The Red Wings scored six goals, two per period, against the Dallas Stars on Thursday night for a walk-in-the-park 6-1 victory. The victory had Wayne and Garth claiming they're not worthy, Leo screaming he's not king of the world, and FOX exclaiming they are not finished sucking Tim Tebow's balls.

Six different Red Wings scored in the whooping as Detroit won their fifth straight and their sixth in a row at home. Chris Osgood picked up the win fending off 21 Dallas "shots."

The entire game was owned by the Red Wings, as they pretty much set up camp inside Dallas territory. Marshmallows, scary stories, fire wood, and teabags were all apart of the Red Wings routine in embarrassing the Stars. Dallas admitted it.

"They're the top team in the league and they pretty much embarrassed us for 60 minutes," said the Stars' Steve Ott.

That's an understatement.

Wings will face off against the Buffalo Sabres on Saturday, at the Joe.

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The NHL: Taking a Bite Out of Crime

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,


Jarkko "Are the double letters really necessary?" Ruutu of the Ottawa Senators fights like I used to when I was 12. After getting shoved into a corner, always resort to the last feasible option of force.

Your teeth.

33 year-old Ruutu did just that. After being "face washed" by Buffalo Sabres player Andrew Peters and shoved up against the boards, Ruutu discreetly, and viciously, chomped down on Peters' thumb. Apparently, the bite went through Peters' glove, drawing blood.

Peters received a penalty for starting the little scrum, but Ruutu did not.

While Peters tattled and cried, just as my brother would back in the day when I'd bite his easy-to-target chubby forearms, Ruutu calmly put some drops in his bloodshot eyes and sat peacefully on his respective bench.

Today, Ruutu was suspended for two games without pay for his actions by the NHL. A two game punishment seems a little soft to me, but I guess the mobility of the thumb in those big ole' gloves make them useless anyway, so what's the problem in a guy taking a little chunk out of one?

Check out the bite. Yummy.


I'd also like to add that I think it is complete horseshit that the NHL is the last link on the ESPN.com header. There is no reason SOCCER should even be an option, let alone ahead of the NHL. Also, while college football and basketball may be more popular than the NHL, I still think since the NHL is a professional sport and the players get paid for playing, they should receive seniority over college sports in the link-rankings, assuming those are ordered that way for a specific reason. Consider this petty complaint just another reason why I hate the new ESPN.com layout. Get better ESPN.com.

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Celebrities R Us: Famous Interview #6

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Chip and I were kicking a few back at the local pub in Birmingham, Michigan over the holidays, sharing old war stories, and trying to stay as low profile as possible so our night would not be ruined by endless people lining up to give us free shots, as is usually the case when we're spotted. And let's get real, we are usually spotted. However, on this wintery night we were not the only stars gracing the Detroit suburbanites with our presence. Sergei Federov, former member of the stellar Detroit Red Wings Russian Five, stole our idea for a night out on the town.

Chip was the first to point him out to me.

CS: Did you plan an interview tonight?
Me: No. Why?
CS: That's Sergei Federov right there.
Me: Well I'll be dipped in dog shit. That is. Are you sure? Looks a lot like the lead singer of Cheap Trick.
CS: Absolutely. It's 100% Sergei Federov.
Me: 100 proof absolute? (after getting another look) You're right. That is the Serge. I'll say hello later, let's grab a shot.

So there he was, Sergei Federov, former Detroit Red Wing all-star standing within a few short stalking strides of Detroit4lyfe. After getting some more drinks in my system, I decided I would not keep him waiting any longer and went to say hello. It turned out to be a pretty interesting conversation. It went exactly like this.

Me: Sergei!! How's it going man?
Sergei Federov: (baffled) Hi. I'm doing well, man.
Me: Headbutt??? (He puts his hands up in fear. Instead, I extend my hand for a quick shake, he accepts) What are you doing here???
SF: I'm in town seeing my parents. They still live around here. And of course I'm here to party! (laughter)
Me: (courtesy laugh) Awesome. You're still playing for the Blue Jackets, right?
SF: Actually, I was traded to duh Capitals.
Me: Shit, shows how closely I've followed your career since you left the Wings, huh? (I play stupid even though I'm creepy and I know all this. I know he was traded and also know he only has 12 points and has been hurt recently with an ankle injury.)
Me: (After awkward silence and some head bobs to the music playing) So, how do you like playing with Alexander?
SF: Alexander?
Me: C'mon don't play stupid, guy. The only one on your team, other than you of course, worth watching.
SF: Oh, ALEXANDER. It's...it's okay, I guess. (uneasy laugh)
Me: (I sense the jealousy of the young star so I move on) I feel like your helmet was always off when you were on the Wings. Why?
SF: I have been blessed with great hair. Why not?
Me: That's very true. Speaking of hair, when was the last time you've been to Russia? I loved it there.
SF: A little while ago. You've been to Russia? (he gets his friend and shares with him that I've been to Russia)
Me: Yes, I went with the Larionov family some years ago. Private tour of the Kremlin, naked sauna experience with Igor Larionov and the Prime Minister... You know, the norm. You good friends with Igor and his family?
SF: (uproar of laughter) Ah, yes and no. I mean I'm friends, but I don't speak to him everyday.
Me: I saw you in a facebook picture with his daughters.
SF: I don't see them enough. I love them
Me: How old are you again? 29?
SF: (school boy giggle) 39.
Me: Do you like his wines?
SF: I like triple overtime. I've tried them. Yes.
Me: (beginning to feel uncomfortable with dude next to me) Who's this guy lurking in the chair next to us?
SF: Manager of the band. (pats him on shoulder) Great man.
Me: I'm in law school right now, and am thinking about being an agent or involved in sports law. Do you have any advice on how to break into it or 'it' in general?
SF: Be yourself. So many NHL players hate their agents because they aren't themselves. Just be yourself.
Me: (unfulfilled by his advice) Ok....thanks....
Me: Well listen, I'll let you get back to that big fat black girl who is standing right behind you waiting to talk to you again, for the fifth time tonight. Good luck with that. She ain't no Anna Kournikova, but I guess she has character.
SF: (tearing up either because I struck the wrong chord or he has an inflamed tear gland) It was great meeting you.
Me: (extending another hand shake invitation immediately accepted with firmness) Great meeting you too Sergei. Good luck the rest of the way and say hello to your parents for me...
SF: I never caught your name.
Me: My name is Bob Biscigliano.
SF: (turns his head like a puppy and leans in) What was your name again?
Me: Bob Biscigliano.
SF: I freaking knew you were familiar. I love your work on the blog.....
Me: (I turn, suavely light up a cigarette, nod, and walk away to the figment soothing sounds of Low Man by Alberta Cross)

So here you have it, people... the sixth celebrity interview. Sergei Federov.



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0-16 Lions Downfall

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

In spirit of the new movie, "Valkyrie," and the record breaking 2008 Detroit Lions, I found this clip on YouTube from the movie "Der Untergang" which stands for "Lions Downfall."



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NBC Endorses Cancer?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , ,

"The NFL on NBC" used to be really catchy and cool. In 1998, NBC lost the rights to the NFL for eight years. In 2006, they regained some of those rights with the airing of regular season Sunday Night Football games, various preseason games, two Saturday Wild Card games, and two Super Bowls, including this years, Super Bowl XLIII. Things were going great as Al Michael's voice reminded fans of the "Miracle on Ice" and John Madden's voice continued to sound like he gargles his words with chunks of turkey doused in extremely hot fire sauce. Classic Al and classic Madden. Classic all around.

Then NBC went stupid on us. They went out and hired the malignant Matt Millenoma- the metastasizing cancer himself- to the NFL on NBC playoff studio to help analyze things with Dan Patrick and Jerome Bettis. I could go on and on about everything Millen did wrong with the Detroit Lions. I'm not going to do that because I want to keep this post relatively short and as painless as possible.

I just don't understand how NBC can be serious with this hiring? Typically pregame, halftime, postgame shows are meant for the fans to receive a wealth of knowledge on what will or has happened during the game. A strong, educated, well presented and credible source of analysis for the average fan to digest. I can't fathom how Matt Millen, possibly the worst GM in the history of sports, brings any of this to the table after what he has proven in Detroit over the past eight years.

Sure, he sounds smart, and doesn't stutter like Emmitt Smith and every now and then dishes out a big word that can actually be found in the dictionary, but how are the fans supposed to take this guy seriously? I didn't see it live, but when I re-watched the pregame show on the internet, I saw his lips moving but I couldn't make out the words. All I heard was "blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp that has lost every last ounce of respect in the world of the NFL. I sound so stupid." Click the TV is off, I can't stand listening to this guy.

It flat out does not make sense, unless NBC felt the need to stoop so low and think that by hiring Millen it would actually attract more fans who love hating on the old bum. Although more hating on Millen is much deserved, I'm pretty sure NBC didn't intend on hiring Millen just so more fans, particularly me and my fellow Detroiters could berate him some more. In fact, the hiring made yours truly, Chip Stevenson, puke all over the place. As if having an 0-16 season wasn't worse enough, Detroit fans planning on having a pleasant weekend for once while watching good, playoff football turn on their boobtubes only to see the very face that has haunted us for the past eight years and will continue to do so until the Lions actually win a game. If that isn't a rating killer, specifically for Detroit fans, I don't know what else is.

That begs the question, "Who is dumber? NBC for the hiring of Matt Millen or Matt Millen for accepting the job?" If I were Millen, I would get as far away as possible from Detroit, football, and the televisions of both worlds and hideaway like Bin Laden. Actually, I'd probably go far away and harvest my own animal farm with the other goats of the world like Steve Bartman and just lay low until a painful death do us part. Anyway, I guess it's a ballsy move for him to show his face on national television, considering the fact that any Detroiter who knows where the NFL on NBC studios are knows exactly where to hunt for Millen's head.

If I haven't said enough already, watch the following video that just further proves how incredibly incredible the service is that Matt Millen provides to the NFL on NBC studio and fans watching:


(Falcons LOST for those of you who do not know that already)

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Who Gave Us Amnesia?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , , , , , ,

I swear to G-O-D someone gave us amnesia. Someone smashed a bottle over our heads, knocking us out cold for a very long time, took us to our respective domains, and kicked our blog back almost three weeks to make us think it's December 23, so that we wouldn't be aware of our embarrassing three week post-less blog streak. It's either that or someone was without a computer for nearly two of those weeks and then drank way too much this past week with a few of his best friends to put down any words that would be remotely cohesive or comprehensive. Trust me. I tried it and it was gibberish, riddled with spelling mistakes. Whichever one of these is true, it's completely unacceptable and I apologize. Bob "The Wild Card" Biscigliano is back, bitches. Yeehawww!

Allow me to recap real quickly what has happened recently to get you caught up on things because I know without us you're seriously wondering, "Was there a sports world apocalypse?"

  • The Red Wings have gone 4-1-1 since our last post, including the Winter Classic butt humping victory at Wrigley Field on New Year's Day. Ty Conklin played goalie for the first five of those games while Chris Osnotsogoodthisyear nursed a sore inguinal or hip adductal. However, he did play terrific in the last of those games, in a 3-2 shootout win. Pavel Datsyuk scored his signature breakaway goal during that very shootout, undressing Minnesota goalie, Josh Harding. If only it undressed Josh Hartnett instead, right? No? Okay, well here is the goal:



  • The Pistons have gotten freaking serious since a tough loss @ Atlanta on December 21. They have won seven straight and allowed 90+ points only twice during that streak. Rodney Stuckey has gotten extra-serious during this span, as he dropped 40 points against the Bulls and then 38 against Sacramento on Jan. 2. He has been the leading scorer for the Pistons in the majority of these seven wins. Despite the Pistons' recent resurgence, they remain 5th in the Eastern Conference, which is cool with me because not only will I be able to go to their first round games here in Atlanta (assuming the Hawks' rank holds up too), this Piston team will definitely sneak up on people and change their socks.

  • The Tigers are still on their off-season. They are still pursuing some bullpen help. Rumor has it, that Jason Isringhausen, Brandon Lyon, and change-up heavy John Eshelman are all possible solutions. The Tigers also have a bunch of arbitration cases coming up, most notably one concerning Justin Verlander.

  • Last and certainly the least, the Detroit Lions finished out their illustrious season with two losses to finish with a record breaking 0-16. The Lions broke a million records this season, so I will not get into those. Basically, any record that has you saying, "wow that's pathetic" after hearing it belongs to the Detroit Lions. The Lions will have a lot of draft picks in this year's draft allowing them to revamp things and turn it around next year like the Falcons and/or Dolphins did this year. It all depends on whether or not they use their picks wisely, obviously. Hopefully, they trade away the first pick for more picks in the first or second or later rounds. This team needs a complete renovation and more picks will allow that and take the monkey off their backs in terms of the pressure/tough decision that entails having a number one overall pick.

More posts to come.

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