Dane Cook to Present the Following Jokes......

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

In honor of the woeful 0-5 Lions, the following is a compilation of the greatest jokes ever created at their expense, starting with my all-time personal favorite courtesy of one, C.J. Karchon. Enjoy!

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up-fireman, policeman, salesman, etc., but David was being uncharacteristically quiet in his seat. Naturally, the teacher asked him about his father.

David slowly raised from his slumped posture and reluctantly responded. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David out in the hallway to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' said David. "He plays for the Detroit Lions, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."


Where's the safest place in a tornado?

The Lions end zone at Ford Field: there are never any touchdown there!

Why did the NFL award Super Bowl XL to the city of Detroit?

Because they felt bad for the Lions, figuring it was the closest the team would ever come to a Super Bowl.

What do you call the Detroit Lions at the Super Bowl?


What is the first thing that Detroit fans will hear after the Lions win the Super Bowl?

Their alarm clocks

What do you call a turkey that gets sacked, stuffed, battered, and devoured every year on Thanksgiving day?

Jon Kitna

What is the smallest room at Ford Field?

The trophy room

Team Name Change
The Detroit Lions name should be changed to the "Detroit Tampons" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

Detroit Lions News Flash

Lions football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours.

One of the players, while on his way to the locker room happened to look down and noticed a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Rod Marinelli immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate.

After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

There is a mama lion, a daddy lion & a baby lion. The mama lion & the daddy lion were having a lot of fights so they decided to get a divorce. The lion family goes in front of a judge to decide custody of the baby lion.

The judge asks the baby lion "Do you wanna live with mama lion?" The baby lion answers, "No mama lion beats me."

The judge said, "All right, do you wanna live with daddy lion?"

The baby lion answers, "No daddy lion beats me worse."

The judge asks, "Who do you wanna live with then?"

The baby answers, "The Detroit Lions, they don't beat anybody."

A man inherited a little over $1 billion dollars. He had three sons. He told his sons that since he now had all this money, he would like to know, what each of them would like to have. He stressed that MONEY was no object.

His first son said that he had always wanted a Jaguar. The father went out, and since money was no object, bought him 7 Jaguars in different colors, so that he would have a different one to drive every day of the week.

His second son said that he always wanted a motorcycle. So the father went out, and again since money was no object, bought him 30 new motorcycles,10 dirt bikes, 10 hogs, and 10 touring bikes, so he would have a different bike to ride every day of the month.

His third and youngest son was only 8 years old. So the little guy said that he simply had wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit. So, money being no object, his father went out and bought his son the Detroit Lions.


The average American will travel 100 miles this holiday season, except the Detroit Lions... They cant even go ten yards.

These riddles mostly came from that spectacular 2001 season (2-14), which was a whopping one game worse than the 2002 season (3-13). Here's to 2003!

Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions the Taliban?
A. The Taliban have a running game.

Q. How do the Detroit Lions count to 12?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10, 0-11, 0-12.

Q. What do the Detroit Lions & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 80,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ"!

Q. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?
A. A thief.

Q. Why doesn't Flint have a professional football team?
A. Because then Detroit would want one.

Q. Why was Rod Marinelli upset when the Detroit Lions playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Q. What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q. How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Detroit Lions.

Q. What do the Detroit Lions and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. How can you tell when the Detroit Lions are going to run the football?
A. The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

Q. Knock knock
Who's there.
Owen Who?
A. Oh an five

BallHype: hype it up!


Anonymous   says 9:19 PM

Dane Cook sucks

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