Eat 'Em Up Tigers

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

video

Pudge Loves Detroit So Much

Posted by Chip Stevenson in


As he prepared to leave his team of the last five years, Pudge was asked by a TV reporter for his memories of Detroit.

“Absolutely awesome,” he said.

Inge Is Better Than Pudge

Posted by Chip Stevenson in


I'm definitely sad to see Pudge go because, like pacman said, he completely started the Tigers' turnaround and added instant credibility to the team when he signed a few years ago. He was the first piece to the puzzle and performed admirably throughout his Tager tenure. Still, Brandon Inge is better than Pudge now and the trade today helps us.

Pudge- 302 at bats, 5 home runs, 32 rbi, 19 walks, .755 OPS

Inge- 176 at bats, 8 home runs, 30 rbi, 22 walks, .758 OPS

For those of you who aren't good with numbers, I took calculus in college so let me explain. Inge has more home runs, almost as many rbis, more walks, and a higher OPS in almost HALF the at bats this year. Plus, no one in the world has as good of an arm as Inge has. I'm looking forward to watching the catcher of the future become a huge asset to the club, and I also plan on rooting hard for Pudge and the Jankees to make the playoffs. He deserves it.

No More Hot Pudge Sundays

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Sad news came today as the Detroit Tigers have traded catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez (the grown man getting kissed on the cheek above) to the New York f'ing Yankees in return for reliever Kyle Farnsworth. While this basically solidifies a Yankees team that will make a run for the playoffs....again.... the Tigers receive an arm for their depleted bullpen. When first hearing the news of this trade, I was pissed. We traded our catcher that started the entire Tiger turnaround movement, our catcher that has won 13 gold gloves in his career, helps our pitchers so much, and hits right around .300 for his entire career. Why shouldn't I be pissed off, embarassed, and peeing my pants??? I'll tell you why. The Tigers got help in their bullpen for THIS year which means they are not throwing in the towel for this season. Brandon Inge is a more than adequate catcher who has a lot of pop. If only he hit above .250. I shouldn't be embarassed because Pudge is old, in his last year of his contract, and Farnsworth will provide bullpen help. If he doesn't he'll simply pile drive you, Jeremy Affeldt and anyone else who gets in his way. Lastly, I shouldn't be peeing my pants after this trade because that's just weird and immature. I'm 23 years old and I should really get my involuntary pissing problem checked out. Whether we like it or not, the trade has been made and I don't want to sound like a broken record and break it down anymore like every blog, newspaper, radio, or tv show in America will be doing for the next 24 hours. Brandon Inge is our catcher, Chip helped me calm down a lot about this trade, and the Tigers are going to make up the 5.5 games they are behind the White Sox and win the World Series. I'm going to go ahead real quick and compare Brandon Inge with Chris Osgood back in the day. Osgood was the young guy waiting in the wings (yes, pun intended) and took over an aging keeper to go on and win the cup. Now Inge can take over aging Pudge and go on and win a world series, like Pudge has done before (Only it wasn't with Detroit). See how this beautiful story ends????? I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'm going to go have a hot fudge sunday in memory of Pudge Rodriguez.

UNITY

Celebrities R US: Celebrity Interview #5

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Sometimes in life things don't always go as planned. For example, I was planning on the Tigers to be 35 games ahead of the White Sox at this point in the season and instead they are 5.5 games out of first. I was planning on the Pistons to have made a major deal by this time in the summer and instead they signed the 2nd greatest disappointing Kwame in Detroit, Kwame Brown. Sometimes though, something that wasn't planned comes up and can be a blessing. Today, I was planning on writing another boring post about the Tigers and how I think they will make the playoffs. Instead, I was graced with the presence of Chase FitzPatrick, middle aged women heart throb and right fielder #7 for the Davidson Wildcats. So rather than writing another typical post, I'm going to present you all with a special treat: another celebrity interview. Chase is known to most as someone who is self proclaimed as C-Fitz and known for sitting on the couch on Saturday mornings with his hands down his boxers, obsessively yelling DERP at anyone who does something stupid. Today, I am going to present to you the REAL C-Fitz. A heart felt, rags to riches story about as special as the autistic kid who scored 20 points in 4 minutes. (See video at bottom) It's a lot like that actually because in 4 minutes, I was able to pull off this amazing interview with this amazing, hope inspiring intervieweee....

ME: Tell everyone the story of January 19, 2008. The epic drink off between you and roommate Hugh Eden.
CF7: I remember that we were settling down enjoying a Steven Speilberg classic, Jurrasic Park. We had a bunch of guys from the team over in our apartment as usual having some chillaxin beers. We were just enjoying watching Jeff Goldbloom scooping triceratops poop out of a 8 foot pile. Hugh had been going out with his new girlfriend Kiki for a little while now and his fun level had diminished significantly so i decided it would be a great idea to put a little pep in his step so I challenged him to a duel. A beer off...winner take all...beer for beer...the man who finishes the night having drank/drunk/drunken the most beers wins. I'm a sprinter so I took off on a torrid pace. Hugh leisurley drank his beers (heiniken lights if i remember correctly) and i was off towards ChaseFaceville, USA. They were calling this competition the drink off of the century. A potential upset in the making. Me: known for booting in disposals, showers and solo cups by 8:30 was taking on a formidable fo who talked as big a game as mike tyson, without the bite. I knew i had a chance when i was on my 9th beer and I looked over to see that Hugh was whispering sweet nothings into Kiki's ear. It was at that moment I started coasting like Ricky Bobby...setting up the sling shot to victory. It was around beer 15 where things started getting hazy. I remember people clammering that my Chase face was starting to show through. People that dont know me should know that it gets to be pretty dangerous territory once the Chase face has been spotted, but I was still in control of my body. I fought through, went out to the parties on the court and proceeded to black out knowing though that I had consumed several more beers in the process through first hand accounts of my teammates. Victory was mine as cinderella had to go home before the clock struck 12 and he turned into a pumpkin. Hugh claims to this day that the victory should have an asterisk next to it in light of the fact that I lost count after 15. Sloth, who was feeling sick and didnt go out that night, remembers an 'earthquake' in Hugh's room around 1230. While I didnt come back to the apartment until well past 2. Science tells us that I had to have had at least 3 beers b/w those hours that Hugh had fallen asleep and me coming back to the apartment. Victory.
ME: Reallllllly compelling story and a great upset. A lot like the Giants over the Patriots.

ME: I know you have a twin brother. Does he live in your shadow or do you live in his?
CF7: Well I'm about a half an inch bigger so I guess I cast a slightly larger shadow.

ME: When did you decide that you wanted to play college baseball?
CF7: Inever really thought about college ball unitl I was probably a junior in high school. I was always focused on the next goal, like sophomore yr: making varsity. College ball never was a thought until I had to start thinking about college in general.

ME: At that point, did you know wherever you went to play that it would be with your twin brother?
CF7: Unfortunately, yes.
ME: Why?
CF7: Because we're bff's, a package deal, no other way around it. We're like Ross and Rachel, we fight a lot but in the end we're always gonna be together...like Simon and Paula.
ME: F'ing precious. Give me a minute break here. I'm gonna go call my brother....

ME:Okay I'm back and thought of a very important question while I was gone...Neil Patrick Harris or George Clooney?
CF7: Clooney. Sorry NPH.
ME: Why?
CF7: Clooney always seemed to take his job as Dr. more seriously than NPH. Although NPH was a genius, I'd want Clooney if I had to go under the knife....plus he has a soothing voice
ME: I'd rather have the genius over the soothing voice. Then again NPH might very well touch me in naughty places if I was out for surgery, so I guess I'll agree with your Clooney choice.

ME: Did you and your brother ever play doctor?
CF7: No...

ME: How do you like your current job at MLB.tv?
CF7: It has been a good experience. I finish on Friday, but overall it was a good taste of what it's going to be like as a corporate-mier.

ME: You mention Corporate-mier. I know who you are referring to, our good buddy Dan Obermeier, but the viewers do not. Please explain the Dan Obermeier you speak of a little bit so everyone can get to know him as well.
CF7: Dan Obermeier was a senior catcher when i was a freshman. He loved to chew while drinking his favorite beer: IC Light, a mediocre light beer from Pittsburgh. He mad out with Zage's ex-girlfriend. According to many sources, she is miserable and makes people want to kill themselves. Anyway, other's know him as Obie, Obermeier, Corporate-meier, and roll-over meier. He says dude a lot too. That is all there really is to know about Daniel. OH! He enjoys the occasional handy dandy from the hunnies and babies too.

ME: What is your favorite movie of all time?
CF7: Oooo that's a tough one. I have favorite movies in different genres. But if there's a movie I could watch over and over again without getting bored it would have to be...for horror: Dawn of the Dead, for action: Dark Knight, for comedy: Dumb and Dumber, an oldie but a goodie, for Romantic Comedy: Love Actually duh, and I love Hannah Montana but I never got to see her 3D concert in theaters, but I'm sure it was spectacular. ME: Speaking of Disney movies, have you seen how jacked Zac Efron has gotten?
CF7: No, but I'm a fan and admire his work. You can bet on it! Send me a link and then I can show you how jacked I am.
ME: I don't want to see how jacked your penis gets after seeing Zac Efron. I'll pass. Besides, I prefer the Jonas Brothers.

ME: Ranch dressing or caesar dressing?
CF7: Ceasar dressing. When in Rome, ya know?.... Get it?
ME: Ya.... I get it.

ME: How often did you try and suck a Davidson basketball players dicks after they went to the Elite 8?
CF7: I never tried to give fellatio to any basketball players, Brian. :-9
ME: What kind of face is that?
CF7: It's a tongue licking its lips......
ME: Ew.....

ME: Why do you love cougars sooooo much?
CF7: Dude, come on now. Not on a public website. I'm an animal love, I love cats. I had a Maine coon cat for 16 years and I'd love to raise a wild cat one day soon. That's all I can say about that.
ME: Discretion is the name of the game.

ME: What do you call a teacher who doesn't fart in public?
CF7: A private tutor. Come on now.
ME: Ok. Ok. My man. I was just seeing if you remembered that one.

ME: If you were in a pool of diarreah and a bucket of vomit was about to be poured on you would you duck your head under the diarreah to avoid the vomit or would you take the vomit?
CF7: Is it my diarreah and vomit? Actually, nevermind. Vomit definitely.
ME: Why?
CF7: Because I've been vomitted on and lived to tell about it, but I've never been nor would I ever want to be pooped on. ME: Perhaps the best answer yet to that question.

ME: Last question and probably the most important...Daniel Craig or Christian Bale?
CF7: I got to go with Daniel Craig. Although both are great in their respective roles, I can't respect assaulting women, especially your mum. Bond is a womanizer but I don't see him as an abusive womanizer. I like my martini shaken not stirred. Not my women if you know what im sayin.
ME: Well, what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
CF7: That's easy. Nothing. She's already been told twice.

ME: Any last words, Chase?
CF7: Yeah. There's still 5 more days of Shark Week left on Discovery. Check it out instead of Brendan Frasier's terrible 3rd installment of the Mummy. And I had a lot of fun doing this interview with you, Brian.

It was a real pleasure to interview Chase. I'm looking forward to visiting his apartment this coming year and trashing the place, making his teammates cry, and never cleaning up. AIM exploding smiley faces....right now...... :)

Please be on the lookout for a celebrity interview with his twin Chris FitzPatrick. If you thought this interview wasn't funny, I assure you Chris will be funnier.





UNITY

Tigers and tidbits

Posted by Dupree in

I've never really been that big of a Todd Jones fan over the years. I wasn't a hater but definitely not a lover either. He got the job done most of the time which made him O.K. in my book but I was always so worried and had the xanax pills close by in order to survive the 9th inning of a close game. In my mind, a closer should be dominant 9 times out of 10 and everyone should feel very confident when their closer comes in with a 1 run lead in the 9th. Jones was by no means dominant. In fact, I'd say he was "dominant" 1 % of the time but he skated by on thin ice and got the job done the majority of the time which allowed him to keep the role of Tigers closer for so long. Thus I will not boo Todd Jones ever and completely agree with the genius ideas of Chip in the previous post (even the ones about my underwear, it happens to everyone though right?).

Anyways enough about Todd because our closer could be Paws and it wouldn't matter if the offense continues to perform as they did last night. The native americans took down the Tigers last night 5-0 with another Tiger slaying performance by Paul Byrd who is now 10-2 in 19 career starts against the Tags. Some people call him crafty but I'm sick of that crafty schmafty bullcrap. How can Byrd, a pitcher with a season ERA a shade below 5 dominate the Tigers hitters on such a consistent basis? His "craftiness" seems to only work on the Tigers and not everyone else in the bigs who seem to have no problem handling his junk. So now as a result of their piss poor performance last night, the skip has decided to have optional batting practice before tonights game. He's probably thinking to himself, well since we faced batting practice last night, courtesy of Paul Byrd, and failed to hit anything, why should we waste our time by taking more B.P. today? Smart skip, verry smart.

Tidbits

  • In basketball news, the Pistons signed Kwame Brown to a deal worth 4 million for next year and a 2nd year option worth another 4 million. Hopefully the stones can get some good production out of him this year off the bench and he puts up more than his 4.8 points and 4.9 rebounds a game that he had last year.

  • Two Virginia football players were arrested Saturday night for stealing beer from a bar......worst part is that it happened to be a GAY bar....http://www.ennvy.com/the-beer-at-gay-bars-must-be-especially-good-virginia-cavaliers/


---Dupree

The Rollercoaster No More

Posted by Chip Stevenson in



It's finally done. Todd Jones attempt at becoming the most average pitcher to ever have 350 saves in a career is officially over. He has been relieved of his duties as the Tigers' closer, and I guess I'm on board with the move. I've generally been a big supporter of his- I subscribed to the idea that as long as he kept on getting the job done, it didn't matter how many runs he gave up, how many balls were caught at the warning track, how few k's he had, how high his WHIP was or how hittable his 88 mph straight fastballs looked to me. It seemed like he must have been a pretty good man in a previous life to be getting by with all of that luck, but hey, he flat out got the job done. Then this past Friday happened.

It was the first game of an absolutely pivotal series with the first place White Sox. A couple buddies and I decided to suck it up and purchase standing room only tickets to the game, putting my perfect 6 and 0 record on the line. We got there early and got prime standing area right next to the statues in left field. The Tags had been ahead all game, only to cough up most of their lead on their way to handing the game over to Todd Jones with only a one run spread. He quickly got the first two hitters to somehow screw up and get out, proceeded to get an 0-2 count on Carlos Quentin and then he gave up a single on the next pitch. At this point, we all knew we were in trouble. Jermaine Dye came up and basically ended the game as well as Todd Jones' closing career when he went potty all over a Todd Jones patented cutter that always seems to cut right into the hitters' happy zone. I could see Jermaine Dye's "O Face" all the way from where we were standing. After I immediately and involuntary puked all over the White Sox fan standing in front of me at the sight of Jermaine Dye's fist pump and Ozzie Guillen jumping up and down like a schoolgirl who got a pony for her birthday, I decided to take a walk around the stadium by myself to gather my thoughts, get some napkins to clean up the slits on a bunch of tiger fans' wrists, and get a breath of fresh air. Not only was it my first loss of the season, bringing my record to a still stellar 6-1, it also put a big skid mark on our playoff hopes (and not the ones that you see in the streets, but rather the ones that you see in Dupree's underwear). In the middle of my soul searching session, I came to the realization that that game might be the last time I get to watch Todd Jones' mediocrity in a pressure situation for the Tigers.

In 2006 when every Tiger player seemed to have an angel on him, Todd Jones was officially the closer of the team, but we really had a three headed monster that took care of the closing duties- a dominant Joel Zumaya would throw 100 mph gas in the 7th inning in between Guitar Hero sessions, Fernando Rodney would throw whiffle ball change ups in the 8th inning in between marijuana cigarettes, and Todd Jones would clean up in the 9th in between shaving his studly fu man chu mustache. They all succeeded in their particular role and were rarely ever expected to change their routine. This year, Zumaya and Rodney have been hurt for most of the year and have been inconsistent when they have pitched, leaving Todd Jones to clean up in much closer games. The three headed monster that was so successful in 2006 has never really materialized this year and Todd Jones has been the one who has been affected the most. He has been put in situations where he struggles to succeed (one run games) and he doesn't have the two flamethrowers mowing opposing hitters down in front of him. It has been like putting the stripper who handles the 2 p.m. shift at Deja Vu on Wednesdays into the primetime 11 p.m. Friday shift. Of course he isn't going to succeed in that situation. It's really just unfair to him to even expect him to do that. I'm not even mad. Look, I like Todd Jones and I respect what he's done for the Tigers during his career. He's got that blue collar attitude that Detroit loves and he's gotten by all this time with completely average stuff. He has even handed his demotion with absoolute class. But because he doesn't have the consistent support bullpen group in front of him nor the double D cup size required for the primetime job, it's about time that he calls it a career and rides into the sunset.

RIP Closer Todd Jones

I'm Cool with a Little Acting....

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Some say Heath Ledger took his role as the joker a little too far by letting it affect his personal life. Whether that's true or not, Christian Bale could have done the same thing to himself when he lost nearly 65 pounds to fulfill a role as a 130 pound nut job in The Machinist.

A few weeks ago, as I'm sure you all heard too, there was a story on ESPN about Kansas City Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez saving a person from choking on a piece of filet mignon. The story made top headlines because obviously it's a feel good story. Well it did more than make Tony Gonzalez a hero: for a few days it took the viewers' eyes away from the darkness that has become the NFL. Seriously, I completely forgot all about the dozens of Bengals and other NFL players going to jail for killing dogs and beating up innocent school yard children. All I could think about was, "Wow- this NFL player saved a life. If only 'lives saved' counted as a fantasy category because Tony would for sure be the superior TE in the NFL if he isn't already. What a great guy." So, it's just a great story about an innocent meat lover choking on a piece of his filet and a future Hall of Fame tight end happens to be in the restaurant to save his life, right? ....WRONG. The NFL must have known exactly the type of media frenzy this story was going to create. Stay with me here, because this is where it all gets as sick and twisted as Heath Ledger acting as The Joker. The NFL, seeing that this type of great story was going to put them in a positive light for the time being, knew exactly what it was doing here: Take our stars and set them up into roles where they can come out as heroes and ultimately, win back a good image for the NFL.

I commend the NFL for caring and trying to win back the fans and create heroes out of NFL players, but I think they are being WAYYYY too ambitious. I think the cat was let out of the bag when the media labeled Terrell Owens a hero after he removed an ESPN reporter who had just been struck by a car from the streets and further damage last week. Why on planet Earth would anyone ever believe that T.O. (periods in his name, unlike studs CC Sabathia and CJ Karchon) would calmly save a life like he was all of a sudden good Hancock? Personally, it sounds more like a scene out of another Will Smith movie, Hitch (the scene at 2 minutes). Is it a coincidence that two of the best receivers in the NFL are all of a sudden heroes within 6 weeks of eachother or is the NFL simply setting up roles for the NFL players to play out???? Who better than to have Terrell Owens, (who has 'acted' in Flavor Flav's sitcom "Under One Roof") to try and correct not only the NFL's image but his own, all at the same time??? I'm not buying it. I mean what's next? Pacman Jones helping a elderly stripper across the street in New York ??? Or the Cincinnati Bengals becoming ministers?? Whatever the NFL is doing, it seems to be working because they have managed to make 2 star receivers heroes in a matter of weeks; one who could definitely use the positive publicity. I guess Goodell thinks that any mess can be cleaned up with the right broom and Will Smith movie. Kudos Goodell!

Speaking of NFL players acting, Brett Favre has been in the news a lot lately because he wants to come back and play. Well, no kidding... it must have taken him retirement to FINALLY realize he can't act... here's some evidence from this old time classssic....


Tigers to Have Home Field Advantage in World Series

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

The American League won in the 15th inning Tuesday in NYC, the last All-Star game to ever be played in historic Yankee Stadium before it gets demolished like Chase FitzPatrick in a lifting contest. This means the Tigers will get home field advantage when they play in the World Series come October. After the AL won in the 15th, Terry Francona turned to hug Jim Leyland first because he knows that Jim appreciates the win the most because the Tags will be in the World Series and will want home field. That, or Jim Leyland may die of lung cancer soon and this could be his last all-star game. Hopefully, its the former. Go Tigers.

UNITY

Celebrities R Us: Celebrity Interview #4

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

Detroit4lyfe works really hard around the clock to please you people. Well, every now and then we need a little break from this hectic blogging lyfestyle. So this past Saturday, Chip and I decided to treat ourselves and a few friends to some adult drinks at Woody's Bar in Royal Oak. As soon as we get there, an imaginative alarm went off saying, "Detroit4lyfe is here." We inconspicuously walk in, buy some beers, and go to chill in a corner. We wanted to stay as low profile as possible so that we did not have to fend aggressive autograph seekers off with empty beer bottles. There was definitely a buzz surrounding us. People were being real obvious; pointing at us and whispering, "there over there." I was flattered, but c'mon! Can't a man have his privacy on a weekend night off? Finally, it got to the point where I just had to embrace it and get to work for these people. You know? Show them what I'm all about? So I decide that I might as well show the people what celebrity interviews are all about since we haven't done one in a while and I heard from my people that there was a professional athlete in the building. So like a mongoose stalking its prey, I seek them out and get to work. Here's how it went down:

The Minnesota Twins were in town playing the Tigers. Craig Monroe and Delmon Young frequently show up at the bar when they are in town. Although I would have rather seen Billy Heywood, sure enough I see the two frequent visitors hanging by the pool table. I go over to Twins OF, Delmon Young, who just happened to be slumping in a chair near the table. He looked a little depressed, either because we were getting all the attention or because he just lost in pool to his buddy Craig Monroe (who I noticed absolutely sucked at pool).

ME: What's up, bud? (I put my arm around him to try and cheer him up a little)
Delmon Young: Yo, what's up.
ME: You seem down. Cheer up. I have you on my fantasy team, how do you feel about that?
DY: I'm not doing you too much help there, man.
ME: Listen to me. You'll be fine. You have 10 SB, you are hitting over .280. Alright, I'm not going to sit here and tell you what you need to improve on by saying you need to hit more bombs. I'll talk to you later buddy. Good luck tomorrow vs. the Tigers, but not really. You know what I mean?
DY: Haha, ya man. Thanks.

Soooo... Delmon was being kind of a putz. I could hear the fans whispering, "Wow, Delmon knows Detroit4lyfe? He must be sooo cool." Well, unfortunately my fans still wanted to get to know him better. So we decided to send in someone who always cheers me up when I'm blue: my girlfriend. She had no problem going right up to him and getting the interview going again.

Kaley: Hi. So you play baseball, huh?
DY: Uhh...Yes. I'm Delmon Young. You don't know me?
K: Nope. What position do you play?

(At this point Kaley looks over at us and we all give her the thumbs/beers up signal. She was doing great.)

DY: Outfield. Left field.
K: Ahhh, so you catch the pop ups or fly balls?
DY: Ha, yes.

(Craig Monroe rudely interrupts the interview and kisses Kaley on the cheek and says shes beautiful. She gives me the "I'm freaked out" eye and I slowly start to turn into the Hulk. Before I flip over the pool table, Monroe notices me and comes up and gives me a hug, saying he misses me and the rest of the Detroit fans. Craig talks to me for a few minutes about life. I forgive him for his inappropriate touching, I guess. Back to the interview.)

K: I have family in Minnesota. Do you live there all year round?
DY: No. I live in California during the off-season.
K: Oh that's so cool. My boyfriend is a big baseball fan just so you know.
DY: Oh ya? Is that your boy in the blue shirt over there?
K: Yes. (She waves and I give the bottle up signal)
DY: He's a real cool dude. Most interviewers come up and act all sketchy, but he was real chill. I like him a lot.
K: Thanks. I do too.
DY: What are you doing after?
K: We're going to this house party. Do you want to come?
DY: I don't do house parties. I'm staying at the Townshend. We should all hang out tomorrow night after the game. You need tickets for the game?
K: Uhh sure. I think my boyfriend is already going though.

DY: Alright give me your phone number. I'll text you.

(They exchange phone numbers. Normal, right?)

K: Alright, well it was nice meeting you and talkin with you.
DY: Yes. It was very nice meeting you too. I'll get up with you guys. Later.

The next morning Delmon leaves 4 tickets at will call for detroit4lyfe and Kaley. So now you are starting to see that this blog gets more perks than just free limo rides and bottles of expensive champagne. We're starting to get free tickets to games. What's next? An all expense paid trip to Europe or a million dollars to advertise other corporations??? Who knows.

If you don't know who Delmon Young is maybe you'll have a better idea after watching him strike out in this video.... I'm just glad he didn't throw a pool stick at me.








UNITY

Dark Knight in Detroit

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

The Tigers dropped their 3rd straight to the Minnesota Twins today and it is surely going to be a dark Saturday night in Detroit. They will try and salvage a game tomorrow afternoon, but can not go into the All-Star break at the magic number of games back of first that I stated should be 5. If the White Sox win tonight they will be at least 7 games back going into the break and it could be as great as 9. Very disappointing series vs. the Twins. I guess what doesn't kill us, makes us stranger. Meaning strange things could happen but no team has ever won a championship with only one guy representing them in the All-Star game and no team has ever made the playoffs after starting the season 0-7. Therefore, strange things would indeed have to happen for the Tigers to turn it around. Enjoy the 6 minutes of the Dark Knight I have posted above. The 6 is representative of the number of games the Tigers were back entering this Twins series. Now, it's all just as scary as the Joker or what this role did to Heath Ledger in real life. Either way, this movie is going to be KICK ASS and I am excited to see the midnight showing. I have not been this excited about seeing a movie in a looooooong time. Laidher

UNITY

I've Been to the Playboy Grotto and Back...

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Anyone else notice Manny Ramirez somewhat HUSTLING during pre-game in the background???

Well not quite. I went to the grotto at the Cyprus Lake National Park in Ontario, Canada this past weekend in the midst of attending my girlfriend's family reunion and celebrating America's birthday. As Un-American as all that sounds, I assure you I did not partake in any other Canadian customs, such as spending loonies on crunchies and Carling Lights or wearing a Canadian tuxedo while mowing the lawn. The entire weekend was nice, but my love for America is monagomous. I wish we could all say the same thing about Alex Rodriguez.

During the drive home from C-eh-N-eh-D-eh, I was following the Tigers/Mariners extra inning extravaganza. I got home just in time to see the Tigers face the Mariners back up catcher take the mound in the 15th inning. It was little surprise to me that Miguel Cabrera doubled off the center field wall to start the inning. However, what really rubbed me wrong like a bad middle school hand job was that the Tigers failed to register a 2nd hit and only scored a single run in the inning. Either that lone run was a testament to their faith in Todd Jones, or it symbolizes them having a really bad road trip. I think all you avid Tiger fans can figure out which is the real reason here. With that being said, I am happy with the way the Tigers came out and played against the Indians in the first of six home games before the All-Star break. They drubbed the CC'less Indians 9-2. Unfortunately, those pesky, smelly White Sox that you just cannot find in your messy room amongst all your dirty clothes continue to find ways to keep on winning. The Tigers remain 6 games out of first place and I'm convinced that the magic number there is 5 before the break or else the Tigers will have plenty of time to plan their respective Halloween parties and watch the Lions before their mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

Speaking of the All-Star game, I want to take this time now to discuss how much of a joke the All-Star voting was this year. The players in the AL will by no means represent the best players from the league. 6 of the 9 starters in the AL are Red Sox/Yankees players and neither of those teams are in first place in their division. I'm not going to say much because Dupree is going to write a post about this topic alone, but I just want to say how disgruntled I am over this. Wouldn't it make sense for the fans, players, and coaches to pick the BEST players in the league so that their A.L. team will get home field advantage in the World Series if they make it??? That would make more sense to me than picking Jason Varitek. Only excuse for picking him is that he was hitting very well, maybe top 5 in the AL for catchers, when the players voted almost a month ago! I guess the solution there would be to hold off on the voting until the very last 3-5 days because then players voted in will not be able to get into Varitek-like slumps that drop their average to mendoza line territory. Pathetic.

Lastly, I want to discuss the word "mondegreen." It' a word or phrase resulting from a misinterpretation of a word or phrase that has been heard. This happens A LOT with song lyrics. What's your biggest DERP mondegreen with song lyrics??? Mine would have to come from Manfred Man's "Blinded by the Light." I've often misunderstood the lyrics as being "Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche," when it is really, "blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce." A little while ago, probably like ten minutes ago, I learned those weren't the lyrics but I will forever use my interpretation of the lyrics because they make more sense to me. Leave me your mondegreens.


UNITY

Arrrrgh

Posted by Chip Stevenson

I took this picture of myself right after the game ended


I'm absolutely fuming right now.

I just saw the Tags lose 3-2 to the Mariners tonight, which pushed them to 7 back in the AL Central, and also made them fall below .500 all in one freakin swing of the bat by Jeff Clement.  
Fernando Rodney who has been absolutely horrendous this year comes into the game in the 7th inning in a 2-1 game and promptly announces to everyone that the only pitch he can throw over the plate is his changeup when he throws 5 pitches to the first batter- 3 fastballs that were nowhere near the strike zone and 2 changeups that were right over the plate.  He luckily got out of the 7th inning unscathed, having preserved the Tags' slim 2-1 lead.  Great.  His night is over.  He snuck by and "did his job".... or at least that's what I thought.  Jim Leyland had other ideas.

Rodney came out to start the 8th inning after having thrown exactly 0 fastballs for strikes in the 7th yet miraculously escaping without giving up a run.  Leyland has both Dolsi and Fossum warming up so I'm ok with the move at this point-  If Rodney gets into any sort of trouble, Leyland will just bring in one of those guys... or so I thought.  Rodney gets the first guy to line out dangerously to the warning track and then he walks Sexson in an at bat that featured 6 pitches- 4 fastballs that were outside of the strike zone (Sexson at almost 7 feet tall has the biggest strike zone in the majors, mind you) and 2 changeups for strikes.  Great, Rodney's night is over.  Clement, a lefty, is coming up and Fossum, a LOOGIE, is ready to go.  Ok, Clement is walking to the plate, where is Leyland making his slow walk to the mound to take Rodney out? Surely, he can't be serious.  Up to this point, Rodney still had not thrown a single strike with his fastball yet Leyland lets him pitch to a guy who had already hit a home run in the game with a lefty pitcher warmed up.  

Needless to say, Clement dropped a Cleveland Steamer all over a Rodney changeup for a game winning 2 run home run.

Yes, Rodney was just terrible tonight, but I blame this loss completely on Leyland for not taking him out when all signs pointed toward the impending disaster.  Awful game that had terrible consequences in the standings, in the Tags' won-loss record, and in the attitudes of the Tagers faithful.




Hey, dont worry though... Rodney DID end up throwing ONE strike with his fastball as he finished up the inning, bringing it to a grand total of one fastball strike in 2 innings pitched.  Something to build on for the next time he has to protect a 1 run lead for 2 innings.

-Angry Chip Stevenson

Follow Me if You Can

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Around this time a year ago, Lindsey Lohan's lesbian love letters (WHAT A FUN ALLITERATION!) were exposed by the media and hot news in America was never ever again supposed to get much larger than that. That was however until I found out that I would be spending the 4th of July weekend in....(Nick Cannon, please do me the honors of a drum roll here)...........Canada. You read that right. Canada. I will be spending Independence Day of the red, white, and blue spirit colored United States of America in the country that is nicknamed as being merely an article of clothing; in our hat if you will. I have witnessed my fair share of un-American things in my day (the National League, nintendo Wii, France, and Hakeem Olajuwon just to name a few), but this is by far the most un-American thing of all. It's like putting spaghetti noodles in a cheeseburger or reading a book. It's the worst. Please though do not be fooled, I am absolutely not a turncoat. I have packed all red, white, and blue items of clothing, will be waving my Borat miniature American flag all weekend long, and will be listening non-stop to Kid Rock's song "American Bad Ass" on my Ipod. I am damn proud to be an American and this will be the only, and final time, I ever leave this superior country on its special day. Don't you ever forget that.

One feller who would probably love to follow me into a different country, or atleast get directions back to the National League, is Eddie Bonine. Bonine made his first start against an American League team today against the Twinkies. Only problem was he forgot that BP is held before the game as he allowed 5,000 consecutive hits in the 3rd inning, not even making it out of the inning. The Tigers went on to lose by a score of 7-0, the 10th time this season they have been shutout. The Tags fell to .500 where they sit at 42-42 going into what should be a really easy 4 game series in Seattle. There is no reason why they should not take at least 3 games in this series. I don't care if Cabrera and Ordonez are not in the lineup and Leyland has an emergency pre-game tracheotomy. We should be able to beat the down spiraling Mariners 9 out of 10 times with the Jonas Brothers in the outfield. I guess we shall see how it goes starting tomorrow at 10:10 pm.

In other news, the Stanley Cup Champions signed Marian Hossa to a one year contract today. He rejected a bigger contract from the Penguins to play in Detroit because he said he feels like the Red Wings have a better shot at winning the Cup. I have a few things to say about this signing. One, I was initially happy because a lot of Boston Bruin fans I know were counting on Hossa signing with them. Obviously this upsets those fans and I love it when they are pooping their pants and upset. Nonetheless, it's going to take a little time before Hossa earns my complete respect. The Red Wings just beat him and the Penguins in the Finals, so clearly he was on my hate roster for a week and a half there. Not to mention, Hossa kind of states the obvious when he says the Red Wings have a better shot at winning the cup than the Penguins. The Red Wings beat them just a few weeks ago. Not much has changed in those few weeks. In my opinion that's kind of like saying "the Red Wings have a pretty good shot at winning the cup this year" when the series was 3-1 Detroit in the Finals. Either way, welcome aboard Hossa. I'm sure I'll be writing good things about you in the upcoming season. Actually, I'm predicting at least one post being titled: "Holla Hossa" after you score a hat trick and stab a guy with your skate while celebrating. Good luck to you, and I hope you seeing all your new teammates party with the cup this summer motivates you to be even better next season.

I'd like to leave you with a little dance I will be doing as soon as I return to the states on Sunday night. Typically, I call this my 'no pants dance' but Shane calls it the 'tight white pants dance.' Enjoy.


UNITY

The Truth Hurts

Posted by Chip Stevenson


Zumaya is grinnin' SOOOO bad

The Tags finally reached the break even point a few days ago and sit at exactly .500 today at 42 up and 42 down.  What a long, strange trip it's been so far.  Certainly, after the terrible start the Tags got off to and then falling 12 games under .500 in early June, their record doesn't seem so bad as it stands right now.  However, nearly everyone was expecting much, much more out of this team this year.  Some have pointed to the inconsistent starting pitching, others have complained about the bullpen's fetish for giving up runs and blowing games, and most people are baffled at the offensive struggles that have produced 10 shutouts and counting.  Yes, I agree that all of those factors have played some type of role in this disappointing year, but I think that the biggest reason is clearly all of the injuries we have had to endure.

Going into the year, I would have ranked the prominent position players in order of most important to least important like this:
Curtis Granderson
Magglio Ordonez
Carlos Guillen
Gary Sheffield
Miguel Cabrera
Placido Polanco
Brandon Inge

I would have ranked the prominent pitchers in order of most important to least important like this:
Justin Verlander
Jeremy Bonderman
Joel Zumaya
Fernando Rodney
Dontrelle Willis

Now, obviously you can argue the order of these lists but I think that almost everyone would have the players I have up there on their lists in some way.  

So, let's go through the position players list-  

Curtis Granderson- Broke his hand at the end of Spring Training, missed the first 21 games of the season.  Still suffering from the effects of the missed time: his timing in both the field and at the plate is clearly off

Magglio Ordonez- Started every game up until this past week when he strained his oblique muscle (a terrible injury for a hitter) and was promptly placed on the DL.  Has missed 4 games and counting

Carlos Guillen- Pulled his hamstring at the very beginning of the year, played through it but suffered the effects throughout the first month.  Started most games this year except for 4 straight because of hemorrhoids (yucky) and then 3 other days of rest

Gary Sheffield- Started the year on the active roster but was clearly hampered by his balky shoulder to the tune of a batting average barely above the Mendoza line.  Eventually went on the DL to rest his shoulder, came back and strained his oblique muscle, has missed 36 games so far this year and is still trying to find his groove

Miguel Cabrera-  Pulled his quad in the offseason playing for Venezuela, never fully recovered as he had to take time off during Spring Training, as well as a few games off at the beginning of the year, and now it's tightened up on him once again as he has missed the last 2 games.  Overall, he has only missed 2 games this year, but his quad has been bothering him all year and robbing him of most of his power

Placido Polanco-  Started the year off in a terrible slump that was later attributed to a bad back that caused numbness all the way down in his legs.  Luckily, he avoided a trip to the DL but his slow start and subsequent days off have cost him 11 games so far this year.

Brandon Inge-  Was filling in admirably until the last 2 weeks or so when he suffered a strained oblique (what is it with these guys?) that was reaggravated when he was moving a pillow- his story, not mine.  Currently on the DL and has missed 32 games so far.  

There you go, the top 7 most important position players, in my mind at least, have all missed significant amounts of time or have had their play significantly diminished trying to fight through injuries.  They have missed a total of 113 games this year, and, in my mind, it's no longer a mystery as to why the Tags have disappointed this year.  Yes, every team has injuries and every team has to fight through them but c'mon- the top SEVEN players have all been injured this year and it's only been half the year.

Now to the pitchers... Justin Verlander hasn't missed a start but Jeremy Bonderman is already out for the year with a blood clot in his throwing shoulder, Joel Zumaya and Fernando Rodney just came back after both being out all year up until that point, and Dontrelle Willis is all the way down in A ball trying to find home plate on Google Maps.  The pitching has been so injury plagued that Armando Galarraga (who?) has been the most consistent starter.  Losing 2/5ths out of a starting rotation is difficult to overcome by itself but it's almost impossible to overcome when combined with the injuries in the bullpen along with the injuries throughout the lineup. 

I'm not here to make excuses for the way the Tags have played so far this year.  In fact, I'm completely excited about how they have been playing recently and I think that they will be in the playoff race until the very end.  Still, the injuries are hard to ignore and it's no wonder why a team that was supposed to dominate their way to the World Series is simply treading water at the .500 mark.  People also fail to realize that long term injuries like the ones to Gary Sheffield, Joel Zumaya, and Fernando Rodney require significant readjustment periods when they finally get back to the big leagues.  So while they may have only missed, say 30 games, it takes at least another 10 or so to feel comfortable and get back into a groove.  Whether it has been bad luck or the product of a lineup full of veterans, there thankfully is some light at the end of the tunnel- Injuries heal.  Hopefully our record can heal along with them in time for some October baseball. 


Coming Soon

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

You will not be surprised, at all, to hear that these stunning features will be coming soon to a body near you. In case you were wondering which body I'm referring to, the one that just so happens to be snuggling close to you like you're Madonna and I'm A-Rod, I'm referring to mine. I have officially started training non-stop, 36/7 to become as chiseled and polite as Mario Lopez. I know you have all started 'preppy'ing yourselves so it should come as easy to you as a victory over Valley. Ok...Ok....Aside from these abdominals and cute dimpled smile, a better post will also be coming very soon. I promise you. Thanks for your continued support and I'll see you over by the ab machines. Laidher.

PS- Tags are 6 games back of the White Sox now because of Joe Borowski. Not because of our hard fought loss tonight. FYI

UNITY

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