"The Hell With Our Knees"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Charlie Weis was in the news a lot this past week leading up to the Michigan/Notre Dame game because of comments he made at a press conference before the Blue and Gold scrimmage last spring. Weis made a speech to fans and claimed the Wolverines would make excuses about their new coaching regime under Rich Rodriguez. (So what? It's true). Weis said, "I've always been one to never make excuses and not go about airing it....listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in and saying how they have a new coaching staff and there's changes. To hell with Michigan!"

Let's take a step back here. Hell, I can run around the room for a minute trying to make sense of this only because I can. He said what? Wishing us to HELL? Alright, I understand. I'm not sure why it was such a HUGE deal because he was merely being clever and "paying homage" (as Detnews.com stated it) to the late Bo Schembechler (Bo said "The hell with Notre Dame" back in the day).

Personally, I don't think Charlie Weis should try and parallel himself to the legend Schembechler by any means. He is no where near as thin, nor as good at coaching as Bo was. Additionally, Weis ought to shut his fat ho-ho filled yap about people making excuses. If you are what you eat (or you know how when you were younger you used to say you hated girls because they have koodies, but you really loved them and wanted to go up their shirt?), then in that case, one might be reasonable to believe that Weis actually LOVES excuses. I mean he's always mentioning- "no excuses. I'm hungry, no excuses." His book is even partially titled, "No Excuses." If Michigan wants to make the excuse that we are under a new coaching scheme and these current players don't fit the scheme to compete at a high level, then by all means that should be a very good excuse for why they are so crappy this year. That's a logical excuse, thus negating the whole idea of 'no excuses." Follow me? Well follow me now because this entire "The Hell With Michigan" thing comes full circle, like a good episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, or naturally all my other lengthy posts.

As you know, Charlie Weis is obese. Well, when watching himself on the Patriots Super Bowl DVD Weis noticed his over-blobbing body taking up most of the screen and realized it himself for the first time. Weis said to himself, 'Look at that fat ass,' " Weis wrote in his book. "I wish I had been looking at someone else. Unfortunately, that fat ass was me." No excuses though, right Charlie? So he subsequently undergoes a highly controversial, and complicated, surgery that, as history with similar procedures show, may result in death. No excuses though. Although he regrets having the surgery, he sued the doctors claiming negligence. The doctors are allowed no excuses. During the trial, there was a star witness handy that provided a deposition as to how Weis lived his life before and after the surgery. His name is Tom Brady. Weis thinks the world of Tom Brady because Brady stuck it out with him during Weis' stay in the hospital. Weis says he would NEVER say anything bad about him. No excuses, Tommy, for impregnating girls out of wed lock. Tommy, as Weis calls him, could do no wrong.

And here my friends, is where the fierce-soul of Bo Schemblecher comes back to life. Due to the fact Tommy Brady (Michigan Alum) helped out a Notre Dame affiliate with his lawsuit, and knowing how dear Tom Brady was to a Notre Dame family, the Maize and Blue Gods from above struck back with lightning on the cocky lives of the two love birds, Brady and Weis. And ohhhhh how quickly, and with such precision, did it occur! Tom Brady, Week 1, (first time ever not being on the injury report as Chip pointed out) tore his MCL and ACL- ending his season. Bummer. There goes Weis' former team's chances of making it back to the Super Bowl. The following week, Charlie Weis had one of his own players thrown into his left knee (the same knee) while he was on the sidelines of the Michigan/Notre Dame game. The hit to his knee crushed it, causing a whole bunch of knee injuries- including a torn ACL. JUSTICE. Due to their stupid comments and purposes in life (Brady helping out in the lawsuit and helping Boston be relevant; and Weis being fat and making that "Michigan" comment), their knees have been shattered by the Tonya Harding fans of loveable Michigan--only this time, it was for the betterment of America. Reversed and remanded.



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