Posted by Bob Biscigliano in celebrities r us
Another week has passed and this blog rises with the sun every single day. Just yesterday, I was on Oprah! promoting the blog while Chip Stevenson wiped his friends butt with old Dupree posts since he for some reason no longer shows his face here anymore (Just kidding, Dupree. Happy 21st Birthday, buddy!). In honor of my little brother's birthday, this week we are going to interview the guy he LOVED hitting off of in high school: Matt Petry. Matt was an above average baseball player at Brother Rice High School and went on to pitch for the University of Michigan. After his second year, he decided he was getting way too good and thought he might become better than his father, so he decided to respectfully hang them up. (FYI- his father just happens to be former Detroit Tigers All-Star, Dan Petry. Matt is also the brother of Edmonton Oilers draft pick, Jeff Petry.) However, what really makes Matt a true celebrity is that he has a great attitude on life and has been a good friend of mine since high school. It is a real pleasure to be interviewing him for this blog.
For this interview, I met up with Matt in a Home and Alone chat room on AOL.com. Here it is
ME: Let's get these Daddy questions out of the way now since you're really sensitive about it.... What's it like to be the son of a former Tigers pitcher, a pitcher who was a major part of the Tigers last World Series victory in 1984?Matt Petry: I mean it's pretty cool, if you think pretty cool is going anywhere in the city of Detroit and having people recognize your father. But other than that, it's basically the shit, but I just hope Justin Verlander can follow in Dan Petry's footsteps and become the most recent Tiger to start the season 0-3 and finish with a winning record........so far, not going so well.
ME: Really? I've always wondered what it's going to be like for my son one day. I guess it will be pretty cool for him too.
ME: Speaking of Justin Verlander, did Big Dan ever beat you with his WS ring still on?
MP: I don't recall if he ever struck me with his World Series ring still on, I was too busy dodging the phone books that he would throw at me if I had a bad game growing up, especially against the Blackwolf or DCDS
ME: Must have had a lot of phone books thrown your way. It's not often anyone plays well against the Blackwolf or DCDS.
ME: When did you first decide that you wanted to play baseball at the D1 level?
MP: I always knew I wanted to take baseball to the highest level possible, but never really knew of the college route until my freshmen year at the best baseball school in Michigan, Birmingham Brother Rice. Our SS that year went to the baseball hotbed of Muncie, Indiana and Ball St. University
ME: I don't actually care that much about your SS and his sex life.
ME: You went to Brother Rice, but we all know you wanted to go to Detroit Country Day, why didn't you transfer to play under Frank Orlando??
MP: I strongly considered transferring to DCD to play under Frank Orlando my sophomore, after former Tiger's minor leaguer, and Brother Rice legend, Bob Riker, decided to throw an intrasquad against his starting lineup where he proceeded to throw at everyone's heads. Fearing for my life, and that of my unborn children's, I reluctantly stayed at Brother Rice.
ME: I saw you at a lot of Country Day games, crying.. wishing you could be a part of UNITY. I also heard that Riker made you pee your pants once.
MP: 2003 All-State Dream Team...no biggie
ME: What? At peeing your pants? Or crying? I'm confused.
ME: Mrs. Reznick, Rob Reznick's mom, LOVED you...why?
MP: There were many reasons for this love, I believe Rob and I attended the infamous Goldberg-Childress baseball camp at West Bloomfield High School as youngens. Another theory believes that she wanted to do whatever she could in order to get Rob onto the famed NFWB Cobra's summer team. The final theory would be I'm blessed with really, really ridicuously good looks (much like my friend Derek Zoolander), which I saw for the first time in Andrew Mellen's basement
ME: You are pretty good looking, but my hunch is that she wanted Dan.
ME: Your brother, Jeff, (shown above) was drafted by the NHL Edmonton Oilers. However, you both went to an all boy's high school, so - who wins in a fight?
MP: To be honest, physically I think he would kick my ass. But I dominate the mental battle after many years using him as my bitch in the driveway playing roller hockey. To brother Jeffrey's defense, he left St. Mary's after 3 years to spend his senior year in Iowa with a bunch of hot farm bitches. I on the other hand, stayed at Brother Rice for 4 years and did not transfer to experience Country Day's finest Math-letes.
ME: Tim Svenson and Jim Meza would kick you and your brother's ass, at the same time, 11 days of the week if you ever even considered stepping foot in Math-letes territory. They got a lot of ass too.
ME: Personal plug here, but do you think your brother will want to have me as his agent one day?
MP: Sadly, brother Jeffrey is already represented (unofficially). But should tragedy strike the Jason and Wade Arnott family, I will definetely put your name in the running. Although you are probably the third or fourth person who has asked me if he's represented. P.S....Being the most worthless Petry male hurts my ego....only one not to get drafted....but hey, if World War 3 starts soon, I think I have an opportunity to be a 2nd or 3rd rounder
ME: Worth a shot. And keep your chin up.....the war might happen.
At this point in the interview I will ask you some Either/Or type questions and then we'll finish up.
ME: Ranch or Caesar dressing?
ME: That's chip's favorite food, how do you feel about that?
MP: Who the fuck is Chip?
ME: I will end this interview right now, son. You show respect.
MP: Oh, Jared Smith...well I believe Ranch dressing is like Packey's fastball...sucks on its own, but makes everything else that much better.
ME: Interesting answer. I'm not sure how to take that one...so we'll just move on...When in Rome.
ME: If you were in a pool of diareah and you were about to have a bucket of vomit poured onto your head, would you go under the diareah to avoid the vomit or take the vomit like a man
MP:I'd probably take the vomit....But who's diareah?
ME: Does it matter?
MP: If you give me enough ranch dressing to eat with the chic from Hero's diareah....maybe that would change my answer.
ME: Chip wouldn't even do that. That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.
ME: Dontrelle Willis or Nate Robertson?
MP: Mike Maroth
ME: Best answer ever. That could be the right answer to all of our Tiger pitching problems.
ME: me or Doug Pickens?
MP: Becuase like me, he's left-handed...and Doug Pickens now plays for the hated Cleveland Indians farm club
ME: And because I struck him out senior year. It was only one of the 3 strike outs he had all season and he threw a HUGE tantrum in the dugout afterward. I called him out on it at the HS All-Star Game and he blushed like a school girl.
ME: What are you doing with your life next year?
MP: After completion of the police academy, I'd like to be hired on to Kwame Kilpatrick's personal stripper control detail. If they ever decide to talk or step out of line, I'll be there to make them disappear.
ME: Too soon?
ME: What do you call a teacher who doesn't fart in public?
MP: My girlfriend.
ME: Your girlfriend is a teacher?
MP: One of Orlando's finest.
ME: So you could also call her your little Private Tooter?
ME: Any last words?
MP: My condolances to the one member of the Jason Grilli Fan Club. I'm sure JG's numbers will improve in pitcher friendly Coors Field......wait a minute. Jason Grilli 2008 International League (AAA) MVP
ME: Touchy subject. Watch it pal. Anything else?
MP: Go Blue and Go Tigers!
ME: You've been drunk this whole time haven't you?
MP: Yeah, I'm a little tipsy.
Thanks, Matt. You are a true american hero and a real interesting character. Thanks for taking the time to give us your wonderful answers here this week. You are amongst great celebrities and hope you keep checkin with us to let us know how you are doing.