Oopsies, Daisies: E1 and SHOCKING BLOCKBUSTER TRADE

Posted by Bob Biscigliano


Thanks to Dupree for proving that he is not only alive, but an asset to this blog for pointing out that I made a huge goof in my latest post. I would just like to aknowledge it here and beg for forgiveness. If you didn't catch it then damn, I should have never mentioned it. But for those of you who are sitting at the edge of your seats to find out exactly what I did wrong, then here it goes....I said that the Pistons would play the Magic in the second round of the NBA playoffs, UNLESS the Atlanta Hawks wound up beating the Celtics. Terrible decision to say that. I was not aware that Stern is very stern (see what I did there?) with his playoff formats and seeds. The NBA does not re-seed after the first round so the best team remaining can play the worst team remaining. Thus, making my statement useless, wrong, and worthy of 0 points and may God have mercy on my soul. This re-seeding format however, does happen in the NHL, so maybe you can understand my mistake. Either way, chalk that error up to me as my first EVER. I guess you could say I'm pretty flawless. I'm like a mixture of Magglio Ordonez, Marisa Tomei, Tom Cruise, Curtis Granderson, and Jimmy DiCheeksO.

To cancel out the error though, I have an important news item for you. The news was brought to me via Chip on the telephone - here is the conversation.
Chip: Yo, are you sitting down?
Me: Uhh...is this a trick question?
Chip: Shutup, are you sitting down? You want to be sitting down for what I am about to tell you. I have some bad news.
Me: Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm sitting down. I'm on the bus to Wake Forest right now. What's up?
Chip: Jason Grilli just got traded.
Me: .......uh.... (I hang up)
(Chip calls me back; I answer)
Chip: Are you okay man? It happened.
Me: (fighting back the tears) I don't believe you. You're F'ing with me!
Chip: No, man. I'm sorry.
Me: (tears flowing) WHY!?! To who!?
Chip: The Rockies
Me: (I hang up again)
(Chip calls me back; I answer)
Me: (tears flowing) Listen, I don't want to (sniffle) talk about this right now. (sniffle, clearing up the tears) Who did we get?? Why would we trade him??
Chip: We got a Single-A reliever. I don't know his name. I'm not sure anyone knows his name.
Me: (I hang up for a third time)

Chip doesn't call me back. Besides, that's all I needed to hear. Jason Grilli, my boy, has been traded to the Colorado Rockies for a no-name Single A RELIEVER. The move was made so Cruceta, who has a wonderful new VISA, can be brought up within the next couple days. He is sick nasty so far in the minors. 15 Ks in just 7 IP. Still, a sad day for the 5 Jason Grilli fans out there. I guess we should all all bow our heads and pray. Just know though, that I'm not good at mourning.

Now for some good news....The Tigers beat the Yankees again tonight. Placido Polanco hit 2 bombs and acted like he had done that before. I'll talk more about our rejuvenated hitting a little later.

Randomness for the day....In today's Charlotte Observer I saw a picture of Barack Obama playing basketball with the UNC team. In the picture Obama was about to get his democracy packed in by Republican Tyler Hansborough. I think we all know what kind of comments can be made here, so I'll just leave it open for interpretation. However I think you should take a look at the following video. Watch until the end. It gets really interesting:




That's all for tonight.

GO CATS

Detroit Does Work....

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Before I start saying anything about anything, I would like to mention that this is the very FIRST blog post EVER executed on my new laptop, Shaquira. Shaquira will be the source of many positive things in my life including clip art, microsoft office tools, of course NEW AMAZING POSTS, and most definitely not porn. I can not afford any viruses on this precious gigabyte-loaded, t-rex of a computer of mine; and I will not risk it with cheap fetishes or cougar hunting videos by the likes of pervs named Mike or Dave. I can assure you of that.

I digress... Detroit completed the ever so common hometown HAT TRICK today as the Pistons, Tigers, and Red Wings came out victorious over their inferior opponents. As a result, I'm missing a size 7 1/8 all black Detroit hat with a crooked brim. I threw it onto the streets to celebrate the victories, naturally. If you find it, please call me.

Anyway, the Pistons will most likely end their series with the 76'ers in 6 games and play the Orlando Magic. However, if the Atlanta Hawks take a chapter out of App. State's book and shock the world, then we could be seeing a Hawks/Pistons series reminiscent to the ole' Otis Thorpe vs. Steve Smith glory days. I really hope the Hawks beat the Celtics because it would prove that KG ain't nothing but a cheap imitation of Snoop Dogg and that "He Got Game" was not actually a good movie. However, a Hawks victory would definitely spell trouble for the Pistons given their recent history against them in the playoffs (lost in '97 and '99).

The Red Wings defeated the Avalanche 4-3 tonight to take a stranglehold on the Western Conference semi-final series, 3-0. I haven't watched much of this series due to the lack of nationally televised hockey in the past decade, but I heard it was a cool victory. I just hope they can make it past this round and perhaps the next so I might be able to watch a game or two. But seriously, I really care and have been wearing my old school Red Wings hat in support of them. By the wayside, Chip's article on his girlfriend, Ms. Hockey, made me cry and possibly even cream myself later that night. It could be that, or the fact that I was dreaming of skating on ice with Steve Yzerman when all of a sudden I was in Africa looking for Grant Furh's friend, John Casey, to score on- in a completely heterosexual way. Next thing I know, I wake up in a pool of melted ice (or urine) as buzzers are going off and people are chanting, "WHOOP THERE IT IS." See for yourself.

R.L. Stine wrote a good series of books about that goal.

Finally, the Tigers won a great game in New York tonight with yours truely in attendance. By yours truly, I mean Chip Stevenson. Chip will certainly write a post about his experience at famous Yankee Stadium, therefore, all I will say is that I was happy with the outcome and that Todd Jones gave up a run just to keep everyone's pulse rate normal while he was pitching.

Overall, I think this blog and the day Detroit had should receive an ovation similar to the one our city's Captain received here: (the guy in the long sleeved white t-shirt is me)


GO CATS

Celebrities R Us: Famous Interview #2

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in


Besides pitching for the Swampdogs in the CPL, Bobby often played in the moon walk located behind him.

Detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com is absolutely soaring on the charts of Earth's Most Amazingest Blogs. We have currently leap frogged the "L4: Lindsey Lohan's Lesbian League" blog and the "I Chew Ice and Have a Longer Second Toe Than My Big Toe" blog to move into 3rd place overall. To be ballpark frank here, I think what we need to put us over the hump, and get us past Curtis Granderson and Todd Jones' blogs, is to do a real live celebrity interview every week. That means it's time for another celebrity interview.

This week I have ventured across the state of North Carolina to Boone to track down one of the hardest athlete's EVER to get a hold of: Unfortunately, Steph Curry was not available, so I found Bobby DeMuro-sidearm relief pitcher for the Davidson Wildcats NCAA D1 baseball team. Bobby DeMuro is a senior from Denver, Colorado who is probably the largest superstar athlete to read this blog, besides John Eshelman of course. Anyway, Bobby offered me a free interview and a key to his hotel room so that I could watch him sleep after we concluded the following interview:

ME: Ranch or Caesar dressing?
Bobby DeMuro: Caesar because I'm italian.
ME: Well, Chip already hates you. Let's move on.

ME:
When did you first start playing baseball:
BD: I was 3 years old playing tee ball in the world famous, Southeast Denver Baseball League. My first team was the Reds. Later, I played for the Mud Hens. Then I went back to the Reds.
ME: That's not very interesting.

ME:
What are your favorite sports teams?
BD: The Nuggets, Bobcats, and whatever baseball team wants to sign me.

ME: Well, what if you don't get signed?
BD: I'll be living under a bridge somewhere trying to make the most of it. I hope to survive a few months and find a pet squirrel.
ME: Have you ever seen 'Emperor's New Groove'? It's cute. The guy talks to squirrels.
BD: (Blank stare)
ME: Moving on...

ME: When did you first decide you wanted to play Major League Baseball:
BD: It was after my sophomore year of high school. I saw a minor league game when we were down in Florida for a tournament. I thought it would be sweet to play that far, let alone in the majors. I decided then that I wanted to play for as long as I could.
ME: That's what she said.

ME: Speaking of sex, one day, freshman year, Coach was pointed to your girlfriend at the time, who was sitting in the crowd at one of the Davidson baseball games. The person who pointed her out said, "That pretty girl is Bobby DeMuro's girlfriend." When Coach saw her he replied, "Eh... he must have a hammer down to his knees." What are your feelings about that comment?
BD: First and foremost, I'm flattered about the compliment I received from our Olympic esteemed baseball coach. With the credentials and experience he has had, that comment coming from him means a lot. Second, I can't deny the truth to the claim he made. Anybody who wants to find out, don't hesitate to look up my number. Preferably if you are female and weigh somewhere between 100 and 120 pounds.
ME:
Very disturbing. I'm glad I've only had a piece of Bubblicious gum to eat in the past 3 hours.

ME: Why are you a sidearmer?
BD:
I can't reach above my head. Little known fact. My arm doesn't go that high. That and I'm a HUGE wussy. Most sidearmers are, so that fits nicely.

ME: If you ever have kids, will you throw them sidearm BP?
BD:
My daughters, Bianca and Libby, are going to play the piano. So... no.

ME
: Will you tell people that you threw sidearm in 20 years?
BD:
I'm gonna say yes, because every time I tell someone I throw sidearm they think it's really cool and nasty. I'll also tell them I threw 100 mph and struck out Ryan Howard. One of those two is true, I'll leave you to decide which one.
ME: You got me there. All I know is I would never tell people I threw sidearm.

ME: At this point in the interview I'm going to ask you a few either/or questions to pick between:
Lebron or Michael?

BD: Lebron
ME: Why?
BD:
He is the future of the NBA. Michael is the past.

ME: Jack Nicholson or Meg Ryan?
BD:
Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
ME: Jack Nicholson 1974
BD:
Meg Ryan

ME: Jason Grilli or me?
BD:
Based on numbers or projectability?
ME: Both
BD:you
ME: WHY?
BD:
Frankly, you don't live under the pressure of his father like Jason Grilli does and the name Grilli sounds like girlie.
ME: I take back my rude sidearm comments.

ME: Chip really wanted me to ask you this one question... He wants to make it a part of every celebrity interview from now on...
BD:
Shoot.
ME: If you were in a pool of vomit and you were about to have a bucket of diarrhea dumped on you would you duck into the pool of vomit or just take the diarrhea like a man as it poured onto your head?
BD: Ah, a question for the ages. Would I close my eyes and mouth?
ME: Would you?
BD: I'm going to go with the unpopular answer here, but I'm going to go with the diarrhea because vomit makes me want to throw up.

ME: Who is going to win the 2008 World Series?
BD: St. Louis Cardinals
ME: Kindly Leave.
BD:
No, really. Their injured pitching will recover in the middle of the season and they will make a run in the weak National League and find a way to beat somebody in the AL to win it. They will beat the Indians actually.
ME: When are you going to pick up your biggest liar in the Southern Conference Award?
BD: I'm going to pick the award up the same day as the Nuggets NBA championship parade. I also hear there is a 100 million dollar compensation, so I'm looking forward to putting that in the bank.

ME: Are you ever going to call Olowokandi back?
BD: If his entourage and my entourage was up for it, I would see if we could come up with something. I'm a do'er, I'm a problem solver. If a problem needs solving, I'm there to solve it.
ME: A baking powder?

At this point in the interview, Bobby passed out. I would like to take the time here to thank Bobby for being so kind to answer my questions, free of charge in his hotel room. It was a great honor to see how he lives on the road as a D1 superstar athlete. I am looking forward to speaking with him in the future as he lives with his daughters Bianca and Libby playing chopsticks for all the cars that pass by above them. No, really. Thanks again Bobby and best of luck to you. Don't tell Chad Bradford I said hi. But do tell Micah Owings for me that Chip thinks about him in inappropriate ways I can't describe on this public blog.

GO CATS.

Meet My Girlfriend... Her Name is Hockey

Posted by Chip Stevenson


I really need to get something off my chest- I am officially a hockey fan once again.

We used to have a really good relationship together... we would eat dinner together sometimes, I skipped my homework for her a lot, and she introduced me to the delicacy that is the octopus. Then the lockout happened, and everything sort of fell apart. She wouldnt answer my calls, she never wanted to have dinner with me anymore, and when she finally came back, she was like a completely different woman. She went all Hollywood on me, valuing speed and flash over the hard-hitting toughness that was the backbone of our relationship. So, we sort of broke up, but I knew she'd always hold that special place in my heart.

The split was pretty amicable, but in recent years I've sort of noticed myself thinking about the one who got away pretty often. I guess it started when my roommate from last year, a huge Habs fan, ordered the NHL Center Ice package and watched every Canadiens game. I quietly fell back in love with the speed and toughness of the game, but what really brought me back to the sport was the rivalries. Rivalries absolutely make hockey what it is and with all of the new expansion teams (Columbus against Nashville on Versus??? No thank you), most of the rivalries have sort of faded away. Still, when I saw how my friend lived and died for every Canadiens-Maple Leafs game, I began to think that maybe we could rekindle that flame that we had for so long. I decided to give it a shot, and I went to a couple Red Wings games this year for the first time in years. I could sense that it was all coming back to me. Those same feelings that I had when I was a little kid trying to be Tim Cheveldae or Paul Coffey were starting to come back, only I dont look as cute reenacting Hasek's glove save now at age 21 as I did when I was 9. Finally, I can say that those feelings are 100%, without a doubt back today, and what put me over the hump was the Red Wings starting a 2nd round playoff series with the hated Colorado Avalanche tonight.

I'm attaching this video that sort of highlights the great moments of the Wings-Avalanche rivalry. Do yourself a favor and watch it. It might change your life.



A few comments about the video....

1.) I love how some of the clips are from the old Pass Sports channel. I grew up watching games at the old Tiger Stadium on the channel... ooooh how I yearn for the days of Kimera Bartee, Justin Thompson, and Melvin Nieves. Enough with this Ordonez scrub.

2.) At the 45 second mark, you see Darren McCarty go after Claude Lemieux at the beginning of one of the famous Red Wings- Avalanche brawls. It looks like Claude Lemieux thinks that he was in the middle of one of those atomic bomb drills from the 60s- he gets down on all fours, puts his hands over his head, ducks, and prays for his life just like students were taught to do during the Cuban Missile Crisis and stuff. What a wuss, stand up and fight like a man.... He was forever known as Claude "The Turtle" Lemieux after that for his unique fighting style.

3.) The video obviously includes the goalie fights that are appealing to everyone. Mike Vernon and Patrick Roy take like 5 seconds each to reach center ice because of all of their pads, but the whole time everyone knows they are about to throw down and have at it. The arena goes crazy and Vernon SMOKES Roy.

4.) My absolute favorite moment of the clip comes at the 1 minute 45 second mark. The Wings were facing the Avalanche after Lemieux's turtle act so there was obviously a lot of hype going into the game- Does Lemieux have a penis? Will Lemiuex risk breaking a nail and fight back this time? Well, he got his opportunity at the THREE SECOND MARK OF THE GAME. McCarty and Lemieux line up across from each other, and RIGHT when the puck hits the ice, three seconds into the game, they get right to it.

Here's to more fights, more octopi, and more Stanley Cups.... GO WINGS

Rod Allen says, "Oh, BOOK It"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Rod Allen got all silly and lots of fans wound up inebriated tonight. Do you know why? I do. Easy. The Detroit Tigers simply woke up their bats with a little smellin' salt, an annoying alarm clock, and Detroit bums poking on the shoulder, pesterin' for money. As a result, the Tigers came away with a 10-2 victory tonight over the Texas Rangers as Ramon Santiago homered for the first time since Jim Leyland was wearing tie dyed shirts and smoking reefer at a Beatles concert. I was approximately negative 17 years old at this time. Anyway, Edgar Renteria did his famous "Pudge Rodriguez from the day before" impression and had 4 hits, while Jacque Jones tied his career best with 2 hits in one game. Justin Verlander picked up his first win of the season, improving to 1-3; putting him well on pace to become the first Tigers pitcher since Dan Petry in 1987 to start the season 0-3 and finish with a winning record. Oh! Also, Magglio and Miguel went deep, back-to-back, in the 3rd inning. As soon as the Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris, M&M Boys, patent wears out (if it hasn't already), they will surely pick it up. It makes sense. Either that or they will just refer to themselves as the new Eminem in the dirty D since Marshall Mathers seems to have vanished without a recent smith-n-wesson gun or spousal abuse charge. (Watch. He will probably come out with a new CD this summer and shut me up. Oh, he is? Okay). Anyway, the Tigers like to play and are starting to come alive.

After the game, Jim Leyland made a pretty urgent news announcement....CANNON BALL! Carlos Guillen and Miguel Cabrera will swap positions. Carlos Guillen will now be our everyday 3B and Miguel Cabrera will be our 1B. I know exactly what Jim Leyland is doing here. He knows damn well that Sheffield will only play in like 37 games this year. That being the case, Guillen will DH because his legs are reminiscent of Mr. Burns' from The Simpsons. Leyland's loyalty to Tiger veteran, Brandon Inge is subtle, yet apparent here. He knew that by allowing Cabrera to eat all he wants and play first base the door will re-open to Brandon Inge, who will undoubtedly be a Gold Glove 3B in the next few years. If by some chance Sheffield takes a drink from the fountain of youth and comes back fresh as a pair of fruit of the loom underpants then I guess Leyland swapping Guillen and Cabrera will still hold true. At that point, however, Jacque Jones will probably be traded for some fungos so Inge can play leftfield. The Tigers will always be looking out for Binge.

In other sporting news, Danny Tanner flew to Detroit and gave a brief pep talk to Flip Saunders and the Detroit Pistons: "Wake up, San Francisco." The Pistons will try to rekindle the flame that took them to the 2004 Finals and avenge their game 1 Sprewell job to even up their best of 7 series with the Philadelphia, flip the numbers and add 2 and it's the, 69'ers. Game 1 was further proof that starters should not be rested as much as they had been before the playoffs started. Although Flip was giving the starters decent minutes in the final week of the regular season, the Pistons proved in game 1 to tire and unable to play a complete 48 minutes. Whatever.

The Detroit Red Wings will begin the 2nd round of the NHL playoffs against the Colorado Avalanche this Thursday. It is the first time since I can remember that the Red Wings have made it out of the first round. Acquiring occasional alzheimer's is sometimes necessary when being a Detroit fan. Hell, I acquire it every August when the Lions take the field. Speaking of alzheimers, Gary Bettman has banned Al Sobotka from spinning the Octopi around like it's a helicopter after fans illegally toss them onto the ice. Ridiculous. The NHL is pretty much DEAD in 48 of the US states so any awesome-ness to it should be allowed. The Red Wings should continue to allow Al to do his thing and assure Bettman is it good for the sport. In addition to standing behind him, they should pay any fines he may receive for letting his gut hang out of his extra-small t-shirts while spinning around one of the oldest traditions in Hockeytown.

The Semi-Pro grizzly bear that wrestled Will Ferrell killed his trainer today. Although other trainers said they saw no reasons why the bear would resort to biting his trainer in the neck, I think the fuzzy thing was just really f'ing pissed he was put in that dud of a movie. Here is a little documentary on the scene from the movie:

GO CATS

My Favorite Non-Tagers

Posted by Chip Stevenson

As I sit here watching an otherwise enjoyable Tagers game that has the good guys winning 7-2 in the 7th inning and has so far given us a Ramon Santiago home run, 2 Jacque Jones hits!!!, and back to back home runs for the middle of our lineup, I see that Zach Miner is trying his best to blow yet another game for us. He's really, really good at that. Unfortunately for him, being good at that usually leads to unemployment. So, in an effort to take my mind off the fact that Miner is a big wussy, I'm going to write a post that I've been meaning to write for a while- My Favorite Non-Tagers.

1.) Micah Owings, starting pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks: I first heard of this guy when the Jankees were trying to trade away Randy Johnson a couple years ago. The Janks desperately wanted Micah Owings in the trade, but the Diamondbacks wouldnt give in... so right off the bat, I liked him because it was sort of a David kicking Goliath in the shin type story (side story: During my days as a superstar on the JV basketball team in high school, some practices would get pretty heated. One of the stupid scrubs on the team was doing some sort of boxing out drill or something with one of the studs. The scrub got really pissed at the stud for some reason so he walked up to the stud, flat out kicked him right in the shin, and ran out of the gym crying. The next week, the scrub was a starter on the girl's freshman basketball squad and he fit right in). Anyways, Owings is damn good because he is a starting pitcher that throws gas, an intimidating presence on the mound at 6'5" 220 pounds, AND he can flat out rake as a hitter. I don't think there is any other player in the majors that reminds me more of myself in those respects. There is nothing more badass to me than a pitcher who can hit. First, Micah is 4-0 this year with an era that most of the Tagers pitchers could only dream of right now (2.42). If that wasn't enough, he is a career .329 hitter with a .616 career slugging percentage. In the 7th inning of a game the other night, his team was hitting and his spot in the order was coming up. His night was over as a pitcher, but the manager STILL let him hit. That NEVER happens in the real world. There is already talk of having him be the Diamondbacks' designated hitter when they play in American League parks later this year. That's so crazy to me, and I can't wait to see how he does. If he was in the AL right now, maybe he could be playing every day being the DH for every game he doesnt throw. Keep your eye on him the rest of the year.

2.) Josh Hamilton, starting center fielder for the Texas Rangers: Even if you have already heard his story, it's worth hearing again so here it is. He was drafted number one overall out of high school by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 1999. He was supposed to be the quintessential 5 tool player and a sure bet to be a star. As a pitcher in high school, his fastball routinely hit 95 mph, but he was drafted as an outfielder, and in his first year in the minor leagues, he led his team to a league championship. Often compared to Roy Hobbs in The Natural, his career obviously started off with a bang, and it was only a matter of time before he would be tearing it up against the Pedro Martinezes and Johan Santanas of the world.  Unfortunately, after hurting his back in a car accident during the following year, he fell into the devastating world of drugs, derailing his promising career.  He was eventually banned from baseball for failing multiple drug tests, and he had to go through an extensive background check in 2006 to be reinstated. He ended up being completely out of baseball for a full three years while he slowly got his life together, but his extensive time away from the game and the fact that he had never played above single A ball made many experts think that his career was over.  Still, when someone forms that debilitating relationship with drugs, sobriety is success enough, regardless of how much or little baseball would play in the rest of his life.  When he finally did come back and was selected by the Cubs in the rule 5 draft and subsequently traded to the Cincinnati Reds, he miraculously showed all of the skills that made him the first overall draft pick in 1999 as if he had been playing all along.  He received a 22 second standing ovation before his first ever major league at bat, which was a moment that I will never forget as a baseball fan.  He had overcome incredible odds, and to simply reach the big leagues after all he went through is an incredible accomplishment by itself. I dont know about you guys, but if I stopped practicing baseball for just a week, I was completely out of whack when I came back. This guy was out of baseball for THREE YEARS, and even when he was playing, he only played in A ball. When he came back in 2007, he was more than holding his own in the majors, and he became the feel good story of the year. In the offseason, he was traded to the Texas Rangers where he is currently playing everyday and anchoring their lineup as the 3 hitter.  It still gives me goosebumps just thinking about all the shit he had to go through- from being a millionaire right out of high school, to dominating A ball, to falling into the grips of drugs, to being out of baseball for years, to coming back and being a star. He attributes his sobriety to his newfound faith in God, and I can't help but have my faith strengthened by his story- Somebody HAS to be helping him out from above for him to be where he is today, you know?  His comeback is definitely an inspiration to me, and his story completely transcends baseball. The demons of drug abuse will always follow him around, but I hope he stays clean and sober throughout his career so that he can reach the levels that scouts once thought were a sure thing back in 1999. Hopefully, he will continue to be a model to all of those with addiction problems.  The video below is his first major league hit, coming just months after he picked up a bat and baseball for the first time in years, and it was fittingly a home run.

Celebrities R Us

Posted by Chip Stevenson in

Should I get rims on that?


detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com has really taken off in the last few weeks. With an ever increasing fan base and consistent posts from 2.5 contributors (dupree needs to man up), our revenues from advertisements and the always welcome donations have really started to pour in. We have been trying to figure out what to do with all of the cash money we have been making, but we have been having a hard time settling on a consensus. We have thought about buying a private detroit4lyfe jet or buying rims for my 2001 honda civic or maybe buying the Cleveland Indians, changing their name to the Fairies, and running their organization into the ground, but we decided against those because we really wanted to give back to you all who have made the blog what it is today. So, after we took into consideration the feelings of our considerable fan base, we have decided to use the 1.4 million dollars the blog is worth today to book some incredible celebrity interviews. I am so happy and proud to bring you our very first celebrity interview today and that man is MICHAEL OLOWOKANDI.


Before I get into the actual interview, let me give you some background information on this celebrity superstar. The Kandi Man grew up in London where his 7 foot tall frame made him stand out like yellow pee on a fresh blanket of snow. Even though all 7 footers belong either in the NBA or the circus, Olowokandi didnt even start playing basketball until he was 17. He enrolled at the University of the Pacific (sounds completely made up to me), and after his senior year, he was drafted number 1 overall in the 1998 NBA draft by the Los Angeles Clippers. The Clippers were hoping that the athletic, 270 pound, 7 foot tall big man would blossom into a legitimate NBA center, but he shit the bed. He sucked for the Clippers for 5 years, sucked for the Timberwolves for 3 years, and played for the Celtics for like a year and a half before they realized he sucked and they cut him. He is currently technically an NBA free agent, but only because no one wants to give his sorry ass any money to sit on their bench. Still, his combination of a slight British accent, 7 foot tall body, and overall suckiness is generally unmatched in all of mankind. He is easily considered one of the biggest busts in NBA history after being a number one overall draft pick, but he still kindly took time out of his busy schedule to graciously give an interview to us.

He asked me to meet him at a swank bar in downtown Boston called Felt at 1 am for the interview. Even with my extensive experience with celebrity interviews, I have never done one that late at night. I decided to go along with it though because I couldnt screw up the very first interview for the blog. So, I made my way over to the bar late last night and here is what transpired....

I was sitting at the bar, drinking some water because I would never drink on the job, and admiring the place. All of a sudden, the bar went silent, and I figured that I was finally recognized. I started to stand up to acknowledge that yes, I do actually write for detroit4lyfe and yes, I will accept all free drinks/donations, when I took a glance over to my right and I saw a full entourage of about ten large men including one in the middle that had to be at least 10 feet tall. It only then dawned on me that maybe everyone got silent when they saw that group of intimidating men. One of the entourage members basically ran to the bar right next to me to order a drink, and my celebrity interview started...

ME: Is that Olowokandi over there?
ENTOURAGE GUY: Yea **Sneeze**
ME: Gesundheit. Are you part of his entourage?
EG: Thanks brother. Yes I am. Are you Chip Stevenson?
ME: Yes I am
EG: Can I have your autograph?
ME: I would love to give you one, but you know if I give you one then I'm going to have to give everyone in this place one and I dont want to be writing my name all night.
EG: Yea, I understand. Peace.

Ok, so after that awkward exchange, I made my way over to the big fish to start my interview... and boy did I ever interview him.

ME: Who do you think is going to win the NBA championship this year? The Celtics?
KANDI MAN: It's a possibility. (channeling his best magic 8 ball impression. I was waiting for a "concentrate and ask again" or a "signs point to yes" response to my next question)
ME: I think the Pistons are going to win it. Rasheed is pissed this year.
KANDI MAN: Man, I dont have a crystal ball yo. (it seems like the crystal ball is the magic 8 ball's arch nemesis, and at this point I might have offended him)
ME: Why do you still live in Boston?
KANDI MAN: Well, I still have a place in LA but um well see....... (his voice sort of trailed off there)
ME: I see. Welp, nice to meet cha!

And there you have it- the first celebrity interview at detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com. He then gave me a very strong handshake, and the interview was over. I basically asked him everything I wanted to ask, but the interview still seemed to just fly by. Next thing I know, I'm eating a mountain of fried rice at some Chinese place at 2 am and reflecting on the enigma that is Michael Olowokandi. I want to thank him for taking the time, and you all can be on the look out for more celebrity interviews on the way.... maybe.

Late Night Tornado of Thoughts

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Well... the Tigers ended their 3 game winning streak tonight by a score of a lot to Ahhhh run. You know the Tigers were absolutely horrible when you go on Detroittigers.com and the game-ly highlight video is a sacrifice fly that brings in the only run of the game....of an 11-1 loss. That's pathetic. I'm actually pissed at the website editors for this. Either leave the sweet highlights from the amazing win the night before or show another game, like Manny Ramirez's 2 home runs or a live feed of the Padres/Rockies game that is STILL going on (Bottom of the 17th). Me and other Tiger fans do not want to see a sac fly that brought in the lone run of a horrible loss. It is haunting and brings back piss poor memories. My message to detroittigers.com, in the famous words of the 2-5: Have a better approach and get better, F.

Zach "I Belong in the Minors, AGAIN" Miner got absolutely lit up like the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th of July. He had zero approach and set up the tee for Cleveland so they could do what they wanted with it. I even heard fireworks going off on him on July 5th. Watching him pitch made me puke up green nachos and get every question wrong at the Fox and Hound trivia night. In fact, Miner actually made Verlander look like he threw a no-hitter; and don't even get me started on Verlander. You wanna get me started?... Verlander is throwing slower, quick pitching by not taking any breaths which means he has no idea where the ball is going, and looks like he has lost about 25 pounds. Although his facial hair looks exactly the same as last year, he is pitching a lot worse. I am very concerned.

Anyway, the Chicken man starts the Tags 3 game series @ Toronto tomorrow night at 7:07 P.M. I'm so glad the game is not starting at 7:00 P.M. or else I would probably miss the first 5 pitches. I am predicting the Tigers to take 2 out of 3 in this series. Miguel will have 2 bombs.

In other sporting news, the Detroit Red Wings will look to redeem themselves as well as they face off against the Nashville Predators in Game 5 of a 2-2 series tomorrow night. Dominik Hasek has been benched in favor of Chris Osgood because Mike Bobbin'forcock realized that the Dominator is no longer impenetrable and is actually inflexible with a terrible accent. I'm pretty confident the Wizard of Ozgood will lead the Wings down the right brick road, whether it be yellow, red, or my front porch. Either way, if he and the rest of the Red Wings don't find the tin man, the scare crow and Jon Kitna soon, it will be another disappointing first round exit.

Your Detroit Pistons will start the playoffs vs. Fresh Prince's Philly this Sunday. I am not going to get too excited until they move past the first round because they should have no problem just as long as Rasheed doesn't make any Guaransheeds on opposite days again. Stay tuned though for some petty analysis here and there throughout the first round.

By the way....The Padres/Rockies are now in the bottom of the 20th inning. This game is tied 1-1 and the runs were both scored in the 14th inning. The pitching coaches and pitchers for both teams are grinning so much right now, Chip is repeatedly saying, "Quit grinning, dang." On the other hand, one announcer for the game is beginning to eat his baseball hat and the other has been laughing since the 15th inning because they are so damn hungry and/or insane from watching sooo much free baseball. Former Tiger, Wilfredo Ledezma, is pitching for the Padres right now and almost has a quality relief outting and I have no idea what that means (7 ip in relief with 3 runs or less?????). I am starting to freak out. I think I see Bruce Willis. I'm going to bed.

Before I leave though, I have inserted a funny commercial to commemorate Gary Sheffield stupidly getting thrown out at home plate with less than 2 outs, while not sliding, and killing the Tigers only real chance of rallying and winning (barring an impending Miner appearance). DERP

My Dream Job

Posted by Chip Stevenson


After about 16 years of schooling, including close to 4 years at one of the top universities in the land, I think that I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I have dabbled with the thoughts of becoming a teacher, or I could go to law school, or maybe I could even be one of those stock broker guys.... well, I was wrong all along. The absolute PERFECT job for me is to be....................... Miguel Cabrera's assistant.

I know what you all are saying- Why would he ever give someone like me that incredibly important job with all sorts of responsibilities? The Presidential nominees have to go through all of these debates and primaries, and he is just going to GIVE me the job?? Well, you obviously are not considering my impressive credentials. First off, I am a baseball veteran, having reached the absolute pinnacle of the sport by playing on the Detroit Country Day Varsity Baseball Team in 2004. Even better, I was the intimidating presence hitting in the 5 hole just like my boy Miguel does now for the Tags AND I even played some third base on my summer teams. So right off the bat, we have a whole hell of a lot in common, and I would be like the opposite of a sponge- I would willingly teach him everything I know about the sport so maybe he could make it to that next level. Next, Miguel Cabrera currently has 3 home runs for the Tags, including an opposite field two run shot off of last year's Cy Young Winner C.C. Sabathia tonight, and I had 3 home runs my senior year, including an opposite field home run against a pitcher that I think might be playing at Michigan State right now so we have that going for us too (or at least I like to think he is playing there to boost my ego every now and then). So clearly, we are basically the same player. On top of all of that, I also took spanish from Senora Labiano in high school for 3 years so you KNOW I'm muy bien at speaking the language. I even would be able to show him around Detroit since he is going to be there until at least 2015 and I know everything there is to know about the city. For instance, do you think he knows that Detroit is one of the only places in the U.S. where you can drive SOUTH to get to Canada? Me neither. I would be willing to show him all of the hot spots in Detroit too like the Coney Island at 15 and Telegraph where he can get a delicious chicken finger pita or a club sandwich with no mayonnaise or tomatoes like pacman gets all the time, and I could also show him the place where Applebees used to be until it shut down at Square Lake and Opdyke or something like that. I'd be his personal Detroit resource, on call whenever he thinks he needs some local expertise.

Now that I've shown that I'm clearly the best candidate for the completely made up position of Miguel Cabrera's assistant, let me explain why I actually want the job. First and foremost, he just signed a contract worth a trillion dollars. I'm sure he is very fiscally responsible considering that he is a 24 year old male athlete who used to party all the time in Miami until the wee hours of the night, has more money than he could ever possibly imagine, and has never had to save money for anything in his life the past 8 years or so, but I'm still sure that I could convince him to get me a couple hundred thousand every few weeks, right? Would that be so much to ask, especially when I'd be willing to split his laundry duties with him where I would take it one week out of a month and he would do the rest? Secondly, I already watch every single Tagers game as my wonderful girlfriend can attest to so why wouldn't I want to get paid to watch them? Sure, I'll have to keep track of his jewelry, clothes, and twinkies during the games, but what could possibly beat watching him go 4-6 with a home run and 5 rbis like he did tonight from the clubhouse? I'd even be willing to cook for him if the cooking entailed going to Little Caesars and picking up a Hot and Ready. If that's the case, I'd actually be killing THREE birds with one stone- feeding us, getting paid, and helping to pay for his contract because the owner of the Tigers owns Little Caesars. Maybe I'd even be able to drive one of his Bentleys to pick the pizza up. Lastly, I want the job because it would be really cool to be in the clubhouse, getting soaked with champagne, hugging the MVP (Cabrera), the Cy Young winner (Verlander), the Manager of the Year (Leyland), the 6th man of the year (Guillen), the rookie of the year (Todd Jones), and the batting champ (Ordonez), with the possibility of getting a ring myself when the Tags sweep the Diamondbacks in the World Series this fall. That would be the good life.

Ok, time for bed where I'm sure I'll have visions of Tagers rounding the bases after home runs running through my head

-Chip

"Cabrera's Gonna Come Through Right Here"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Rod Allen challenged Chip's right to the Nostradamus belt and took it away as he predicted Miguel Cabrera would indeed come through in the 8th inning while Magglio, the go ahead run, stood on second base. Cabrera came through big, hitting his 2nd home run of the season to give the Tigers the lead and a little Aflac run. (I would just like to add that I texted Chip right before Cabs at bat saying "Cabs is due for a bomb tonight" and sure enough he came through. Upon trying to prove my prediction to a friend at school, I accidently deleted my text messages; thus having no proof, receiving no kudo points, and may God have mercy on my soul). I digress....Cabrera's bomb proved to be HUGE because Todd "I Make My Saves Look Hard But They Are Really Easy" Jones gave up a controversial lead off triple to Delmon Young. It was a questionable call by the Mr. Umpire because Raburn appeared to have taken a home run away from Young; however the ball, which made the tip of the snow cone, fell out of his glove as he rolled around on the ground, trying to stand up. The ruling on the field was that he had to make an attempt to transfer the ball and throw it, which constitutes as having full control of the catch. There are so many arguments that can be inserted here for Raburn actually getting the call in his favor that I think I'll just omit those and let you comment and make them yourselves if you want. I am bias because the hit didn't matter and Delmon Young is on my fantasy team so it actually was okay with me that they called it a hit. Anyway, Todd Jones let Monroe single off him to score Young and got the next two guys out, ending the game dramatically with a strikeout. Yay!

After the game Todd Jones said that he was stupid for making that stupid pitch to Delmon Young, but it obviously didn't matter. The Tigers have won 2 in a row now, making it their longest winning streak ever....since I can remember. The Tigers travel to Cleveland where they will play the Indians for a 2 game series. In honor of the Tigers being back better than before, they will bring another Big Cat back as Andres Galarraga will come out of retirement and pitch for the Tigers in Game 1 of the series, going up against Cap's Crooked Sabathia. It's too bad Joe "Can I Borrow a Better Arm?" Borowski went on the DL before this series.

Let's come back down to planet Earth for a little bit and discuss some serious issues (Thanks for the 'Bless you', Chip). The Tigers are not out of the deep end yet, as they are still 4-10 and have the worst record in the majors. To make matters worse, Nate Robertson got injured last night- although it does not appear serious- and Dontrelle is currently on the DL. Although the DL is helping Dontrelle's BB/minutes alive ratio and Nate is just above an average MLB pitcher, they are still an instrumental part to the Tigers rotation and success.

As if the Tigers early hitting problems (which seem to be going away), Nate's potential nagging lat, Guillen's constant limping, Dontrelle's control problems, and Zumaya's keg stands aren't enough to raise concern; you ought to take a peek at
Justin Verlander's velocity in the early part of this season. I know it has been colder and that the Tiger's have been saying they want him to throw slower to create more movement on his pitches, but this on top of his early struggles has got to worry you a little bit, right? Then again, in the Chicago start he threw very well for 7 innings, and because the Tigers were being no hit he was thrown back out there in the 8th inning when it started to rain. As a result, he had some control problems and the White Sox hit him around. Therefore, his line would have been a lot better if the Tigers had scored the 17 runs they are supposed to score by the 7th inning. That means he would have been lifted before the 8th, leaving him with 7 IP and only 1 ER instead of the 6 ER he wound up allowing. Either way, I just thought this was worth mentioning because it scared me when I first saw it. (If you don't want to click on that link and read the article, then look at the following chart from its comments section. It displays the % of his fastballs that hit the listed MPH. Notice that he has not hit 97 or more at all according to this chart.)
Here’s just March & April numbers:

Spd 2007 2008
87 0.70%
88 1.41%
89 8.45%
90 11.97%
91 1.44% 23.24%
92 3.61% 23.24%
93 5.05% 9.86%
94 11.19% 8.45%
95 15.16% 9.15%
96 23.10% 3.52%
97 21.66%
98 15.52%
99 2.89%
100 0.36%

Some comical relief... Yahoo! Sports continues to have funny quips within their articles. Here is one I came across last night:

"Huston Street is starting to settle in. After allowing runs in each of his first three appearances of the season, he's recorded four consecutive scoreless saves. Admittedly, he was a bit of a circus closing out Chicago on Monday, giving a up a single and allowing the runner to move to second on a wild pitch. He then beaned A.J. Pierzynski, but that may have been intentional – you never know with Pierzynski since he's so bean-able. He then finished things off by whiffing Carlos Quentin and getting Joe Crede on a comebacker."

Quick little notes:

Today is the anniversary of the tragic VT shootings that occured last year. One of the victims was Brian Bluhm, a die-hard Tigers fan, who was known to many avid Tigers fans as Brian B. or estrepe1. Chip and I had come across Bluhm's comments on various Tigers message boards. It was a terrible day to hear about the shootings, and an even worse one when Tiger nation found out it lost a dear fan. Here is an emotional article I found posted on another Tiger fan's blog:
It's a Dark Day
Link my article written last year about it; see bottom

Jair Jurrjens has his own fan website/blog:
http://jairjurrjens.com/

I'll end with a funny video clip sent by a teammate earlier this year (I like Jim Rome):



Ok one more Jim Rome rant that you have probably already heard.... amazing:

I Feel Great

Posted by Chip Stevenson

I can't think of a better way to talk about my feelings after the Tigers' 11-9 comeback victory over the Twins tonight than just simply showing this video...


Here's to many more victories just like the one tonight, and hopefully this is the one that we look back on in September when we try to figure out the game when the Tags turned the ship around.

Couple Random Thoughts...

Posted by Chip Stevenson


I read today that Carmelo Anthony was arrested late last night for suspicion of DUI. A little memory refresher for you non-Michiganders: The Pistons got the number 2 pick in the draft the year Carmelo and Lebron came out as part of an old trade involving Otis Thorpe who was most famous for his funny name. Joe Dumars decided to pick the great Darko Milicic over Carmelo, and Darko went on to become the world's first human victory cigar as he would only play in blowout games. Well, obviously the Pistons have received a lot of heat for drafting a monumental bust over a superstar, but somewhere Joe Dumars is cheersing his manly Wild Turkey whiskey straight up with Darko's pink cosmopolitan today and I'm sure they are sharing a good laugh together about the 2004 championship.

I also wanted to pass this advertisement for Tampax along in honor of the legend that is Jason Grilli...

from motownsports.com

Good News for Tigers Fans

Posted by Chip Stevenson

Finally, the Tags get some uplifting news courtesy of Joel Zumaya.... he is healthy enough to do a keg stand!








Who do you think he is giving the middle finger to? Tager fans?

It also looks like he is finally able to play some guitar hero too... maybe this year there wont be any Tager playoff baseball for Zumaya to miss because of it.



Let me go on record though and say that I dont really think this is all that big of a deal. Yes, I would rather have him wrapped in bubble wrap until he is ready to play again, but he is a 20 something year old guy who makes a lot of money... of course he is going to want to party every now and then. Hopefully, he makes it back this year and contributes to the amazing comeback run that I know the Tags are going to pull off, and I dont think that a keg stand is going to make or break that dream.

Day Dreaming

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

(This HAS to be Jason Grilli's mom)
Funny and noteworthy excerpt from a Yahoo article re: Detroit Tigers

"Chrysler plant, here you come: Kenny Rogers, though he does have the team's one and only quality start, is 0-3 for the first time since Justin Verlander was 8 years old. Placido Polanco is 6-for-39 with 1 run scored. Gary Sheffield has 1 RBI. Miguel Cabrera has 2. Magglio Ordonez has 3. Kirk Gibson and Alan Trammell ain't walking through that door, boys. Denny McLain is out on bond. Bo Schembechler can't fire Ernie Harwell again. The Supremes broke up. Axel Foley is off to Beverly Hills. It's all on Jason Grilli.

He's your All-Star: Where would the Tigers be without Brandon Inge, who has started at least 1 game at catcher, third base and center field? Probably 2-10 still, but he's batting .282 with 9 of the team's 30 RBIs."

Nerd Alert: 500 Wins

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

I never thought this blog would come to this, but it has.... I have talked about a certain video game in more than one post in less than a week; and have made a video game the headliner for a as well. Alert the nerd press. Anyway, swallowing my pride for a moment, I would like to announce that today I picked up victory #500 in Call of Duty, making me the 2nd all time winning-est player....amongst my friends. Above is a picture of Michael Jordan congratulating me while wearing a jersey to commemorate the occasion of me using bullets to kill digital human beings en route to my 500th win. Thank you Mike.

In other news, the Detroit Tigers are getting worse. Paul Konerko and Joe 'the band Creed sucks too' Crede each hit a grand salami sandwich to lead the White Sox to yet another shutout victory. The Tigers are surely just saving up all their runs for the playoff push where they will win every game by a score of 34 to 12, exactly. Apparently after the game, Jim Leyland had a closed door meeting with the Tigers where he really chewed them out mean and bad, as opposed to nice and good. He would not say what he said inside the meeting, only that he let them know how embarrassing this start has been; and he's sick and tired of players giving up at bats and stealing his cigarettes for in between innings smoke breaks. Hopefully, this little meeting will wake them up for the upcoming series at home, where they are currently WINLESS. Let's keep our thumbs crossed.

To keep spirits alive and well here at detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com, I'll leave you with a real upbeat music video that has moved up my charts to #1 (Ps- my guess is these MLB players had no idea what they were in for when filming for this video... or so i hope they didn't. Also, notice how cool Justin Verlander is.)

Call Me Nostradamus

Posted by Chip Stevenson


****** SPOILER ALERT *******

Bret Michaels DID pick Ambre, which makes me 2 for 2 on predictions this year (I predicted when the Tags would get their first win a while back). Stay tuned for my next one coming soon and hopefully I'll get a DiMaggio like streak going.


In the mean time, I thought you all would like to watch this classic commercial while I go do some more squeezies...

SND in Boston

Posted by Chip Stevenson


As a devastating case of SND (Sunday Night Depression) sets in, here are a few thoughts from Chip...

I'm watching the season finale of Rock of Love, and I can't imagine a better SND cure than that show. I'm pretty sure Daisy, pictured above and one of the last two contestants who also happens to be an accomplished exotic dancer, just tried to smile. You could see her lips sort of turn upwards, but they only made it a fraction of an inch because she is made out of plastic. That's obviously a strike against Daisy. On the other hand, Ambre (pronounced "Amber") spells her name in such a ridiculous way that it's a big turnoff for me. Still, if I had to guess, I'd say Bret Michaels looks past the spelling mistake and picks Ambre who happens to be a legit cougar, my favorite.

I took my first trip to New York City this weekend, in which I tried my first oyster, had to stop myself from puking on the spot but still took it down like champ, and subsequently caught a nasty case of diarrhea that would have ruined the weekend if not for my positive attitude. Needless to say, I will not be eating anymore oysters any time soon. I will, on the other hand, be trying to go back to New York sometime soon because it was a great time. I'm not sure if I could live there, but it was a lot of fun even though we got kicked out of a bar by a completely overzealous/unhappy with his life bouncer when a waitress spilled beer on my friend and he got upset about it. I was actually supposed to go there to scout the Jankees as part of the Tigers' grassroots scouting campaign that I just completely made up. What I didnt realize though was that the Jankees were playing the Red Sox IN Boston. So I watched the games on TV in New York instead of watching the games at a bar in Boston or something. Real smart on my part. Anyways, my verdict: I like the Jankees more than I like the Red Sox.

Speaking of them, did you guys hear any more about the construction worker who put a David Ortiz jersey in the cement at the new Yankee Stadium? Amazing story by a passionate fan who wanted to curse the Yankees and an even more amazing outcome in that the Yankees actually had people jackhammer their way down into the cement to remove the jersey. If the fan was smart though, he would have placed two Red Sox things down there so that the Yankees would believe they removed the threat of a curse but something else would still remain down there.

In other news, the Tigers are not undefeated in my return back to Boston as I had hoped. In fact, they just got shutout two times in a row and have been shutout more times in the first two weeks than they did all of last season. If I were Jim Leyland, I would have a big game of semi-serious whiffle ball with the team. I would actually make the starting pitchers toss and the actual lineup hit in an effort to lighten the mood while still keeping a competitive atmosphere. I still have hope for when Granderson comes back and I also am sort of weirdly encouraged by the fact that the Tigers are losing in blowouts. No one is bad enough to be shutout in two straight games while being outscored 18-0. If we were losing all sorts of close games then maybe that would just be how good the Tigers are, but clearly the Tigers are not a team that gets outscored like that. They will turn it around eventually.

Lastly, we at detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com have recently been receiving a bunch of new readers and I just wanted to thank everyone for supporting the cause.

-Chip

Honest Toilet Reading: My Dad Pitches for the Tigers

Posted by Bob Biscigliano


We can't get anything past you wise readers. Okay.... my dad doesn't pitch for the Tigers. However, he is very similar to the Tigers leader in holds this year, Denny Bautista. They share the same first name and same 98-100 mph fastball. My dad gave up pitching a long time ago though, to become a doctor and save millions of lives, not dollars. Actually, I want to apologize to my father for even comparing him to Denny Bautista in the first place, because my father is a good looking man who does not resemble Bautista (a mixture of Seabiscuit, Manute Bol, and Juaquin Phoenix) at all. In fact, my dad's name is actually Dennis, not Denny.

All this bally-total-fitness-hoo aside, Bautista threw a scoreless 8th inning in the Tigers 5-2 win against the White Sox tonight to get the ball to flawless Todd Jones in the 9th, who picked up his 1st save of the season. Some other notable events from the game include Dontrelle Willis trying to do the splits after one of his pitches and hyper-extending his knee, Jim Thome trying to make out with the umpire, ultimately getting him ejected; Grilli redeeming himself (for tonight); and Aquilino Lopez spelling his name right on his first ever autograph given after the game. Nice game fellas. For those of you who are really worried: Dontrelle's injury is not said to be serious, so don't worry; we should have the man in charge of the merry-go-round back by his next start.

I'm still waiting to hear from Dave Dombrowski about signing Chip Stevenson after Chip made his point pretty clear in his last post that he is worthy of a roster spot over Bazardo. I'm his agent, if you didn't know already, and I won't accept anything less than what Mike Hampton is making in Atlanta. Unlike Hampton though, Chip might actually make an appearance, but I'm not making any promises. Show me the money first. wink.

I noticed something pretty interesting tonight while I was watching, for fun after the Tigs game, the Arizona DBacks vs. the Colorado Rockies game. They flashed a promotion up on the screen that said for every run the DBacks score this season they will plant 10 trees as part of the Salt River Project. This means that last year the Diamondbacks planted 7,120 trees somewhere and at their current pace, will plant close to 8,000 following this season. I can totally see Green people like Eric Byrnes or Chris Young crossing home plate, high five-ing each other, and yelling out "Chalk up another 10 trees! Get me some seeds." That's really swell. I'm glad Arizona is deciding to plant some trees; it's good for the environment and our health. Another thing...I bet all the real heavy environmentalists are really happy the San Francisco Giants aren't doing this promotion. Are you GREEN? My friend Kermit said it's not easy.

I read on Yahoo tonight that a construction worker at the new Yankee stadium buried a Boston Red Sox t-shirt within the cement near the visitor's clubhouse, allegedly putting a permanent hex on the Yankees in their new stadium. Yankee officials are trying to find out how the hell they hired a Red Sox fan to build their new house. Did Babe Ruth come back from the dead?

In other sporting news, the Red Wings took game one of their best of seven series with the Nashville Predators yesterday. Hockey seems to be dead in the south so if any of my northern readers want to let me know what's going on, I'd appreciate it. I received some pretty hateful glares from people as I switched my school's union television to the Wings game the other night. It was almost as if I had turned off the Super Bowl to watch Ellen, which I may or may not have done before. Whatever. I stick to my guns and will continue to make people here feel uncomfortable by watching my team and a sport that is just about as known in the south as winning wars is. Too soon?

I'll end with a quote I heard tonight at Hardy's:
"A man that goes to bed with sex on mind, wakes up with lotion on hand."
Goodnight.

GO CATS

How Bizarre

Posted by Chip Stevenson


A lot of blogs do this "who would you rather have, player A or player B?" thing, and I sort of like it even though the answer is always predictably the most surprising one. So here is the very first "Who would you rather have?" post here on newly named detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com..... Who would you rather have?

Pitcher A: 23 years old. righty. 220 pounds. 6 ft 2 in. Tops out at 90, throws a change up at about 82. has two pitches only. walks every single hitter who doesnt get a hit off of him. current era is 24.00. likes to lose games.

Pitcher B: 21 years old. righty. 175 pounds. 5 ft 11 on a good day. Used to maybe hit 80. throws an absolutely devastating slurve and always keeps the trusty ephus pitch in his back pocket, along with a change up that is better than eshelman's. walks only 2 hitters per 9 innings throughout his career. current era is 0.00. last game he pitched in was a dominating complete game shutout against the incredible Cranbrook Cranes in the playoffs so you KNOW he wants the ball in big situations. always has a positive attitude because attitude determines altitude. likes to win games.

I know, I know... tough decision. Well Pitcher A is actually Yorman Bazardo, bullpen extraordinare for the mighty 1-8 Detroit Tigers. I just finished watching him dust off the Red Sox with this line- 1 ip 3 hits 2 walks 4 er and dont forget about his 1 strikeout. This is right after the Tigers had clawed back into the game to get within two runs. Almost as devastating of a performance as Pitcher B's slurve. Real cool Bazardo.

Pitcher B is actually.... yours truly. I know, I could have added important information to my scouting report like how I struck out my very first hitter ever on a varsity team or how I once hit a kid in the face with a pitch and my Dad made me call him that night to see if he was ok or I could have included my story about the midget who I struck out. But I didnt and you know why? Because I'm the best at being humble and I didnt want to embarrass Bazardo too much. Obviously, everyone in their right mind would want me on the Tigers over that chump and I'll be waiting for Dombrowski's call. I'll even take the minimum Major League Baseball salary of $390,000 because I'm in it for the glory, not the money.
In the meantime, I'm off to New York City for the first time in my life tomorrow to scout out the Jankees before we play them later this month. Hopefully the Tigers will be undefeated when I get back.

Tigers Win; I'm Horny

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Edgar Renteria decided that he hates Boston as much as I do and goes 3-4 tonight as the Detroit Tigers pick up their first victory of the young season to improve to a league best, 1-7 (by league best, I mean a league best worst record. Thanks). Despite their poor start, the Tigers will continue to win ball games after tonight and finish the season with a record of 147-15. Jeremy Bonderman picked up a win as cheap as a $200 hooker found on Maple Road. He pitched a measly 5 innings, while giving up 2 runs and 0 pride points. He exited the game and immediately packed a huge chaw in his lower lip; solidifying a much needed victory and gum cancer. Tomorrow the Tags face Tim Weak-field's lazy knuckle, as he is matched up against Nasty Nate Robertson's killer 90 mph straight fast ball. If I had to make a guesstimate, I predict the Tigers winning 73-9 in extra innings. Jason Grilli gets cut during the 6th inning as Miguel Cabrera finally unwraps a twinkie and goes deep for the 2nd time this season. Either way, I hope you all celebrate the Tigers first victory; but not too hard.... there are many more victories and ladies to come. snap

GO CATS

Finally....A.L. favorites once again

Posted by Dupree

That was such a funny April fools joke the Tigers played on us, losing 7 straight to start the year off. Such a knee slapper, boy do we all feel silly now for thinking they were actually playing for real in those games. But next time maybe they should get the memo that April fools is only the 1st day in April, not the first 9.
On another note all of Detroit can thank me for the Tigers win tonight. Since the Tigers hadn't won, I decided to do the opposite of everything I had been doing. Rather than watch the game, I went and had a lovely dinner at the olive garden and yes I did find myself glancing over at the waitress wondering what kind of panties she was wearing (probably just basic white cotton but maybe something cool I've never seen before). Later on I came to realize that it was actually a man not a woman, whoopsies

.
Also to mix things up, hoping to alter the Tigers fortunes, I showered, brushed my teeth and all that other good stuff to go along with not watching the game. I must have been that bad luck guy who had watched every inning and that's why we were losing. It was kind of like in Celtic Pride when two die hard Boston fans (Daniel Stern and Dan Aykroyd) wore Utah Jazz jerseys to game 7 of the NBA Finals and tell everyone in the stands that they're the bad luck guys and they're reason the Celtics had lost the last 2 games. It didn't work out for them since the Celtics lost anyways but it is pretty solid reasoning. So everyone go out and buy an Indians jersey to wear in order to break the jinx of bad luck and continue the Tigers winning ways.
But it's Thursday now and the Tigers being winless is sooo yesterday so lets drop it. No more talk of the bad start and lets turn to the fact that everything is back to normal. The Tigers are winning and Todd Jones is making 9th innings very very interesting, pretty typical really (and I'm pooping and showering on a normal basis...I no longer smell like onions, yay).

----found this clip interesting even though it has abbsooolutely nothing to do with the topic of this post (take a look if you wish).....



nuff from me for today,

Laidher

-Randolph Dupree

My New Fantasy Approach

Posted by Dupree


I'm watching the Tigers right meow and have just thought of a new great approach to managing my pitchers in fantasy baseball. The Tigers have scored a whopping total of 15 runs this year. That's right 15 (my lucky number). They've already been shut out twice this year while only being shut out 3 times the entire 2007 season. So what I'm thinking is that I'm just going to pick up every single pitcher that is penciled in to start against the Tags. What I'm subconsciously thinking is that the day I start doing that is the day the Tigers will decide to come out of their catatonic state and actually hit the ball harder than my grandma can (course she's 6'5, 250....runs a 4.5 forty)....pictured above
Well Cabrera just got a single and Guillen hit the ball well so I'm thinkin tonights the night. Frankly my roommate and lady friend and well basically everyone I see throughout the day is hoping it is too since I refuse to shower, shave, brush my teeth, poop, pee, or copulate until the Tigers win a dang game. So cross your fingers and pray that they get rid of that goose egg in the win column or else stay the F away from me.


Go tigers....
Dupree

Agree to Agree

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

I would also like to add to Chip's logic and say that I guaranSHEED a Cabrera homerun off of Jon Lester tonight, in addition to a 1-7 record after Tood Jones almost blows a save. PHEW. I would have guessed the Tigers were going to win yesterday's game for sure, however I forgot that it was banner and ring day; and that Bill Buckner was throwing out the first pitch.


Funny story about that actually... so the catcher throws him the ball to throw out the first pitch and Buckner purposely lets it go through his legs. He looks up with his hands out, laughing and looking around for people to laugh with him. Well, he got pretty embarassed when he heard crickets and a few boo birds. He blushed and looked to Dice K who was starting the game for the Red Sox, standing right next to him, and says, "What?? Too soon?" DiceK doesn't speak English, or so everyone thought. He looks at Buckner and goes "Thas not rearry funny man. Thas row. Rear immature of you." The game must go on. DiceK dominated and Jason Grilli still has a worse ERA than me.
GO CATS

Tonight's the Night

Posted by Chip Stevenson

The Tagers are going to get their first win of the year tonight. Bonderman is 3-0 since 2005 against the Red Sox, including a 7.2 ip 2 er 8 k performance last year at Fenway. I'll be at a bar in Boston to watch the game, and I'll be wearing my Tagers jersey because I'm just that damn confident. Here's some good karma to seal the deal

Karma's a Bitch and Memphis Sings the Blues

Posted by Chip Stevenson



You think that video had anything to do with Derrick Rose's mysterious stomach ailment that kept him out of every media session before the championship game but not one single practice? What a punk... Memphis obviously wanted to keep Rose out of the media sessions so he wouldnt embarrass them anymore and came up with this stupid stomach ailment excuse, saying that he just ate too many gummy bears or something like that. Weak if you ask me... Davidson would have made him cry and I'm glad Memphis lost because Rose missed a free throw at the end. Who's laughing now? Wear it

The Cookie Jar for Pitchers

Posted by Chip Stevenson


Look... everyone likes cookies. In fact, they are my second favorite food right behind ranch dressing. That's why I was so upset during the 2006 playoffs when everyone accused Kenny Rogers of using some sort of illegal substance on his hand during the playoffs. We all know that the best cookies are the ones that are right out of the oven and we also all know that those cookies have delicious melty chocolate that can smear a dark substance on your hands just like the stuff Kenny had on his hands. People are so quick to judge... can't a man like chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven before pitching in the playoffs? Sheesh!

Anyways, here is picture of another pitcher who also happens to like chocolate chip cookies before he pitches. They are probably just saving that delicious chocolatey goodness on their hands for later when they need an energy boost in the game

Rod Allen Gets Drunk On Air, Calls Cabrera a Sumo Wrestling Skateboarding Punk Who Can't Hack It

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

So it has been brought to my attention by my amazing, awesome girlfriend (she didn't tell me to plug her in like that) that I have not made a post in a me so horny long time. To be quite honest with you folks, I have been just coming down off of the roller coaster high I was on from Davidson's basketball team reaching the Elite Eight and was just going to wait for the Tigers to win a game before making another illustrious post. Shouldn't be too long right? Well, we are just about a week into the 2008 MLB season while Kansas has highway robberied their way into the NCAA championship game, and I have come to realize that the Tigers may never win another game; thus cutting my blogging career as short as Mugsy Bogues. Like the swirlies I got in middle school, this has to stop..... but will it? If it's anything like the swirlies, then it might not....

As everyone knows, tonight the Tigers fell to 0-6 on the season, threatening the 0-21 mark that the 1988 Baltimore Orioles set. As if things couldn't get any worse for the Tigers this season, their first loss of the season AND their sixth loss of the season came on national television, so Sabrina's cat is out of the bag, or however that saying goes, and everyone on planet Earth knows how much we suck. Usually no one has a boardgame Clue what is going on in MLB outside of their own team until early May. Unfortunately for the Tigers, everyone knows that we suck more than a hoover vacuume cleaner that has no problem swallowing up pennies off the floor like Mike Illitch too; and it's only April 6th. Luckily the Tigers play Boston on the road starting Tuesday. ZIPPITY DO DA!

Usually an 0-6 start calls for a mass suicide, tear gas and some kind of riot, but since Michigan State University took care of that last night with their random ass party, I think I'll just resort to analyzing the hell out of what is wrong with the Tigers. Here it goes....Their bullpen sucks, their starting rotation is still suspect, and the hitters are way too tense and always swinging at the first pitch, which ultimately leads to a double play or another Britney Spears story hitting the tabloids. Outside of the problems on the field, Dave Dombrowski made a terrible decision with the red sweater under the blazer and should be spending more time finding better pitchers instead of color commentating games on ESPN2. Let's be honest here, it's the year 2008 and there is a lot of baseball left, but I want to make a sign that has 2003 on it with RED lines filling in the rest of the 8. In addition to all this bla bla I would like to move Sheffield to leftfield, Inge back to third and Cabrera permanetely to DH so that he can have his baconators every inning while we are in the field. Jacque Jones and Marcus Thames should be traded in a deal for relievers such as Brian Fuentes or Huston 'I'm from Texas but still spell my name wrong' Street (although he's not that good either).

Enough about the Tigers, lets talk about life. Call of Duty 4 is the greatest video game ever next to Sonic the Hedgehog. It is calling me right now and I must pick up. I'll see you soon....I promise.

GO CATS





Opening Day is just around the corner

Posted by Chip Stevenson

It's been a long offseason for Major League Baseball filled with Detroit Tiger excitement. We made the biggest splash of the winter by trading for potential hall of famer Miguel "ill beat anyone in a donut eating contest" Cabrera and Dontrelle "i could suck" Willis. The Tagers draw a tough opening series in Boston against the Red Sox, but I really think that having our first few games away from home will be beneficial. The players will be able to get away from the hype and pressure and just focus on baseball. Hopefully, by the time the Tags come home for their first few home games, they will be in a groove and ready to go undefeated for the year.

ok ok, you caught me. The season started a week ago and the Tigers are partying like it's 2003. At 0-6, they are the talk of baseball for all the wrong reasons. I could hit better left handed than everyone but Guillen right now, and Matt Haggerty could pitch better than everyone we have on our staff (and he wasnt even a pitcher, just a second baseman with a laser, rocket arm). As far as disappointments go in my life, this has to rank near the top right next to the time when I found out I was white so I would never be able to dunk a basketball and the time when I learned that the tooth fairy doesn't give out cash money to kids over 9 (for those of you who dont know, I still have a baby tooth. it's nudged in there pretty tight without any sign of falling out any time soon. basically, i can chew way more efficiently than everyone else in the world, which is good, but when it finally does come out, i feel like i deserve a couple quarters to soften the blow, you know?)

I'm done talking about the Tagers for now because I'm sick and tired of feeling like that midget who I pitched against in high school. He was battling me pretty hard, giving every ounce of effort that his little 3 foot body could muster, taking everything I had to offer until the count ran to 2-2. My next blazing fastball to him was just a sliver outside, making the count full but he thought it was ball 4. So this little tiny human being who had no business being on a baseball field prances down to first base with the biggest grin on his face. It would have probably been the highlight of his life. Then the umpire had to call him back to face me, and you could see the disappointment in his face when he realized that he would have to face me, the most menacing presence I have ever seen on a diamond who threw absolute cheese for one more pitch, and I wasnt just going to lay down and give him the base because he was shorter than Gary Coleman. Just like him, I was walking around with a huge grin on my face before the MLB season started, basically sure that the Tagers would walk to a World Series victory. Just like him, I had to be called back to home plate because the season has started and we suck. Teams arent just going to lay down and let us beat them. Let's just hope that the next part of the Tigers season doesnt turn into an absolutely humiliating strikeout like it did to Tiny Tim back in high school.

lastly, I kind of want to expand the focus of this blog to things other than sports every now and then so here goes nothing. In high school, we had to do these Rube Goldberg projects in physics where you would have this elaborate setup and you'd like roll a ball down a tube, which would light a match on fire, which would blow up a balloon that had candy in it like a pinata, which would somehow throw a key lime pie at the wall, which would make the janitor slip on the floor, which would cause a lawsuit against the school, which would shut the school down, which would ultimately raise a little tiny flag at the end as the little ball that started the whole thing comes to a stop. anyways, it's sort of hard to explain but i finally put my project on youtube. it's pretty cool, check it out... oh and we got an B+ on it because my teacher had something against foreign cars

Waiver

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