Just saying...

Posted by Chip Stevenson

"if you have to ask, you'll never know"

-Angelica Pickles

The phrase "no comment" or something equivalent is used all the time in sports today. Barry Bonds refuses to talk about you know what, Sammy Sosa forgot how to speak english when talking about a controversial issue, Brian Packey refuses to say anything about that one thing that happened to him a few years back when he had to get some physical rehab after playing with a marshmallow, ice cube, and a tampon.... oopsy daisy, and now Hank Aaron is using it to describe his feelings about 756*. Well, if i were in these guys' positions, I would definitely channel my inner-toddler, older, jealous sister who no one really likes at all especially when the younger brother is the second coming of Indiana Jones and use the line up there to spice things up a bit while I throw one of those smoke bombs you see in the movies and sneak out of the room after I steal everyone's laptops like Arntanarro "Huggy" Nelson and Alex Credit... only I wouldn't get caught.

Speaking of Indiana Jones, many many MANY people have been asking me what I think about the trade rumor that has Jack Wilson of the Pirates going to the Tagers. to answer everyone's desperate and if i'm honest annoying pestering, i'll say "no comment".

ok ok, in all seriousness... we are missing neifi perez and no one quite fills matt haggerty's woman's size 6s that neifi perez left in the dust as he rode into the sunset like jack wilson. it only seems right that the tags would be interested in him since brandon inge is too good of a hitter to be slotted in the 9 hole. on top of being just bad enough to be a terrible 9 hitter, he is also signed for another 2 years. if he does actually follow in neifi's footsteps and gets suspsended for one too many red bulls, tiger fans can rest easy because the 25 game suspension will only amount to like 5% of the length of his contract. thank goodness. i'm not usually into praying very much but please please please do not let jack wilson put on a tiger uniform, superman.

in other news, craig monroe still sucks. I hope leyland finally figures out that raburn isnt spelled m-o-n-r-o-e. he should really just learn how to throw a knuckleball and go over the national league where his 2k's and 1 gidp per game wont be anything new. actually, i now see one good thing about getting jack wilson, if it happens- it might make monroe feel a little bit better about himself and wilson would make everyone else's numbers look better. maybe it's actually just a ploy by dombrowski to get maggs the mvp.... "hey look at maggs, he's hitting .700 with 90 home runs while jack wilson who is on the same team is hitting .089 with 1 double in 200 at bats." looks much better, donut?

lastly, i just wanted to make sure everyone knows the real story behind jarrod (no relation) saltalamacchia. he is 22 years old and already has a pregnant wife and a kid. while some might see this is a sign of maturity, they clearly are only signs toward spooky weirdness. 1.) his wife if 37 years old while he is only 22 2.) his wife is a high school teacher, which i'll admit is pretty normal but wait... 3.) his wife was HIS high school teacher. at least he gets to look forward to everyone thinking he's a weirdo for marrying his high school teacher, a 50 year old wife while he is in the prime of his career, and saying no to all the groupies cuz he's got to drive his wife to her menopause support groups while saying things like "you'll get through this, just put some more candy in your fanny pack". sheesh, i definitely do NOT wish that i was a 22 year old top prospect switch hitting catcher who starts in the majors anymore.

dang.

1 comments

Pacman   says 10:17 PM

Where were all these sexed up teachers when I was a kid!?!?

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