Dee-dee-bop-eeeetroit! Sports are Rockin'

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

So I meant to write this post the other night when the Pistons and Red Wings won their respective home playoff games on the same night, however I did not get around to it. Last night, all three significant Detroit sports teams except for the Shock played again, unfortunately, the results were much different than the night before. The Pistons lost game 5 in Boston and are now losing their series 3-2 while the Red Wings lost game 3 to Pittsburgh in the Steel City to make the series 2-1 Wings. Anyway, what was going to be a very joyous, funny, great post will now probably be really lame and wordy. In addition, my mood has gone from having a raging boner while writing this to having very poor, back problem causing posture . Oh well... the show must go on.

The only good news about last night was that the Tigers salvaged one game from their 3 game set with the Los Angeles Angels. Marcus Thames hit 2 home runs and Armando Galaragga, the big cat, had a stellar start. Tiger starting pitching has been phenomenal of late, working at least 7 innings in the last four games. Unfortunately, the Tigers' hitters would much rather bring home ugly chicks from Royal Oak bars than work a little harder and get better so they can score some more runs. Although I will admit that Marcus Thames was one of the hitters spotted talking to ugly chicks (don't get me wrong, I'm sure they were very nice) and he hit two bombs last night. Actually, I bet he and Curtis Granderson were just picking up what I like to call 'slump busters.' Maybe everybody on the team should go to Royal Oak and pick themselves up a slump busting jersey chaser. It's science....a nice and easy slump buster and Jason Grilli is what every slumping team needs to score some runs. Anyway, the way the Tiger pitchers have been throwing lately could be a good sign if the bats turn it around before its too late. Let's keep our toesies crossed.

All I REALLY want to say about the Red Wings is this: "I'm not worried." But, since I know you are very interested, allow me to tell you about this heated personal rivalry I have going with a friend of mine from Pittsburgh. First of all, before the series even started, he calls to talk shit, which is understandable because they do have Malkin and Crosby on their team. Despite those two superstars though, Pittsburgh is notorious for being called "Shittsburgh," the place God squatted over and took a nice -clean break at the anus- poop on (although many will argue that for Detroit, it's not a fact like it is for Pittsburgh). In terms of awesomeness though Pittsburgh has only 3 professional championships as a city in the last 25 years, and only one in the past 15 while Detroit has had 9 in the past 25 years and 6 in the last 15. Granted we do have an NBA and WNBA team to help that number out. No one needs to factor that into this equation though, okay? How is this for irony though- The last time a Detroit team has played a Pittsburgh team in the playoffs was in 1907 when the Pirates beat the Tigers in 7 games in the WS. The last championship team in Pittsburgh was the Steelers two years ago and that Super Bowl was played in....DETROIT. Interesting. I digress. Anyway, finally another team in the city is good and those two players certainly warrant a fan to talk some shit. So when the Red Wings took a commanding 2-0 series lead and Pittsburgh had not scored a goal yet, my friend quickly became pretty defensive saying ridiculous things such as, "we're still title town," "this series is but a zygote" and "eat a cock." Sure I fired back my usual brilliant smack talk, but all of it was legit. Anyway, after last night's game, he quickly hopped back on the offensive wagon and guaranteed a game 4 Penguin victory and that I should be very worried with the series being tied up going back to Detroit. My answer was very simple: "I'm not worried. Rick Mahorn is here." The Red Wings in 5.

Actually, I would however like to make one more comment about the Penguins making excuses after game 2. Talbot, their head coach, and Crosby all made comments about Osgood diving to get penalties called against the Gwynns. Talbot said it was a shame they weren't playing soccer because he was diving around so much. I thought that was pretty funny they were blaming their terrible losses on Osgoods acting and the officials lack of noticing it. This is definitely a lead in to my next topic.

My therapist said I should put personal issues aside and focus more on the problems of everyone else. That is why I am now going to focus on the growing problem with the officiating in the NBA. For years now, people have made claims that the NBA is rigged and the refs make calls in order to harbor the pre-arranged outcomes of games. This would be the biggest conspiracy theory since President Kennedy's assassination and the time my lunch box was stolen in Junior Kindergarten. I've never really believed it, even though Sheed mentioned it a couple years ago and everything he says is really smart, but it just sounds too crazy to be true. However, lately the referees have been suspiciously atrocious. After last night's Pistons' game Sheed said Boston is "entertaining and shit" with all the diving they are doing and refs are calling the fouls on the Pistons but not giving them any. Well to counter that, the Pistons did shoot 8 more free throws. But I noticed Rip arguing calls a lot more than usual so they must have missed a fair share of calls. However, my advice to Rip though is to shut up and keep playing because while he is arguing a no-call, Boston is running up the floor with an advantage to score. Meanwhile, Rip is getting closer to a technical and not helping our team at all. All in all though, I think the Pistons have a point in that the officials have been pretty bad during these conference finals.

For example, the referees swallowed their whistles at the end of game 4 of the Lakers/Spurs game. Brent Barry pump faked the last second shot and drew Derek Fisher from his feet who fell into Barry. There was no call on the play and Barry was forced to throw up an off balanced prayer at the back board. The NBA came out yesterday saying that the officials missed that call and the Spurs should have been rewarded with the 2 free throws and a chance to tie the game and send it into OT. Instead, no call was made, the Spurs lost their chance to tie the series at 2, and now their season is probably over as they trail 3-1. First of all, I completely disagree with the NBA coming out right now and making it be known in the middle of the series that they missed the call. By doing so, the NBA further raises suspicion against officials and also opens a door for people to argue for a replay of the game. Obviously the latter is ridiculous, but just friggin wait until the series is over and admit the refs were wrong then, so refs can have at least barely an ounce of dignity when they ref the rest of the series. Now for the rest of the series, the NBA has given the Spurs reason to blame the refs for their loss and not their players for not knowing that the refs tend to get hungry at the end of close games and eat their whistles. Now no one will blame Brent Barry for not knowing that the refs tend to let the players play toward the end of close games or for not selling the foul a little more by putting up a shot as soon as Fisher fell on him. No one will probably wonder why the Spurs coach didn't come up with a better play, or player, for the last second shot. Nonetheless, the officials are there to call fouls. If a foul happens, a foul happens. You can't all of a sudden let players play 100 times more aggressive just because it is the end of the game. Kevin Garnett should not be able to bulldoze through picks and set picks with his arms out just because the game is close near the end. Call the fouls or set a precedence early for the amount of physical play you are going to allow. OKay?Jeeze-o-petesampras.

I'm sorry that this post is so long, un-funny, and mostly negative. I've had a rough past 24 hours. On top of the losses last night, I had to drive all 3 miles back to Wendy's today because they put 'the works' on my two plain hamburgers even though they assured me they were plain as they were handing me the bag at the drive through window. So of course, I didn't check it then and there. At the same time, they hounded me to donate my change of a dollar, my only dollar, to the David Foundation. I needed that dollar for a snack later in the day so I respecfully declined. When I went back to get new, plain, burgers from inside, the lady asked if I had donated a dollar for the foundation. Pissed about the burgers, I lied and told her that I did earlier at the drive through. I wasn't going to feel bad at all until she immediately put my name on a paper frosty and taped it up on the wall. Then again, next time they should just get my burger order right and this would have never happened. Anyway, after I eat my burgers, I have to take this nice long poop that I'm actually excited about to wipe. Don't you love those poops? I know me too. Well as I start to roll me off some toilet paper, they start ripping off from the roll, small-piece by piece. Still frustrated from the losses and burger dilemma, I have to pull and rip a bunch of mini-pieces of paper to get a large wad, large enough to wipe my fat ass. Why the hell can't the toilet paper roll nicely, nice enough for me to get a big enough piece for me to wipe??? So frustrating... you know? Finally, when I get a piece large enough, I turn around and notice there's poop on the seat. Normally, I let that go, but I work with my parents and I was the only one in the office today so they would know it was me. All in all....rough day at the office.

I'll leave you with a video about the Piston's PA announcer, John Mason. Lately, he has been announcing the Piston starters more cave-man like. Sometimes he just blurts things out and they instantly catch on to the fans, making him a town hero. Personally, I like the way he can fluctuate his voices. For example, when he announced Ben Wallace he threw in a little horse sneeze and when he announces Chauncey B-B-B-B-illups he throws in the middle school girl voice. Watch the video and you'll kind of understand the context for his absurdity.


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