Tigers 2.5 back...of 3rd Freaking Place!

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Chip isn't the only one sensitive to stinkiness

I've been half-ass following the Tigers lately. I don't mean that I've been sitting at the edge of the seat, half of my ass in the air, while I watch the games intently. I mean that I have the games on, minimize them, listen to the announcers and when something big happens I maximize the window to take a look. Law school can take away my life, but it won't take away my dignity. Anyway, I know enough to be able to say that the Tigers are in a major rut. They got spanked around by the ORIOLES (they were supposed to be the worst team in the majors this year btw) and then get mutilated by the Indians. Over the course of their recent poop skid, they have fallen not only completely out of contention for the playoffs, but also out of 3rd place in the division!! The Indians just traded away their ACE, CC Sabathia last month, have been playing most of the year without Carmona, Martinez, and Hafner; and even lost Tiger killer Paul Byrd, yet they are still on a roll lately and have overtaken the Tigers for 3rd place in the Central! Poppydick! I fail to see exactly why the Tigers are SO bad this year compared to the last couple years. Obviously, injuries have not helped (Bonderman, Willis, Jones, Zumaya, Granderson, Ordonez, and Inge have all been on the DL at some point). Give me another team that has had that many key players on the DL over the course of a season and are still near the .500 level. I can't think of any, but I haven't researched it thoroughly. Even with those injuries though, a lot of players have played really poorly over the course of the season as well. Allow me to go through the list:

  • Sheffield has decided he wants to do his best Neifi Perez impersonation. He's doing a great job because he has provided nothing for us all year. Neifi at least salvaged a no-hitter last year.
  • Inge is our new catcher, yet he hits low .200s. Almost 100 points lower than our last catcher, future HOFer, Pudge. I love Inge, but he'll have to start hitting closer to .260 for me to think he's even worth it.
  • Renteria is hitting almost 60 points lower than last year. Jurrjens is turning in a tremendous season for the Braves. Although I think the NL is a joke, I think he would have been our 2nd best pitcher still, all while Santiago would have been more than enough of a serviceable SS. Then again, hindsight is 20/20 unless you don't eat your carrots.
  • Cabrea got off to a slow start and didn't start hitting above .290 (which is still almost 30 points lower than his normal #s) until after the all-star break. I'm not worried about him though, he's LEGIT.
  • Ordonez, Chip's BOY, has no pop and his hair is getting old and greasier.
  • Guillen has suffered from hemmrhoids and ailing back problems all year, drastically cutting into his production numbers. He has always been made of glass, but he still produced in the past.
  • Don't even get me started on Verlander. He has had problems all season and fails to man up and correct them. He's not injured because he is more than capable of hitting 98 when he feels like it. He's just too big of a prick to want to change the way he's pitching. Unfortunately for Tiger fans, that means we might have to get used to him having a 4 ERA and that stupid ass grin whenever a team rips his tits.
  • Rodney seems to have figured his shit out, or his arm is finally healthy. Unfortunately, he didn't figure it out until we were 10-12 games back. I think he's real good when he's healthy and high. It's just too bad that tendinitis comes around as often as a doobie for him.
  • Zumaya may NEVER be the Zumaya of 2006. There's way too much party, and stupid decisions in that man. I hope he gets healthy, but a 100 MPH arm is really tough to healthily maintain, especially when you're doing kegstands and playing guitar hero with it too.
  • Alan Trammel is still a bench coach for the Cubs. He must be really happy.
  • Polanco is Polanco. He's hitting above .300 with no pop and a ginormous alien looking head.
  • Marcus Thames has been the only real surprise for the Tigers, but if you look at the big picture he's always had that pop. He still hits in the .250's with sup-par defensive skills; and let's not get carried away because 22 HR is not THAT much. Remember, Monroe hit .280 something with 28 HRs in 2006.
  • Granderson is another Tiger that I can't really complain much about. He is down from last year, but let's get real: last year was abnormally good. He still has 10+ triples, almost 10 SB, 15+ HR, all while hitting right around .300 all year. I'd say that's a more than serviceable year.
  • Todd Jones I love, but I hate. I love him because he's a great guy with a great attitude and really fun. I hate him because he hurt his arm at some point and didn't tell anyone and blew games for close to a month as a result. Arguably, he is the main reason we faltered when we had a shot at staying in this race. All because he wanted to stick it out with the rest of the team and help us make it back into contention. However, his alleged selflessness was more selfish and stupid. Not only did he lose games for the Tags over that stretch, but he created a bad name for himself as everyone who thought he couldn't close before got the last laugh when he was removed from the closers role. Damn you Todd Jones. I still love you though.
  • Dave Dombrowski is a legend in my book. I think he is a great GM, but I think he got a little cocky this off season when he thought our BATS could counter our sub-par pitching. He stubbornly looked at our pitching staff like it was going to perform like it was 2006 and was not realistic at all. I think pitching help was a DEFINITE need during the offseason and I think he got a little too confident in the guys he had. I think he kind of gave in, admitting his wrong when he made the Pudge for Farnsy trade, but by that point it was probably too late and by that point we needed a whole lot more than just a reliever who had been pitching really well the last month....

I've been meaning to vent like this since I drank my first beer in over a week a couple weeks ago. The drop out of 3rd place really triggered this post though. I hope you find this coherent and understanable. I blacked out and have no idea what I just typed and didn't edit it.

Ok....back to studying...on a Fri. night



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