Posted by Bob Biscigliano
A few weeks after losing to the Giants in the Divisional playoff, Cowboys WR Terrell Owens cuddled with Paris Hilton and a bucket of popcorn to watch some television. After watching an episode of Bridezilla, they turned to Sportscenter. Paris thought it was really hot that the Giants had upset the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Patriots, after having won every other meaningless game during the year, lost the game that mattered the most. Now, Eli Manning gets more ass than Tom Brady, Pats DB Gay still likes to hang out with teammate Hedgecock; and Bill Belichek is seriously re-considering his new cut up red hoodie and playcall on 4th and 13 from the Giants 32 yard line. (He didn't call for a field goal when Gostowski is fully capable of kicking one from there). Belichek also ran off the field with one second left because he wanted to get a head start on beating up the guy who mis-filmed all the Giants plays during the two weeks before the game. Oopsies daisies.
In other news, the NBA continues to get dominated by the Pistons of the Eastern Conference, but the Western Conference is getting all serious and making moves. The Lakers just recently traded for Kwame Brown for Paul Diesel Gasoline. The Suns were very jealous and made a move of their own, but most likely was way too much of an impulse move. They did the Miami Heat a favor by taking Old' Knees, better known now as a Schwinn bike cop, Shaquille O'Neal off of their hands. KAZAAM. Now the Suns, a running, high scoring machine, will be slowed by arthritis ridden O'neal. Honestly, this spells D-I-S-A-S-T-errrr for the Suns. While Shaq gets pushed up the court in his wheel chair by another teammate, the Suns will be stuck in 3 on 5 situations on both ends. I don't see how this could help unless Shaq turns back into a genie and the Suns get three wishes. One being for Shaq to turn back into his old self. Shaquille is over the hill like David Robinson was in his final year and you have to get to White Castle before the weirdos do. I rest my case on that.
The Red Wings continue to ask the question, "Is there anyone else?" The NHL is still boring according to 90 percent of the nation, but that's now because the Red Wings are unfairly good. Every Sunday for the rest of the year, the Red Wings will be on national television (NBC) and I think this is great for me, but terrible for the Red Wings across the nation. I think it's unfortunate, but they might very well become the Yankees, Patriots or Red Sox of the NHL in terms of everyone wanting their players castrated and dead after a very slow, painful disease. Personally, I kind of want the Red Sox to live for now, because I can't wait to see the Tigers strategically pick them apart next Spring. In case you missed it, the Tigers have already won the 2008 World Series.
Speaking of domination, McNamee saved needles that Roger Clemens used to inject steroids and HGH into his ass. These needles are almost 7 years old and basically, he's as creepy as Jason Schwartzman was in SLACKERS when he makes that hairdoll. Who the HECK saves bloody syringes for that long? There is no way that he thought, "I bet I will need these in 7 years when Clemens goes on trial," or "I want Roger Clemens' AIDS forever." He's fit for a straight jacket for saving those things. Or maybe he is a genius. Either way, Clemens is screwed.
Finally, sorry for my recent blog slump. I blame it on mother nature.