S'cuse Me Toots

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

I'm going to take an ole fashioned piggy back ride off of what my dear friend Chip wrote regarding the Tiges. Today they lost all hopes of a perfect August by losing a close one, 3-2. Nate Robertson hiked up his skirt and actually pitched without his tampon in and threw well enough for us to win. Unfortunately, the Tags could not cash in with runners in scoring position. Jared's boy, Klutch Monroe, did have a 2-out RBI early in the game but could not cash in with the bases loaded late in the game. I'm sure you have already guessed that he K'ed in that at bat. I'm absolutely certain Monroe will somehow whiff out of his year long slump. Unfortunately, we are going to have to get used to him because Jim Leyland loves him bunches and right now Marcus Thames is nursing a hamstring injury. The Tigers meanwhile finally return home to take on the White Sox. Andrew Miller will face Beurhle again. The last time the two faced was last week when Miller stole Beurhle's bag of weed so Tiger hitters could smoke more than just Beurhle's pitches. Sure enough the Tags won 9-6. I just hope Beurhle doesn't get even and steal the ferris wheel at Comerica Park. What would I do before games???

Now to Chip's concerns... It would probably appear that Gary Sheffield is struggling lately when in fact he has been hitting a pretty consistent .290. A month and 10 days ago his average was at .293. The only reason it was at .293, and not .793, was because he probably started the year off his steroids. It seems as if he has ended his cycle and has since fallen into a lesser, yet consistent, approach. As for his HR drought, it is only 11 days. In June, he had an 18 day HR drought. He is just 5 for his last 36 but A-Rod is 0 for his last 20 and is a whole lot gayer than Gary. Let's also not forget that G money is still ranked 3rd in Yahoo! fantasy baseball leagues. I wouldn't worry about the Top Sheff. Concerning Magglio, he has just recently become human. I said it before and I'll say it again, I don't see Magglio keeping up his .360 avg. but I do fully expect him to end up hitting around .335 with a billion RBIs. I wouldn't worry about his pop because he has 3 HR since July 15th which is good considering he had none before that since June 2nd. I've seen him out and he always has his squeezies so I know he's trying. I'm really just concerned about him having zero triples and a worse goatee than me.

If Brandon Inge is not worthy of the Gold Glove then the league should make the Silver Glove just for him, because he definately deserves an award of some kind. Maybe give him the Shane Halter award for being the most athletic human being.

As I'm sure you've all heard, a backup punter at Northern Colorado is being charged with first degree murder and second degree assault for stabbing the starting punter in his kicking leg on 9/11. Allegedly, the backup punter could not take the pressure from his mother and decided to lash out in an attempt to 'earn' the starting job. This whole situation is just absurd and all I am getting out of it is that the backup punter is a terrorist. Well, the jury of the trial was just selected and I found it a bit odd but I can't put my pinky finger on it:
Nick Harris, Josh Bidwell
John Jett, Brendan Carney
Jeff Feagles, Scott Player
Todd Sauerbrun, Matt Turk
Mike Barr, Mark Royals
Greg Montgomery, Jason Hanson

In other news, Buddy Bell won't manage the Royals after this season. That's too bad.

After having glanced at MLB.com I now see Sheffield will have his shoulder looked at by a doctor. I take back everything I said. Be very worried. I feel stupid. Goodnight.


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