Neifi Perez Proves to Planet Earth that Roids are Bad For You

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

(Neifi Perez and Michael Barrett doing their Arnold and Carl Weathers impersonation; "You son of a bitch")

Neifi Perez was suspended 25 games today by the MLB for testing positive for an illegal stimulant. Neifi said, "I say to my fans that I am not stupid," to the Dominican radio program Impacto Deportivo in his homeland, according to The Associated Press. "I know the difference between good and bad and there are things that are going to be known going forward, but my lawyer has advised me not to talk for now." He says this, yet manages to use confusing English grammar and technically disobeys his lawyer's advice. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Al Einstein or Kurt Garwood but anyone can see that there's something wrong with this picture. Neifi Perez is hitting a shade under .300 at .125 so clearly the roids are not helping. So why continue taking them?? Perhaps he started taking them recently to improve? I guess he should have thought of starting when he was still sniffing the field and not while rotting on the bench. Maybe someone replaced it with estrogen, like the girls did to John Tucker in John Tucker Must Die. I wouldn't be surprised actually if someone from within the organization did that. Maybe spiked one of his protein shakes or gave him a random steroid shot while he was in the shower claiming it was a flu vaccine? All just so he could get caught and be suspended and away from any possibility of him stepping foot between the lines? That would be nice to know.
In more important, worthwhile news...The Tigers stomped all over Curt Schilling's Bloody Socks tonight 9-2. Marcus Thames hit a grand slam. If Marcus was an everyday player from age 20 and played for 20 years I think he would break Barry Bonds HR record. What do you think? I think I'm nuts but I feel like he hits a bomb every other game he plays. Hollerrrrrrrr


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