Posted by Bob Biscigliano
I wanted to do a playoff predictions piece, but I was seeing it all over the blogsphere. That's when I knew I had to get creative. So naturally, I read some of Nostradamus's works from the mid 1500s and took from them what I believe are obvious predictions for the 2008 MLB playoffs. In fact, I have interpreted that there are MLB playoff predictions for the next 500 years in there. I guess I'll have to live just long enough to relay them to the curious reader. Here are this years.
White Sox v. Rays
"A gay who peers in sky is lost looking for bleach and another man to hold onto closely. All he finds is the bay and a species rarer than himself. Crikees, he hates them, but they despise him too. They cut right through and end him in four minutes."
Rays in 4.
(Does anyone else see the Steve Irwin death in there too? Weird and sad. RIP Steve.)
Angels v. Red Sox
"A rod in the foot makes the sock turn red. For just one schilling, I'll sell you that story. Angels act apathetic and try to return to glory. Despite the second man, Roy, whose boobs are saggy, the Angels wind up lacking, and blood seeps through victoriously."
Translation: Pedroia is a bad body guy, Lackey doesn't pitch that well, and Red Sox win in 4.
Milwaukee v. Philadelphia
"I was eating a whole bowl of hummus. It takes it 9 chews and 8 minutes to go down. Naturally, I upchuck all over my brewery and have some little phillies sweep it up."
Cole Hamels went 8 IP and had 9 Ks for the Phillies. Philly sweeps the Brewers and everyone in the world is happy because it won't smell like vom!
Dodgers v. Chicago Cubs
"A man with hair as long as my beard will usurp the ivy. Despite the many mirrors, the cubbies will not be able to look at themselves after this defeat in war."
Translation: Manny Ramirez hits everything over the ivy covered walls at Wrigley, en route to a Dodgers 3-1 series win against the Cubs. Cubs are ashamed of themselves again.
Red Sox v. Rays
"The battle moves to the east, to determine the beast. It might go as far as France, but again you're effing wrong. It starts in the southeast and perseverance serves the goal. In the end, a devil remains the mole."
Nostradamus refers to the world's stupid fascination with Evan Longoria's name being similar to Eva Longoria. Devil Rays, or not, they come out victoriously in this series, perhaps after a Troy Percival save??? Rays in 6
Dodgers v. Phillies
"Utterly impossible to stop the tarantula man. Put it on a shoe and he'll still hit it out. The little phillies come to the ledge where purity no longer exists. Close to low blows, dodging controls against their six."
Dodgers pull it out in Philly in 6 games. 4-2. This series will be the best in the post season judging by the exciting prediction that Lidge will blow his first save of the season. This Nostradamus guy is a genius.
Dodgers v. Rays
"Funny the American man was wearing cashmere late in the night. He quickly worked then for what is brought forward tonight. The idea is trite, yet it's not much of a fight. The mighty nation of many put to sleep the devil, and the young hopes do indeed shrivel."
This match up would definitely be the most intriguing, aside from maybe a Red Sox/Dodgers match up. At any rate, Manny Ramirez and Torre's savvy is too much for the Rays--who received home field back in July after Scott Kazmir picked up the 15 inning win. It was a good, long season for the Rays, but Nostradamus doesn't see them beating the Dodgers.
Many experts think Nostradamus predicted things such as the death of Henry II, the destruction of Medieval London in 1666, and even 9/11. Now, I'm scrounging up more obscure works and finding that he's predicting sports games, including the MLB playoffs. It's creepy, but I'm starting to buy into these things more and more...In fact, I just read in one of his quatrains, "everyone pities the lion forever lost beneath the bears of the north."