Rogers Will Miss First Start

Posted by Bob Biscigliano

Bad news came out of the Detroit Tigers camp today when they announced that Kenny Rogers will miss his first start. According to sources, he is ailing from the man's version of a menstrual cycle. In other words, he has a tired arm. Today, I heard someone say, "Oh, he must of hurt it shoving that camera." I didn't have much to say to that person's stupidity. I just shook my head and said "Lord have mercy on your soul."

I digress....Kenny is a cornerstone to the Detroit Tigers' pitching staff. Last year, he helped the youngsters develop the proper mindset for pitching, how to approach pitching, and helped them get laid. Oh, he also won 17 games in the regular season and threw a thousand consecutive scoreless innings in the playoffs during which he fist pumped after every single pitch while yelling, "Fuck ya. You can't touch my tits."

Chad "Not TOO Bad" Durbin will take Rogers' spot in the rotation until he returns. Although the Tigers say he should only miss one start, you always have to figure they are just trying to keep us die hard fans from being nervous Nelly's Furtado. I guess we'll have to see how long the old arm is bothering him.

In other news, Mr. Rogers (picture above) from Kenny's Neighborhood died 4 years ago. He died on a Thursday. Rest in Peace.



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