Opening Night: Why I Won't Root for the 2006 World Series Thieves

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Opening Night is just 25 minutes away. I have began to digest my pizza while sipping on a cold Milwaukee brewski in preparation to watch Nelly's Cardinals open the new season against the New Ywork Mets on ESPN2. Christina Carpet muncher will pitch against my idol Tom Glavine in what could very well be a preview of the NLCS in 6 months. Anyways, I will be rooting, very hard, against the Cardinals tonight because....

1. These birds beat our Tigers last fall in the World Series. Jewish short stop David Eckstein was the series MVP. I have put a jihad on him and the rest of his team.

2. Tony La Russa's DUI... poor leadership. Everytime he makes a visit to the mound tonight, which I hope is a lot, I will throw my empty beer cans at the television screen. A full beer can may be used if all empty beer cans have been used, but that is frowned upon.

3. Albert Pujols has a funny last name.

4. I have always been a huge Tom Glavine fan and will be his biggest fan tonight. He's crafty and sexy and I always hope he throws a gem; especially tonight.

5. I have a Mets player on 2 of my 3 fantasy baseball teams. This gives me a reasonable excuse to root for the Mets for the Tigger hating Southerners who make fun of me for being such a hardcore Tigers fan, thus would make fun of me for rooting against the Cardinals just because they beat the Tigers last fall.

6. How can you not root for that cute little face on that Mets baseball? Either way, Cardinals are fucking birds for crying out loud.

7. Peter Gammons says so.

Opening Night in 15 minutes.

TIGERS OPENING DAY: 17 hours, 15 minutes, 23 seconds.

GO CATS

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