Tigers Win; I'm Horny

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Edgar Renteria decided that he hates Boston as much as I do and goes 3-4 tonight as the Detroit Tigers pick up their first victory of the young season to improve to a league best, 1-7 (by league best, I mean a league best worst record. Thanks). Despite their poor start, the Tigers will continue to win ball games after tonight and finish the season with a record of 147-15. Jeremy Bonderman picked up a win as cheap as a $200 hooker found on Maple Road. He pitched a measly 5 innings, while giving up 2 runs and 0 pride points. He exited the game and immediately packed a huge chaw in his lower lip; solidifying a much needed victory and gum cancer. Tomorrow the Tags face Tim Weak-field's lazy knuckle, as he is matched up against Nasty Nate Robertson's killer 90 mph straight fast ball. If I had to make a guesstimate, I predict the Tigers winning 73-9 in extra innings. Jason Grilli gets cut during the 6th inning as Miguel Cabrera finally unwraps a twinkie and goes deep for the 2nd time this season. Either way, I hope you all celebrate the Tigers first victory; but not too hard.... there are many more victories and ladies to come. snap

GO CATS

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