End of the Season Tigers Paper Plate Awards

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

There are two great things about this season coming to a close: 1) Hope is regained as we look toward next year and 2) The 1st Annual Paper Plate Awards, designed by Miguel Cabrera, with a special appearance from freshly retired, Todd Jones. Let us get straight to the point here:

Best Tigers Starting Pitcher:
Who: Armando Galarraga
Why: Far and away the most consistent starting pitcher on our squad throughout the entire year. He ended the season with a 13-7 record, 3.73 ERA, 1.19 WHIP, and 126 Ks in 178 IP. He finishes with the most wins on the team, most quality starts, and 2nd best ERA amongst Tiger pitchers who threw over 23 IP. The most impressive stat for Galarraga was how he dominated right handed hitters time and time again. Vs. Righties he posted a 2.46 ERA and held them to a .174 AVG.

Best Tigers Reliever:
Who: If we HAVE to pick someone as the best, then it's Jason Grilli.
Why the hell him: Grilli posted a 3.29 ERA with the Tags before being shipped to Colorado. Grilli spoke publicy against the Tigers and probably lost any respect I ever had for him, despite him talking with me and giving me a ball when I sat next to the Tags bullpen in Atlanta last summer. All the laughs and scoffs aside, Grilli was legit this year. His 3.29 ERA would have been the best on the team if he kept pace with that throughout the year. Grilli went beyond that though and wound up posting a 2.93 ERA with the Rockies, recording almost a K/IP. I've always thought Grilli was a real douche, but I think we messed up by pre-maturely trading him for a new Comerica Park mail courrier. I guess you could make a case for Aquilino Lopez, but I think with all the bullpen problems we had this year no one on our team reallly deserves it. Right? I think it will sting more and help us realize we need bullpen help if we are reminded forever that Grilli went on to have a more than serviceable year elsewhere and would have been our best reliever by far with those numbers. JasonGrilli4lyfe

Best Tigers Power Hitter:
Who: Miguel Cabrera
Why: Do I really need to explain myself? Here. .292, 37 HR, 127 RBI. Led the AL in HR and was 3rd in RBI's. Oh, that's also with a "slow" start. He hit 27 HR from July through September. Need I really say more?

Best Tigers Overall Hitter:
Who: Miguel
Why:
Easy. Led the team in slugging (.537), Hits (180), 2B (36), HR (37), RBI (127), Total Bases (331), and OPS (.887). He was even 5th on the team in triples (2). He is the epitome of a complete hitter and one of the best in all of baseball.

Best Tigers Fielder:
Who: Brandon Inge
Why: Despite not knowing what his role would be coming into the season, Brandon Inge was about as steady as they came defensively (just the opposite at the plate). Inge did not make an error all season until the very last weekend of the season, which was made at his position of the future 3B. 1 error with 400+ PO, in addition to a ton of diving plays at third base makes him the easy choice here. I fully believe him to be a future gold glove winner.

Best Tigers Rookie:
Who: Galarraga
Why: For all the same reasons he was the Tigers best pitcher. He was the steadiest players on the Tigers and he was just a rookie.

Tigers Biggest Suprise Player:
Who: Justin Verlander
Why: He sucked and no one was expecting him to be. He failed to make propert adjustments all season and as a result, he ended up finishing an atrocious 11-17 with a 4.84 ERA. And he is supposed to be the ace of our staff. I guess I'm personally not too surprised that he had a drop off, but I am surprised he was this bad.

Best Tigers Minor Leaguer:
Who: Mike Hessman
Why: It's tough to choose when our entire farm system plays for other teams now. Then again, it's pretty easy when we have our own "Crash" Davis. Hessman had 34 HR and 72 RBI this year in just under 400 AB for Toledo. Despite being 30 years old, Hessman was selected to join the young team USA in Beijing at the end of the summer en route to their Bronze Medal. Hessman was called up in September and continued his power surge with the Tigers as he hit 5 HR in just 27 AB. It's pretty hard to ignore this INT League MVP. He's my choice this year.The Todd Jones Most Improved Player Award:
Who: Fernando Rodney
Why: Todd Jones was more than happy to give this award to his successor as closer. Rodney started the year off terrible, then on the DL, then terrible. He really didn't have a clue as to what he wanted to be. However, he ended the year off nicely recording 13 saves along the way. Rodney certainly had his struggles throughout the season, but I would definitely admit that he earned himself another spot in the bullpen next year, if not a spot as our closer (if we can't sign anyone during the off season). Todd Jones is proud of Rodney persevering through tough shoulder tendinitis.

That concludes the end of the 1st Annual Detroit Tigers Paper Plate Awards. I hope you enjoyed these more than Dundler Mifflin enjoys the Dundies.

The Number of the Day: 334

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

CC Sabathia has single handily taken the Brewers to the post season. Since being acquired from the Indians, CC has gone 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA, throwing 7 complete games over that span. CC has pitched so well since the trade, he has somehow crawled into NL Cy Young award talks. That's not even the brunt of it though. Over the past nine days, CC has thrown 334 pitches over the course of three starts (2-1). 334 pitches in 9 days!! That is absurd. If I had to predict a melt down, he would certainly be my top choice. Although I hope the melt down comes during the playoffs, my guess is the adrenaline will carry him through. Like the beginning of this year, when he struggled probably due to a hang over from last year's post season, I imagine he will suffer from a far greater one next year that he may not recover from. Those pitch totals are a left arm death sentence. If he was on my keeper fantasy team, I would trade him for as much as I can get before next season. There is no way his arm survives.

As if I haven't hated the Brewers enough lately (personal reasons--Brewers actually used to be my 2nd favorite MLB team), today my hate for them grew. Allegedly, Bob Melvin sent an e-mail to recently fired coach, Ned Yost after the team clinched a playoff berth that thanked Yost for putting the team in a position to win. Absolutely ridiculous. First of all, firing the guy that basically took the garbage team and flipped it upside down was ill advised. Melvin almost took a chapter out of the Mets' #1 selling novel, "How to Collapse Late, Freak Out, and Gain Lots of Weight." They didn't make the playoffs because Yost was fired and I think the Mets can attest to the fact that a spontaneous managerial firing doesn't work. The Brewers are lucky and Melvin's even luckier because if the Brewers hadn't made the playoffs he'd not only be out of the playoffs, but also would be left with everyone wanting his head on the wall next to a bunch of moldy cheeseheads because he fired a very good coach.

Secondly, how is Yost supposed to respond to that email? "Effing thanks Melv. Just so you know, I'm still the manager in my PS3 franchise, and we're in the playoffs too. I hope I do better against the Phillies, managed by my son, than you do in the first round--prick. Thanks for nothing. Talk to you never. Hate, Ned Yost" ?

Twin Tigers Fans

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in


The Tigers were hoping they'd be using their $30,000 four-woods and playing some golf today at some sunny resort at Myrtle Beach. Instead, they have to wait out a rain delay in Chicago to try and play spoiler for the Minnesota Twins. If the Tigers win, the Twins will win the division and do not have to travel to Chicago to play the 'AL Central Division title game' tomorrow night. This is definitely a position the Tigers wish they weren't in, but think about Chuck Hernandez and Jeff Jones. They have to sit in the dugout/clubby with a team that already fired them, not only for the entire game, but now for an extended rain delay. Can you imagine the painful constrained conversations around those two? In addition to that, I hate awkward second good-byes.

I guess golf tomorrow will feel so much better knowing that you prevented A.J. Pierzynski the chance from playing in the post season.

Jared Diagnoses Me With SND (Sunday Night Depression)

Posted by Bob Biscigliano


After speaking with Dr. Jared, or better known as Dr. Chip to most of you, I have been diagnosed with a very bad case of SND. I have to admit this is probably the worst Sunday nights of all time for me...

1) Hungover all day from a great weekend

2) As if being hungover wasn't bad enough, I had to sit in a car for 4 hours as I returned to Atlanta from Charlotte (listening to the same CD my girlfriend burned, 3 times. I want to set it on fire now and if I hear "You're so gay and you don't even like boys" one more time, I will snap.)

3) Lions were on a bye week. That could be a good thing, but didn't feel like it today.

4) Homework for the upcoming week is always not fun.

5) I lost in both my money fantasy football leagues today. Despite having players in the Sunday night game, I have no interest in it because it would take astronomical numbers from them to make it even somewhat competitive. I'm talking like 80 points from McNabb to even have a shot at winning it after tomorrow night's game.

6) Despite having a slim chance to win it all in 2 out of my 3 money fantasy baseball leagues, it appears I will come up short (barring a reversal of Yahoo's genius idea to not count tomorrow's stats toward the fantasy season stats and then me still getting 6 RBIs out of Detroit/White Sox scrubs)

7) Remember "The Wonder Years"? That show was good.

8) My girlfriend brought "Pride and Prejudice" over to watch with me. I think that this could possibly be the best part of my night until I realize I will miss Entourage because of it.

9) I have to wake up at 615 AM tomorrow. I have to think about that all night.

10) I don't have any cookie dough left to eat to cheer myself up.

Chris Carter: Still A Nightmare to Lions Fans Even in Retirement

Posted by Chip Stevenson


So I was watching ESPN's pregame NFL show just now, and they were talking about Matt Millen's firing and the direction of the Lions and what not.

Chris Carter, former Minnesota Vikings wide receiver and Lion killer extraordinaire, says that he worked out in the offseasons with Charles Rogers and Mike Williams before they were drafted. As everyone here knows, those two guys are two of the biggest busts in NFL history and will forever be a symbol of this despicable era in Lions lore.

Carter says that he could have told Millen to not even think about drafting those guys just based on their workouts with him. Unfortunately, Matt Millen never asked.

If you were thinking about investing millions of dollars into a top 10 draft pick, wouldn't you try to gather as much information about the player's work habits, personal life, background information, etc.? Wouldn't you want to ask the opinion of their work out partner who just happened to be a Hall of Fame wide receiver?

Sheesh, if that kind of half ass job makes you the second highest paid general manager in football, I wonder how bad you have to be at your job to be at the bottom of the general manager pay scale.

Dontrelle Does Well

Posted by Chip Stevenson in

"I hope they see this means a lot to me. It's not just a job. It's not about the money. I care about the game of baseball, I care about my teammates and I care about the city of Detroit."

-Dontrelle Willis after his best and final start of the season


I'll be rooting hard for him next year.

Twins or White Sox? Root Canal or Wisdom Teeth Removal?

Posted by Chip Stevenson




It's obviously been a lost season for Tigers fans. I've seen enough bullpen blowups, baserunning blunders and devastating home runs to last a lifetime. As a baseball fan though, I have to move on and look towards the playoffs. The Tigers will not be playing when October rolls around, but some lucky team from the AL Central will and it's about time that I pick which team I'm going to be rooting for from now on.

The choice between rooting for the Twins and the White Sox for me is like the choices that contestants on Fear Factor had: do I eat the broiled cow testicle or should I go with the slimy sheep brain?

Ok, so it's not THAT bad... still, it's a difficult choice for any loyal Tiger fan.

After much deliberation, I have decided to root for the Twins over the White Sox for a few distinct reasons:

1.) I want the Twins to make the playoffs so that they can play on a national stage and show the world how annoying their style of play truly is. I've never seen so many bloop hits, Texas leaguers, and broken bat singles in my life. Other than Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, has anyone on their team ever hit a ball to an outfielder?

Every single player on their team, again other than the M&M boys, looks exactly like I do at the plate when I joke around and hit left handed. The only difference is that I get laughs when I do that and they get millions of dollars. Life is unfair.

2.) Rooting for anyone on the White Sox is like rooting for the USSR in the Miracle on Ice. Seriously, they have to be the biggest collection of unlikeable people the world has ever seen since the real little league team in the movie The Sandlot. Ozzie Guillen, AJ Pierzynski, Orlando Cabrera, Bobby Jenks, and Carlos Quentin could all easily be the monsters in little kids' nightmares. You wouldn't root for them, would you?

3.) Both of their stadiums are just absolutely ridiculous. They both breed a brand of baseball that is completely unique to their team and unfair to those who come there to play.

The White Sox play on a field that is more fit for a high school junior varsity girls softball team because of how short the fences are and how many hits fly out of that place.

The Twins play on a field that is more fit for roller hockey than baseball because of how hard and fast that field plays.

Still, if I had to choose one field to watch two teams battle it out in October, I'd pick the Metrodome in Minneapolis. I'm interested to see how teams like the Angels and the Rays react when they go into Minnesota and see slap hitters sprinting around the bases like the Tazmanian Devil rather than a typical team that goes all or nothing by swinging for the fences and compiling strike outs.

In all seriousness, the Twins play differently than every single team in the big leagues. They play good defense, throw strikes, put the ball in play, and run the bases like there's no tomorrow.

As most major league teams focus on power and play station to station baseball, the Twins play like their from the 1950s and I kind of dig that. They are definitely a throwback to the time when baseball was truly the National Pastime, and with Yankee Stadium kicking the bucket this year, I'm in the mood to hold onto some of that old style of play.

As much as it pains me to say this, Twins4Lyfe

-C.S.

Must Be That Time of the Month

Posted by Chip Stevenson


I realize that my last couple major posts (October Just Wont Be the Same and You Know What I Don't Like) have been filled with more complaints than Prince Fielder made when they stopped offering donuts in the post-game spread. Still, I really need to get this last pet peeve off my chest- I cannot stand when people complain about announcers.

I understand that listening toTim McCarver, Joe Morgan, and the White Sox announcers isn't as easy on the ears as your favorite Hannah Montana jam, but c'mon... you watch the games to watch the games, right? Who cares that the announcer maybe got a player's name wrong or didn't think a particular pitch was a strike only to have ESPN's K Zone prove him wrong? We're all human, man. Relax.

The most egregious case of bad announcing I have ever seen came during an ESPN Sunday Night Baseball broadcast of a Tigers game. Joel Zumaya was on the mound throwing his usual cheese. He was hitting 100, 101, and even 102 on the stadium guns, which have been known to enhance a pitch's speed to make it seem like the pitchers are throwing harder than they actually are. On this particular night after one pitch registered 101 mph, Joe Morgan questioned the reading. He couldn't believe that Zumaya could throw over 100 mph so he said, "No, I don't think he was throwing 101. Maybe 100." Obviously Joe Morgan, or anyone else for that matter, can't detect the difference between a 101 mph pitch and a 100 mph pitch with the naked eye. Everyone understands that so everyone should have just simply let it go as a stupid mistake yet he got absolutely obliterated on every Tigers' forum I've seen. (For the actual transcribed exchange, click here.)

That was one tiny little exchange between Joe Morgan and Jon Miller on probably a 3+ hour broadcast, but I'm sure that the vast majority of people watching that game remember Morgan's gaffe and not who won that game. To me, that's sad.

Clearly, every announcer says something worthy of making fun of every now and then, but I've watched way too many important games that have been completely compromised by an annoying array of "This announcer is soooo bad!" "I can't believe he still has a job!' "Did he really just say that?" all while I'm biting what's left of my fingernails as Magglio Ordonez comes up with the bases loaded or the final seconds tick off the clock as the Lions stupidly win a game that costs them the number 1 pick in the draft.

Some of these announcers have been broadcasting 100+ games a year for as long as I can remember- of course they are going to repeat stories, of course they are going to forget a player's name, of course they are going sound stupid sometimes, but do we really need this blog or this one or this one to rub the mistakes in their faces and put all the gaffes on record?

Again, I'm all for some good natured ribbing when a guy screws up, but it's just gone way too far. Watch the games for what happens on the field, not what happens in the booth.

Mute Button 4 Lyfe

-Chip S.

Spiderman Is Real

Posted by Chip Stevenson

I saw this video for the first time just now and it made me believe that maybe, just maybe, things are going to work out for the Lions.

In Calvin I Trust

One of my favorite parts about the catch is his cool, calm and relaxed reaction after he makes the play. He makes it seem like it was just a normal play that he makes everyday. Reminds me of a certain number 20 who used to wear the Honolulu blue...

Do the Dew

Posted by Chip Stevenson

Most people drink gatorade or water while playing sports.

Jahvid Best, runningback for California, apparently drinks Mountain Dew instead.

Mmmm. Enjoy.

Meet Me: The Interim GM for the Detroit Lions

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

In the distant past, I despised the Lions Bye week because it would be an extra week before I saw my favorite team play again. The last six years though, bye weeks have been even more difficult to handle because they, more typically than not, serve as another week I have to live with the stale, skunk-rank, taste of defeat in my mouth and listen to commentators and Jay Leno make jokes about how bad they are. Normally, I try to keep busy to make the days fly by, but yesterday's disposal of Matt Millen has put the Lions atop discussion boards and I can't possibly get away from thinking about them.

It's pretty obvious that Matt Millen was hated in Detroit. Most of that hatred stemmed from his absurd drafting strategies that led to terrible players which of course leads to terrible results like we have seen the past 6 years.

While everyone in the world, including McCain and Obama, is debating about who the Lions next General Manager should be, I'll take the liberty to tackle the next concern: what that GM should do come draft/free agency time. So, no matter who the GM is, whether it is Bill Cowher or Hilary Clinton, this article will probably serve as an authority on who he/she should draft and sign during the off season to make this a much better football team. (Coaching issue aside)

Let us assume for this article's purpose that the Lions finish this season 4-12, with the 4th worst record in the NFL. This is of course after the Lions presumably start 1-10 and win 3 out of their last 5 games just to piss fans off. Anyway, this still gives the Lions a top 5 pick and overall, we're happy because there seems to be a lot of good talent in the 2009 draft class.

So who do the Lions select?

It's obvious that Millen picks Greg Carr WR from Florida State or a kicker, leaving no room for discussion amongst Lions fans. Luckily, he's gone and we can start thinking logically in terms of what the Lions need and what will make them a much better football team in 2009.

The Lions NEED defense. If the first three games are any indication of how the rest of the season plays out, the Lions are going to need plenty of work done on the defensive side of the ball. As cliche as it is, defense wins championships and the Lions haven't won one since 1957. For as long as I have been conscious of the Lions, they've had some sort of an offense (minus the first few Post Barry years), but never any defense. It's sad they've only had 5 noteworthy defensive players the past 15 years (Blades?, Spielman, Porcher, Bly, Sims). Therefore, with a top 5 pick in 2009 the Lions should seriously consider a defensive stud. If I was the Lions GM I would select, with the 4th pick of the 2009 Draft......

Malcolm Jenkins from THE Ohio State University.

Here's why:

I hate to admit this, but Ohio State produces winners. I have only one fact to back that up with though. Everytime I watch Monday Night or Sunday Night Football, which the Lions have not been on in years, it seems each team have players that introduce themselves being from "THE Ohio State University" in their starting lineup. If Monday and Sunday Night Football is designated for the winners and good games, then the Lions will need an Ohio State man. (Jared 'Chip' Smith would agree with me here)

In all seriousness though, this will be the best defensive player available at pick four in addition to being a position the Lions need help with the most. Although I really like Tyson "Javon Kearse-esque" Jackson, the Lions will probably miss out on him. Even so, the Lions have some young guys they can still develop to play the D-line adequately, all while Ernie Sims holds down the LB corps. It doesn't matter if we can or can't stop the run with our D-line and LB's, if we can't stop the pass. All game last Sunday, I heard Dan Miller calling out on almost every passing play that the 49er receiver O'Sullivan threw to was "wide open." Any football guy knows that the passing game opens up the running game and vice versa. Without a pass defense, we'll forever give up 200 yards rushing per game.

Jenkins can be the building block to stop that. Jenkins has size, speed and the ability to read QBs with the best of them. Not only is he good, but he'll bring an energy and excitement to the Lions defense that we haven't seen in a long time, if ever. If you don't believe me I highly suggest you watch the following YouTube video:




I rest my case.

Now, you're also probably wondering who the Lions should go after in the free agent market. If the Lions new GM were truly dedicated to bringing in a winning football team, they wouldn't stop short at signing just one big FA. Obviously, who the Lions sign depends largely on when the Lions plan on winning. If they are going to rebuild for a couple years, then I'd sign a younger guy to a longer contract. If they plan on winning now, I would sign an older guy who has won before and can provide leadership, in addition to still being able to play at a high level. That of course is all GM101 which can be learned playing franchise mode in Madden.

Since I'm an optimist, and am hoping the Lions will want to win next year after rebuilding these final 12 weeks of 2008, I am going to drop a few names who I think we should go after to help us win in 2009.

SS Lawyer Milloy- Atlanta Falcons
Lawyer Milloy, Esq. will probably want to get one last solid contract and I'm willing to bet we could buy him. Atlanta is in their first year of rebuilding and Milloy doesn't have too many years left in this league. If we can sign him to a nice lucrative two year contract, I think he could really help stabilize our defensive backfield while also serving as a good mentor to the younger DB's.

DE Julius Peppers- Carolina Panthers
I don't think we have any shot, but it's fun to think about. If this was in fact Madden Franchise mode, he'd be on my Lions team.

G Chris Snee- New York Giants
Again, I don't think we have a shot. He's the son-in-law of Coughlin, so I doubt Snee will leave as long as Coughlin is there. Could create really awkward Thanksgiving dinners. Then again, he wouldn't have to go to Thanksgiving meals with the Coughlins if he was on the Lions. Interesting.....

Lastly, this may be hard to do, but we need to re-sign Roy Williams. He is an elite WR and will only make Calvin Johnson and the rest of the Lions offense better. Of course, if the Lions think there is a better chance he leaves after the season, I hope they trade him during the season to get something in return. If he doesn't re-sign, or we trade him, perhaps we could go after a Lee Evans or former UofM WR Amani "It's not a tumor" Toomer during the offseason. Or we could just draft another WR in the first round.... ha!

Of course this is all way too soon to be anywhere near accurate. All these players could Brady/Weis their knees, thus shattering not only their knees, but all my hopes and dreams of who the Lions should get this off season. It sounds crazy, but the Lions could also go 13-3 and win the Super Bowl and bring everyone and their tomagotchies back for next season. I guess we'll all just have to wait and see.

UNITY

Lions Send Malignant Matt Millenoma into Remission: Matt Millen GONE

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

The team cancer has been sent into remission. Some may say though, that this is just a partial remission. The cancer could still exist somewhere else within the organization and may return (Ford? Marinelli? Kitna? The Mascot? Who Knows?), but the the greater part of it that has caused such great pain for the past 7 years has been cured.

I don't expect you to fully understand what I'm talking about (hell, I don't even know), so I will stop there with the medical lingo. Simply put, Matt Millen, the GM of the beloved Detroit Lions for the past 7 years, is gone. At this point in time, it is unclear whether he was fired, or whether he resigned, but why should Lions fans care? He is gone. Lyrics taken out of context from a song by Montgomery Gentry can put it so clearly and beautifully. Millen is, "Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang bang." He's gone and never coming back. Only difference between Millen and the subject of that song is we're ecstatically happy he is finally gone.

Personally, I never got too caught up in the entire "Fire Millen" campaigns. Sadly, I believed in SOME of the players he brought in and they just didn't pan out (Kevin Jones, Charles Rogers, Kalimba Edwards to name a few). I believe in giving people a chance and Millen certainly received his more than fair chance.

I also believe in a little something called trial and error, though. You have to learn your lesson! Millen was like a fat guy eating ding dongs on a treadmill or like a retarded caged animal undergoing operant conditioning. He didn't know anything about product. He never understood that selecting good players in the NFL Draft would help produce a good football team. He kept with the same old stupid behavior that wouldn't get him the results needed. During the process, he lost out on other players that could have helped out, all while he was making arguably, every wrong move possible.

Some General Managers are just inherently good, though. No matter who they pick, sign, or hire, whether it was the right choice at the time or not, it will wind up being the right choice. Matt Millen, as 'hard' as he tried, was never right in terms of putting together a winning team. In fact, he was about as far away from winning as we were from having a woman president 100 years ago (still counting). In six years and three weeks with the Lions, Detroit has posted a 31-84 record with him as the GM. Then again, how can you win when your four best players are a pair of wide receivers, a kicker and a punter?

To Millen's credit, as I mentioned in the last paragraph, he tried. Oh boy, did he try. He drafted an Oregon Duck quarterback that he genuinely thought Detroit would fall in love with like he did. Unfortunately, Harrington turned out to be the exact opposite of the epitome Detroit fan-favorite: soft, coward, and sucked.

Then Millen decided to draft wide receiver after wide receiver because he probably thought it would help get a pair of wide receivers back in Detroit that resembled the record setting pair of Herman Moore and Brett Perriman. It only took him about 6 tries to land the duo. How noble of you Mr. Millen. Just what we've always wanted. It's too bad Scott Mitchell can't throw to Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson.....(don't even get me started on Mitchell)

Now, I should be fair to Mr. Millen. He never decided to go for 2 points in Arizona when we were down 1 or to defer in an overtime game to take the wind. Nor did he personally pledge to be a 'running' football team and then only have 277 yards on 50+ carries to show for it after THREE weeks.

But let's be serious here. You have a General Manager whose sole job is to bring people in to make the team better. For six plus years, he has been consistently putting not only losing teams on the field, but the absolute worst teams.

You can point the finger at Jon Kitna, Rod Marinelli, and the defense all you want, but it doesn't start there. The root of the problem is with the guy who is bringing in the personnel. If the Lions were a cancer patient, after six years with Malignant Matt Millenoma, they'd be dead. Luckily, it's just an analogy.

The Lions can right the ship and today, I think they made the greatest move Millen never made. Matt Millen is gone. Only 3 questions now are left unanswered: 1) Where's the party at? 2) What is next for the Lions and 3) What in the world will become of FireMillen.com?

JT O'Sullivan Used To Be Our BACKUP QB!

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

The Lions were losing 21-3 at halftime. I seriously considered turning off the game because I had a school paper to write and I was losing time and hair. I guess I can be happy that I didn't go to a bar to watch the game like I usually do. I might still be there, crawling.

Another incentive of listening to the game was that I was hoping to hear Dan Miller SNAP and go off on an expletive laced rant. I really wish he had. There were about fifty six different times I wanted to pound my laptop up against a wall in a fit of rage. I know Dan Miller had to have been dog cussing Kitna and the Lions during all the commercial breaks. Also, I was thinking if I hear Dan Miller mention that a San Francisco wide receiver is "WIDE OPEN" one more time, I might freaking lose it.

Also, the Lions apparently declined to try at the end of the first half. They had a chance to extend the first half because the 49ers had a penalty as time expired. The Lions declined the penalty. End of the first half. Throw up the white flag why don't we.

I was not able to listen to the last half of the 4th quarter because I had dinner with my girlfriend's family. I'm always thankful for these blessings in disguise. It's a shame that in about 20 some NFL cities in America, a man would absolutely HATE to miss his team's final quarter to have dinner with potential future in-laws. Adversely, I put on my Sunday best and went over with glee. We had pasta and it was delicious.

When I returned from dinner, I was listening to the post game wrap. I heard a 49er player fell on Kitna's knee. It was at that point, I prayed for a non-life, but season threatening injury. The curse lives on. Kitna says he should be just fine to play in week 5 after our bye week.

As I said in my last article, giving you all the one reason why the Lions would not start 0-3, there is a silver lining to starting 0-3. In 1995, the Lions started 0-3 and battled back to make the playoffs as the NFC Wild Card. Just like then, everyone will throw their JT O'Sullivan at us thinking they can just walk all over us. That's when we will blind side everyone and win 7 straight. I still have faith.

As for now, I'm decorating my brown paper bag and cracking open the tub of cookie dough as we speak.....

1,957 Reasons Why the Lions Won't Start 0-3

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Ok I don't have any where close to that many reasons. In fact, I don't even have five. I do know one thing for sure though: The Lions won an NFL championship in the year 1957. In that year, the Lions lost to the 49ers in San Francisco during the regular season and then beat them in the playoffs to win the Western Conference Championship. So even if we do lose Sunday, we can hang our brown paper bags on that.

Exactly what is going on? The Lions were 4-0 in the preseason and looked to be legit. Clearly, everyone was shocked to see the Lions start 0-2, and look really bad while doing it. I'm not completely convinced that they are this bad though. Besides, what is the big deal with going 0-2 anyway? There are other 0-2 teams with hope right now. I know the others have not lost quite as badly as the Lions have, but 0-2 is 0-2 no matter how you look at it in the standings. Then again, if you would have told me last year that the 0-2 Giants were going to win the Super Bowl, I would have slapped you in the face with a Jonas Brothers CD and said, "And Grizzly Adams had a beard." Now, I'm not claiminig the Lions are going to the Super Bowl, or maybe I am, all I'm saying is the Lions are going to win tomorrow.

The main reason, and only reason I have, that the 0-2 Lions will beat the 49ers in San Francisco against former O-coordinator Mike Martz and their former BACKUP QB JT O'Sullivan is that they HAVE to win. If they lose, they will fall to 0-3 and all the wise cracks and "Fire Millen" signs will rise for yet another week. I can't afford to spend another Sunday night eating a full tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and drink beer while watching Detroit Lions "We'll Get 'Em Next Year' pump up videos on YouTube trying to cheer myself up. My girlfriend will also attest that my developing gut can't afford another Lions meltdown this Sunday. Some of you are probably thinking, "you must be 400 pounds now, or even dead, because the Lions have always sucked."

You bite your tongue. This year is different to me. The Lions really convinced me this off season that they were for real. Going 4-0 in the preseason set the bar even higher. I was all jacked up on mountain dew for the Lions to be good and I really dedicated my hopes and dreams to their 2008 season. I was even considering changing my daily prayers from,"in the name of the Lord I pray" to "in the name of Jon Kitna I pray." (I'm very thankful I didn't do that.) That's how serious I was about the Lions though. Long story short, if the Lions don't win tomorrow, I will be crushed.

Now let's say by some very small percentage points of a chance that they don't win tomorrow. Aside from the fact that I will probably finish my 40 OZ tub of cookie dough I have on ice for every Sunday night, I will remain somewhat positive and need only to point everyone to the 1995 Lions to show that a team can start 0-3 and still make the playoffs. Personally, I think the Lions will be doing this dance in the locker room after the game.....


UNITY

October Just Wont Be the Same

Posted by Chip Stevenson


While they aren't officially eliminated from the postseason just yet, it is almost as certain as the Lions winning tomorrow that the New York Yankees will miss the playoffs this year. You'd have to go all the way back to 1994 to remember a time when Derek Jeter and his boys sat at home in October.

A lot of things have changed since 1994. The top song that year was the immortal "The Sign" by Ace of Base, Bill Clinton was President and Monica Lewinsky and her stained dress hadn't come into the picture yet, and Forrest Gump won Best Picture in a huge upset over The Lion King, which also was released that year.

Ever since that year though, the Yankees have been a mainstay in October baseball. Their tremendous success (4 World Series Championships since 1994 and 6 World Series Appearances), huge payroll ($207 million) and almost joyless attitude often rubbed people the wrong way as the team quickly cemented its status as the evil empire. Visions of Scott Brosius jumping up and down in jubilation, Paul O'Neill screaming at himself after a strikeout, and Derek Jeter doing his patented jump throw across the diamond often gave baseball fans around the country nightmares, and I'm sure many people are happy that 2008 will finally be the year when the Yankees sit at home and watch other teams enjoy success. However, I am certainly not one of them.

For as long as I can remember, the Yankees have been the epitome of success. I wasn't quite old enough to appreciate baseball before 1994 so every single year of my baseball fandom has included a Yankees playoff appearance. While I definitely do not consider myself a Yankee fan, their aura of success was always something to envy and something that every team strove to overcome. Like Iceland in D2: The Mighty Ducks, which fittingly also came out in 1994, the Yankees were the team that everyone tried to beat.

Ultimately, having a playoffs without the Yankees is like having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the jelly. Yea, the peanut butter still makes for some tasty bites but is it really satisfying if there is no jelly along with it? The Yankees have always lent a sense of legitimacy to October baseball, and now that they'll be sitting at home in October, the playoffs just wont be the same.

Golf is going through this same problem right now- Tiger Woods is hurt and hasn't played for most of the PGA season. Other, less popular golfers are finally getting their shot at some of the most prestigious golf championships in the world but there is this sense of illegitimacy that surrounds each and every tournament: would they really be winning these things if Tiger was playing? I'm afraid that the same feeling will be all over the playoffs this year without the Yankees there.

Look, I'm definitely happy for the Tampa Bay Rays and all of the rest of the playoff teams. It has been a fun year filled with a lot of great games and great stories, but good luck to whoever wins the World Series at trying to impress me when the Yankees are not involved. Someone wake me up when next season starts.

Yankees4lyfe

-Chip Stevenson

Fight Night on MLB.TV

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

First of all this photo I got off of Detnews.com looks like a painting of a well chiseled Michelangelo figure hugging another while getting his head pounded in by a youngster with a yellow little tike hammer.

What started the bench clearing brawl that centered around Gary Sheffield and Fausto Carmona?

Sheffield was hit in the elbow by Cleveland pitcher Fausto Carmona on the first pitch two batters after Miguel Cabrera hit his 2nd mammoth home run off of him. Carmona proceeded to get rookie Matt Joyce out before plunking oft favorite target, Sheffield. Sheffield glared at Carmona the entire way to first. After Sheffield took a modest lead from first, Carmona stepped off the rubber and made "not his best" move to first. A very annoyed Sheffield immediately barked at Carmona to throw the ball to home plate. Carmona was not afraid to yelp right back at Sheffield. As Sheffield put it in his interviews, you call me out, I'm coming. Sheffield claims he got a punch in but I don't really see it in the replays. All I see is him bear hugging Carmona, who in turn takes Sheffield, gives him a good ole fashioned noogie and a few meager pops to the temple. No big deal.

Two players from each team were ejected for the bench clearing brawl. Carmona and Victor Martinez from Cleveland and Sheffield and Polanco from Detroit. I have no idea why Polanco was ejected though. He doesn't know either. Either he punched someone in the knee when no one was looking or his massive head stuck out to someone when they were looking for an extra Tiger player to eject. Beats me.

Another thing I would like to touch on is the Cleveland Indian announcers. I was watching this whole thing unfold on MLB.TV and because the Tigers are on the road, I have the misfortune of missing out on Mario and Rod (although I have learned now that MLB.TV has upgraded so I can click on the Detroit FSN). Anyway, the Cleveland announcers were not very fair in their commentary. While the fight began and benches cleared, they claimed that this ENTIRE thing was instigated by Sheffield. How? Did Sheffield hit himself on the elbow and go to first base after somone hit their 2nd dinger of the night? Miraculously, a pitcher who was having very good control all game, loses control for one pitch and hits Sheffield? It wasn't the first time he has hit Sheffield either. I guess if you want to be technical though, he did instigate the benches clearing because he charged Carmona first. He wouldn't have charged though had he never been hit in the first place. I think the only good point the Indians announcers made was made an inning later when they said that if Sheffield was going to charge the mound, he should have done it as soon as he got hit by the pitch. I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to restrain himself as soon as he got hit and then felt he had to say something when Carmona made a meaningless pickoff attempt. Carmona didn't back down and called Sheffield out and that's when the dance started.

Another note, I wonder how many mediocre outtings its going to take Verlander before he starts opening up to coaching because he should be a lot better than this. I guess I should have listened to my former college coach in 2006 when he coached Verlander in the Olympics when he told me that Verlander was not coachable, arrogant, and works way too quickly to make any sort of adjustment. I hope he slows it down and makes them this off season so we can be talking Tiger baseball into November in '09.

UNITY

You Know What I Don't Like?

Posted by Chip Stevenson


... I don't like when people complain about professional athletes making victory guarantees. Do you expect them not to believe that they are going to win before they play a big game? If I was a professional baseball player, I would guarantee 162 victories. If I played in the NFL, I would guarantee 16 wins. It's not even big news to me when someone guarantees a victory because, as a fan, that's what I hope every single athlete believes going into a big game and so should you. What would be a big deal to me is if a player flat out refused to guarantee a victory. That's exactly the type of player who I do NOT want on my team.

... I don't like the feeling you get when you hit a bad golf shot but have to keep staring at it the whole time to make sure you can find your ball. It's sort of like when you are potty training a dog and when the dog makes doodoo in the house somewhere, you bring the dog over to the stinky turd and make the dog look at it all while saying "NO! BAD DOG!!!" The bad golf shot is the poop and the staring at it until it lands is the "NO! BAD DOG!!!" Poor puppy.

... I don't like the Tigers bullpen. Todd Jones is probably cliped forever, Zumaya might never be the same after all of his freak injuries- torn finger tendon while warming up in the bullpen, exploded shoulder while moving boxes in his house, and now a fractured shoulder (I never knew you could do that), and Fernando Rodney has cemented his role as the anti-closer. Even more than that, the bullpen ERA is a full half run higher (4.56) than the league average (4.06), they've given up more hits than innings pitched (492 to 474), and hitters are hitting a cool .270 off them this year. Just flat out awful and as if Tigers' fans needed an extra kick in the balls, Jason Grilli who was booed out of town has a 2.90 era in one of the best hitting parks in the game playing for the Rockies. He would have far and away the best stats in the bullpen if he was still there. That one stings.

... I don't like onions.

... I don't like USC's uniforms. I can definitely appreciate classic uniforms- I love both the Blue Jays and Royals use of their old powder blue uniforms on a semi-regular basis this year. At the same time, I think that sports uniforms overall are starting to look ridiculous as more and more teams move to more modern looks. But still, can't USC update their uniform just a little bit? Seriously, they picked up on the forward pass and the helmet but they must have missed new uniform technology, which was invented around the same time. Even teams like Notre Dame and Michigan have updated their classic looks by at least adding some shiny material or something that makes them pop on tv. Watching USC's dull uniforms makes their games look like a team from the 1930s is playing a team from present day. For such a flashy team and a flashy town, you'd think they'd add at least some pizzaz to their unis.

... I don't like that I just wrote about sports fashion. I'll go chop some wood outside or go hunting and shoot me some dinner to boost my man points to make up for it.

... I don't like indoor baseball stadiums. I've been to two of them- the Metrodome in Minnesota and the SkyDome in Toronto- and they completely take away all the nostalgia that makes baseball so good. Who is going to look back 30 years from now and say that they can still remember this one time when Joe Mauer hit one off the baggie in right field or the other time when Delmon Young, pacman's boy, lost a ball in the lights and let a run score. Let's just ban all indoor baseball stadiums and call it a day, cool? I really don't think anyone would be opposed to that.

... I don't like salary caps. Really, I could care less about whether they make sports more fair or whatever. I simply don't like them because I have yet to meet a single person who really understands a sports salary cap. I just don't get it- what good is a salary cap if teams can go over it? What the hell is the luxury tax? What happens if a team just decides not to follow the salary cap? So many questions, so few answers. The only thing the salary cap is good at is making sports fans confused.

... I don't like the National League. A lot of people think the NL is a truer version of baseball and it goes back to the roots of baseball and all of that. I even enjoy seeing good hitting pitchers but doesn't it get old watching a player bunt 3 times a game? Doesn't it get old seeing someone come up to the plate 2-4 times a game having such a slim shot at impacting the game there? National League games should cost less to attend because 6-10 of their outs are infinitely less compelling than the better league. When you can legitimately ask yourself if you could do better at the plate than a MLB pitcher, something is wrong.

... I don't like that I haven't posted in a while.

... I don't like Sunday nights. The week ahead is staring at you right in the face like Gary Sheffield staring Fausto Carmona down after getting beaned and all you can think about is how great the weekend was and how you're glad no one saw that you woke up on Sunday morning with 3 empty twinkie wrappers in your pocket and a Cooking Light magazine in your bed.

-C. Stevenson

Leyland Can't Smoke in the Dugout for Three Games

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

If any member of the Tigers need to bum a smoke this weekend, they won't be able to turn to their manager, Jim Leyland. Leyland and his Marlboro's will not be present in the Tigers dugout for their upcoming series because he has been suspended three games for his conduct during arguments with umpires this week in Texas. The buildup of the anger and stress that has accumulated due to the Tigers very disappointing season, reached the boiling point in Texas, beginning when Umpire Eric Cooper reversed a hit by pitch call in the 6th inning on Monday. Leyland raced out of the dugout, stopped after ten feet to catch his breath, then ran the rest of the way to blow the build up of smoke that came from his lungs into Coopers face. Any good manager would get on an umpire's case for this though. Cooper made a blunder any umpire should know not to make. Leyland was upset that Cooper conceded to the fact that he was blocked out and should have never made the call himself in the first place, thus shouldn't have taken so long for him to look down to first for help. Leyland admitted that the Texas hitter was in fact hit by the pitch, but he was pissed off because Cooper told him he did not have any angle on the call and that he should have checked with first base umpire, Angel Hernandez, from the get go.

Having played for a real knowledgeable baseball manager (Dick Cooke-an auxiliary Coach for team USA) myself in college, I know that it pisses them off the most when an umpire, who although may be making the right call in the end, doesn't make it in a professional umpire's manner. For example, if a right handed batter is up at the plate and the umpire makes a strike call with his left arm (or hand depending on the umpire's pizzazz) my coach would jump down that guy's throat. That's an amateur mistake and you won't see that in the MLB but I think you get what I'm saying. Jim Leyland wanted Cooper to follow the code of umpiring by asking for help because he did not see the ball actually hit the Texas hitter. in my opinion, Cooper admitting that he did not see the play and tried to make the call himself warranted this berating from Leyland.

That incident was only the pie itself. The cherry on top to the suspension comes from Leyland's actions the following night when Angel Hernandez was behind the plate. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Texas' Michael Young checked his swing on a 2-2 count. Judging from the replays, since my MLB.TV was minimized at the time, it appeared as if he went around. Leyland and everyone with reason would think so too. Leyland requested that Hernandez check the call with first base umpire. Hernandez refused. Young walked, and the Rangers wound up scoring three runs and winning the game. (Not really because of the call, but because Rodney loves throwing 0-2 pooschutes). Clearly the fact that the Tigers lost again, in a terrible fashion, angered Leyland. The fact that it all started with a missed 2-2 checked swing call, that wasn't even appealed to someone who had a better view, absolutely infuriated him. After the game, Leyland followed Hernandez to the umpires tunnel, pointing at him, yelling at him, and calling him ugly. It was because of these actions that Leyland was subsequently suspended for three games.

Yeah, Jim Leyland's actions were uncharacteristic, and definitely unprofessional. But can you blame the guy for having to put up with the underachieving Tigers all season, hear criticism all year because he doesn't have the Midas Touch like he used to last year or the year before in managing the lineup, and has to sit and watch a AA bullpen blow a game for the second night in a row, all in addition to unprofessional umpiring? I can't. Jim, I hope you have a wonderful three day vacation. While your gone, hopefully Magglio rises higher in the batting title race, Miguel hits 6 homers to get to 40, and the Lions win a game.

UNITY

Run Support Lifts Garcia Past Texas

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

He didn't need it though. Garcia's first start since 2007 was very impressive as he needed just 59 pitches to get through 5 scoreless innings, the minimum IP to be eligible for a victory. After sitting for a long time in the top of the 5th while the Tigers scored 9 runs, Garcia pitched the bottom frame and that's where his night would end. I'm unsure as to whether it was a plan to pitch him a maximum 5 innings or the lengthy time he spent sitting between innings. Willis threw 5 innings on Monday but that's more than likely because he was nearing 100 pitches and Leyland thought it was in Willis' best interest to end his night on a high note at the end of the 5th. At any rate, the Tigers gave him plenty of run support (16 to be exact) during his 5 innings to give him his first victory since 2007. Garcia allowed zero earned runs, 2 hits, walked 1 and struck out 3. Whether or not the entire Texas Rangers team was asleep and handed this game to Garcia and the Tigers hitters like a treat given to a trained dog after its potty break is up in the air. Based off of what I saw though, I think Garcia definitely proved that he can still pitch in the big leagues and deserves a spot on some teams rotation. If he has another start like he did in Texas, I would not be surprised to see the Tigers making him a reasonable offer to return to the team next year. And if Edgar Renteria's prediction is correct, Garcia would be smart to sign because he'll be pitching for another World Series team. Personally, if he has another start like he did last night, I would be more than happy to have him fill out our depleted rotation. I'd much rather have him in there than Zach Miner! Ew. I'm not too worried about Miner being a starter though because even if Garcia doesn't sign, I have heard rumors that Derek Lowe will be heavily persued by the Tags this offseason (my source is Peter Gammons during a Dodgers/Phillies Sunday night baseball game) Also of note: We'll need a lefty if Willis doesn't correct his walk problems, because Kenny Rogers has a fork in him.

One More Venezuelan

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

When the Detroit Tigers announced that they had signed Freddy Garcia to a minor league deal there was not that much BUZZ surrounding it. I guess being 10+ games out of first place and a severe shoulder surgery that has kept the player out of the league for over a year can do that to a story. Well, tonight Freddy Garcia will be joining the already heavy Tigers' Venezuelan contingent and making his first start since his June 8 of last year (when he was with the Phillies). Before last season, Garcia threw over 200 IP since 2001 (the year he won 18 games with the Mariners) and in 2005, he was an instrumental pitcher for the White Sox when they won the World Series (gag). Despite having a surgery that many believe he can not recover from and return to be a more than adequate pitcher in the MLB, I'm somewhat excited to see what he can do for the Tigers with some fellow country-mates. Unfortunately, his debut with the team comes in September when the Tigers are 14 GB of first place and mathematically eliminated from the playoffs (gag). Game time begins right meow so watch it and get back to me with your thoughts about how he did against a normally, pretty good Texas lineup.

UNITY

"The Hell With Our Knees"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano


Charlie Weis was in the news a lot this past week leading up to the Michigan/Notre Dame game because of comments he made at a press conference before the Blue and Gold scrimmage last spring. Weis made a speech to fans and claimed the Wolverines would make excuses about their new coaching regime under Rich Rodriguez. (So what? It's true). Weis said, "I've always been one to never make excuses and not go about airing it....listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in and saying how they have a new coaching staff and there's changes. To hell with Michigan!"

Let's take a step back here. Hell, I can run around the room for a minute trying to make sense of this only because I can. He said what? Wishing us to HELL? Alright, I understand. I'm not sure why it was such a HUGE deal because he was merely being clever and "paying homage" (as Detnews.com stated it) to the late Bo Schembechler (Bo said "The hell with Notre Dame" back in the day).

Personally, I don't think Charlie Weis should try and parallel himself to the legend Schembechler by any means. He is no where near as thin, nor as good at coaching as Bo was. Additionally, Weis ought to shut his fat ho-ho filled yap about people making excuses. If you are what you eat (or you know how when you were younger you used to say you hated girls because they have koodies, but you really loved them and wanted to go up their shirt?), then in that case, one might be reasonable to believe that Weis actually LOVES excuses. I mean he's always mentioning- "no excuses. I'm hungry, no excuses." His book is even partially titled, "No Excuses." If Michigan wants to make the excuse that we are under a new coaching scheme and these current players don't fit the scheme to compete at a high level, then by all means that should be a very good excuse for why they are so crappy this year. That's a logical excuse, thus negating the whole idea of 'no excuses." Follow me? Well follow me now because this entire "The Hell With Michigan" thing comes full circle, like a good episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, or naturally all my other lengthy posts.

As you know, Charlie Weis is obese. Well, when watching himself on the Patriots Super Bowl DVD Weis noticed his over-blobbing body taking up most of the screen and realized it himself for the first time. Weis said to himself, 'Look at that fat ass,' " Weis wrote in his book. "I wish I had been looking at someone else. Unfortunately, that fat ass was me." No excuses though, right Charlie? So he subsequently undergoes a highly controversial, and complicated, surgery that, as history with similar procedures show, may result in death. No excuses though. Although he regrets having the surgery, he sued the doctors claiming negligence. The doctors are allowed no excuses. During the trial, there was a star witness handy that provided a deposition as to how Weis lived his life before and after the surgery. His name is Tom Brady. Weis thinks the world of Tom Brady because Brady stuck it out with him during Weis' stay in the hospital. Weis says he would NEVER say anything bad about him. No excuses, Tommy, for impregnating girls out of wed lock. Tommy, as Weis calls him, could do no wrong.

And here my friends, is where the fierce-soul of Bo Schemblecher comes back to life. Due to the fact Tommy Brady (Michigan Alum) helped out a Notre Dame affiliate with his lawsuit, and knowing how dear Tom Brady was to a Notre Dame family, the Maize and Blue Gods from above struck back with lightning on the cocky lives of the two love birds, Brady and Weis. And ohhhhh how quickly, and with such precision, did it occur! Tom Brady, Week 1, (first time ever not being on the injury report as Chip pointed out) tore his MCL and ACL- ending his season. Bummer. There goes Weis' former team's chances of making it back to the Super Bowl. The following week, Charlie Weis had one of his own players thrown into his left knee (the same knee) while he was on the sidelines of the Michigan/Notre Dame game. The hit to his knee crushed it, causing a whole bunch of knee injuries- including a torn ACL. JUSTICE. Due to their stupid comments and purposes in life (Brady helping out in the lawsuit and helping Boston be relevant; and Weis being fat and making that "Michigan" comment), their knees have been shattered by the Tonya Harding fans of loveable Michigan--only this time, it was for the betterment of America. Reversed and remanded.

UNITY

Detroit4lyfe Fantasy Football Week 2 Recap

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Dupree's "Fudge Packers" seem to be for real as they dropped 181 points this week against their nemesis, "The Jonas Brothers." Meanwhile, Bobby Boucher's "Mississippi Mud Dogs" took me down like a bad Gatorade display to drop yours truly to 0-2 on the young season. My Pamela Anderson 'boob' of the week was waiting until the last minute to NOT make changes to my lineup. I was on my way to the airport Sunday around 11 AM without internet access, therefore I was not able to make the obvious and necessary changes to my QB position. As a result, I had to stick with Big Ben in terrible weather conditions with a bum shoulder as opposed to Philip Rivers. If I'm able to make that switch, I win this week and we're looking at a 3 way tie atop the Jack Nicholson division. Oh well. I take full responsibility for my actions. On the flip side, Chip Stevenson's "My Ass Tastes" won pretty handily over Karl Marx's Philosophists (my week 3 opponent) to hold on to a first place spot in the beautiful Meg Ryan division. It is also important to note that CJ's "Oracle of Oakland" received the lowest points for the 2nd week in a row in a loss in the mustiest game of the week v. boring team name, "Team Young." Stay tuned for week 3.

UNITY

Retrainin' the D-Train

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Dontrelle Willis will make his first start tonight for the Tigers since his June 9th meltdown. He had some quality starts in the minors, but Chip and I are nervous for him. Nonetheless, we'll be watching the 8 under .500 Tags just as intently as we would if they were tied for first in the wild card race and their head coach just got fired. I hope D-Train finds himself and has a solid outing tonight because we sure could use the D-Train of old next season.

Average Homeboy

Posted by Chip Stevenson

I have a post coming soon but I wanted to give you all this video to hold you over. Streetcred4lyfe.





It's worth watching just for the Cincinnati Red's helmet hat near the end.

Copycattin'... So What?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

I'm almost positive everyone wants to know how my fantasy football league with my friends from Deeeetroit is going. In order to please the curious reader, I will post the current standings for my league (divisions separated into Jack Nicholson and Meg Ryan) and scores from the previous week. Top 2 teams from each division make it to the playoffs which start week 14. If you want to know who each person is, leave a comment but I have a feeling no one really cares. You should all know that the bold faced team is ME and thats who everyone will probably be following the most. I lost in week 1, but tend to get my losses out of the way early in the season. I did lose to Dupree so it's more excusable. Chip S. is "Tell Me How My Ass Tastes" a team name inspired by the Grammy winning rap song of Shaquille O'Neal ft. Kobe. Detroit4lyfe.blogspot went 2-1 this week. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted, so keep your fingers crossed. (Note: I typically do not cite my sources on this blog because the blog is informal and I'm not being graded nor have I been prosecuted for the lack of citations (yet). However, in this case, out of pure respect, I want everyone to know that I am copying this "Update your readers on your fantasy football league" idea from Redskins' TE, Chris Cooley's blog...Chip was gracious enough to throw that blog my way, and I'm very thankful for that. It's a good read and has very blog-inspirational content.)

Here are the top headlines of the fantasy week:

  1. Team Oracle of Oakland sucks (made a terrible trade before season started: traded Turner and McNabb to the Mud Dogs for Manning and Bowe and then only scored 62 points)
  2. Brady is out for the season giving Matt Cassel a chance to start for the first time since he was Quarterbacking in his childhood family pickup games in the backyard.
  3. Green Bay Packers and Cameron Diaz are doing just fine without Brett Favre
  4. Lions allowed 300+ yards rushing and lost to a Rookie QB, a Rookie QB that came from the ACC nonetheless. If you have anyone that plays the Lions, as much as it hurts me to say, it's usually a good idea to start them. Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant are next.
UNITY

"We Goin' to the Super Bowl, Folks!"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

I wore my Cory Schlesinger jersey to the game today, telling Falcons fans on the way to the Georgia Dome all about my predictions for the Lions in Week 1. Well, I came out looking like a foooool. I was heckled from my seats until I got off the Marta station and got into my car to go home after the Lions suffered a terrible loss. Michael Turner did some suicide conditioning drills as he ran up and down the field for 220 yards and 2 touchdowns. He should be in great shape and not feel at all badly about having the worst goatee since Alexei Lalas. Taking nothing away from the Falcons offensive line, but the Lions defense had more holes in it than 50 cent after being shot 9 times....Today was just an all around bad day.

A Game of Twister Can Get Weird

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

The Detroit Lions are playing the Atlanta Falcons tomorrow at 1 pm, and I'm going to be there front and center (By front and center I mean, section 120 row 11). I am really looking forward to the season because Marinelli finally has HIS team in the system, which I fully believe in; and Joey Harrington no longer has a job. Just when I thought I got away from Joey Harrington forever when he left Detroit, I stupidly follow him to Atlanta. Nonetheless, Atlanta chose the right person though by releasing him, and ultimately has kept me around for a while.

Anyway, I want to start something new up for every weekend, but it involves some historical context, or in lawyerly terms: some procedural history. Every Sunday when I was the adorable age of 7 or so, I cant remember how old exactly, I would wake up early Sunday around 10 AM and simulate the upcoming Lions game in my basement. The twist here is that I didn't simulate it on Madden 94 or through any other video game. I would simulate it LIVE... one on zero. Me vs. myself, in basement football. I would play NOBODY, and play every down against NOBODY. I have 3 brothers, but I chose to play myself. It was always easier competition that way. I would act as both teams, every player on both teams and play every down of a full length football game. I would certainly skip commercials because every kid hates them. I held a stop watch with the time and would stop it every time I incompleted a pass to myself or I decided to run out of bounds outside of the yellow little tike chairs. Almost every single game, Barry would break a run of 50 yards or more and the Lions would win 10 or 11 games during the season. Now that I'm 23 years old, I figured I should probably stop doing that style of predictions and simply make predictions more maturely. So here you have it, me, at the age of 23, making mature predictions through alphabetical text on a blog.

(Note: These predictions are very well thought out and based on a very sophisticated observation of historical numbers and gamesmanship tendencies.)

Detroit stats:
Jon Kitna: 18/24, 279 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INT, 1 fumble
Kevin Smith: 24 carries, 117 yards, 1 TD
Rudi Johnson: 10 carries, 23 yards, 0 TD
Roy Williams: 7 Rec, 84 yards, 1 TD
Calvin Johnson: 5 Rec, 104 yards, 1 TD
Shaun McDonald: 5 Rec, 63 yards
Jason Hanson: 1/1 FG

Final Score prediction:
Detroit Lions 24
Atlanta Falcons 13


I'll follow the game up with a quick recap of my predictions vs. the real thing.... holler and go Leos

UNITY

Whodunit?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano










I'm in law school now, so naturally I know a whole lot more than your average joe. After just 3 weeks of law schooling, I am able to recognize a thief just as easily as the highly capable hamburglar is to pointing out one. Allow me to plunge into the facts of what the hellllll I'm talking about... As I'm sure you have all heard, Rudi Johnson was signed by the Lions to a one year contract; after being released by the Cincinnati Bengals due to alleged hamstring problems. Rudi met with the Lions, denied all allegations of having fresh-out-of-the-box spaghetti noodles for hamstrings, and signed on the spot, or dotted line, however you want to look at it. As a result, the Lions were not going to need all the running backs they had on their depth chart anymore, so they decided to release Tatum Bell. In the grand scheme of things, Tatum Bell has been as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop for the Lions. All he really did was fill a spot. We needed experienced depth behind Kevin Smith, so it's reasonable to believe that was the only reason he was being held onto anyway. Rudi Johnson provided the Lions with a legitimate, more excusable, reason for releasing Bell-leaving him unemployed (If you have been a Lions running back in the past 9 years and you get released by the Lions, chances are you are not going to find a job anywhere else. Kevin Jones being the exception to that because the Bears are probably just as pathetic at that position). I digress. While Rudi Johnson was in a meeting with Matt Millen, most likely discussing groundrules of the stadium and notifying him of the location of all the convenient shitters, Tatum Bell was packing his shit up to leave forever. Rudi Johnson, planning on moving his stuff in after the meeting, left his bags in the hallway. His bags were of Gucci brand (a present for being in the Pro Bowl a couple years back) and full of panties, undershirts, jock straps, credit cards, and a money clip, clipped to the max of about $200. Everything a gay thief could ask for really. Somewhere in between the time Rudi put the bags in the hallway and the time he got back to start unpacking things into his locker, the bags were stolen. After originally thinking the janitors might have just moved them while cleaning, Rudi and Lions officials turned to the surveillance. On the tapes, fresh-released Tatum Bell was seen acting 'suspect' around the bags before he actually picked them up and walked out. Rudi immediately telephoned Tatum to retrieve the bags, but Tatum said he did not have them. Later, a random hooker returned the bags to the stadium...empty except for the money clip (Obviously, only Johnson and Sean Astin can make use of this name engraved clip). So clearly, we have a classic whodunit mystery. However, video surveillance doesn't normally relay illusional images. Rudi and Lion officials watched the tape and see that Tatum Bell picked up the bags. He clearly dun it, but Bell is claming, "I ain't no thief." He says that he was picking up bags for another released teammate and taking them to that poor dude's girlfriend's house, but mistakenly took Johnson's Gucci bags instead (Gucci bags most likely being a clear enough sign that, "These belong to a former Pro Bowler, probably not to a guy who just got red slipped." Then again, Tatum's never been to the Pro Bowl, what would he know about Gucci pro bowl presents?). Long story short, I'm not buying Tatum's defense for a second. Even the hamburglar knows that this is just a mere case of a dumbass trying to get even with the guy who just took his job. Real smart, Tatum. You're about as dumb as your name. As if it wasn't hard enough, good luck finding another job in the NFL.....oh wait, Cincinnati just released a running back and they LOVE criminals. Holding: Youdunit.
UNITY

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