Posted by Bob Biscigliano
All smiles for the upcoming Deeeeeetroit Pistons' season. And no, "Deeeetroit Basketball" never gets old. Especially, when I have a 95 year old woman screeching that to me as she wheels by with her walker. I digress... It is going to be a different year for the Pistons. Yea, we lost Ben Sellout to the Bulldykes but we have plenty of reasons to maintain our positive attitudes. (Shoutout to Jared and rest of Unity)
Firstly, #20 is going to have a breakout season. I'm not talking about the abundance of pimples he'll probably get on his back. I'm talking about the kind of breakout season that involves 360 dunks over Mehmet Okur and game winning shots over Jason Williams. Okay, he may not do those crazy things or average 20 ppg, but I'll guarantee he'll be a key component to our team and will have the best hair on our team, now that the only Big Ben to Detroiters is in London again. I don't care what Kenny Rogers supposedly had on his pitching hand, but if Lil' Hair Flip ever gets caught with a foreign substance on his hand(s) I almost certainly know it will be hair gel. He is the first Argentinian NBA basketball player to ever use a whole tube of gel before a game. That is a fact. Look it up.
Secondly, the Pistons signed UK stud, Nazr Mohammed. He will have an easy time filling the size 29 shoes that Ben wore. He may not be able to jump out of the gym like Ben, but he has a much cooler name and can hit 79% of his free throws, which is exactly 50% higher than Ben. Fact. That eliminates our opponents number one game plan of "Hack that Black who can't hit Jackshit from the line." I think that will open things up for Delfino to score more. Oh we also have three other all-stars on our team and an artist still known as Prince.
Lastly, we may lose some more regular season games this year and may not even finish first in our division but the team will definately be motivated to surpass last years devastating loss in the Conference Finals. Flip Saunders is going to do whatever it takes to have the Pistons score 148 points per game and Joe Dumars will make a genius mid season move to put us over the Black Eyed Peas "HUMPS." My guess is Terry Mills will come out of retirement and provide moral support from the bench since he probably is actually too fat to hit threes like he used to. Still would be genius.
I read in the USA TODAY that the Pistons are predicted to lose to the Bulls in the 2nd round. Well, unless the Bulls sign Dennis Rodman, I am going to disagree. How can someone make such bold, idiotic predictions??? Like the certain Mills resigning, I have my own, more reasonable, predictions. Chauncey wins the MVP award that was robbed from him last year, Tayshaun earns the all-star game roster spot that was robbed from him last year, Delfino-m cracks Maxim's 100 hottest NBA swingmen list, Kelly Tripuka rejoins George Blaha as color commentator and finally, Flip Saunders is carried off the Palace court in mid-June by the Detroit Tigers while he waves his number 1 foam finger in the air while Jim Leyland cries.
Pistons will prevail.