Honey, You Think KFC's Still Open?

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

So I've been sitting in the Charlotte Airport for about 3 hours waiting for my flight with Colonel Sanders staring at me obsessively from the KFC restaurant in front of my gate. I have been trying to ignore him, these two kids who are throwing their lives away by playing with mini skateboards have briefly distracted me, but I just can't ignore the Colonel's request. It's Thanksgiving time, I'm going home to Detroit, and that means it's time for yet another pride and jelly filled post.

Okay, I have to admit, I have no plan whatsoever on what I want to write about. I have been a little out of the loop of late in terms of the Detroit Pistons, Detroit Red Wings, and Detroit Shock because of a big biology test I had today. The test was on child development, nutrition and the male and female reproductive systems. Sounds simple and exactly what I learned in 9th grade, but I assure you it was not. Kwashiorkor and human chorionic gonadotropins is all I have to say.

Speaking of the glans clitoris though, the Lions will certainly engorge all my sex organs with blood on Thanksgiving. I am super sexually aroused for the game against the Green Gay Faggers on Thursday. Earlier today, I did something crazy and something I've never done before: I smack talked on a public Detroit Lions Facebook group/application page. In that smack talk, I punked out some Packer fans, guaranSeeged a Brett Favre injury after throwin 3 picks and Calvin Johnson's first career 100 yard receiving game on Thursday. Oh, I also said we would win. Here are my legit reasons on why we are going to win starting with the most legit:

1. I am going to the game. What? I'll tell you what....My career record at Lions games is ridiculously super. If they had a fan's Hall of Fame for winning percentage I would be in it. I mean we're talking like a .800 winning percentage. I took a couple gambles and attended some games in the last 5 years, but before that I was nearly perfect. The last game I remember losing was the game when we botched the extra point snap vs. Minnesota in 2004. But that was Joey Harrington's fault. Anyways, the fact that I will be in attendance wearing my gritty Cory Schlesinger jersey is enough reason to believe all the Lions fans all over planet Earth will be celebrating Thursday.

2. The year 2003. That was the last time we played Green Bay on Thanksgiving and of course, we won. 22-14, we rode the shirttail of the greatest Lion ever, Jason Hanson, to victory. Luckily for us, at the age of 73, he is still on our team and ready for a repeat. We set the precedent then, and we will follow through. Brett Favre threw three INTs in that game too, hmmm I guaransheeded another three this time.... hmmm.....interesting Butters.......

3. Brett Favre is old balls like the pepperidge farm guy. He is no longer on vicodin, alcohol, or a five year plan anymore. He is playing on only 3 days rest; and personally, I think Jon Kitna has the distinct edge here with God on his side and all.

4. Ryan Grant's ankle is ailing. Not a big deal since we have the 9th best run defense in the NFL. Either way, that leaves Green Bay having to rely on their 7th string running back. Luckily for us, their 7th string running back is webfooted Ravi Rao.

5. Calvin Johnson. I firmly believe that C.J. will have his first 100 yard receiving game in his career Thursday. He probably had his most promising performance the other day with his sick-nasty TD grab in the 4th qtr. After watching film on Monday, I am certain that the Lions will find a way to incorporate him in the offense more often and allow him to single handedly beat the cheese heads. I don't have any doubts that he will finally get to show off his true talent. Especially since Shaun McDonald legitimized the fact that he's a short, feeble, butter fingers of a 4th WR, despite his big game statistically. THE END

In other news, Lil Romeo signed to play basketball at University of Southern California. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'm sure he's better than Aaron Carter, even though he did beat Shaq.

Surely, my flight's boarding.... and don't call me Shirley.

Laidher

GO CATS (#25 ranked basketball team in the nation)

7 comments

Anonymous   says 11:51 PM

Crushing defeat. Not only for the Lions, but also the winning percentage. It's ok, just attend some Tigers, and Pistons game, and it will be back up to .1000 after a four days.

Anonymous   says 1:32 AM

calvin johnson had every opportunity to have a 100 yd day. he blew it, you didnt. good call

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