Posted by Bob Biscigliano
Neifi Perez, insanely jealous that everyone is paying attention to Barry Bonds, decided to steal back the spotlight for a moment and fail his THIRD straight drug test. As a result, he has been banned by the MLB for a record setting 80 games. Neifi was supposed to return to the bench from his 2nd suspension after Friday's game vs. the White Sox. I will tell you, as good of news as this sounds, it is in fact NOT. Now the Tigers are without a defensive replacement if any IF were to get hurt. This means that the Tigers will most likely continue to try and acquire Jack Wilson from Shitsburgh in exchange for quality prospects. Although the trade deadline has passed, a deal can still be made if Wilson clears waivers, which he almost certainly will considering his mammoth contract. This is really bad because Jack Wilson is pretty much Neifi and Deivi Cruz morphed together and we would be losing quality prospects (Tata, Vasquez, Clevlen). Here is a perfect quote I found from motowntigers.com that pretty much sums everything up: "If Perez's amphetamine abuse begets 2-1/3 years of Jack Wilson, then I think we can call Neifi's Tiger career one of the worst in team history. What a craptastic disaster he was. If it weren't for one ground ball during Verlander's no-hitter, I'd say Neifi was 100% useless." This leads me to ask a highly controversial question: Should there be an asterisk * next to Justin Verlander's no-hitter in the record books?????
Getting far far FAR away from the disease that is Neifi Perez, I take you to the Detroit Lions. #2 overall pick, Calvin Johnson ended his 8 day hold out today by signing a 6 year, 64 million dollar contract. This bodes well for Lion fans but not for C.J. Karchon. With the new C.J. (Calvin Johnson) in town this means that C.J. Karchon will have to change his name. I don't know what _____ Karchon has in mind but if I were to make an educated guess-pothesis I would probably say Leslie. (Rescue Me) Sorry Leslie, a lot has changed since you left for Europe 7 months ago. For instance, Ronald McDonald is actually a child pornographer/serial killer; which has created mass chaos and billions of unHappy meals. Also, Jerry Springer has a new show.
Speaking of unhappy meals, I watched a movie today called "The Yes Men." It is basically about anti-corporate activist-pranksters who impersonate WTO representatives around the world at important conferences. These important people around the world do not realize these people's fake website is not WTO's. The main characters play along as if it is and create satires on global free trade. I did not have a good attitude about this film as soon as I saw Michael Moore in the first 20 minutes of it, but it is actually pretty entertaining. I especially enjoyed the part where they claimed we feed 3rd world countries recycled McDonald's hamburgers. This means that when we poop out our delicious big macs, the burger gets recycled through a pipeline system the government created that leads to a 3rd world country. The pooh is then pumped out, flattened like a burger, and placed between cheap sesame-less buns where it is then served as a yummy #2. When the actual number of the meals meant nothing before, now they are in fact the number of times the burger has been recycled. I don't know how you feel about this and it's not like I truly care, but if that's not what we do now then I think that's a genius idea and something we should consider. Mad Props.
I just made a bet with my brother-in-law that the Detroit Lions will make it farther than the Green Bay Packers this year. He seems to think the loss of Drew Stanton will affect Jon Kitna's run to the Super Bowl. It's weird that Stanton got hurt though because I had a dream 3 days ago that Kitna broke his leg while snorkeling. I'm still not sure how that happened. Either way, I believe Kitna and Furrey will hold true to their prediction that the Lions will in fact win 10 games this year.
I am not a very big X Games fan but check out this: Jake "Fall Down" Brown; I can't believe he gets up after this fall. I did learn that he was slightly concussed, asked if he landed the 720, and convinced that one trainer he's trying to get away from at the end to give him a ZJ.