Seacrest. OUT.

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in

It's been a long ass beautiful journey Ms. Blogspot. We've had our ups and downs, our thrills, our times when you wouldn't call me back for weeks at a time, and lots of sexy times. Unfortunately, it's over. It's not you, it's me. I've gotten way too big for you and I think it's best for the both of us to move on. You'll probably move on to serve hundreds of thousands and take minutes to load people's webpages, while I've already found someone else that I love dearly. We're going to have kids and get married on top of a mountain. Actually, one kid is already on the way. Stop. Don't make this any harder than it already is. Her name? You want her name? What are you going to do? Okay, stop hitting me... it's Bloguin.com Where will I be living? Where I've always lived: Detroit4lyfe.com. Fine. Leave. I'll always remember you. Goodbye.

(if you didn't get it from the post above, Detroit4lyfe is no longer hosted by BLOGGER. We will always have a special place for BLOGGER in our hearts since they took our blogging virginity, but we are moving on to bigger and better things. Find us now at Bloguin.com or directly through Detroit4lyfe.com We love all our readers and hope you'll follow us over there. Bloguin will provide fans with a better opportunity to interact with us through the site's FORUM or comments section. We can't wait and we hope you can't either. Seacrest. Blogger. OUT)

In Five Words or Less: Why the Pistons Will Beat the Cavs

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,

Sheed's telling me to make Five arguments in five words or less, so I will:

1) Rip runs; gets open; swish

2) Rasheed swaggers; plays hard; guaransheeds

3) Lebron ends with modest numbers

4) Cavs shoot terribly throughout series

5) Detroit trying...starting.....now!

In what is probably the shortest preview/prediction throughout the entire internet, this is also probably the only prediction that has the Pistons winning it. That's right people, THE DETROIT PISTONS WILL BEAT THE CAVS IN SIX GAMES! Either I've gone completely off my rocker or I've completely gone off my rocker AND forgot to take my meds today.

I'll see you in May when it happens.
BallHype: hype it up!

Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley!

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,


It's tough being the kid with a stutter. You're always getting picked on, having Billy Madison embarrassing you in class by yelling out, "the kid can't even read!" when your turn is up in the game of popcorn reading. Of course, to this day I think Billy was just doing that to get the attention of Veronica Vaughn. It worked, didn't it? He put himself on the radar and then zap they fall in love after Billy peed his pants.

I digress. You're probably wondering what the hell a "Sixth Sense" quote and the aforementioned jumble-jargon about my theory on how Billy Madison landed Veronica Vaughn has to do with anything whatsoever. And if you can't tell what this post will be about from looking at the picture, then you my friend did not read enough books as a child. In any case, I shall tell you.

The Red Wings are starting their quest for the Cup tonight against the Columbus Blue Jackets in the first round of the 2009 NHL Playoffs. You may have furrowed your eyebrows in mass confusion after reading that second team name, and deservedly so. The Columbus Blue Jackets have never made the playoffs before, they are indeed in Columbus, Ohio; population one cool person (hi Chip), and their team name IS in fact the BLUE Jackets. Now, I've only heard of Yellow Jackets and green jackets, but another Adam Sandler movie has always told me, "gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit.," so I'm willing to give this hockey team a fair chance.

As for the Red Wings, they are a dynasty looking to win their second consecutive Stanley Cup, which would be the organization's 5th in just the last 12 years. Throughout this season, critics thought a Stanley Cup repeat was a lock for the Wings. However, they are just 3-7 in their last ten games coming into the playoffs, playing some of the least inspiring hockey I've seen from a Red Wings team in a long time.

Regardless of how they have been playing lately, I think the Wings are just stutter stepping their way into the playoffs, waiting to pounce on opponents en route to their franchise's 12th Stanley Cup Championship. Led by Captain Nicklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Franzen, and Marian Hossa (just to name a few) the Wings are absolutely loaded with offensive weapons. However, I don't think it's any secret that the playoffs will hinge upon the play of the Detroit goalie(s). Chris Osgood is the playoff goalie, but if he struggles, I would not be surprised to see an early switch to Ty Conklin.

Meanwhile, Columbus has the direct opposite problem with their goalie. They have a rookie netminder, Steve Mason that could single-handedly prevent the Red Wings from advancing. Mason leads the NHL in shutouts (10) and is second in goals against average (2.29) and the Wings are just cocky enough to allow it to happen. The Red Wings have had their fair share of playoff series ruined by an opposing goalie playing out of his mind (Irbe, Brodeur, Roy, Giguere, etc.), so hopefully the Wings will be attacking the net early and often with scoring chances.

The Blue Jackets are surely going to be psyched about their first ever playoff appearance, but i don't see them getting past this Wings team. I will give the Blue Jackets a chance, though with passionate play and heroics from Steve Mason. Utilizing my own sixth sense, I know for sure this game will go six games. Wings in 6.

The Stanley Cup Playoffs start tonight. The game will be shown on VERSUS at 7 PM EST live from Joe Louis Arena.

BallHype: hype it up!

The Rain Game

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in


Back in college, I was introduced to this pretty fun game called the "Rain Game." No we wouldn't split up in pairs and have one person be Dustin Hoffman and the other be Tom Cruise; and no, we didn't drop dollar bills over one another as we stripped naked singing our favorite overplayed song on the radio at that time. And hell no, we didn't do both of those things combined (although I'm intrigued).

The rain game is basically playing the role of a drunk, mildly retarded Nostradamus. What you do is, the night before a big game, or any game for that matter, you study the next day's forecast and you study it hard. By that, I mean look at the little pictures pretty intently. If you are fairly certain that the little picture of rain drops is enough for you to believe that it will cancel your next day's baseball game then you are in the clear to play the "Rain Game," the night before.

The "Rain Game" consists of the following elements: weather.com (or Chuck Gaidica), confidence, perseverance, and a lot of cheap beer.

You see, the "Rain Game" is simply getting drunk the night before a game, but you don't really care because you've already foreseen the following day's rain out and coincidental hang over. It's a beautiful game as Alcoholics Anonymous, a delusional rankings system, ranks it up near the top along with beer pong, flippy cup, quarters, and swimming.

The "Rain Game" is a game because it takes a lot of skill and just like any other game, there are winners and losers. Sometimes you will lose as the clouds will miraculously break the next morning and ultimately, the sun will beat down on your ten sheets to the wind, throbbing head as you sit on the pine. At that point, you just have to hope the sun will sweat you dry of all the alcoholic drops in your boozed up body and that this game is like 95% of the other games and you don't play. The winners of the game get that email bright and early that the game has been officially canceled, so you can go throw up and come back to bed. If you're a true winner, there will be a lady next to you, too. If you're a superstar winner, there will be two.

So, as you can see, the "Rain Game" is a beautiful creation. Started in 1932 by Ted Zollner and Felix Cartwright, the rules have remained fairly consistent over the years. You must start the "Rain Game" no later than 9 PM. Starting too late could lead to premature passing out from pre-existent tiredness.

The beer must be cheap because let's face it; you don't have much money and shouldn't be wasting it on beer anyway. You need to be buying pencils and Plan B's. After all, that's what college is for and that's why you love it. (awesome).

Don't get the wrong idea, though. The point of this post is that it's not just for college athletes. I guarantee you the Detroit Tigers played this game last night. I'm pretty sure, from the determination and heart I saw from Rick Porcello this past spring, he was at Woody's in Royal Oak getting hammered drunk with Curtis Granderson, shouting "it's the Rain Game!" every other beer. I heard they were there. Apparently, they looked like they were having a good time. As a result of today's postponement, they wound up winners, too.

Another rule, though. Never play two nights in a row. It'll bite you in the ass like Vick not listening to his dad when he told him to put his Virginia house in someone else's name did to him. This game is all about statistics and that's just a basic sobermetric of the rain game.

Right now, all the Tigers are fast asleep in their beds, dreaming of victory tomorrow. I can't speak for Chicago, though. Mark Beurhle is probably playing the "Smoke Pot with college kids" game. That's another story, for another day.

GO TIGERS.





BallHype: hype it up!

Minerleaguer and Bonine Get Torched

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,

Zach Miner threw pretty well in his last start. I wouldn't call it an outing that would win me over, but it was one that kept us in the game and allowed us to pull out the victory nonetheless. Unfortunately, he lived up to his name, Minerleaguer, today. His name, and Eddie "Bonehead" Bonine's (as I suggested in the last Tigers recap) imply that they were born to fail at the Major League level and they proved today that they just can't muster it. Miner lasted 3.1 IP in his start allowing eight runs on nine hits while walking three today against the White Sox in a 10-6 loss. Eddie Bonine gave up two runs in 2.2 IP and licked his fingers about thirty five times.

The one bright spot for the Tigers pitching today was Juan Rincon, who struggled in his first outing. Today, he threw three shutout innings with five strikeouts. Even though he looks like a mixture between Mr. Penguin and the sneaky sneaky guy in Mr. Deeds (John Turturro), I was pumped to hear we signed him this off-season, and probably ill-advisedly so. For some odd reason, I just figured because he was nasty with Minnesota and with Rick Knapp as our new pitching coach Rincon would automatically revert to his old self and have a lot of success. I guess we'll see if that can happen. Today was a step in the right direction.

At the plate, the Tigers used a big three-run home run from Ramon Santiago to get back into the game early, but the pitching was too much like Keeanu Reeves' acting abilities and couldn't keep us in it. Josh Anderson also had three RBIs.

Tomorrow the kid, Rick Porcello takes the bump opposite John Danks.

I'm having diarrhea causing, conflicting thoughts as to whether or not I should start Porcello in my fantasy league. Please leave me with your wisdom. My thought process is this: 1) He could do very well because the White Sox have never seen him pitch before and they just spent 16 hits today wasting all their runs or 2) He'll choke under the pressure of it being a big division rivalry game because he's just 20 years old, and today was no fluke for the White Sox bats. I guess the safest move would be to bench him, but I would feel awfully stupid after he throws a no-hitter. No matter what, I just hope the White Sox don't make him look like the torched Fantastic Four character like they did to Miner and Bonine today.
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Good Ball Coincides with Masterful Boob Grab

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

This video comes from Total Pro Sports and it's a doozy. A man, celebrating Tiger Woods' approach shot on the 15th hole in yesterday's Final Round of the Masters, gets a sneaky handful of his wife's (or some random woman next to him) right chesticle. From the video you can see that the woman removes the hand quickly while saying, "Stop it!" The man backs away and goes, "Stop what!?" Classic boob grab by a classy guy at Augusta. Take a peek.


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Your Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

Sadly this may be the very last SNA-D ever. I have received word that we may be making the move to Bloguin.com by mid-week and since they are a classy bunch, Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants will be no mas, John. As if that's not depressing enough, a man who can't even speak english won the Masters today. That's sad.

To reward all our readers this week for not committing suicide and instead coming to D4L for their meds on a weekly basis, we are going to treat you with a new drug this weekend. This drug is different because it's potent, will kick in faster, and give you that 'special' feeling performance enhancement commercials warn you about. If you have that feeling for longer than five hours, then maybe you can watch an episode of 'The Drew Carey Show.' That might help ease that neverending climactic feeling you have.

Today, on what may be the very last publicized Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants I present to you the drug: STRANGEASSphemloxocen.If you liked SAphemloxocen you can get an unlimited amount of refills via our Google Image pharmacy. Just type in "hot babe" or "big boobs" and you're cured. It's a new virtual pharmacist that works wonders. Try it out.

Remember if you would like to be a part of the email group that will continue to receive these weekly, please email us at detroit4lyfe@gmail.com.
BallHype: hype it up!

Don't Bully Our Bully, But We'll Bully Yours

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , ,


Coming into this season everyone doubted the Tigers bullpen. After the Toronto series, everyone STILL doubted the bullpen. Well, the boys are back into town and are giving everyone reason to believe, we have noooothing to doubt.

Our Tagers just completed a Mr. Clean sponsored sweep of the Texas Rangers on Easter Sunday. This weekend, the Tigers bullpen threw nine innings and allowed just one run! That lone run was a meaningless one on Friday in our 15-2, bend you over our knee and spank you, victory. Also, it was given up by Eddie Bonine who arguably shouldn't even be in our bullpen and whose name might imply that such outings come with the territory.

Since Bonine gave up that solo shot to Nelson Cruz on Friday, the Tigers bully has been PERF, or perfect. They've retired 24 consecutive Texas Rangers through eight innings and have two saves. This is not some fluke, critics. This is an indication of what this bullpen is capable of this year. Texas has one of the best Louisville slugger-filled lineups in the league with Ian Kinsler, Nelson Cruz, Chris Davis, Michael Young, Hank Blalock and oh, that guy named Josh Hamiton. They can straight mash, but Detroit's bullpen made it look like they were using the chop sticks they got while eating dinner at Somerset Mall's PF Changs.

Yesterday, Fernando Rodney closed out a solid performance by striking out the side and doing a mixture between some type of dance and Joel Zumaya's patented fist pump. Today, he did it the ol' fashioned way by letting them put it in play, a 1-2-3 nonetheless. Nate Robertson threw a perfect two frames yesterday and Brandon "Todd Jones" Lyon bounced back from his miserable outing in Toronto by throwing two perfect innings today too.

Meanwhile, the Tigers had a lot of fun bullying the Rangers bullpen this weekend as they scored 13 runs against them. Today, it was at the expense of fellow twitterer C.J. Wilson. Power surged by Brandon M-Inge's lead off home run in the 8th, the Tigers mustered up the best rally stew of the season to score six runs on five hits and pull off an amazing Easter Sunday comeback victory. Brandon Inge also had a two run single in that same inning. That is probably the first time he's ever had two hits in one inning in a Tigers uniform. I'm sure he's right there with the bullpen spitting in the faces of all those Tigers fans who have relentlessly picked on them. Hopefully, they can keep it up--the good play and the spitting.

Don't look now Tigers nation, but the Tigers are 4-3 and sitting atop the Central Division standings on April 12th! Maybe I should have left off the exclamation point there but for a team that didn't even reach the .500 mark until June 28th last season (80 games), I'm going to enjoy this. Playoffs here we come. Back off.


BallHype: hype it up!

A Detroit4lyfe Type Moment

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , , , ,

If you went to the yard today, you may have noticed something a little differently about the area above centerfield. Normally, there's a huge GM sign with a couple GM trucks on each side. Today, the Detroit Tigers showed their support to The Big Three automakers by putting Chrysler on the left side and a Ford sign on the right. Underneath the General Motors display there's a little message that reads, "The Detroit Tigers Support Our Automakers."

I picked up on this from BlessYouBoys.com and instantly got that special tingly feeling I always get whenever the city of Detroit comes together or does something great. Here, Mike Illitch is taking a stand to show the fans at Comerica Park that the Detroit Tigers support the economically crumbling automakers. What's even more touching about this is Illitch has supposedly turned down other offers (between $1.5-2 million!) to fill that space. Illitch pretty much said, "have some crazy bread and go on your way because that space is taken." So essentially, Illitch is donating it to show support for The Big Three. That is pretty freaking awesome, if you ask me.

Another strong move from one of the better owners in sports. Kudos, Mr. Illitch. You are the first recipient of the Detroit4lyfe award. Call your family and let them know.


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"Don't Drink and Drive...Just Don't"

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,


As I'm sure all of you have heard by now 22-year old LA Angels pitcher, Nick Adenhart was killed yesterday in a car crash driving home from his impressive season debut. Absolutely tragic news. As the story developed, it was revealed that his car was involved in a three car wreck, caused by a drunken driver.

My heart dropped when I heard this news, and it dropped even further when I learned that Adenhart wasn't the only person killed as a result of some asshole's poor judgment. Two others had died.

As if it couldn't get any worse, I stumbled across Matt Clapp's article on Sharapova's Thigh. Apparently, one of those other two people was Matt's best friend, who was with Adenhart during the accident. This made me feel even more terrible knowing a new friend of mine has lost someone they cared so deeply about. Detroit4lyfe's thoughts and prayers go out to Nick Adenhart's family, Henry Pearson's family, Matt, and all of their grieving friends.

That being said, the Tigers home opener is winding down and we're absolutely spanking Texas. Cabrera has six RBI's on his way to 200 this season and Galarraga looked filthy, in the words of Rod Allen. It feels like nothing could ruin this day. But something can, and that's if you decide to drive home after you have been drinking. Nothing could be dumber than drinking all day for the Home Opener and then getting in your car and driving home. The World of Isaac, fellow Detroiters, had a great pre-game post warning fans not to drink and drive and to make smart decisions today. That decision is easy, people: Get a freaking DD.

That is all for now.

BallHype: hype it up!

Home Opener Doesn't Sound As Exciting When You're 1-3

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in , ,


How Adam Sandler felt in Big Daddy about his Syracuse Orangemen is how I feel about my Detroit Tigers right now: "I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch in my life." (don't be a prick and leave the real quote in the comments section, I know the quote refers to the Orange being 0-2)

Today is the Home Opener for the Tigers and while it's still a National Holiday for me (no classes, no mail, no work), it doesn't exactly have that ol' Jennifer Aniston sex appeal when you're sportin' a 1-3 record. But the show must go on.

The Tigers lost the series to Toronto, 3-1, as a result of another poor performance from the bullpen on Thursday afternoon. Begging to Be DesigNated Robertson and Juan Rincon each allowed a run in relief of 20-year old Rick Porcello. Although the box score won't show it, Rick Porcello had a pretty solid outing overall. He had great composure in some tough situations and battled out of a couple jams. Ultimately, it was fatigue that got the best of him late in is outing. As for the ever mystifying bullpen, I'm running out to my car as soon as I finish this post and grabbing my glove. I'm convinced, even with my +10 college ERA, I could pitch in the bullpen based off sheer good looks alone.

Anyway, Armando Galarraga will get the nod for the Home Opener opposite Kris Benson, who is making his debut in a Texas Rangers uniform. If you don't know who Kris Benson is then you need to wake the eff up. If you recall, Kris Benson has a model for a wife. Normally, not a big deal, but she is a big deal in many areas. If you don't believe me, then maybe this will refresh your mind (pecker). Well, I know this off the top of my head because a few years ago Kris Benson's wife told reporters that if Kris ever cheated on her while he was on the road, she would retaliate by sleeping with everyone on his team. Sounds clean and fun, but if I'm JT Saltynutsalamachia I'm trying to get ol' Kris schmammered drunk at the Townsend this weekend, into the arms of another woman, and ready for a photo op. If you catch what I'm saying.

Hopefully the Tigers can reverse their fortunes with a home series in front of a happy crowd. I know Brandon Lyon's apartment/house won't make it through the weekend without a TP job if they don't.

Before the game the Tigers will have a nice little tribute to George Kell who passed away recently. Also, Kid Rock will be giving a little schpeal about the automative industry.

Restore the roar!
GO TAGS.
BallHype: hype it up!

Another Blogs with Balls Plugging

Posted by Bob Biscigliano in ,

I'm still considering going to the "Blogs with Balls" June 13th sports symposium in New York City this summer. What do you think? A lot of cool people will be there, like Jimmy Traina for example. He loves loons more than Chip Stevenson, so I'm sure I'll be able to strike up a pretty decent conversation with him about the recently recalled Sunday Night Anti-Debreastants.

Anyway, I'm seriously considering it and so should you. The tickets are only $50 if you get them now. If you decide you want to go I have two quick tips; (1) please be sure to use the referral code: D4LYFE when purchasing a ticket; and (2) let me know if you're going, because we can meet up like creepy cyberspace friends.

So to further promote their all day sports shindig, "Blogs with Balls" along with a couple other big blogs put together this little "Kobe Bryant, tell me how my ass tastes, we can jump over cars too" rebuttal video. You'll be utterly amazed by the results. Watch:



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