Let's Work Out the Kinks and Finish'er Up with a Happy Ending

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Let's start off with a little Coors light venting. As I know you all already know, the Pistons ended their season at home against the Boston Celtics (same as they did in 2002 when I was in attendance). After the game, mother nature proceded to rub that shit in like it was sun tan lotion by having it piss rain on us all night long. It was such an awful night that I got locked inside a BMW for 5 minutes unable to escape, and Chip went home crying like he did when Steve Antinotti stole his tomagtochi in the fifth grade. It was a miserable night to say the least.

Anyway, the Pistons need to make some changes here during the offseason. For starters, Joe Dumars needs to figure out what to do with Flip Saunders. A lot of people have been griping about his style of coaching and that he needs to go. Personally, I think he'll be fine if he just eats a little less and focuses more on managing the substitutions better. I saw him in Birmingham yesterday, eating Cold Stone's ice cream by his lonesome looking very depressed. When I told him I was going to his favorite restaurant KFC he told me he was going to go there a little later. This was at 630 pm. Either he has dessert before dinner (major no-no) or he was planning on getting fat with another meal later in the night. Jenny Craig would be so disappointed. Honestly, I think he'll be back but I don't think Jenny Craig's favorite anorexic customer, Tayshaun Prince, will be. The entire team needs to come back next year with that chip on their shoulders that they had when they won it all in 2004 (not Chip Stevenson- that would be tough to play with). Until they get that back they are never going to win another championship in the near future. I'm getting depressed and starting to think about eating a tube of cookie dough, so I need to change the subject to something that will make me throw up my fat.

The Tigers continue to win a couple then lose a few, making their season feel much like I'm buckled in for a very long ride on the Tower of Terror at Walt Disney World. The Tigers were shut out a ridiculous 5 times during the month of May, which serves as the inspiration for the new main title of this blog. Even though the Tigers can't score any runs with their revamped offense, it doesn't mean we can't have the runs-because we certainly do have the runs. I'd be willing to bet that 90% of Detroit has more runs than the Tigers thus far this season. Actually, I think I had more runs yesterday than the Tigers have had all year. That's mainly because I had a few beers, a red bull, 2 terrible hot dogs, and a melted cookie. Jokes and Chip's creative title aside, I still hold hope that the Tags are going to turn it around. However, 6 1/2 GB does not provide any pleasant reminders and makes my tummy ache.

The Red Wings and Penguins played a miraculous game 5 tonight. Unfortunately, the Red Wings' millions of shots to the Penguins 20 some were not enough to pull out the victory in 3 OT's. This was definitely the best hockey game since the triple OTer in the 2002 Stanley Cup Finals, because this game had everything from a major buzz to a puck to the face that caused massive bleeding. It was really an electric game and although the Red Wings did not win the Cup on their home ice, it will really build up the sport of hockey and this series as they go back to Shitsburgh for game 6. Everyone who wanted to watch the action news and/or wanted to watch Leno massage his 4 chins on the late night show wound up watching the end of this game, and I'm certain they were all thankful for that. I would not be surprised if Wednesday's game 6 gets the largest rating in a hockey playoff game in the past 15 years . We'll see I guess. I'm just hoping for the Wizard of Ozgood-type happy ending. GO WINGS!

Scarlett Johannson is really pretty but she should not sing nor should she try and sell music albums. I totally feel where shes coming from with trying to sing, but please stick to acting baby.

(This post will probably be edited and links will be added. Grizzly bear with me here.)

Love,
UNITY

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